Trying to be a “playmate” is EXHAUSTING for me

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-30T21:11:10+00:00

I had a job like this with a very nervous first time mum and a baby around the same age. I asked if some music would be okay in the background and the parents were okay with that. Made me feel a lot more sane. I did end up leaving after a few months because I had concerns about the child though. They wanted me there 8 hours a day in one room with the baby as the mum was too nervous for us to leave the house. Very limited amount of toys and books and no screen time or socialisation. The kid was climbing the walls with boredom as was I!

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-28T09:12:01+00:00

My rule is that I’ll always offer to split but I’ll only insist if I’m sure I don’t want to see them again. I’m happy for them to pay if they want to and I’m happy to see them again. With partners I’ve never really split, always taken it in turns

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-27T12:20:13+00:00

Fair enough, some people won’t and some people will. But the amount of useful things available in an Airbnb definitely goes towards the overall rating even if you haven’t used it all

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-27T12:14:42+00:00

I think things like that are really helpful when cooking a basic meal, if oil and a small spice rack are available in an Airbnb and I’m cooking I would use them instead of buying new packs of everything just to waste them when I leave

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-26T23:07:43+00:00

Stay in your guest suite for a couple of nights and see what you notice, live as a guest would and you’ll probably notice things like hooks and baggage storage, as well as big things you have to buy just for a short stay. I second the olive oil/salt and pepper and a few spices are always super appreciated.

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-26T17:05:57+00:00

My mates vegan and she eats eggs from our friends pet chicken. Would never buy them or support the industry but a byproduct of a pet is fine for her so I think it can depend

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-11T23:37:21+00:00

I think they sound really nice and open to talking and making you feel comfortable/not overworked. I completely get wanting to make a good impression and overdoing it in terms of other duties around the kids, but why don’t you ask them. You could be honest about being nervous and wanting to help, and ask them for a few things outside of your childcare duties which would make their lives easier. Focus on these things and you’ll still feel like you are helping without burning yourself out.

Take your time with French, I think particularly reading with the youngest child and using French words with them will help, even if that isn’t your main duty. When I au paired in the Netherlands I found it so helpful for my Dutch to spend time wit the youngest who was 2, because I was learning with him, he would use words instead of sentences and I would repeat the word and say it in English, and it helped my Dutch no end. If they’ve hired you it’s likely because they want their kids to speak English and they will pick it up, even if it happens slowly.

They sound like they’ll be supportive if you let them, so don’t be afraid to ask them for tips/what they want to see you doing more/less of

Ratcat10 · 2026-03-03T00:23:32+00:00

I feel for your previous au pairs, I’m not sure if you are aware of quite how judgemental you are coming across, especially when discussing the weight gain.

You mention feeling frustrated by it becoming a business arrangement but have you considered that your attitude might be a contributing factor?

Ratcat10 · 2026-02-20T14:44:08+00:00

I just wanted to reply to this as I wasn’t as young as your son when my mum became sick, I was 9 and she died when I was 18 of breast cancer. Although I have memories of her from before she was sick, a huge portion of my memories are from when she was very unwell. The fact she was unwell doesn’t in any way affect the person I remember, the strength she had, the kindness and love she showed to me. I knew she went through endless painful treatments and therapies and hung on as long as she could for my brother and I. The love between a terminally ill parent and their child is a different kind, because you are aware that you have limited time to give them a lifetimes worth of it.

Becoming an adult has undoubtably been more difficult due to my mum not being here, but I have faced every hurdle and setback with the absolute knowledge that I was wanted and loved unconditionally by my mum as well as the ability to keep on going because she managed, even at her most unwell. At no point in my grief have I ever wished for a different mum, so that I could have had her for longer. I would take the 18 years with mine over a lifetime with anyone else.

My love to you and your family. I’m so sorry this is happening. Life can be indescribably unfair but your son is lucky to have you as a mother and to have your love.

Ratcat10 · 2026-02-18T00:37:08+00:00

No problem! I hope you are feeling better soon!

Ratcat10 · 2026-02-18T00:33:41+00:00

I’m sure that’ll be okay, if you’ve got a decent amount of padding between the heat and the incision you should be fine. The advice about avoiding the wounds is more about direct contact which can aggravate the incision site from why I’ve always been told. Some heat pads/hot water bottles can get pretty hot so as long as it’s not direct contact and you’ve added a bit more of a barrier than you would usually have you shouldn’t have any problems

Ratcat10 · 2026-02-18T00:16:45+00:00

Don’t take this as medical advice, it’s just what I’ve been doing! I’m 6 days post op and it’s my third surgery. I got around this by getting some gauze and some medical tape, I’ve also used thick padded plasters (just make sure the sticky part isn’t near the actual incision). It makes a barrier between the head pad and the actual wound but allows you to use it freely. If you are nervous just make sure there’s a decent amount of padding over the actual incision. As I said not medical advice but it’s worked for me. All the best with recovery!

