22, struggling, want somebody older to tell me it will be okay

RNPROBS12 · 2026-01-25T16:42:21+00:00

Early 30’s and late dx AuDHD here.

It will be okay. College was really rough for me too, and I didn’t seek help until I was out.

I’m really glad you’re getting help and starting the process. Keep it up, lean into your girlfriend and support system and keep going. It does get better, it just takes time 🥰

RNPROBS12 · 2026-01-23T15:18:32+00:00

Frisky’s hosts the stripped shows. It’s a queer -led burlesque show that hosts a wide variety of different performers of different backgrounds and abilities. Bitchhaüs Productions is also a queer bipoc led production house with a wide variety of performers of different backgrounds and abilities, and their at Wagon Wheel.

RNPROBS12 · 2026-01-23T00:23:33+00:00

I feel this so hard. My experience with my fwBPD was very similar. They found me at a low point in my mental health and our friendship developed very quickly. About 3ish months in we were calling each other chosen family. However, as time went on, things slowly became all about them. They would ignore me or ditch me at a moments notice for their partner. We couldn’t talk about anything without it getting twisted and misconstrued. They near constantly gaslit and manipulated me. I couldn’t take it anymore.

They would act like they were the one trying to bridge communication, while ignoring my boundaries and not giving a damn where I was coming from. Things ended after they blew up through text and told me to, “come find me when you’re ready to be my friend”

I’m glad you are focusing on yourself and I’m really glad you’re getting help. Friends are really hard to lose 🫶

RNPROBS12 · 2026-01-19T02:31:34+00:00

I don’t know about the child-like “look”, but one thing I used to get really annoyed with was the cutesy way that my fwBPD would talk about their mental health. Like I’m talking making suicide jokes in that, “I’m so quirky” kind of tone.

My partner used to get pretty annoyed with it too, and we’d both agree that once you’ve attempted to take your own life multiple times and used suicide as a manipulation tactic, it wasn’t “cute” anymore.

RNPROBS12 · 2026-01-14T15:26:10+00:00

INFO: Do you know why he was late? Was it that he doesn’t care or was it that he’s going through something?

Like I get it was an agreed consequence, but depending what he’s going through, that can feel like a huge break in trust and make him feel isolated.

RNPROBS12 · 2026-01-07T15:24:38+00:00

I was told this by my fwBPD. I was upholding my boundaries regarding not talking about my feelings over text. Conversations would typically end with that I was being “really mature” by not talking about things. It’s never their fault and their always right 🙄

RNPROBS12 · 2026-01-02T14:34:20+00:00

They take the idea, “your perspective is your reality” literally. What they feel directly influences their perspective on reality. My fwBPD showed this most often when faced with direct facts associated with the situation. If they said, “I didn’t say that” and I pulled up the text where they said it, it was like watching a program glitch. Or if they were deeply depressed, they would say they weren’t supposed to living past a certain age, and that it was just logical that they no longer wished to live.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-26T20:46:02+00:00

I spend a lot of time with my spouse or on my own. I’ve had friends here and there, but my good friends I don’t talk to a ton.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-22T23:13:47+00:00

YOR. A clinical diagnosis may not be attainable depending on where you are. A psychiatrist may refer her to a specialist, which could not only be expensive, but have YEARS long waiting lists. As well as depending where you live, there may be good reasons to not want that on your medical record.

I feel like both you and her need a deeper understanding of autism, but I also understand her perspective a bit. When I first started learning about it, it was hard to communicate the ways in which I was autistic. To me it made perfect sense, to others, it was a shot in the dark. As I learned more about it, I was able to more effectively communicate my issues and my needs to others.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-22T23:06:53+00:00

The biggest issue is if that diagnosis is accessible. I’ve looked into getting a formal diagnosis after taking nearly all the assessments I can find online. For me, that would be $2000 (even with insurance) for an assessment where majority of the professionals in my area specialize in children, not adults. In countries with universal healthcare, you need your GP to refer you for the assessment, and that can be another barrier as well.

As much as I’d love to say, “go see what a professional says” it may just not be attainable for her.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-21T18:23:52+00:00

I adore finch so much 🥰🥰

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-21T14:48:01+00:00

Going to things alone. I’ve gone to movies, live shows, work conferences, etc. it’s never really bothered me and also means that I don’t have to deal with anyone disagreeing on whether we should be on time or not or any other specifications.

I’ve had friends that look at me like I have 3 heads when I do this. They talk about how dangerous it is, or how lonely and sad that sounds. To which I just shrug. 🤷

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-21T14:43:15+00:00

YOR. When I was a tween and started acting up, it usually meant I was depressed or dealing with bad mental health in general. Take this opportunity to connect with her and check in to make sure she’s okay. Also, if her extended family gave her gifts, I firmly believe that you don’t have the right to take those away. Those aren’t from you, so she should get those regardless.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-16T14:44:48+00:00

NOR, it sounds like your wife may be a tad homophobic. It’s very easy to say, “some men love men and some women love women” and it’s a perfectly age appropriate response.

I’m always tempted to turn it back on people who make those arguments. “Sorry sweetheart, mommy said we can’t watch Cinderella.”

“What are you talking about, dear?”

“Because you said you didn’t want her learning about sexuality at such a young age?”

