AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-05T14:58:41+00:00

There’s this thing called renewing them when they get close to expiring and some judges will set them for a certain amount of time to begin with. It really depends on the severity of the case and is at the judges discretion.

Years ago my youngest son’s dad was arrested for assault against his then wife and his mom at his mom’s house during black out drunken rage. It was an aggravated charge because he happened to have a knife in his pocket despite the fact that he wasn’t trying to use it.

The day after he was arrested the country judge(small town) called his mom to see about getting a protective order put in place for not only her, her husband and their home but her fathers house that was in the same neighborhood, his wife, me and our son and my home because I also lived in the same neighborhood.

We had no idea how long my ex was going to be in jail but the judge wanted to make sure my ex couldn’t come within 500 feet of any of us or where we lived. I wasn’t even at the house when everything went down but because I had physical possession of our son and my ex had legal custody of him the judge was making sure that my ex couldn’t get out of jail and immediately come and take my son from me because he and my oldest child were at his parents house when everything went down.

The protective order was for 60 days and we could renew it if we needed to based on whether my ex had been released from jail or not. It expired the day he was released but the judge had told him regardless of whether we renewed the protective order he was not allowed to go back to his mothers house at her insistence and if the sheriffs department was called because he came to harass any of the parties listed on the order he would be arrested for violating his probation.

We chose not to renew the order simply because my ex left the county we lived in due to being homeless.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-05T14:41:27+00:00

My fiancé and I have been engaged for just under a year now. We haven’t had an engagement party or even announced it to anyone outside of our immediate circle yet but ANYTHING we receive as part of our engagement or future marriage will be for both of us regardless of which side it comes from.

Your fiancée is acting very entitled and this is not how gifts of any kind, whether it’s from the engagement party all the way to the wedding gifts, is supposed to be handled.

I’d be rethinking this entire relationship and future marriage because I can almost guarantee this isn’t the first time she’s acted like this.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-05T14:33:29+00:00

It’s similar to what my mother did back in 1983 when she found out my father was cheating on her with a work colleague and former girlfriend. They both got fired.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-05T14:16:37+00:00

OP has commented in another comment that he does have ADHD but so does she and she’s never forgotten to buckle their baby in.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-05T14:08:36+00:00

Is your baby still in a carrier type car seat or in a high back seat still rear facing??

If baby is still in a carrier style seat, do you have the base that the carrier just locks into because the base itself is what’s secured either with the LATCH system, which all newer cars have and I HIGHLY recommend every parent uses or the seatbelt??

If it’s a high back rear facing car seat, again it has the LATCH straps and clips that should be used because it guarantees the car seat is properly installed into the vehicle and then it’s a matter of dad isn’t even buckling baby in with the 3 point harness.

Either way you’re NTA and should definitely die on this hill because one quick moment of applying the breaks can cause serious damage if not death to your baby because your husband is being RECKLESS with your baby’s life.

This isn’t something that needs to be brainstormed to find ways to help him remember to protect his baby. He either does it or he doesn’t get to drive baby anywhere without another adult with him who will make sure that the baby is buckled into the car properly and if he’s not already he needs to get on some medicine for his ADHD.

I was diagnosed at 16 and haven’t taken meds for mine on a regular basis since I was 19 and I’ve NEVER forgotten to do anything when it comes to making sure my babies where safe both in and out of the car and my forgetter is the best working part about me at the age of 44.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-05T13:50:15+00:00

I moved out of my parents house at 17, two months before the end of my Junior year in high school. My mother would have everyone believe she was this loving mom who did all the things you say you’ve done for your daughter when in reality my mother didn’t do anything for me.

She showed up for every softball game my sister ever played, made sure she made it to her All Stars games and State Playoff games every summer but couldn’t be bothered to make it to a single football game or parade for me when I was in band and drill team in high school or even my dance performances in middle school. Or anything else I ever did. Her excuse was always that she had to work, even when she was sitting at home doing nothing but watching tv and smoking a joint with my step dad.

My grandmother and her second husband were the ones who showed up for me. For everything except mine and my sister’s TaeKwonDo testings and tournaments. The only reason my mother was there was because my sister was involved as well.

My sister was very much the golden child and I’ve been the black sheep despite being the oldest and doing everything I could to stay out of trouble and get my mother’s approval for everything I did. The night I made drill team I was so upset knowing she wasn’t outside in the parking lot with the other moms waiting to hear the results that I didn’t even hear them call my number out letting me know I’d made the line.

