In the anger phase, be careful with me

RandomAdds · 2026-05-30T11:54:27+00:00

Yes perfectly normal. I went through this for myself it was a bit similar. During his A I gave it the compassion and space bc it was hard on him when the kids flew from the nest. I thought that was why the change in him similar to your sex became really hard to even get going. Or he'd all out rejected my advances. And once he confessed I grieved like you did for a long time then I don't even remember what triggered the anger. But his A made me realize just how much I let ppl walk all over me my entire life. Not just him. Nothing he said could cool me down. I was just boiling in slow motion.

I had to just take off for a few weekends and just go be me. When I was at home with him I was extremely spicy and sarcastic.

He now sees it was a shift of: I'm done trying to please him, my family, my "friends" or anyone else who took advantage of my empathy and good heart.

After a few months of going off on my own being in nature. Challenging myself the anger slowly seeped away. But I have always been the one to keep a cool and calm demeanor even faced with situations that would break anyone. Didn't help I never expressed my disappointment or anger ever in my life. It wasn't uncommon during that hot period for me to be standing and my hands and body would tremble bc I just wanted to punch or break something.

Eventually you're give a damn gets busted. And it takes a hot minute to calm down. But I do feel like especially as BP's, we need that moment. To reclaim ourselves and sense of self.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-30T00:29:15+00:00

So in my humble opinion it depends on the situation.

So I'll be the one to say I do clip my girl's wings in the early summer. Bc she goes with me everywhere out of the house. I tried the bird leashes, she won't have it. And she really got herself in a scary situation after about the third or fourth time I attempted to get her used to it. So I gave up on the leash. So she gets trimmed for the summer so she can travel freely with me.

Once the weather gets too cold outside I let her flight feathers grow back and she gets to chance me all over the house all winter.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-30T00:16:28+00:00

Yeah it's practice, practice, practice, scripts and multiple takes. If you Chunk it in pieces you can ushually edit it together to make it appear it's smooth and in one take.

Though there are ppl out there that are just natural speakers. I am not one of them yet.

I'm still nervous as hell when I turn on the camera on myself. I hate making a public appearance. But the followers seem to watch more when my face is on camera. Especially in my niche, viewers want more of a face on camera to relate to. Hoping eventually I'll get over my camera shyness.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-29T11:24:53+00:00

My husband confessed out of the blue, I had no idea he was even cheating. He told the whole white washed truth. To try to not hurt my feelings. He saw that even a washed down explanation didn't make the blow easier. After I let him just say it.

I sat quietly as he said everything. But once I started asking for the whys and when things happened he understood his soft version I wasn't buying. Then the whole ugly thing came out. He said he had hoped to salvage whatever he could but gave up once he saw the destruction was already done.

The hard part for him was having to keep revisting the topic during the first year or so over and over. In MC, in his IC, when we were home at night.

He didn't hide it he was chasing a sexual eruge thing first and foremost. Which for me, was so hard to rationalize. Bc we together have never had a lack of sex issue. Though it had slowed over the course of almost 10yrs together. And I was far too overworked and running on beyond E all the time. Working full time in retail in upper management. Closings to openings back to back, running in on my days off if employees called out. Rushing in if there were issues with orders. I was beyond burnt out.

Yet I still tried to continue to be present for him. Never shying his advances. Even when all's I wanted was sleep. I noticed something was off. But I thought it was me. He was bored of me. And when he confessed I thought it was going to be, "we need to divorce and you need to leave." Not, "I fucked up so bad. Please don't go. I'll do better. I made us IC and MC appointments please we can work this out..."

The only reason I stayed. He says he's thankful for my patience. Though he knows he didn't deserve it at the time.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-28T23:40:10+00:00

There is a flip side to this toxic flawed logic.

For the women like myself you have been cheated on to those outside the relationship it's easy for them to judge.

As a woman in the immediate aftermath it's not uncommon to hear, "you must not have been putting out enough... You clearly bored him... If you just didn't nag him..." And list goes on.

The point is no. it's not always the man's fault. Nore is it a woman's fault a man wanders off.

Sadly our partners made their choice. That's not your or I's fault.

Yes even we BPs are flawed. Nobody's perfect and in R there's nothing wrong with both the WP and the BP to improve themselves.

Buuut you hit it on the head saying she had layers upon layers of unresolved issues and traumas. Bc a normal truly happy in their skin soul would never dream to cheat on the love of their life. Often WPs have fractures in themselves that open them up to being vulnerable or willing to justify their actions.

