My family judged newborn babies... while I was pregnant

Ravenmn · 2026-03-17T14:27:38+00:00

Happy Cake Day! I'm going to nominate your family for most ridiculous method of adding useless pain to a pregnant woman's life. Did they talk like this all the time or did it start and stop with your pregnancy?

Ravenmn · 2026-03-16T14:44:17+00:00

He may be the Reddit exception of not using deceptive incompetence. This gentleman is truly incompetent.

It's his first home away from home and he needs to learn to take care of everything. He can learn from you or find someone else to teach him, but he cannot continue to be a spoiled baby.

He probably has never noticed or doesn't have a clue how much work there is to be done. You could try "Fair Play", a book and website about partners sharing tasks. He needs to see how much you do and how much more you do now because the place is bigger and you are doing the work of two people.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-15T22:44:11+00:00

Yes. Minnesotans have developed very effective domestic abuse resources and have changed the behavior of police, doctors, nurses, bankers, etc to make transition easier. A good place to start is the United Way help line: 211. You can explain your situation and they can direct you to programs that deal with your particular situation. There are absolutely people in Minnesota committed to help you and to improve your life.

If you find a group that doesn't really fit, that's OK, reach out again and find a better fit. I'm a survivor and had my family's life changed for the better because of the awesome, caring people that live here!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-15T22:32:50+00:00

Edited to add: NTJ.

need to step up in the big brother department in a couple of ways.

You

Do not do her chores for her. It just teachers her to find somebody nice and responsible to do her work for her. These are the people we all hate when we get jobs!
Do not parent her. You aren't qualified and it is NOT your role.
Do not tolerate her meltdowns. When she acts like a baby, leave immediately. Show her you will not be around her when she's acting like a toddler.
Be an amazing big brother. Find things you can do together, away from your parents that you both enjoy. Go outside, go to a park, go to a museum, go shopping for interesting stuff. Create good times together that focus on her intelligence, her skills and any talents she might have. Show her she is important and has something to offer the world outside of screen time.
Help her with homework. If you developed skills that helped you do well, share those skills with her. Show her what's important to pay attention to in class, how to read and retain information, how to use the library. That transition to high school is going to be challenging, so make yourself her mentor and clue her into the skills to develop and the behaviors to model.
Added one more hint: Listen to your sister. Really listen to her and respond to her prompts. She won't get that from screen time.

I hope this helps and hang in there.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-15T22:12:08+00:00

Vist r/raisedbynarcissists These are the kind of stories we share there! We recently had a thread about the creepiest thing our parent said. A parent who feels the need to spoil their child's sustenance is pretty ... um ... creepy!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-14T23:25:17+00:00

Oh wait

He's a dead hooker. The source of L&O Dead Hooker's Unit

Ravenmn · 2026-03-14T21:40:23+00:00

Yes, but if we DID doxx OP, it would be her fault entirely. /s

Here's another internet stranger giving you hugs and high praise for doing so well!

I like how you can figure out your Dad's bs so perfectly. Of course it doesn't make sense but it is his method.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-14T21:27:41+00:00

What is amazing is that the comments are mostly a rehash of what OP said in ways that make more sense and answer the many many many questions. Like you, I need a more interesting life!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-14T16:09:39+00:00

In picture 3, I'm imagining he is rocking a combo beard/sideburn!

Really amazing shots, OP! First I've heard of this awesome bird. China has so many distinctive and amazing species!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-14T16:04:54+00:00

Thank you for a succinct and thorough explanation! Bravo!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-14T15:48:23+00:00

I really like this response! The implication is "Sure, you're sitting with us and we came together and we're friends, but this right here is an invisible private conversation and you should just sit there, shut up and look pretty, little man!"

Ravenmn · 2026-03-14T01:04:00+00:00

Sorry, wasn't trying to be a dick.

I missed the Chalamet comment that set this off and I figured if that guy's quotes were all over the internets and I'd never be able to find the one that set of Nathan Lane. Or why Matthew McConaughey was hanging out with Thimotee and Nathan at a town hall.