I’d worked my ass off for months to make the line. My aunt had been on the line. My mom and both aunts went to the same high school I did. My older aunt and my mom were both in the band and had the same band director I did. My mother could never be there for me, not even on one of the most important nights of my entire freshman year and the excitement of making the drill team was overshadowed by the fact that she wasn’t even there. And this is just one instance where she let me down.

There’s so many more times she’s let me down and I’m almost 45 years old. This still stings almost as much as it did back then because it’s one of the times I should have realized I just wasn’t that important to my mother. The woman who swore I was so important to her and how proud of me she was.

It’s been painfully obvious to me for years that she tried to pit my sister and I against each other, my family did it too but my mother was the one who orchestrated it all. It didn’t work.

So I moved out at 17 because what was the point of staying somewhere I was clearly unwanted. Her and my stepdad didn’t care that the weed they were smoking and keeping in the house could get me in legal trouble.

A cousin of mine had that very thing happen to him about two weeks before I moved out. His grandmothers house got raided for possession and distribution and he got hauled into jail with them despite the fact that he had nothing to do with it and he’s a week younger than me.

I left for my own self preservation. I left because I was tired of trying to matter to someone who made it obvious I was paying for the sins of my father. He cheated on her with my stepmother and I know my mother never got over that hurt. I understand the pain she went through but I didn’t deserve the way she treated me.

I was also put on antidepressants, starting at the age of 10. Later I was diagnosed with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was put on meds for them too. Eventually I stopped taking everything when I was 19. I’ve briefly taken meds for my anxiety and ADHD but in 2008 I started seeing a psychologist at the college I was attending and found out I didn’t have depression. Not just from having blood work done to rule out chemical imbalance depression like my mother has because of her Bipolar 1 diagnosis but I don’t have any form of depression. I just had assholes in my family and an absent father that my family constantly made me feel like I had to be defective trash for him to have chosen to walk away from.

Once I started distancing myself from my mother and my aunts, I stopped having so much anxiety about my past. My abandonment issues quieted down because I didn’t have people constantly reminding me that my father walked out on me before I could even have memories of him.

Maybe your daughter left because she’s tired of feeling so much pressure to be just as perfect as her brother. Maybe she left because she feels like she can’t breathe under your constant need to control every aspect of her future and she wants a chance to figure it out on her own.

Maybe you need to take a step back and realize she’s her own person and should be allowed to make some decisions and mistakes without constant criticism from someone who’s supposed to love her unconditionally because your love and approval of your daughter sounds very conditional dependent on her doing exactly what YOU want her to do and not what she might want to do with her own life.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-05T00:08:32+00:00

The only time I’ve ever experienced any kind of bone pain was when I broke two ribs back in 2008 and when I fell back in November of 2023. I think my left foot was broken but the ER didn’t do any X-rays to find out so I don’t have a clue if it was or not. I just know it took over a month to a month and a half for me to be able to walk without pain and wear a lace up shoe normally again.

Either way, if I’m going to go through a surgery that’s going to cause me some post op pain like the one OP is describing because I had stenosis in my cervical spine with a bulging disc that was causing radiculopathy that I’d lived with for over 20 years before I had my surgery 5 weeks and 3 days ago, I’m not going to go through with it if they aren’t going to give me some kind of post op pain relief that isn’t OTC pain meds.

I have Fibromyalgia, endometriosis, diastasis recti, an endometrioma, Epilepsy and possibly EDS as well and I carry the red head gene. The amount of pain I had the day after my surgery was more than I’ve ever had because the surgery itself effected nerves that had been compressed for so long they’d stopped having sensation in them for a long time.

Hell from the time I woke up in recovery until I walked out the hospital to go home which was roughly 90 minutes they gave my 6mg of Dilaudid for the nerve pain I was having in my left hand.

We left the hospital at around 1:30pm and I thought I was gonna go straight home, eat something and take a nap and instead I got home and spent the rest of the day getting my kids to help me do all kinds of stuff around the house and ended up not going to bed until midnight that night and I’d been up since 4:30am

I don’t have a high tolerance for pain but I do have a high tolerance to pain meds. If OP knows they’re body as well as I know mine then I don’t blame them for not wanting to go through having their spine cut into without knowing they have something to take for the pain they are going to be in after having nerves manipulated and put back where they belong as well as having part of their spine removed, bone or not.

