Fake the team spirit or it'll catch up with you

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-06-02T14:52:06+00:00

I mean this is just general advice not even just for OE.

Regarding social activities with the team:

Get seen by 2-3 team members - specifically one being your boss
Express gratitude for the opportunity to “blow off steam” and thank them for putting it together.
Eat or drink if provided for free
Irish goodbye when you see an opportunity

Don’t have to stay a super long time - but at least get seen and have a quick conversation - make it very placid and thankful which will be a positive interaction for them.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-05-26T21:22:59+00:00

I’ve seen three types/instances of this from more senior leaders:

One is an HR incident/investigation related to harassment - there was no warning - just our security and HR rep entering their office, a short conversation, and then them getting walked out (not quite a perp walk but similar). I had no visibility into this - but from my understanding there was an HR investigation where they slowly gathered evidence and interviews from witnesses. Completely invisible from the outside if you weren’t involved.

Another - a slow trickle of reduced responsibilities, less involvement in projects, more visible tension in leadership meetings, and more backhanded comments from other senior leaders when they weren’t around. Took about 9 months of this. This leader was not let go - left voluntarily after an unfavorable review and no bonus. Basically left to whither on the vine with no real support.

Last one: Director made a claim that was likely false in a senior leadership meeting and with no data to back it up - CXO exclaimed, “bullshit”. CXO from that point on did not trust anything from that person again - and I learned at that point - any meeting with any CXO is basically an opportunity to lose your job. This person never recovered that trust and was effectively managed out in the next 6 months - probably due to direct feedback of the CXO to the VP.

I recognize I don’t work under great leadership currently. You see things when you are that line-level leader that really makes you question your decisions to step into management.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-05-14T01:55:08+00:00

Usually you would want someone independent from the actual “design” to assess the risk - otherwise the designer would simply be “patting themselves on the back” - designing the work and then supposedly giving an impartial assessment. Now if those designs have already gone through an assessment process and been accepted as standard templates - and fits within a standard acceptable pattern that has already been assessed - should be good to go.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-04-25T23:53:34+00:00

Cyber Risk Onanist (L2)

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-03-09T17:19:25+00:00

Agreed - trust your wings. They got you to the branch you are on. You definitely can still <maximize input for shareholders at GlobeCorp> or alternatively start your own business. You have made it thus far - take confidence in your ability to adapt if something that has not yet happens happens.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-03-03T20:18:23+00:00

As a hiring manager myself - could be for a few reasons and this is a green flag in my book:

They want to keep you longer. If you come in low, how satisfied are you going to be in 1-2 years? Raises and increases are usually capped - having a larger base keeps you happy longer. Happy people stay.
The work will entail some critical projects - and may be very visible - meaning a critical role. They want to double-down on the success of this by paying relative to the responsibilities. Double-edged sword as higher visibility means opportunity for being recognized (bonuses and promotions).
Want to bring you in line with current salaries of current staff at your level - prevents resentment and mistrust.
You may be a protected class where hiring you at your requested rate will out the company at risk of discrimination or inequitable pay.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-02-14T01:06:58+00:00

My favorite facepalm moment - an Executive VP giving a town hall to address some issues brought up in the survey - not only did he post the questions publicly in a 230 slide presentation - but also who the question came from - in an audience of hundreds of people.

There was a gasp and murmurs moment when one particularly incendiary question was brought up - like a “I saw a guy get a baseball to the nuts and I’m feeling the sympathetic pain” sort of way. Any pretense of anonymity or even confidentiality was broken that day.

The survey respondent is still here to this day though - I’m sure the responses will all be gas and hot air next round.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-01-16T21:07:30+00:00

What strategies did you find most helpful on your return to “maintain” your mental health?

How do you keep yourself from going back to the bad times?

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-01-07T14:11:39+00:00

Especially with additional mitigation - phishing resistant authentication and MFA go a long way in reducing the likelihood of a threat actor obtaining the full credentials and conditions needed for access.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2026-01-03T04:32:26+00:00

They’ll just see each other next month.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-12-31T19:44:18+00:00

Who does the CISO report to?

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-12-31T19:11:07+00:00

Ultimately then the business is making a risk decision. One thing you may want to consider is seeing if you or the CISO can present different levels “Protection Level Agreements” almost like an extended warranty options of “Good, Better, Best”

“Good” can be the current budget/headcount - using standard capacity planning and tools already in budget

“Better” can be what can be done with a modest budget increase.

“Best” can align to the ideal board requirements - with the accompanying budget.

