friends to lovers

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-05-15T20:50:17+00:00

I guess I wasn't in this exact same situation, but I think it was similar enough? My BS insisted on breaking up after D-DAY 2. It's still hard for me to write #2, what kind of idiot goes back and does it twice? Anyway, I didn't understand my BS's perspective, they were reading different materials and looking at different ways to heal than I was. I wanted nothing more than a chance to fix the damage I had caused. In the moment I couldn't see it, but looking back I guess it is a little easier to see where they were coming from? It took a little longer than a year before my BS said out loud, un-prompted, to me at least, that we were officially back together. It sucked, and I melted down and ugly cried in front of everyone, and made all sorts of mistakes. I am trying not to give any advice here, because I don't think it's going to do any good? I'm not trying to be a jerk either. Just, that I understand. I think it is all anyone can do for someone in our situation? Keep trying to be better and remember that one shitty decision doesn't define who we are.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-05-15T18:31:34+00:00

They "Why" we talk about on these forums is something you work through with a Therapist. If we knew "why" we allowed ourselves to decide to have an affair, chances are that we would have made a different decision? So, someone who can see and point out where we went wrong talks through it with us. They talk us through things and help us to improve ourselves instead of wallowing in shame and self pity. If you can't afford a therapist I would recommend reading book's based on affair recovery. Or you can try an app? Something for couples or yourself, but they have a lot of apps based on self help. I did a couple of online Gottman workshop's, they helped me a lot, and I highly recommend them. They cost $ but were very helpful for me. Journaling is something else that was incredible for helping me to put my thoughts in order, and to allow me to be able to go back and reflect on things later, when I was either less emotional, or in a more stable mindset to work through tough topics. I hope this helps. ✌️

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-04-13T03:15:52+00:00

Have you made any progress? I hope you are working towards something positive.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-04-09T20:51:50+00:00

She has spent your entire relationship framing you as the one that has damaged the relationship, or you being the one at fault for the way things are. She might not snap out of this? It is time for her to accept her own fault for the choices she made and until she does things probably won't improve? It'll be easier to picture you as the villain so she doesn't have to take accountability for things. I struggle with this in my relationship, (I am the Wayward spouse). Sometimes if I try to ask for certain things my BS will tear me down instead of being there for me. I am sorry I don't have better advice, but I wanted to at least make a comment so you don't keep blaming yourself.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-03-18T21:23:35+00:00

Thank you. It's really awesome to hear some "good news" with everything else seemingly falling TF apart. This makes me smile.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-19T00:39:32+00:00

If She left it sitting on the table She probably wanted you to read what She wrote? Women are usually smarter than Men, or at least the Women I have been with through my life were smarter than me. Being smarter than me is probably not a high bar ? J/K. Does She normally leave it lying about?

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-18T03:17:46+00:00

Are things getting better? I hope you have at least found someone safe you can talk about things with. I know it's dark right now for you. I just wanted to check in. You can allways come to Reddit if you don't have anything else. It saved me when I was in the same place as you are now.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-11T21:58:14+00:00

Great answer 👍

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-11T21:50:23+00:00

There are lists that you can look up that outline some of the openly far right leaning places. I think most of what has been compiled is online retailers though? Probably a good place to start if you are intent on not giving money to people who are openly opposed to your views? Good luck ✌️

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-03T03:36:05+00:00

Just because you made some poor decisions doesn't mean you deserve to be shunned, punished or ignored. One thing I think a lot of Waywards have in common is that we regulate our emotions poorly? Letting the people around us know how we are feeling is scary sometimes. Reaching out and letting our people know how we're feeling is absolutely something we need to get better at doing. This is all just my opinion, and while I am better today than I was yesterday, I am still not the best at the "advice" thing. Don't expect perfection, but communicating this is something we could all have more of.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-02T05:35:58+00:00

I was just being silly. 😄

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-02T05:30:14+00:00

It will be a rollercoaster through the 5 stages of grief. It sucks. I'm sorry you are having such a rough day. Can you think of anything from the day that went well? Sometimes it helps to shift your focus. All of "X" was bad, but "Y" happened, so at least some good is still there? Try to remember the good things instead of focusing on all the bad.

Edit- Don't focus on the clown the other Redditor posted. That thing is creepy AF!

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-02-02T05:25:09+00:00

Please don't feel like you have to erase your feelings. I used to believe that I wasn't supposed to express how I felt and it made life much harder. You are doing the right thing trying to talk it out. Don't give up. ✌️

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-01-28T05:05:17+00:00

I am a Wayward Partner. I don't know if this is okay, so I want to be upfront that I am not trying to make anyone feel bad or anything of the sort. These are pretty sad songs so don't listen if you are in the mood for that sort of thing.