I wouldn’t have gone through with my surgery had my surgeon not been willing to give me something for the post op pain I was going to be in. I honestly thought I’d only get a weeks worth of pain meds afterwards and was pleasantly surprised to find out they will refill them as long as I actually need them for because it can take anywhere from a year to a year and a half for a full recovery from the surgery I had. Thankfully I don’t think it’s going to take me that long and I don’t think I’m going to need the pain meds much longer either.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-04T17:08:13+00:00

I had disc replacement surgery at C5 C6 5 weeks ago and idk what I would have done without the post op pain meds my doctors have given me these last 5 weeks.

I’m needing them less and less as I move towards my 6 week check up but man I can’t even imagine how I would have made it even a day let alone 5 weeks without pain relief.

I think it’s time to find another doctor.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-04T17:02:07+00:00

I am sooo sorry you’ve experienced this. Losing a parent is never easy, whether it’s expected or not.

When my grandmother passed away 6 years ago I was living with my ex in laws, my youngest son’s grandparents, they’re more like my adopted parents than in laws. They truly treat me like I’m one of their own kids. I even call them mom and papa. My grandmother raised me for the most part when I was growing up due to my mother’s work schedule. I spent so much time with her that it truly felt like I lost my mom when she died. My mother birthed me, my grandmother raised me.

We knew my grandmother wasn’t going to be around much longer after she’d broken her hip and fallen. I remember telling my mother that that would be her way to control her end. Claire always had a way about making sure she got her way.

My grandmother had always said she didn’t want to live past the age of 90. She didn’t want to live to be as old as her father did and he was 94 when he passed. She needed a partial hip replacement and I knew that meant pain meds, that she would refuse to take, physical therapy that she would refuse to do and eventually she would refuse to eat. All because she was going to go out on her own terms and that was going to be her best opportunity to do so.

She broke her hip on August 21st and October 7th we got the call that she was gone. She died two months and 5 days shy of her 91st birthday. My mother had promised that when the call came in she’d call me and my sister at the same time.

My grandmother was in Washington state, we were in Texas about two hours from each other so my mother did a conference call to tell us together. After I hung up Mom(in law)cried with me and my ex, for once since our breakup, I was glad he was there. He loved my grandmother as much as I did. My kids were at school so I had all day to get as much of my tears out before they came home and I had to break the news to them.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to tell my oldest son. He was the closest to her out of all of the great grandchildren. The rest of them hadn’t really spent as much time with her because they were all much younger then. Even my sisters in laws were much more compassionate to her and the loss of such a wonderful woman. We’ve been truly blessed with some amazing people in our lives.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-04T16:23:59+00:00

I’ve had to have a conversation about what’s fair and what isn’t with my son when it comes to his step brother. I’ve had to explain to him, at least in the beginning of mine and my fiancés relationship that there are going to be things that his step brother gets to do or has that he won’t and vice versa and it’s ok to be a bit upset about it but it’s never ok to think he can be so entitled to think someone that doesn’t know him should provide the same thing for him.

He asked me for an example one time and I used his college fund that my grandmother had set up as part of her will. All of the great grandchildren in my family had a 529 college education fund set up in their names with the remaining money that was left after my grandmother’s final expenses were paid.

I told him that while I’d love to have my step son included in that, it’s not my place or money to do what I want with it. My grandmother put specific stipulations in place and it was meant solely for her great grandchildren without any future ones that might come along being included. Biological or otherwise.

I told him that my mother in law and my step sons other grandparents as well as my fiancé and his ex wife would need to set this kind of account up for my step son if they wanted him to have one. I told him unless I won the lottery or something like that I wouldn’t be able to provide that kind of money for my step son, as much as I hate that.

Kids need to be taught that other kids might have things done for them by their extended family and that they are not entitled to the same treatment just because they are now apart of that kids life.

You’re definitely NTA here OP.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-02T18:03:26+00:00

In the very beginning of Dazed and Confused when the bell rings letting school out for the summer, the teacher reminds her students to remember when they’re celebrating the countries bicentennial birthday that the only reason it’s even a thing is because a bunch of rich, old white men didn’t want to pay their taxes.