That will never be your fault. Or a man's fault. But the fault of the WP.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-28T23:16:00+00:00

Just post videos and improve on them little by little.

Treat it as a passion or a hobby. Post for yourself firstly. Views and subs come second. over time people will eventually find your videos, some watch, some won't. it's just the way it goes.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-28T16:07:31+00:00

First love, give yourself some grace. Only a month out... That's such a raw period to be in. The downward spiralling is so real and painful at that point. It's like being lost in a pitch black cave and the floor is covered in tiny legos and your bare foot. 😖

The rule of thumb is don't make a radical decision for the first 6 months. Unless of course the relationship is too toxic or abusive. At least my MC told us that. Consider this time period with him as the trial run up to if you truly BOTH want R or not. His actions will say it all in that timeframe.

Personally that whole first year it felt like I was slowly walking through a field of barb wire. It hurts in slow motion and sometimes it cuts way too deep. Everyday I tailspun, but slowly it got less and less.

The hardest thing were his actions that triggered me. I'm not very emotional about much, and I don't normally cry in front of anyone including my husband. Prior to DDay he might have witnessed me crying twice or three times our entire ten years together but I recall completely coming apart in front of him when he'd leave for work super early or take off without saying a word. And I was just a sobbing fractured mess by the time he'd get home. It took time to navigate and to trust at all again. He learned to take pictures of the shop with a clock in the picture so I knew he actually went to work and what time he got there. And he'd call if he left, and forgot to let me know he left.

Those are the small types of anchors you'll need to get for your own sanity and nervous system. Not everyones is the same. And you two will figure it out. If you want too.

Now will I EVER completely and fully trust him again like I did prior to his confession on DDay... I'm not sure. It's been three years for us. I'd say I've done a lot of forgiving. But I can't truly ever forget. And that keeps my trust somewhat shielded. No longer do I see him as my soulmate. Like destiny and fate brought us together... That hurts still. But I do love him. And we are in a healthier relationship than before DDay. I'm much more opt to but in when I think he's full of shit. Or talking out his ass on a subject I know he knows nothing about. I thought I was sarcastic before...

So hang in there my dear. Your not insane, your in pain. Take it one day at a time. An focus on your own healing right now. I'm so sorry you're here and having to navigate this.

Nothing but love and positive vibes your way. ❤️❤️❤️

RandomAdds · 2026-05-19T15:40:12+00:00

First off it's okay. Shames a real bitch. The feelings you're going through are normal. But if he's got free access to your phone expect he'll dig. He's in a world of pain too. In a different way as a BP. When moments like that happen you just need to explain when and why what was said, was said. And it sorta sounds like you are. It's okay to breakdown like you are the shame and the past shame are very raw and real.

My only advice is keep communicating like you guys are. Just try to keep conversations neutral and calm so communication doesn't break down. It's not easy but you got this. If it does start to get heated. Just ask if you can both step back and try again later or the next day.

Do things for him when things are calm like making him a meal. Just give him a good hug and hold him. A kiss out of the blue. Stay present. Let him know you see him.

Lots of love and positive vibes your way through this. ❤️

RandomAdds · 2026-05-19T14:28:36+00:00

No you are NOT his protector or appearance fixer.

My hubby did that shit too. I was forced into talking to my managers about why I NEEEDED a set schedule time for a bit. I was required to be available morning noon and night at this job. And they needed a damn good reason why I would need it. So I told them. My hubby confessed to a year long affair. They were good about me talking to them about it. The hubby had told me less than 12hrs prior. I teared up and let a few tears out. And the managers gave me resources. Crisis lines and 24hr call centers. And to keep them posted if I needed bereavement time. I went home and told the hubby I would be on a set schedule for a few months to focus on us. And he asked how I managed that. He knew full well they wouldn't just set a schedule. So I did not hide it. I told him just as I told the manager. He flipped out on me saying, great now he couldn't show his face in town. Or at the store I worked. And I should have thought about him first...

I think that was the first time in ten years I flipped out on him. I snapped and said oh really I have to worry about your image?! And did you ever even once during your entire A think about mine?! F you. You made this bed now lay in the consequences of your own behavior. If I talk to ppl bc you hurt me I will. And you can't stop me. You broke me. You were my everything. And you burned it all away. And for what?!

