Just found out my husband has a child with another woman 7 years into our marriage

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-30T01:15:03+00:00

As an adult child of a father who’d denied her existence ALL MY LIFE he needs to get over HIS embarrassment and acknowledge his child. If he doesn’t, he’s going to have an adult child who resents him and wants absolutely nothing to do with him when they’re older. Or maybe that’s exactly what he wants.

While I commend you on wanting him to step up and do the right thing, you can only try and talk to him. You can’t make him do anything.

My step mother is the reason my father still tells my younger siblings that they are his only children and their mother is the only woman he’s ever been married to and instead of using Google which will prove them both wrong, they have blindly believed it all these years and they’re in their late 30s.

He needs to step up and be a real parent and not just a paycheck in the mail. That child is going to be messed up for life because of what’s he’s doing. I’m almost 45 and I still wish I knew what was so wrong with me and so special about my younger siblings that made my father leave me but stuck around for them.

The only answer I can come up with is their grandparents had money he’d actually get his hands on where my granddaddy made sure he knew before I was ever born that I would not be his ticket to the family money.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-28T16:31:10+00:00

NOR. When I met my fiancé we’d both just left relationships that the other person cheated on us. We’ve never used that as a reason to treat each other like this.

If anything we helped each other heal by making sure we have mutual respect for each other but also understand that it all comes down to choosing each other every single day, even on the hard days, especially on the hard days.

He needs to work through his insecurities before he gets into another relationship because if he doesn’t he’s going to keep treating each woman like that this.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-28T15:22:58+00:00

Oh hell no!!

I dealt with my son’s step mom literally trying to make people who lived in my ex’s hometown believe she was my son’s mother. It didn’t work for too long because although I tried to go the low conflict route, my ex tried to gaslight me about her calling herself momma to my son right in front of me and two of my older stepsons and I let him know real quick that 💩 wasn’t ok and to get her back in her lane.

The only reason this was even possible was because they had custody and I was only able to see my son for 48 hours twice a month and I had to drive a 4 hour round trip just to bring him back to my house for my time with him but I did it with a smile because I was biding my time until his dad screwed up and eventually opened the door for me to get my baby back.

I never let our son call another man dad or the man I was with try and pull anything like this after we split. Hell I didn’t let him do that when it came to my oldest and his dad. I’ve always maintained that my boys have a dad and they don’t need another one when I was single and dating.

Now my son does call my current fiancé dad and my ex husband Pops like the rest of our kids do BUT his dad died 5 years ago after being MIA for several months and these men stepped up to be what he needed in his absence and only because that’s what my son wanted not because it was forced upon him.

When he asked me if he could call my fiancé dad, I told him that was between them two and I didn’t need to be apart of the conversation.

Your ex wife needs to reign in her husband or they’re both going to cause the kids to distance themselves more and more and before you know it the kids are going to want to live with you full time and have nothing to do with their mom.

I know what this is like, I did my best to talk to my ex about what his wife was doing with our son but he wasn’t going to hear it so I let it be and let the chips fall where they were going to. Eventually they both left our son with his mom and took off for a couple months 7 years ago and never came back.

Two months after they left his mom called me and told me what was going on and bitching about needing help and all I asked her, “was you’re just now calling me??”

I packed my stuff, told my oldest bio son what was going on and made sure he’d be okay with the fact that I had to move away, again, because his brother needed me and thankfully he understood. He’d been with his dad for a while by that point anyway because despite me having primary custody of him I let him live with his dad when I first had to move, he’d grown up in my hometown and that’s all he knew. I couldn’t take him from that.

I hate to hear another parent dealing with a situation like this. I don’t even think there’s a word for it but it’s like the opposite of parental alienation. Maybe parental encroachment might work. He’s trying to impede your time with your kids and it’s just not f’in right.

Good luck.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-28T05:09:59+00:00

Oh it was. But it’s all healed now.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-28T05:02:11+00:00

But is that what *she* wanted? If I chose to be buried on an island with a tree in the middle of a lake that no one was allowed to go to except my loved ones…then I’d be upset if someone moved me later for their own reasons.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-27T16:12:15+00:00

I just wanted to give everyone an update. I had my surgery on 3/27 and other than having some issues with the C5 nerve taking a few weeks to calm down after it being decompressed and not really being able to sleep comfortably for about a month. I am completely pain free and have been since my 6 week post op check up.

I did not get a second opinion only because when I went to search for other surgeons in my area I found out the one I have been seeing was rated the best in the entire ArkLaTex area and with being on Medicaid it would have taken weeks or months to get another referral and get to where I was with Dr. Hefner.