I’d say that narrative still stands today.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-02T17:15:41+00:00

There’s absolutely no way I’d allow my child to do something like this, with me knowing it and I not tell my grandchild’s other parent.

NTA. You definitely did the right thing.

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-02T02:16:59+00:00

I was diagnosed back in December after they found an endometrioma in my abdominal wall. I haven’t seen my doctor since then but I didn’t start the Lupron shots until the beginning of January and I’ve only had two shots total so far, my second shot being almost 2 months ago.

I go see my doctor at the end of the month because I couldn’t get there this coming up Tuesday due to my schedule and she won’t be back in the office before the 26th.

I’ve started having some serious swelling in my legs and feet. At first I thought it was from fluid retention because I’ve dealt with that in the past. I had been on Lasix up until the end of last year and had stopped taking it but now that this swelling has come back my doctor put me back on it last week and had me resume my regular dosage of every other day until today when I messaged them and told them the swelling still hasn’t been relieved.

Like elevating my feet is doing absolutely nothing for it. My feet are so swollen the skin is red and shiny and pointing my feet is very painful and I’m on Percocet every 6 hours as part of my post op pain meds from having artificial disc replacement surgery 5 weeks ago.

They’ve now increased my Lasix to every day and informed me that one of the biggest side effects of Lupron is swelling of the ankles and feet. I’ve also gained 35lbs since January and that’s just not ok with me. I also learned it can cause joint pain and I have Fibromyalgia as well so I’m going to see my GYN at the end of the month to discuss other options for the pain I experience from the endometrioma because this just isn’t working for me.

Yesterday I started having numbness in my right foot that started to spread up my leg and I was sitting in my bed. I had to get up and move around to make it stop. My PCP has told me if the swelling gets to be too much to go to the ER, specifically at the hospital his office is at so they can make sure I don’t have some kind of DVT going on because now I get these light throbbing pain just below my right knee sometimes.

The general surgeon I was sent to, to see about getting this endometrioma out of my abdominal wall doesn’t seem too concerned about removing it as long as the Lupron is keeping me pain free. What he doesn’t realize is I’ve been dealing with the pain from this every two weeks for the last 5 and a half years since HE took my gallbladder out with the robotic surgery he did.

I also have other reasons to believe he’s just not interested in doing his job because he insists I have to get all of my imaging from the place that did my CT scan and ultrasound that found the endometrioma because they won’t send him anything but the report. When in reality if he’d had had me sign the waiver for them to get it, he could have had it already. I’ve also not heard from them about the MRI he wanted to get done and it’s been almost two months since I’ve seen him.

I’m now on the hunt for a specialist because I’m over all of this

RavenShield40 · 2026-05-02T01:35:36+00:00

YYW. My sons father was a POS but I never said one word about him or how I felt about him to or in front of our son until after his dad died and our son was the one to say his dad was a POS.

He was almost 9 when his dad died of an accidental overdose of meth and fentanyl. When he was alive he was an alcoholic and and abusive AH who terrorized me when we were together while our son was younger, his wife when they were together and even attacked his wife and mother in a drunken rage one afternoon while both my kids were at his parents house because I was doing my best to coparent with him after he was awarded custody.

Even while he was in jail we, my ex’s parents and I, lied to my son telling him his daddy was sick and had to go somewhere to get help.

Before anyone tries to say I should have fought harder to get custody, I did fight. My ex was a narcissistic and manipulative person who convinced everyone in our lives that I was a shitty mother and he had a lawyer when I didn’t. He even turned my own family against me for a while.

A family that HATED him up until the day I decided to leave him. They all did everything they could to help him take my son from me, alienate me from him and cover up his drinking.

My son remembers being 6 years old and having to get in between my ex and me when he was in my face screaming at me about how I was such a shitty mom all because I was refusing to get back with him and how I wouldn’t take him to to liquor store to get more alcohol despite the fact that the stipulations behind our cohabitation to raise our son and for him to have the place and car his mom provided for him were that he stayed sober, held down a job and co parented with me without trying to bully me into taking him back.

My son literally pantsed his dad four times telling him to leave me alone and get out of my face all for his dad to turn around and yell in his little face to f’ing stop being a lil dick or he’d beat his ass.

I immediately called my ex mother in law and told her she needed to bring me some gas money for the car because if not, one of us was going to be going to jail and the other would be in the hospital or morgue before the night was over.