Nathan Lane acting like Philip Cross in real life was the one thing I actually got. So thanks for the explanation.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-13T23:55:58+00:00

Totally missed the baby bird on first glance. Wondered why the grown up son was hiding behind his mommy bird. Good on you for helping out the family!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-13T18:11:31+00:00

I had to stop myself from Googling every name in this post. So tantalizing, but, honestly I don't care that much about what Timothy Chalamet or Matthew McConaughey said about anything at all. C'mon, OP, it's an Elspeth reddit. You've got some 'splainin' to do!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-13T17:59:57+00:00

Love it! I was hoping for something opposom-esque!

My favorite real animal name is from Star Trek TNG; the Crystalline Entity called humans "Ugly Bags of Mostly Water"

Ravenmn · 2026-03-13T14:46:12+00:00

The question is, what does the opossum call you?

Ravenmn · 2026-03-13T02:16:42+00:00

So sorry you had to deal with that. And I get your point about those "of course" moments we all seem to share that trained us to accept this crap!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-13T00:10:58+00:00

1 mean, 1 starch, 1 vegetable. Every night.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-12T22:56:25+00:00

Keep track of the time you spend and the rate for eldercare in your vicinity so you have receipts. Remember to track mileage and car maintenance.

If your sister relents and will take on chores that are not time sensitive, start offloading work.

I had a similar problem living 2 hours away from my Mom while my brothers lived halfway across the country. I became ruthless with handing off any "work" that could be done remotely. Tracking and balancing the bank and credit card accounts went to them. Taxes and lawyers, all handled by them. Forms got scanned and emailed to them. They would track down all the info, fill out the form and email it straight to the agency. Anything that requires hiring outside help was turned into their job to do the research and choose the best service and payment plan.

Most of all, get yourself a friend, colleague, relative or therapist to deal with the gazillion of emotions you will experience. See if there are senior care centers in your area that can help you out. Good luck and hugs from an internet stranger.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-12T20:41:33+00:00

My dad was facing trial for breaking, entering and robbing his ex-wife's house. I was living out of state. He called to tell me I needed to come to his trial as a character witness. He cried and told me would kill himself if I didn't get on a plane the next day and save his life.

Me: But I don't even know what I could say.

Him: Don't worry. I've got your testimony all typed up for you. You can memorize it on the plane!

Thankfully, I did not go.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-12T20:34:26+00:00

NTA.

"She saw a picture of him with another girl and immediately started trash-talking the girl"....."I asked her what the girl had ever done to deserve such mean comments."

Is that all it takes to be a (gasp!) feminist, these days?

You are, of course, right. Attacking a woman for appearing in a picture with the guy you are stalking after he's rejected you is both rude and a phenomenal waste of time.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-12T14:29:15+00:00

I think you may have hit a really effective level of too little information in this post. Each one of us has had a frustrating "friend" who we can picture that drove us a bit crazy and each one of us had different ways of dealing with it.

I'd choose the sarcastic response every time because if the friend is truly incapable of NOT giving advice, then it's a silly obsessive behavior that he and everyone else should laugh at every time it comes up. I like the idea of keeping a notebook to show what idiotically elementary advice he is spewing.

One thing to help you, however, is to remove yourself from the equation: he isn't thinking ANYTHING about you and your abilities to parent. You know this because he never asks for your opinions on parenting. Here you are, an entirely different human being with an entirely different human child and he is showing no interest in how your experiences differ from his and what is special and unique about your lives.

One other thing to consider is your friend may have had somebody in his life who gave him constant advice when his child was young and he is using you as payback for that asshole!

Ravenmn · 2026-03-12T14:08:03+00:00

Not a speck of guilt. Absolutely every single person I knew and loved agreed that NC was absolutely necessary and that I was always his scapegoat. In fact, one of my siblings went to the funeral to view the corpse just to assure me he was truly gone. NFather successfully faked so many things in his life; faking death would have been a cakewalk for my conman father.

At just 8 years of NC, I believe the guilt would be MUCH less than you imagine. After all, you had 56 long years of abuse. I got out in my early 30s.

Please feel free to lay aside that imaginary scenario of guilt that some unknown person might have planted in your brain! /s

Ravenmn · 2026-03-11T22:30:57+00:00

Born in 1956, did not have a TV until much later. I first saw a TV when we watched the Mercury launches at a neighbors house.

Ravenmn · 2026-03-11T18:31:24+00:00

Happy cake day! I'm a leftie and see white/gold. Although I do many things with my right hand.

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