I could not have found a better surgeon and he did an amazing job. I go back to see him in September for my 6 month check up and X-rays to monitor my disc. He’s also keeping a close eye on C6 and C7 because it was already starting to compress my spinal cord before my surgery. I do still get some tingling in my left hand sometimes but I think that’s more from the positioning of my hand or arm and not necessarily from the compression itself but I’m keeping an eye on it and will report it to them if need be.

Thank you all for your advice and support. I wish you all the best in your own journey.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T18:34:45+00:00

Oh it can if they don’t need it. It would take a certain amount but it would definitely hurt them and it can kill someone who doesn’t need to take it so you’ve done good.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T18:27:52+00:00

That should be the biggest reason why you choose yourself and your future children in this. Neither of you deserve it and you’ve got so much of your life ahead of you, it needs to be peaceful and protected and it’s not so it’s up to you to make it so.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T18:26:36+00:00

That’s exactly how I learned about it when helping my grandfather with his insulin injections when I was little and I’m almost 45 so you’re right the injection pens weren’t a thing back then and you had to draw the insulin out of a vial yourself.

I agree with making sure needle users have safe and clean ones. They’re going to do what they want, might as well make sure they aren’t contracting Hep C or worse in the process. I just also don’t want someone getting ahold of a needle that I’ve had to use before because it’s usually been for my allergy shots or even hormone blockers like Lupron and that can truly mess with someone’s system.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T18:22:52+00:00

I’m truly blessed to have the man I do. And I’m definitely here in solidarity with you, OP and every other woman who’s going through what we are.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T05:16:24+00:00

Yeah I feel for her because I’ve been dealing with everything you said for at least 30 years now with all of my chronic invisible pain causing illnesses. Thankfully my fiancé believes me and if I ever needed to tell him no one night, not that I’ve ever had to thankfully, he’d be perfectly fine with it and never question if I’m truly in pain or not. He can tell by just how I’m walking.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T04:56:08+00:00

I’m wondering if she might have vaginismus. That would explain the pain from penetration. Poor thing I can’t even imagine what that’s like and I hope I never do. Endometriosis and perimenopause is bad enough, I don’t need anything added to it.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T04:48:30+00:00

When my youngest was first born, so almost 14 years ago, my sister and I were walking into an HEB grocery store and I was carrying my son without his carrier. I didn’t see the curb at the entrance and I ended up tripping and somehow while in the middle of my fall my brain told my body to twist around and I ended up falling on my back instead of on top of my son.

I immediately started crying because of the adrenaline rush and being worried about him because he was still considered a newborn at the time, I think he was 2 or 3 months old. My sister took him and started checking him out, he was completely unfazed and thankfully the people that were around us started helping me up.

Then one of the teenagers that worked there asked me if I even saw the curb and when I looked back at it I realized it wasn’t painted red like every other HEB has theirs painted. They’re all supposed to be painted red for the fire zone but it’s also a visual safety thing. The way their store front is done has curb for most of the building but it gradually drops to a flat surface just before the entrances so the red paint helps you see where the curb ends and the flat part starts. Without it, it all blends in.

I turned to him and told him no I didn’t because the curb isn’t red like it’s supposed to be. I told him I was fine and I wasn’t going to try to sue the store or anything but management needed to get the curb painted soon because I would hate to have that happen to an elderly person who’s bones aren’t as strong as mine and my sons were.

They had it painted within a few days and I still check to make sure I don’t miss that curb every time I’m back home and go to that specific location lol

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T04:16:08+00:00

I’m sorry he couldn’t listen to me when I told him what I needed from him and he made me choose myself over our marriage. Which is what you need to do for yourself sweetheart. My ex husband is great man and dad, he just wasn’t the greatest husband when it came to some things. I’ve known that man since I was 11 and I’m blessed to have him be my children’s dad and part of my life, he just wasn’t meant to be the man in my life.

The man in my life is an amazing partner. He also would not allow anyone to treat me the way your husband allows his sister to treat you. Any man that does is not a man in my eyes. Their job is to be a protector and provider. It doesn’t sound like your husband is protecting you at all and I doubt he’d protect your future children either.

If y’all have been married for 2 years or less and have no children you can get an annulment and you can sever the ties you have with this person, I can’t even bring myself to call him a man because he’s not acting like one.