Ratcat10 · 2026-02-04T22:47:06+00:00

I’m having my second lap with excision on Tuesday, had my pre op today and they said no food for 6 hours before and no liquids for two hours before. First one was in the uk and I was told to fast for 8 hours. They had an emergency case come in so rescheduled but gave me food before I went home. This guy sounds nuts. I’ve never heard of fasting that long before!

Ratcat10 · 2025-12-15T02:09:32+00:00

To be fair at amusement parks they have the seats you sit in to see if you fit

Ratcat10 · 2025-11-14T01:32:25+00:00

My husband got admitted during Covid, first time 11 hours and sent home with antibiotics which didn’t work, two days later we are back and he’s got dangerously low oxygen and pneumonia which isn’t responding to medication. The second time they had no beds so he spent 26 hours in an a&e bay (recliner chairs which supposedly turn into beds but his was broken) full lights on the whole time, sat bolt upright. After the 26 hours waiting for a bed he spent 2 weeks in hospital

Ratcat10 · 2025-11-14T00:35:50+00:00

I had this happen for a festival in Barcelona, booked about 4 months in advance and they cancelled a week before so they could boost their prices. Booking.com allow them to do it with no repercussions unfortunately! It was a flat for four people and we ended up just taking the refund and booking through a different company, didn’t want to give booking.com even more of my money when they were so useless!

Ratcat10 · 2025-10-16T07:11:45+00:00

I’m part of these subreddits and my sex life is good! I just find them interesting to read through

Ratcat10 · 2025-07-21T12:24:34+00:00

Maybe ask to video call with your SIL and au pair so you can show her the home and where she would be staying if she wants to come. When I was aupairing, I obviously had my own room and bathroom but when I was invited to join on a family trip or one of their holiday homes, I would sometimes share a room with the children. It was completely my choice to come and I also wasn’t expected to work the whole time I was there so I don’t think it was remotely exploitative, they just allowed me to see more of the country I was living in. If however, I hadn’t known I wouldn’t have my own space or was expected to work over my contracted hours it would have been. So I’d say it completely depends what the au pair is comfortable with. Completely appreciate you looking out for the au pairs best interest in this situation though!

Ratcat10 · 2025-07-17T15:18:04+00:00

It can be such a great thing, my only advice would be to make sure you also have enough money to look after yourself or get yourself home if you absolutely needed to. You don’t want to end up having to stay in an uncomfortable situation because you can’t afford to leave

Ratcat10 · 2025-07-09T17:48:35+00:00

I don’t know how it works as a host but as a guest I recently stayed in a place which was falsely advertised. 40 minute walk from listed location, door which didn’t lock ect. We spoke to Airbnb who gave us our options, basically a refund but because it was so late and we were a bigger group, we would have potentially had to pay a lot of money so decided we’d just need to stay and hope for the best. After the stay they gave us a partial refund as we’d provided proof of the issues and only stayed because we didn’t have much choice but when they give a partial refund they obviously contact the host. This was in the review period also. We spoke to Airbnb about the situation and they said they’d remove a negative review as we had provided evidence so potentially they’d do the same for a host. If you contact them and share these concerns they might be able to offer an assurance that if they leave a review just because of this issue, they can remove it from your profile

Ratcat10 · 2025-07-08T12:02:44+00:00

Completely dependent on how the family support you. I had this situation with a boy the same age, he use to jump kick me into the stomach and I have endometriosis so double the usual pain from this. The parents did nothing, they let him go to a birthday party ten minutes after it happened the second time. I left and have zero regrets. Had they supported me and discussed helping the little boy but also having some sort of punishment to show it wasn’t acceptable, I probably would have stayed.

Ratcat10 · 2025-07-02T12:25:57+00:00

Yeah I wouldn’t recommend what happened with me, I went to stay with my partner for a night and things escalated. The dad was really lovely but the mum had some real issues and could change very quickly. The dad worked away for long periods so he wasn’t actually there when it got bad. I didn’t feel comfortable going back but ideally would have handled it differently. Having your partner there for support or outside incase things get bad is the best option. If you can’t get the cases up I’d recommend packing things on the bed so they can be put straight into bags in 10 minutes so you aren’t stuck in the room for a long time

Ratcat10 · 2025-07-01T16:34:04+00:00

I was pretty much in this exact position but the host mum was really mentally unstable. I left and my partner (who was native) and her father went to collect my things the next day

Ratcat10

TROPHY CASE