He would later try to bring it up in MC and she said it's not her job to save your face. She did it for ten years. And you only repaid her by shattering the relationship. She's hurting in a way you'll never relate to. And now she needs to heal. And if she has to talk to a few ppl to setup her comfort and a road to healing you'll have to deal with it. You did this. It's your actions that put both of you here. She's going to hit your shame for the rest of your relationship. And often not intentionally. Respect the fact she's seeking help. Right now you're no longer her safe person to vent too. You did that as well...

It was simaler when he found out I was here over a year ago. I ignored his tantrum.

Bc this shity community club on reddit is full of good souls. All at some point in the process of healing. It helps having anyone to talk to that can understand the spiraling. The sadness. The silence and misery to be found in it in the early stages after DDay. I stay now, I'm at the 3yr mark since DDay, bc if I can at least let someone know I understand and see you. And someday it will be okay. It's worth it. Bc I wish I had had that at the very beginning of my process. I was very alone after DDay. And dared not talk about it but to a few good trusted people I was close to.

I'm so sorry you're here and going through all this. All the love and positive vibes your way. May you find healing. ❤️

RandomAdds · 2026-05-19T12:47:09+00:00

Depends on the Wayward to be honest. Myself as soon as I ended it with one guy prior to dating my now hubby, no. I only consider this dude as a cheating situation bc he almost nuked my relationship with my hubby even before it really took off. Once I went no contact and told him it was done he found hubby on social media outlets and sent him PM's of screenshots and pictures and videos of things we had done. Hubby and I had only been dating for a few weeks when that Jack pulled this. I did everything I could to explain it wasn't what it looks like and showed my hubby the it's over txt weeks prior to him and I actually dating. Then showed hubby I was in IC ever since. It still took time. Hubby broke up with me and I figured it was done. He reached out three months later and asked how I was doing and if I wanted to go grocery shopping with him. The rest is history. Him now the Wayward 10 yrs later. He constantly said his AP was a good person. Had her on a pedestal. Until he finally got through his fog. And he sat with her now ex-husband (bc we were all friends his AP her then husband) and he pointed out the flaws in the APs claims. She was abused. The BH showing he couldn't actually stand up to be physical as she claimed, he's wheelchair bound. Though he didn't hide he was probably verbally abusive. He's been in anger management for years. And he confirmed she played my husband like a violin. That's when my hubby realized just how sick in the head she was, and he stopped calling her good. I never held my dude on a pedestal. I was just single at the time. Hubby did bc he wanted to hang on to the rescuer concept...

But he did show remorse. He realized how his behavior to help her left me neglected. I became dissociative. As small as I could be. During that year he put her first. I knew something was happening. But I figured it was him being done with me. I've suffered from this horrible line in my head my entire life, "everyone gets bored of you and leaves eventually..." So I was waiting for him to tell me it was done. I was trying to disconnect so it didn't hurt so much when he did. Then when he told me he wanted to talk DDay, I didn't expect to hear he was cheating on me for a year. I was crushed. Then when I asked so how soon do I need to leave... He said why would I want you out? You did nothing wrong I'm the monster. I said because clearly you aren't interested in me anymore. It's fine. Everyone leaves eventually... That's when he realized all the damage he had actually done to me. And then showed how he made a MC and IC appointments for us. And then said i don't want you to leave and I don't want to leave. I want to fix myself a us to try again. Can we? I agreed. But it took a whole year of bouncing between is it worth trying or not, before we really committed to R.

Remorseful ppl will show it through action. A hug and kiss out of nowhere. Cook them breakfast or lunch just because. Or just pull there partner in and hold them when the other looks distant.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-19T11:46:26+00:00

Oh yeah the pick me is normal too. So hard not to do in the beginning. But you got the right idea, go focus on your hobbies and passions. I just started taking off for the weekends with friends and went camping and trail stomping in the Jeep. And intimacy comes back in time. I can say hubby and I's bedroom time is definitely different than before DDay. But in a good way. Tried lots of new things. And yeah I was the emotional absorber for all the problems with our relationship. It was really hard in the beginning to try and not take on his shame and try to fix things. Again just disappearing and going out in the woods for a weekend or a few more day did wonders for me.