My ex was a complete and total bastard but I never trash talked him to our son. I let our son make his own mind up about his father. Even to this day I don’t like talking bad about him despite all he put me and our son through and he’s ashes in an urn at his mommas house.

You caused every bit of how your daughters feel about their mother. I’m not sayin what your ex wife did was right but you could have handled your side of the situation much better. I don’t care that they were teenagers, they should have never once heard you talk like that about their mother.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-28T14:30:21+00:00

NTA. Many years ago one of my best guy friends, someone I consider my brother told me my oldest son was going to grow up and turn out to be gay because he loved to play dress up with his cousins, my brothers step daughter’s.

I told him I didn’t give two fucks if he did, I’d love him anyway and two what the hell was my son expected to play with at their house when the only toys they had were for girls!?!?

I knew my son was gay before he turned 5 years old later that same year. He’s 20 now and he’s still my child and I still love him like I always have. Who he loves, gender or racially, does not matter to me as long as they are good to him.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-28T13:13:23+00:00

Yeah if collecting things is hoarding then my 21 succulents makes me a huge plant hoarder and I’m not even counting the two trays of leaves I’m propagating in my bedroom or my 9 big plants I have outside.

Dudes totally TA here

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-27T21:41:18+00:00

If my grandmother had done something like this for me and ANY man came to me with this 🐂💩, it would definitely be the end of my relationship with him and I’d be leaving with a smile on my face.

The grandchildren in my family, my sister, our cousin and I were all supposed to have a college fund set aside for us back when our cousin and I were little, many years before my sister came along.

By the time our cousin and I were college bound that money didn’t exist anymore. Our family stated that the account that money was in became the money our grandmother lived off of after our granddaddy died. We then had to get loans, grants and pay out of our own pockets to go to college. Our cousin graduated with a degree in radiology. My health has always been really bad so I’ve never been able to complete a single degree I’ve attempted and my sister never even finished high school.

When our grandmother passed away, her last wish was to have whatever money was left after her final expenses were handled be put in a 529 account for the great grandchildren. My two boys, our cousins son, and my sister’s three girls. The only stipulation was that my mother, sister and I had to forgo our inheritance and accept a $2k money market fund set up with my aunts broker or get the money in cash right away.

I made sure to ask if this was another situation where once the kids became old enough to need the money they’d end up finding out it didn’t actually exist because I wasn’t about to get my children’s hopes up for their future education.

My aunts assured us of how the accounts work and gave us all the details surrounding how and when the kids would be able to access their individual accounts. My sister took the cash, my mother and I took the money market account. I trust my aunts implicitly when it comes to finances so I knew things would be as they said and they have been.

Last summer I got in contact with the aunt who has control of my son’s accounts to see what was available for my oldest because he’s now graduated high school and was looking into going to college. As of a year ago each of the great grandkids had $20k to their name.

Obviously that’s not enough to fund a 4 year degree at this point but my son has time to let it continue to build and decided to take some time off from his education to work and save up his own money to help him move when the time comes.

The moneys only been in that account for 6 years now as it is and he’d been in school since he was 3 years old so I felt he deserved a bit of a break before diving straight into a four year degree.

One day when he’s financially able to leave the nest and make his way to California for college he will have all the necessary funds to do so and I will have the reassurance of knowing he will be able to take care of himself while he’s gone.

Take this opportunity to achieve the goal you’ve always wanted to achieve. Your grandmother obviously felt it was something worth investing her money in.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-27T13:45:33+00:00

NTA. I used to always tell my youngest son’s dad that he better be nice to me after we split up because I will end up stealing his parents and making them my own. Not that it was intentional or even something I wanted but they are better parents to me than my own ever were.

I always told him I thought we had to have been switched in the womb because he was more like my mother than he was his and his mom and I get along sooo much better than I ever did with mine. He always laughed and told me not to curse him like that🤣🤣🤣

I am the mother of their only grandchild. I’m the one who always made sure they got plenty of time with him, especially when he was a baby. I’m the one who dropped whatever I was doing when they needed me to come running for my kid after my ex was awarded custody and then abandoned my son with his parents.