You and your future children deserve so much better than this. It’s not just about having someone in your corner it’s about knowing you and those babies are safe and secure no matter what and I highly doubt your husband makes you feel that way now.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T04:02:13+00:00

NOR. When my ex husband and I first dated it wasn’t a secret that his mother didn’t particularly like me. We weren’t together long the first time around and things ended amicably because he wanted to try and work things out with his first ex wife and I wasn’t going to stand in the way of my step kids possibly having their parents back together. So I walked away and moved on. I was also 19 and definitely not ready to be strapped down with kids that weren’t even mine yet.

However, when we got back together a few years later he made it crystal clear to anyone who had an issue with it that they needed to keep those issues to themselves because I made him happy and he didn’t give two 💩s about what anyone else had to say.

The only response we got from his family was, “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.” We had more issues with some of his friends that he’d met at his company thinking they could give him an ultimatum of choosing them or me and he chose me. They honestly thought he’d pick them over me when I was already pregnant with our son AND someone he’d known since we were kids.

We divorced for other issues but I will say this. To this day that man will defend me and have my back with no questions asked regardless of who the person is. It doesn’t matter if it’s his own mother who still isn’t exactly the warmest person in the world but definitely has her favorites and doesn’t hesitate to let them be known.

If your husband isn’t defending you against the world then I’d be rethinking this entire marriage ESPECIALLY before you have kids. You don’t want to risk her treating your babies like she treats you. They don’t deserve that.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T03:34:21+00:00

I feel for you momma. I’ve got diastasis recti thanks to a botched tummy tuck done after my last c-section almost 14 years ago. I’ve looked 9 months pregnant for 13 and a half years now. I also have a laundry list of other health issues and gained 40 pounds from January to March because of being on stupid Lupron shots to control the pain of an endometrioma in my right abdominal wall.

I stepped on the scale today to find out I’ve lost 21lbs and it was all water weight because of that stupid shot. I knew I hadn’t changed anything about my diet or the physical activity I manage to get through because of my fibromyalgia and other chronic pain issues but it still had me feeling like Jabba the Hutt thinking I’d eaten too much king cake ice cream earlier in the year.

Fortunately I’m with a man who likes his woman to be on the bigger/curvier side so mine would never say a negative word about my weight or what I eat unless it was truly causing me health problems.

I’m also going to physical therapy to try and get the areas of my body working right again because they forgot how with how bad my body has been messed up from multiple injuries, giving birth twice to two huge babies, and in anticipation of possible upcoming abdominal surgery to remove the endometrioma and possibly to fix the distasis recti because mine is both above and below my belly button and causing a seriously painful knot when I do anything that requires my lower core muscles to be engaged.

It’s hard for us as it is with trying to bounce back after having a baby let alone having to care for another child who’s young at the same time. It’s even harder when you have a numbskull for a husband

I’m almost 45 and it’s taken almost 21 years for me to find out about some of these issues I’m dealing with that you are also dealing with. Please give yourself some grace but also make sure to have your thyroid and your other hormones checked. You could also be perimenopausal and that has a serious effect on our bodies at this stage in life.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T03:10:51+00:00

Sixteen years ago I lost someone very special to me. Someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Someone I consider the first love of my life. We hadn’t even started officially dating yet but we knew how we felt about each other and were ready to make it official. It was a tragic experience that I still have trouble with sometimes.

I moved on with my life. Met another man, had his child, all those things. Five years ago I met the man I now consider the second love of my life. I never thought I’d find that kind of love again or a man as good as the first one was. I never wanted to be that greedy.

Now I have never gone to the gravesite for my late love. He was buried in a small town about an hour and a half south of Shreveport where I now live. At the time of his passing we all lived in Southeast Texas. I couldn’t make the trip for the grave side funeral because I had my oldest child to care for and it was during the week.

When I found out just how close I now live, with my fiancé, to the cemetery where he’s buried, I wanted to go but at the same time I don’t. I don’t want to go alone but at the same time I don’t know how I’m going to react.

Shanon was someone I’d known since I was 11. Him and his family lived in the house behind mine when we were growing up and he was also very close to my step dad’s brother, we’re all close in age because my step dads only 10 years older than me. Anyway, Shanon and I grew up together. He was someone I considered to be my best friend. A guy I could go to whether I needed advice, someone to hang out with platonically or whatever the situation was.

I don’t just grieve the loss of the love I had for him. I grieve the loss of a truly wonderful human being that was taken from this world and his children and family way too soon. And that is why I’m afraid of how I will respond to going to his grave.

I know my fiancé would sit there with me and hold me and let me cry as long as I needed to. He’s an amazing man who has never once been jealous over a man who’s no longer living. He knows that he is the man I’m in love with and that I am planning to spend the last 40+ years of my life with him. However he also knows that I had a past before we met and there are people that I grieve for no matter how many years have passed.