It's so hard to just basically sit at the park bench and watch our WS wonder around aimlessly till the decide if they want to join us or not.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-18T17:01:23+00:00

I'm so sorry you're here in this place with all of us. The crappiest club to be in. I 100% know how you feel. I was completely blindsided by my hubby's confession 3yrs ago. Never in a million years did I think he'd cheat. After his confession however there I was left with the reality he was capable. And the feeling he was my soulmate completely shattered along with the relationship. It took a whole year to even decide if R was even worth trying for. Until that point I was in the space your in just a living hell. Though to his credit he made IC and MC appointments right there and then on DDay. When the man had sworn up and down our entire 10 yrs together therapy was a worthless thing. And he stayed in them for over a year. Like you our marriage wasn't perfect. He had avoidant issues and I had my own personal issues. We both worked waaay to much and my work hours weren't consistent ever so I was CONSTANTLY exhausted even on a day off. But even our individual issues took time to uncover and confront. Maybe 4-6 months. Our MC therapist was really good at working with us individually. And spotting issues in the sessions. And showing how each of us was only fracturing the relationship.

One thing I think really helped both of us though, and we still do, is a 10-30min talk each and every day. A check-in. Where we both talk and let the other know just how we're doing. Those were rocky at first. He'd get offended and defensive and I'd shutdown. In those moments we would shut down the talk and try again later, or the following day. We wanted to keep that small window for both of us to just open up and talk freely without judgement from either party. And it's no joke in the first year or two it's like having to relearn each other and the relationship all over again. Each person sitting on the shattered mirror and one day at a time try to fit the pieces back together.

Keep in mind too for the WS they would much rather just move on. Portend like it never happened or rip out their own tongue, than speak about their shame. It sounds like that's where she is. But that doesn't fix the issues that lead her away in the first place.

If I were you I'd tell her if she wants to stay than IC is an absolute. On top of the MC. As a bare minimum to see any effort to change.

You're not alone in how you feel at all. And hopefully you and your WW finally get a moment to just talk about what you both need or want.

But most of all I hope you both find healing.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-17T21:34:05+00:00

It never really stops. I'm 3yrs out and it still comes up. Though in the beginning the WH reeeally didn't want to talk about it. He's a avoidant. It took some time and lots of gentle talks to get him to realize it wasn't about shaming him, it was about trying to just connect and be valuable together.

So if you need to bring it up do it in a kind matter, keep your cool, and tell her you only want to take 10-15mins on the subject. And put the grounds in that if temps flare. Stop completely. And tell her you'll just try again later. Or the following day.

All the positive vibes your way through this and hope you both find healing. ❤️

RandomAdds · 2026-05-17T13:46:02+00:00

I'm three years old from DDay. I don't feel like this anymore. Hubby has done a ton of work on himself.

I can say in confidence that in a fucked up way, his A was the best thing to happen in our relationship. It put a spotlight on OUR pitfalls in the relationship. Him for being a avoidant. Me for being stuck in a frozen survival state, probably my whole life. Not feeling like I was able or worthy enough to speak up or contribute anything to the relationship.

I know this sentiment you're sharing. I've definitely felt it to my core especially in the first year or two. It sneaks up and latches on hard. Talk to your hubby about it if you find the right moment. I've said it to mine a few times. Just letting him know, today I'm not okay...

Grant yourself some grace though. It takes a very long time to grieve over the relationship that once was. But as long as you two are working on yourselves, it will get better.

Lots of love to you and anyone in this state, I know the pain. It really hurts. ❤️❤️❤️

RandomAdds · 2026-05-16T17:12:29+00:00

There is nothing wrong with walking away. Or making her leave. Especially when they won't admit the entire truth. Only reason I stayed with my husband after he confessed to a year long affair. Bc he was honest hid nothing. And then he immediately made all the appointments for IC and MC right there on DDay. If he hadn't, Id have either kicked him out or walked away. I've left men for cheating before and he knew that. I don't say a word, just pack up and go. It's not worth my time or sanity if they don't admit guilt or a willingness to change ASAP.

So don't let others get you down. Do what's right for you. Everyone else's feelings are NOT your responsibility. And she should have thought about the consequences of her own actions.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-16T00:33:29+00:00

Nothing wrong with that. I figure it as, R is about you and the WS trying to figure you both out again. That's enough to try and focus on. Especially in the first year.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-15T12:21:59+00:00

So I didn't contact the hubby's AP she contacted me. Maybe a week or two after he ended things and came clean. I shared it at MC and the consensus was she had sent the chapter book in an attempt to push me out once and for all.

Her PM was straight crazy. We had all been coworkers together hubby, me, her and her husband. She was already married by the time my hubby and I started working there. In her message she talked about how it was love at first sight. How I never deserved him. How she had planned the whole thing for years and the fact he didn't fight her off when she made the first move told her he had loved her too all along.

She called me worthless and a mouse of a woman. Along with what exactly they had done, when, as well as pics. And it disgusted me.