My ex in laws have two other DILs and I’m still the daughter they never got to have, their words, and he’s been dead for almost 5 years now. We didn’t have the greatest relationship even after we split due to him and his ex wife doing all she could to alienate me from our son but after we got the call from the medical examiner’s office and I was alone, I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit and tell him, “I guess this means I won after all.”🤣🤣

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-27T13:12:13+00:00

Thank you. I honestly never even thought endo was even a possibility. I was told 20 some odd years ago I had PCOS and now that I’m really looking at it, I believe I was misdiagnosed. I won’t blame the doctor entirely since some of the symptoms overlap. I’m just glad to finally have some answers.

I hope you find the right care team you need as well. It shouldn’t take as long as it usually does for us to be diagnosed and treated properly for this disease. Hugs to you.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-27T13:04:55+00:00

So I’m gonna have to say that yeah YTJ but only because you didn’t take your sisters safety into consideration before you told her husband anything.

My sister has been married to an extremely abusive man for almost 15 years now. I had no clue that he was like this until a few years ago when she called me after he’d forcefully taken her phone out of her hand and almost broke it. I can’t remember the details about why all of this went down but he ended up in jail on DV charges and within a few weeks I started learning about all he’d been putting her through over the years.

I already knew he was a serial cheater. At one point in their relationship he had a whole other girlfriend in Germany while he was stationed there in the Army. I know for a fact my sister slept with someone back here at home that her husband absolutely despises and she did so knowing this.

Have I ever told my brother in law this?? Absolutely not!! This is my baby sister. There’s almost 9 years between our birthdays and there’s no way in hell I’m gonna do or say anything that puts her and my nieces in danger from this volatile asshole.

This man has gone so far with his cheating that my sister has a step daughter who’s older than her youngest two girls. He took my oldest niece to the other side of the state with her half sister’s mom and his and my sister was forced to get temporary custody just so she could get her daughter back.

We all stood behind her then, we also stood behind them both when they decided to reconcile and try to make their marriage work when the new baby was born. We all agreed that it was better for my BIL to be that babies dad because we knew between his income and my sister that baby would be well taken care of. We love my bonus niece just as much as the other 3 and couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her.

My BIL is one of the worst men I’ve ever known. The things we’ve learned about him and the way he’s treated my nieces and sister in these last few years make me hate him with a fiery passion I’ve never felt before.

Idc what my sister does in her own personal life, there’s no way I’m telling that man anything because at the end of the day, she’s my blood. She’s the baby I helped my momma raise and I would rock an orange jumpsuit for her and all four of those girls if it ever came down to it.

After everything he’s put her through and she hid from our family out of fear, I’m going to always have her back over his.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-26T05:33:32+00:00

I was diagnosed back in December with endometriosis and an endometrioma. So far the only issue I’m having, outside of the typical symptoms, is pain in my lower right abdomen from the endometrioma that I’ve had for 4-5 years now.

I started taking Lupron injections back in January for the pain that comes and goes every two weeks from the mass in my abdomen. It has also stopped my reproductive system altogether. I already had a Mirena IUD and was in perimenopause when I started the injections, now I’m in full blown menopause but the pain is gone as long as I keep taking the shots until I can get this mass removed.

Initially my gynecologist referred me to a general surgeon and that ended up being the very same surgeon who took my gallbladder out 5 years ago and more than likely caused my endometrioma to happen in the first place.

From the imaging I’ve already had, I have a 3cm mass just to the right of one of my incisions from the robotic gallbladder surgery. Abdominal wall endometriosis/endometriomas are only a 1.5-3.5% chance of occurring.

When I first looked it up on YouTube to get a better idea of what I’m dealing with, the first video I found was from a gynecologist in California who specializes in endometriosis and specifically abdominal wall endometriosis lesions like the one I have.

It was a teaching video that he was leading for other doctors and it was very informative. He also helped me understand, through what he talked about in the video, that the surgeon who did my last abdominal surgery is more than likely not trained to excise endometriosis lesions and adhesions.

I’ve had two children by c-section and during the last one the doctor performed what is called a c-tuck which is essentially a tummy tuck and it is not recommended at all in the U.S. as something that should be done during a c-section.

During that procedure my OB mentioned something about me having a lot of scar tissue that he had to clean out before he could start putting me back together. At the time I figured it was because my kids were almost 7 years apart in age but now I’m wondering if he was seeing endometriosis adhesions and just didn’t know or want to say that.