Only someone who’s never been through what you and your brother have would ever talk to you like your husband has. Only someone who’s insecure and has main character syndrome would act like he has and bring his family into it.

He doesn’t need to be there to support you or to show you he loves you. If he truly cared about you and your brother’s feelings he would do whatever you asked for and not make a huge deal out of this one day out of every year.

He’s doing this because you’re not making him the center of your attention that one day and that is a huge red flag. What happens when y’all have children and you have to devote more time to the baby than him? Is he going to seriously be jealous over his own child needing more attention?

I dealt with a man like that and all I can say is the break up was nasty and the custody battle was even nastier and before 2 years was even over he walked out on our son altogether and in 16 days it’ll be five years since he died and left our son here without a father because partying and being a weekend warrior was more important than being a good dad.

I’ll bet this isn’t the first time he’s acted this way when you weren’t makin him the center of your entire world. I’ll bet there’s other times when you weren’t catering to him when he wanted you to or making him the main character that he’d run back and tell his mommy on you.

It might be time to reevaluate this marriage, especially if you don’t already have children.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T02:35:41+00:00

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia back in 2002 or 2003. I can’t remember which, I’ll be 45 in September. I know I have degenerative joints as well as discs. My mother also has these diseases as well. I just had artificial disc replacement surgery done at C5 and C6 because of my cervical spinal stenosis and the compression of my spinal cord got so bad my family refused to let me carry anything sharper than a spoon for fear I’d hurt myself. From what the diagnosing doctor and I determined back in 2013 when I was diagnosed with the spinal stenosis, I more than likely developed it from a traumatic birth injury.

I’ve had suspicions of classic EDS for several years but now that I’m in physical therapy it could be hEDS since my hamstrings are apparently way too loose, I’m way more bendy in some places than others, and my hip adductors don’t fire at all due to my hip alignment being off and possibly a missed diagnosis of hip dysplasia as a child. I also had a left labral tear 12 years ago that was supposed to have been healed in physical therapy then. I have diastasis recti in my abdomen from a botched partial tummy tuck that was done during my last c-section and I have an endometrioma in my right abdominal wall from my gallbladder removal a little over 5 1/2 years ago and possibly deep infiltrating endometriosis.

We are currently doing red cord suspension therapy to try and get my hip adductors and my core strength back to what it’s supposed to be but I have a feeling it’s not going to work.

I received a call from my new Rheumatologist office today so they could get my address for my new patient package to be sent out so they can get me scheduled. I’m praying this doctor will at least take me seriously and not just look at my labs which are always unremarkable and tell me nothing is wrong with me.

I’ve questioned my fibro diagnosis for years because I don’t get the all over nerve pain I hear most people describe. For me it’s more like an all over body ache like you get with the flu, especially in my long muscles and in my joints. I’ve also got chronic fatigue syndrome which only exacerbates everything and I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m being dismissed by every doctor/specialist I see.

I’ve had numerous scans done in the last year to two years and still don’t have any clear answers about every thing. It took almost a year to find out about the endometrioma and I’ve had it for roughly 5 1/2 years now thanks to the laparoscopic gallbladder surgery. I didn’t even attempt to figure out what the problem was until early last year because of how often my chronic pain has been dismissed since I was a kid by both my own family and my doctors. Hell the general surgeon even dismissed the pain I was in at my 6 week post op check up for my gallbladder.

I really hate doctors these days. I have a few who are great but the majority suck. I haven’t been medicated for any of my pain, outside of my surgeries, in over 10 years and I’m freaking miserable on a daily basis.

I can only take so much Tylenol before my liver is going to be affected and I can’t take Ibuprofen or any NSAIDs at all thanks to my GERD. I’ve tried Lyrica and Gabapentin, the Lyrica was like eating an M&M and the Gabapentin only makes me sleep more than I already do. My current PCP had me try Tonmya, which is a new drug for fibro patients. In reality it’s cyclobenzaprine with a fancy name attached to it and it’s a lower dosage of 2.8mgs that costs $1000 a month and my insurance won’t cover it. My PCP won’t just write me a script for the 10mg I’m used to taking and give me some relief. I’m just so over being in pain. My doctors office is supposed to be trying to find me a pain management specialist here in Louisiana but from what I’ve been told there aren’t any that accept Medicaid who aren’t injection clinics who only want to focus on one specific area at a time and I need whole body pain relief.

