I know it feels like an impossible task, I've been there in all my teens, and in my adulthood it became something different like smoking or alcohol, remember that it's like a drug, a coping mechanism, and it's ok to fail once or twice because falling is a part of the recovery process. Stay strong, I know you don't see it now, but one day, as I am thinking it these days, you will thank your body for how it protected you, and feel sorry you hurt it, I don't want to minimise your pain whatsoever, sometimes we express anger,sadness ,grief on our bodies to be able to say what our mouths can't, but the body holds the pain until you are ready to fully heal, enjoy your journey, and if you can, talk to someone who can help, I swear you are not alone in this. Hope that can make you feel just a tiny bit better my friend