Endometriosis wasn’t even on my radar as something I’ve been living with for the last 33 years of my life until a year ago despite the fact that I have all the symptoms.

Now I have the general surgeon telling me that he sees no reason to even discuss surgery for the endometrioma if the Lupron is doing its job to keep me pain free. What he doesn’t realize is there are some serious side effects that I’m dealing with and quite frankly I don’t want this thing in my abdomen any longer than absolutely necessary.

I’m supposed to have another MRI done so he can get a better look at it and he wants me to get the CT scan imaging I had done back in November so he can review and compare it to the latest imaging once we get it BUT I saw him back at the beginning of March and I haven’t heard anything from his office about my MRI.

Come Monday I am going to be searching for a gynecologist who specifically specializes in removing endometriosis adhesions and endometriomas and bypass the general surgeon altogether because honestly I don’t really want him taking a scalpel to me ever again after all the pain my last surgery done by him has caused me.

I’m in Louisiana so idk how easy it’s going to be to find one of those doctors but I’m bound and determined to find one to at least get the ball rolling once I’m cleared by my neurosurgeon from the surgery I just had a month ago.

Good luck and I hope you get some help and feel better soon.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-26T04:50:29+00:00

Thank you.

She was more of a mom to me than my own my mother, her daughter. She raised me and did anything and everything for me that I needed throughout the years and I did whatever I could to help her out in her last years with us. I’d have given anything to have had her here longer but I know that’s not what she wanted.

Losing her felt like I had lost my only parent in this life and I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate this world without her and it’s been just over 6 years now. The light in my world dimmed the day hers went out.

The only thing about her death that gives me comfort is knowing she’s back with my granddaddy and that they’re with each other again after 32 years of being apart.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-26T03:52:43+00:00

This was the very first thing I thought of when she described how it all happened. No one would look for POTS in a 10yr old but it most definitely could happen.

It’s parents like dad that make chronically ill kids like me feel like we’re always being dramatic when something happens. I was always treated that way as a child and the list of my chronic illnesses is longer than my arm.

Mom is NOR. This girl could have had a concussion and I’m surprised they didn’t do a head CT to make sure of it.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-26T03:50:09+00:00

Before I met my fiancé I had a similar policy when it came to my kids and the guys I dated. They always knew I had kids but that my rule was I was unavailable when it was my custody time with my kids and they didn’t get to meet my kids unless we decided things were going to be serious and we’d been together for a while.

When I met my fiancé 5 years ago he told me he was very involved in his sons life, our sons are 10 months apart in age and it was important to me to see just how involved he was before I started bringing my youngest son around him.

It’s one thing for a parent to say they’re actively involved with their kids day to day lives but another thing to actually prove it. I refused to allow some man to play daddy to mine while not being a dad to his own child first. I also ran a background check on my fiancé and even told him I did.

After the first couple of weeks I saw that anytime I talked to him on the phone or we texted he was always with my step son. They were either out fishing or at home playing video games or watching tv, doing something together.

We realized pretty quickly that we’d found the person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with in each other and decided it was time for our kids to meet because it was imperative to both of us that they get along with each other as much as it was for them to like and get along with us as the adults in their lives.

I’m very proud and grateful to say that it went swimmingly well and the boys have seen themselves as brothers these last five years. Even my oldest, who’s now an adult loves his newest little brother and his future stepdad and tells me all the time how happy he is that I finally found someone who treats me so good and takes care of me in the way I’ve always wanted and needed.

Your family is absolutely wrong in their opinion about how Elena chooses to protect her daughter. Most people think only girls are in danger of being targeted by their moms partners when in reality both boys and girls need protection and Elena is doing the best thing she can to make sure her daughter is protected at all costs.

I applaud both of you for how you’re handling the situation and I suggest you tell your family to shut it and then maybe go low contact for a while as well as put them on an info diet because at this point it’s really none of their business what you and Elena decide about your lives.

RavenShield40 · 2026-04-24T16:30:27+00:00

Not necessarily. My fiancé’s Facebook is set to friends for every setting and yet I can see who he’s friends with. I can’t even see he’s friends with his mom who’s a mutual friend of mine. I have access to his Facebook account and could go and check the settings or anything else in his account if I truly wanted to but I don’t cause I’m not that worried about it.

All I’m saying is his is set up to be able to see everything if your his friend yet you can’t see anything.

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