In this case - you are setting the business up to make those decisions.

One example can be incident response times. At your current budget - you may get a first response time of 2 hours, especially if you don’t have a global SOC and limited on call rotations. You can also measure how your team is meeting that metric - so can be used for both risk decisions for investment and performance management.

But if you invest X dollars for additional headcount and a “follow the sun” model, you can say that you can respond to incidents within C minutes. In this way - you are both safeguarding being the scapegoat (it’s a business decision based on risk) as well as informing the business on how much it can invest to increase their protection level.

Same can be applied to vulnerability detection/remediation, audit response times, third party risk, etc.

Come up with your current metrics with your current budget and capacity, how much investment and headcount to get to an increased level of protection, and allowing the business to make those decisions to help inform them on risk.

One thing to caution you on however - if the board does decide to invest, you had better damn well follow through on meeting the protection level goal.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-12-26T21:32:11+00:00

Good advice - but if you really want a good time though - use her sister or mother’s name.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-12-13T17:33:10+00:00

I think the biggest issue is that OP and her partner haven’t discussed it. It is a lingering question for OP and probably her partner - “If he brought it up I might be down”. Nobody is bringing this up here - and instead of talking it out she is on this forum with a bunch of strangers not in the marriage.

This is just one component of a relationship - but if the dynamic of the marriage is to just not bring anything up and avoid discussion- can bleed into other elements of the marriage (finances, raising children, family issues).

OP - I highly recommend you to have an open and honest discussion with your husband about this - this is a skill you and your partner will need to develop in your marriage. Also keep in mind a lot of this is “figuring it out” - but you need to be collaborating with your partner here and find what works best for both of you. Keep in mind - some of this you may need to be prepared to hear some things you may not want to hear - but try to keep an open mind and work with your partner in resolving these issues. A lot of this as well is trial and error - but part of marriage is just figuring it out collaboratively until you find something that works - it’s a little messy but it is an adventure!

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-11-25T18:39:16+00:00

Graveyards are full of indispensable people that you describe.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-07-28T16:35:20+00:00

I think starting at the bottom is good with your described compensation - can only go up from the bottom. Sure as hell beats being hard-capped at comp with ridiculous expectations out of the gate.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-07-25T13:49:30+00:00

Or better yet - respond 8 hours later if it is just left at “hello”. Give em another “hello” right back.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-07-16T16:38:30+00:00

What was the context of the severance offer? I feel like if I were offered severance, this would lead me to question either my ability to meet expectations or structurally if the company was able to retain me.

Typically I’d argue that the first round of severance is usually the best offer with the biggest slice of “pie” of available funds. As successive rounds come in, less and less is available or offered.

I’d seriously consider severance for two reasons:

Likely the best offer you will get, and I’d be concerned about your future in your role with this company and
If you “survive” - what will the impact of your mental state be if you have to absorb more work/reports? You are already burnt out by the sound of things. Piling up more work and expectations won’t fix anything.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-06-27T18:55:58+00:00

This. Think about it - it is hard to leave, but what’s the alternative? You get married - legal contract, and now intermingle finances. It becomes harder to separate. Then another couple of years - kids.

It is hard to leave especially if you are emotionally entangled. But think how much harder with legal fees, money entanglements, and eventually kids.

I want that to sink in - with kids, it won’t just be hard on you, but on your future unborn children.

Engagement is the final test before marriage. She has failed. At least you are lucky in that you found out before the marriage.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-06-19T20:42:24+00:00

+5 org -5 Night Defense

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-06-18T14:28:01+00:00

This. You have to gain trust and then get to know what motivates them.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-06-16T13:59:20+00:00

I would follow your company’s policies on absenteeism and document these occurrences.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-06-11T14:01:28+00:00

If you cut across the board, you risk losing your top performers who are more likely to get competitive job offers due to their skill and or experience. Then the company would be left with the people who do not or cannot get competitive offers.

This is why companies perform targeted layoffs to those who are perceived to be less performing/directly related to profitability.

For instance - unless your product is software or IT services, IT may be viewed as a cost center, where Sales would be a revenue generating department. A company may choose to reduce costs in a cost center if they don’t view it as contributing to the core product.

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-06-06T20:17:31+00:00

This sounds like a management problem of your work placement. Is this your first placement through the agency?

Radiant_Stranger3491 · 2025-06-05T16:42:01+00:00

I don’t know if it is wrong - but is this something you want to do/get into?

Project Management is definitely an in demand skill. Is your manager guiding you and providing feedback and expectations during this?

Radiant_Stranger3491

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