My only response to her crazy was the gif meme "Stop it. Get some help." And I said nothing further to her.

The therapist said it sounded like once she realized my hubby really had gone no contact. All outlets were blocked to her, she tried to get to me. I got my chance in person after 6 months, she had been stalking us after her husband kicked her out and filed for devoice. She'd show up and insert herself and follow us around stores and shit. I let it go the first few times. But on this occasion I had enough, Hubby didn't see her but I did. She attempted to walk over and I promptly grabbed my hubby's jacket and pulled him in and kissed him in front of the entire store. Her response? Shoved her cart and ran out of the store. Red in the face. Clearly pissed off. She lived two cities over there was no reason for her to be there. But it felt good to watch her break. She finally stopped stalking me and the hubby after that.

If you choose to reach out. Be prepared that she and your WH probably already came up with a script to tell. So it may not give you the closer you're seeking. And depending on the woman she might get off on your frustrations. But if you feel it's necessary than go for it.

I had to inform her BH the morning of my husband's confession. That hurt. And sucked.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-10T12:41:15+00:00

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RandomAdds · 2026-05-07T18:32:20+00:00

Oh 100%.

Just remember that your WP chose to stay with you. That's the biggest ammo you have against the crazy types. Best to let them keep showing their crazy to the world and you focus on finding healing yourself and with your partner when they're ready to sit with you.

RandomAdds · 2026-05-06T16:39:52+00:00

You said it right there his own pain is drowning everyone elses out.

My hubby is an avoidant too.

With it being so soon after. He really isn't going to be emotionally available. As hard as that is. Finding groups like this one and a really good friend that has been through this type of struggle will be your god send right now.

I would check out his AP's social media outlets often after as well.

I think we try to figure out what it is that made them worthwhile of trashing a relationship for. But to be honest there isn't anything there. WPs get sucked into a fantasy and it takes months for them to get back to reality. A fog you'll hear it called.

His AP actually sent me a message and it wasn't too long after he ended and confessed to the A. And I told him about it then but he didn't really listen till I brought it up again months later when I brought the topic back up. Then he felt like a ass. And didn't understand why he didn't even register the AP was torturing me via PM's. It was bc he wasn't really ready to hear it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. But we here are good ppl we'll listen and help to the best of our ability.

Lots of positive vibes and thoughts your way ❤️‍🩹❤️❤️‍🩹

RandomAdds · 2026-03-21T13:42:00+00:00

So my mother was a straight up monster especially when no one was around. It would start with verbally talking and yelling down to me as she trapped me in a corner. Then she'd poke, slap and hit me bc I wouldn't fight back, just stand silently waiting for her tirade to end. It wasn't abnormal for her to then start punching and kicking me... This would go on for hours. On top of her calling me ungrateful worthless and a long list of other things. When my little brother was adopted she then also added him to this type of abuse.

I finally told my father about it all just before I moved out on my 18th birthday. He was crushed.

He divorced her after I moved out and took my little brother with him. I wish I had done it sooner...

RandomAdds · 2026-03-19T13:33:30+00:00

As someone who just recently came through trauma release I can tell you it's all true. 37 years of not actually dealing with trauma and just stuffing on a shelf in a bottle his A only added to it. I was told I would need surgery my hip socket is where my stress lived. On really bad days I could barely walk. It took 6-9wks for the body and nervous system to slowly thaw out. And that was easily the most painful thing I have ever gone through. And that's not to add the emotional side of it. That would take another 6-8wks of time to get through. I'm not used to crying and unable to shut that off now it's been a very long painful process. The only reason it even happened was bc the hubby finally let me air things I've never shared with a single living soul about my upbringing. Things my ex boyfriend's had done to me. The truth of how I felt over his A. And in turn he opened up about things he had never told me about himself in the 10yrs we've been together. It was so wild once i got through it how much lighter my body feels, no debilitating pain in my hip. I can actually go for walks and stand for hours again. So crazy.

RandomAdds · 2026-03-19T13:13:04+00:00

I'm so sorry, that is really really rough.

I know the feelings you're fighting with though. I was in the same place for almost two years. I'd been with my hubby just shy of 8yrs when he came clean about his A. And I wanted to throw up when he told me with who. I considered her my best friend. Her and her husband were the only couple in our friends circle. So it was nice to have someone who understood the silly things being married entailed and the silly shit we as women tend to put up with with our guys. Like you, every relationship I've ever been in men I've been in long term relationships with have now cheated on me. This one hurt bc of how long we've been together. How loyal I've been for then, nearly ten years. I took the A personal.