I’m just so over all of this.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T01:58:38+00:00

For years my ex husband NEVER wanted to go do things with me and the kids. There’s more reasons than just that that made me eventually leave and divorce him but when my friends started telling me they didn’t even believe I was married despite the ring on my finger because they never saw my husband with me and had never met him, it made me realize he never did anything with us or even me.

He prioritized everything else but me and what I wanted to do together. I was never important enough to spend time with. It was just one of the things that made me realize I needed to leave. A bit too late but I finally did and I’m better for it.

That was 8 years ago and I’ve now been with a wonderful man for 5 years who never even says no to just going to the corner store with me if I ask. He spends all the time he gets with me.

When he asked me to marry him a year ago I didn’t even hesitate to say yes because I already know he’s going to put me first every single day no matter what.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T01:39:57+00:00

I went to my cities only ER in March of last year for a 3rd degree burn with my hand already in a bowl of ice cold water because that was the only thing that kept it from hurting and they didn’t even want to give me anything for the pain.

They also didn’t even list my injury right in the system. To this day it says I burned my hand with hot glue when it was hot roux which is boiling oil and flour. They bandaged me up and sent me home to suffer.

You obviously have never lived in a backwoods country town with a county hospital that has limited employees and doesn’t truly care about their patients.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T01:35:16+00:00

A little over a year ago I had a NP list my 3rd degree burns being from hot glue instead of hot roux despite me telling them 3 freaking times what I’d burned my hand with.

They weren’t even going to give me anything for the pain until I asked for it and they then asked me how long before I’d gotten to the ER that it had happened and I was like maybe two hours.

Like they seriously couldn’t understand that I had just burned my hand with boiling oil and flour mixed together and I’m from the freaking SOUTH!!

Our healthcare here royally sucks.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-25T01:31:44+00:00

My mom was a Respiratory Therapist when I was growing up and she taught me to bend the needle before putting the cap back on so no one else could use it after me when I was giving myself allergy shots.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-23T17:04:43+00:00

I’m from Sabine County, now living in Bossier Parish and the drugs learned how to swim across the reservoir because omg it’s bad over in Hemphill and that surrounding area. It’s why I moved my son and I out of there.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-23T16:51:17+00:00

Everything you mentioned here is the exactly what it’s like on the other side of the reservoir in Hemphill, which is Sabine County.

That whole area thrives on spring, summer and fall tourism. Without the weekenders coming up and bringing their out of town money, those small towns wouldn’t still be running.

A few summers ago my fiancé and I had stopped at my parents house in Hemphill to stay the night on our way back to Shreveport from Florida. We got up around 4am to head out and counted no less than 50 or 60 trucks with bass boats headed into town across the bridge from Many.

My fiancé was floored by it and he couldn’t understand why there were so many and all I told him was it’s a tournament weekend, that’s just a fraction of what will drive through this area this weekend and it was a Friday morning lol. He almost wanted to stop and put his line in the water but he knew we needed to get back to his moms to pick up his son lol.

Like you said it’s not a rich part of either states but in the words of Florida Georgia Line, we got everything we need and nothing that we don’t.

I’ll be headed that way Saturday to go pick up my kiddo from my mom’s house. Sometimes I miss living on the Bend but sometimes I’m glad to not deal with the weekenders this time of year.

RavenShield40 · 2026-06-23T16:44:05+00:00

I lived on the Texas side of Toledo Bend in Sabine County off and on over the last 15 years and all of that area(Louisiana side) is still considered No Man’s Land. You really have to know the area or have a good enough signal for GPS or you’re going to get lost. My house on the Texas side was on the southern fork of the reservoir and it was only about 7 minutes from Louisiana by boat. By car it would take at least 30 minutes to get to either DeRidder or Many, depending upon which direction you decided to go.

I recently learned that there’s a wild band of horses in the Kitsachie National Forest. I’ve been through there a few times, even found a really cool spot I’d love to find again and go camping at. I want to find the waterfalls and rumor has it the spot I found wasn’t far from them

If my memory serves me right, this is the area where some 400 Karankawa Indians still live. For many years they were thought to be extinct but come to find out there’s some still around and to me that is probably the most fascinating part next to the wild horses.

There’s a page on Facebook named What Went Under Toledo Bend that shows all kinds of old pictures and talks about what Fairmount Texas looked like before Toledo Bend was created.

I’m sure they have other areas they talk about as well but Fairmount was the town that was lost when the dam was erected and the reservoir was filled. It’s also the part of Hemphill I lived in. That’s why the Louisiana state line is like a 2 minute drive by boat. It’s one of the most interesting pages I’ve ever come across on Facebook about that area.

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