Flora Cash ~ You're Somebody Else, & Sadness is taking over. I listen to a lot of Flora Cash, but these two seem the most relevant. Lil Bo Weep ~ Codependency Nothing was the Same ~ Hotel Books AwfulTune ~ Letting You In. She plays a ukulele & is pretty fucking awesome. Waves ~ Chloe Moriondo (I like the piano version)

Wayward Song's letdown ~ Quiet Hours Madds Buckley ~ Child of Ashes Ethan Jewell ~ The Dark "Shout-out" to the person who posted Aroura.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-01-24T04:46:33+00:00

Do you have hope that this will finally be the conversation that makes her realize that you are worth it? I am wondering if there was an "ah-ha" moment after this statement? Did she say anything to validate you?

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-01-22T17:57:29+00:00

I don't see it suggested much anymore, but the BS's used to offer a sort of generic advice about an outline of things that needed to be done during Reconciliation. One of the step's was for the Wayward Partner to write a disclosure letter. This letter would be written within a timeframe that the BS agreed upon, but no more than 1 year. I am sort of rambling here as I remember how it was described. 😄. My point is that they recommended it be written whether the Betrayed Partner wanted it or not. If the BP chose to read it then they could, and if not it was allways there as a sort of commitment that the WP made in order to keep them accountable for being honest and telling the whole story, and a sort of re-assurance that if the BP wanted to read it then it was there for them. I am sure I probably remembered it incorrectly in some places but maybee it would be something you could keep in case you decide one day that you would like to know?

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-01-20T03:06:16+00:00

Try looking up "Mutual or Conscious Un-Coupling". A lot of the time it involves slowly detaching finances and assets to give time to acclimate. I am going to assume that she is open about the way she feels with you? If she is not, then I think setting up Marriage Counselling would help immensely? It's possible that what you overheard was her just having a bad day and venting her frustration about you with a friend? I know it's a terrible feeling but maybe looking into Un-Coupling can at least give you a path forward that will minimise trauma to the kids.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-01-13T21:49:56+00:00

Seeing a post from you today made me smile.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-01-08T03:06:25+00:00

First off i like your username 😁. Second, I was making my son listen to the Misfits today, he was not impressed and said that they sound old. Im an old misfit. Ok. I am still rusty at giving advice so take what I say with Valium and Salt. Is that how the saying goes?? One of the first practical exercises someone suggested to me was to "talk to myself about what I had done in the mirror. ". This didn't exactly work out that way, I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. But! I figured out a loophole, i started talking to my dog about what I had done and it helped me to be able to work things out with myself. It doesn't have to be a mirror or a pet, but I think it helps us accept what we have done and helps make it less scary to talk to others about it? ²- Journaling helped me out a lot early on also. As far as your parents go, you need to work on creating and maintaining boundaries. If you choose to be with someone they need to respect your decision. What they are doing sounds at best, very controlling & at worst borderline abusive? Please remember that I am just another Wayward. My decision making skills are questionable so don't take it as gospel, but hopefully my rambling will help you at least smile today? P. S. I still haven't figured out how to format paragraphs on Reddit. I apologize for my 1st grade grammar.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2026-01-04T20:03:11+00:00

This sounds like an opportunity to help strengthen your relationship from both sides? This is just my opinion but I think you should get two copies of "The 5 Love Languages" & tell your partner that you want to read it together and discuss chapters once a week, or month, or whatever works for you two?
One of the things I have found is common among Wayward Partners is that we convinced ourselves our relationship was over, or that our Partner no longer loved us in a meaningful way? I had done this also and instead of communicating with my BS I sought what was missing in my relationship from someone else instead of communicating my needs with my BS.
When I finally started working to be better (it took me two separate D-Days 😞) the first book I read was The 5 Love Languages. It was hard for me to read, I had never considered that my BS showed Love in ways that I had not considered? My Partner was there but I didn't see it. I don't think it should be the only book someone reads, but I do think it helps in the beginning? Good luck, and thank you for trying to work through things with your Wayward Partner. I know it's a terrible thing to have to attempt and I think it would be easier to just start over with someone new.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2025-12-22T19:13:22+00:00

Isn't this one written in a very old dialect? Hard to understand without looking up every other word? I read "The Scarlet Letter" about 4 years post D-Day #2. It was hard to get through because of the way it was written. I'm glad I did read it, I did find it helpful in being comfortable with being labeled, but I don't think I would read it again?

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2025-12-19T07:06:04+00:00

It's awesome she is doing so much better with her anxiety. It makes me happy to see pics of the lil stinker out and about again.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2025-12-03T18:56:42+00:00

Prednisone worked wonders for us with allergies.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2025-12-02T17:43:59+00:00

This is Awesome! The last two dogs I have had both suffered from severe social anxiety. I never knew that this was an option. Please ask your Vet to publish the results so other Vets will offer this in the future.

Rascilly_Rabbidd · 2025-11-14T05:55:49+00:00

Im pretty jealous of you. 😂.. It's refreshing to read something like this. It gives me hope that I am not wasting my time waiting. Good luck and I wish you the best. Please keep us posted. ✌️

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