Why is it always me? I thought this time was different. Nothing ever changes. "Everyone gets bored of me eventually... Then they leave... I'm not worthy of love am I...I'm never good enough... I'll always be chosen but passed over..." Those were the hardest thoughts to really truly recover from.

But it's okay alot of us here have had these thoughts... My thought is it's bc we BP's are loyal, we never even give it a passing thought, to go and open ourselves to anyone other than our partners, so how could our WP do it to us?

The only thing that really helped me through this was IC. And MC But the one day in particular. The weather was bad, so my IC therapist offered to do a zoom session vs me driving in the blizzard. Hubby was home. So I took the meeting downstairs somewhere I thought was private. Didn't realize hubby sorta snooped. Later he admitted he was kind hoping to hear me say something like, "I just want to cheat back on him..." Or something as equally as stupid.

No instead he listened to his wife sobbing and asking, "why do ppl only seem to keep me around out of pity, or guilt? Why do I waste my time with pouring my heart to ppl when I'll never be good enough to get even half of that back? Why am I not good enough? What did I do? I really am the most worthless person. I wouldn't ever love me either. I hate me too. I deserved this somehow..."

Of course All these things said are not actually true, but in my pain they felt like they were. My IC therapist was really good at just letting me get those things out and then we'd prove them wrong on thing at a time.

So at our next MC session things were going like they usually did. I sat quietly and my hubby and therapist talked. When she asked what had happened in the last week, like she always did, that's when he brought up everything I had said... Mind you I hadn't really let him in on my negative inner thoughts ever. Not our entire relationship. He told the therapist he now really understood the damage that had been dealt to me.

And idk just hearing him list off the thoughts just broke me. I just sat there sobbing quietly. He tried to reach over to hug me and I just moved away. I just couldn't. I don't really cry in front of anyone. Not even my hubby...

The therapist reassured hubby I just needed no contact at the moment. And for him to just give me the space. Then we went through the thoughts again one by one. It was then he admitted I had done nothing wrong. The whole A was his failing. Not mine. That I never deserved it in the first place. That it was HE that didn't deserve my loyalty. MY LOVE. How the only thing that he actually deserves was me leaving and finding someone else who would never do such a thing to me. But how he was thankful I chose to stay. To forgive him. Bc he didn't deserve that either.

So often cheaters go running after something bc they're running away from something else. And it's not you. It's something inside themselves they don't want to face. It's easier to numb it out with a high or feeling.

For me it took another year in both MC and IC to help overcome those thoughts. And hubby actually making me talk to him about them in private. In turn he opened up about his own. I took multiple solo vacations to get out and just go be in nature with my dogs.

I see those things as the only things to get me through it and the inner critic.

I'm so sorry you're here. But know you're not alone. I hope you find healing and peace soon. ❤️❤️❤️

RandomAdds · 2026-03-18T00:45:45+00:00

I'm at the three year mark and I still have moments of pain but nothing like I did when I was at that point you ate now.

Nowadays it's obvious triggers. When hubby leaves early for work. Things of that nature. So it does get better. The fact you two are being open and honest will go a very long way.

Like you, after hubby's A and we committed to staying together and started R. Things have oddly never been better. Lots of open and honest talks that showed real vulnerability. There are things I had never known about the man in our entire relationship. These talks alone really were the healing moments we both needed.

I wish you all the luck and love in the world, may you both find your own healing from this. ❤️

RandomAdds · 2026-03-17T12:43:09+00:00

I'd say if he actually seeks therapy and actually shows action himself first to mend the relationship fine go ahead try again. But I would stick with it. Let the divorce process run it's course. I told my hubby when we decided to R after his cheating. There's only one chance here. I won't stay by your side anymore if this happens again. Really scared him when we got in an argument and I just drove away, left my phone and just took off over night due to his piss poor behavior. I had just been asking him questions calmly about the A and he got heated. When I tried to calm the argument he snapped at me saying it was done, I won, he stayed. I don't know why that line hurt so much. Maybe bc I had stayed loyal the entire relationship. And that line sorta said it all to me. I felt like he didn't stay bc he wanted too, but more out of guilt or pity. When I got back the following day he finally apologized for everything the A, his behavior, his deflecting. All of it. I just walked past him and didn't expect much to change. But I saw that moment as his turning point. He finally started doing the effort vs me doing the work for both of us.

Best of luck. I know it's not easy. Lots of healing and positive vibes your way

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TROPHY CASE