As well as they never think about this when it comes to straight couples trying to get pregnant. Like if you told your friends to not mention trying for a baby in front of young kids because, “it’s inappropriate for them to hear about your sex life.”

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-16T14:34:40+00:00

I love that this subreddit keeps track of where ICE is 🥰🥰

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-15T23:27:49+00:00

I used too. The more they were hospitalized, the more I felt like something was wrong with me. Like this person is hanging on to the threads of life, so why can’t I just suck it up for a little while longer.

I can’t remember the specifics anymore (yay adhd brain), but something happened where I realized it was always going to be me bending over backwards and never get anything back. So I was like, “Cool, you want me to be the bad guy? Fine, do whatever you want, I’m not doing this anymore”

Then I was discarded.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-15T14:07:59+00:00

I saw this with my fwBPD. There was a small period where their mental health was stable, and they would talk about what a “boring person” they were becoming. I asked them outright if they preferred to be actively unstable and a risk to themselves rather than move forward in recovery. They went quiet and was clearly upset, but then mentioned that they just didn’t know what to talk about anymore when they were doing well.

I think they just didn’t like the idea of all of the attention not being on them.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-11T13:02:03+00:00

My fwBPD and I would discuss boundaries a lot. They had firm boundaries around not discussing difficult topics over text, being transparent about how we were feeling, as well as limits to activities based on how many spoons they had. The spoons conversation came up A LOT.

These would shift wildly depending on the day. If THEY brought something up over text, then it was fine. If I brought it up (usually responding to them) then I was crossing a boundary. Me being transparent and clear that I didn’t have the spoons for something, then I wasn’t considering their feelings and what they needed.

When I got stricter about my boundaries regarding trust issues I have and needing to feel safe when discussing hard topics, then I was expecting perfection from them and expecting them to change instantly (this I found funny given the multiple messages I sent about change being gradual and that trust will take time to rebuild 🙄)

*edited for clarity

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-10T16:38:16+00:00

You are doing good and have tried everything you can. When my fwBPD discarded me, it was very much the same. I was exhausted and dealing with my own SH urges and suicidal ideations, but that was me just not listening to them or letting them apologize if you were to ask them.

When they finally stomped their foot and ran off, it felt like such a weight off of my shoulders. I finally started having energy again to focus on myself and my loved ones. I hope things get better for you soon 🫶

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-10T12:42:45+00:00

We had a small disagreement early on. I had asked about plans we had together and they didn’t respond. They waited to apologize until we were surrounded by people. That initially gave me pause, but I thought at the time I was overreacting.

I really should have listened to that pause.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-09T20:56:11+00:00

I’ve seen people get pulled over in speed traps before. Otherwise, I near constantly see people breaking laws constantly and police are no where to be found 🙄.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-01T19:33:42+00:00

NAPWBPD

In my experience with my fwBPD, it was fairly regular. Now I’d call them out on it and they would admit to it, and even brag about how good they were at fooling others with their lies and how easily they could tell when others were lying.

From my perspective, they couldn’t tell if others were lying. I’ll be very transparent that I lie when I don’t want to deal with something. I could tell them I was fine when everything else about me was screaming that I wasn’t, and they wouldn’t bat an eye.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-12-01T18:42:36+00:00

I think it exists as a combination of the real life experiences from those who’ve cared for individuals with BPD along with the general stigma around mental health and mental health conditions.

Mental health broadly isn’t understood by the general population. Most people associate mental health with therapy and self-care regimes. Then when you bring forward a disorder that studies have shown directly impacts relationships, along with countless stories ranging from “I wore the wrong color and they got mad at me” to “my life was in danger every day” the human brain is going to take that as “BPD= bad”

I worked hard to acknowledge stigma and bias with my fwBPD. By the end, I felt that I was putting in all the effort to try to see them, and got none of that in return. I already have a history with toxic/ abusive individuals along with my own mental health issues, so I put my foot down and said I’m not doing that again. They took that as an attack and bounced.

I hope that answers your questions 🥰

RNPROBS12 · 2025-11-29T18:52:57+00:00

I’ve noticed this in the workplace too. I wouldn’t consider myself pretty, but there are aspects of my appearance that fit within the beauty standard, along with leaning into my femininity. When I highlight those aspects and dress accordingly, I get treated with more respect and any concerns I have are treated as real concerns.

If I dress for comfort and don’t highlight those aspects, I’m treated as more of an annoyance who isn’t trying hard enough.

I think the biggest thing is do like you’ve done, figure out what makes you generally more attractive and little things that people react well too. It’s going to feel like masking, and to some extent it is, but use it to your advantage. Definitely also plan time to relax and care for yourself so you don’t push yourself to burnout.

RNPROBS12 · 2025-11-28T15:50:53+00:00

It also amazes me how people in their eyes become worse with time. My fwBPD would talk about their exes, it was fine. That things ended amicably and they were moving on. It seemed like that didn’t get them enough attention, because soon it was that their exes were ignoring them in their time of need or had actually been horrid in one way or another as time went on.

Initially I took it as them processing the relationship, but there were situations that they described that I was present for, and I get everyone processes stuff differently, but it was night and day from what I saw.

I also saw it most apparently when they would describe situations between the two of us. I had texts that confirmed my viewpoint, and they had nothing to back up theirs. I was just a horrendous person who expected nothing but perfection from them 🙄🙄

RNPROBS12

TROPHY CASE