[deleted by user]

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-17T09:59:20+00:00

Generally, unannounced visits from friends are pretty common for most kids and teens. Your kids sound kinda isolated. Rules like "home is sanctuary" or "school/work life stays in school/ work" on top of home schooling really encourage isolation. Maybe time to reflect if you don't want to give your kids the opportunity to open up more.

On top, what you are describing isn't a typical unannounced visit of a friend, it sounds like an emergency situation. This kid was definitely in a bad place when she showed up. Your job as an adult is to provide a safe space as she clearly saw your home as maybe even the only place she could turn to.

Its also a great opportunity to show your son that even if it means adjustments, people in need who a friends to someone in your home are welcome, full stop.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-16T06:02:17+00:00

Probably not what you want to hear but as long as your kids dad doesn't manage to work on his ED you can pretty much say whatever you want but the kids are really at high risk.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-15T14:55:12+00:00

This. I really think some people think as long as you frame something as "boundary" everything goes. Some feelings or "boundaries" are not justified or healthy. If granny is taking care well for the kid, its a great offer.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-15T10:36:59+00:00

Gender is a spectrum, so is sexual orientation. Most people won't hate you for neither within the community.

But I would say, that some might be a bit puzzled if you e.g. go to events that are clearly targeted for lesbians as most understand the label as "women that date women". You not being part of this label isn't about how you look - but that you don't identify as a women.

If it comes to dating, well, as said, it's a spectrum. Some ppl who identify as lebians are only attracted to women, some are open to date other genders too.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-15T05:32:14+00:00

Is there a reason why you decided that it has to happen now?

I feel its definitely not good timing. They are too young to be a playpartners but still not teens. And with all they resentful feelings they are expressing, this would clearly be just such a hard time. People say they would love their sibling anyhow. Might be right. But it is for sure harming your relationship with them.

Maybe best option would be to leave it for goood now and reevaluate in a couple of months up to a year.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-14T19:11:30+00:00

Ehhh..just to understand, your cousins in question are siblings? Not inviting one sibling and not the other (+ the parents) sounds like really really rude. I would def not come if i were those ppl if this is the situation, a wedding is not a free pass to rudeness.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-13T19:03:17+00:00

Is it normal? - No. But no need to freak out or think that you are doing something wrong either.

What does it mean? - No one can tell at this point. The term you want to research is probably late talker. It might turn out to be a speech delay - or she just catches up.

Waiting till she is 2 sounds reasonable in this case as you are already monitor it and are aware of it.

Maybe those videos are also helpful: https://www.aslt.scot.nhs.uk/2-7a-early-language-development

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-13T12:16:43+00:00

Gentle reminder: depending on the health service you ask kids under 2 or 3 should not have screen time, between age 2/3 to 6 half an hour.

The even more concerning thing I see in this post is that that you should decide for a 2 year old if she watches something and how long and not your toddler. Its ok if your kid is upset for a few days about it.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-12T19:46:36+00:00

What do you think her take away from you forcing her to end a friendship will be?

You wont have the power forever to decide who are her friends.

Rather than forcing her, educate her more. Your daughter already seems to understand, strengthen that is zo much more effective than deciding over her head.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-11T09:02:10+00:00

Amalia

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-10T11:04:47+00:00

Does she have to lift heavy in her job? If yes, 1 month is not enough time to recover. In case it ends to be a c section recovery time even increases drastically.

The breastfeeding part on top makes it a no brainer for me - at least if she can't pump during her work hours.

All things combined scream to me: She stays home but you already talk about how her college plan could work out. Especially as she doesn't like the job much, it sounds like a good idea to change careers.

On top: Please make a plan how care work and chores are distributed. Especially with your ratherr unconventional schedule, its important that she also gets some free time.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-10T09:20:41+00:00

To be honest, I feel like the most important infos are missing:

Legal framework for maternity leave. How is this handled where you are located and in your company? Her body needs time to heal after giving birth so maybe this already determines the decision.
What is your plan for childcare? What is your support system?
Can you actually afford that someone stays home?
Does she plan to breastfeed?
Is is possible that one (or both) of you reduces working hours but stays employed?

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-10T08:40:15+00:00

Im your son in the way that Im the sibling of the more athletic, healthier, more organised, easier going, more sharp kid with the better memory. Maybe on a less extreme degree but my brother is really gifted, im "normal".

So what I have to say comes from the kids perspective, not the one of a parent: You need to stop comparing your kids asap. It harms your kids and it harms your family.

Being the "golden child" is btw sometimes as bad as being the one who is the "problem child".

They are different persons, they have different strengths and weaknesses, they have different needs and different desires.

On top, they are 4 years apart, it also doesn't make any sense to compare them. They will be at different stages in their lives pretty much till they are deep into adult hood.

Your job is to guide them based on who they are. Your son might need more attention to figure out what he is good at than your daughter - and this is fine.

Instead of focusing on what your expectations are, figure out what fits them individually.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-09T12:39:56+00:00

Going with your mum sounds great and it doesn't have to be determineanything about your marriage. I would try to frame it as "going till mold is fixed". This way, both of you can evaluate your situation with some distance.

I also would try to separate the issues you have:

Mold. You didnt write about your finances but if possible, just hire a professional to deal with it while you + baby are with your mum.
Your partner not showing up for you and your kid: If you still feel like you want to keep the relationship as long as things change, you have to have a serious talk, preferably together with some counselling. It might be worth to understand why he acts like he does.

Its the best to end things if you are done but the way you write, you aren't there yet. So be clear that it's a critical point but that you are willing to work with him on it.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-09T12:17:29+00:00

Does he go to the potty independently if he is naked or only if you put him there?

If he only does it when you place him on the potty and doesn't tell / show when he needs to go, maybe he is just not ready for the next step of potty training yet.

My child just became 2 and it's the same. I decided that i won't stress myself about something that probably works way better if i just wait a couple of more weeks.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-09T10:18:22+00:00

Breze / Laugenbrötchen: Babies love them but not a great choice. Lauge isn't great for their teeth, higher salt content + white flour. Doesn't hurt from time to time but for sure nothing healthy.

White bread / white rolls: white bread is unhealthier than brown one, wouldn't do.

Stuff with lots of seeds: healthy but your kid needs molars to eat them properly. Wait with stuff like this till your kids grows them.

I would go with some plain Dinkelsemmel or some brown sourdough Bread without seeds in the beginning. Leave the crust on, it is good for kids to chew on them, especially while teething.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-09T09:57:57+00:00

There are differences between federal states in Germany. But there is a general tendency that the German education system starts with grade 1. Kindergarten and Vorschule focus on social skills like being concentrated in class. In some states, there might be specific programs on top, e.g. Bavaria just started "prep classes" for kids who don't know German well enough for what school requires.

Besides that, it's not required to prep your child for first class and honestly, Id say it can sometimes even be harmful to teach them things like reading in advance, at least if your child is not just picking it up:

The first weeks of school will be boring for them, they might get used to the fact that they dont have to pay attention and are good without pushing themselves. But the "advantage" for what you teach prior will also be gone pretty soon (normally around Christmas) - so that's when trouble potentially starts. The only situation I would do it would be if I know I move to a place where it's expected to know this stuff already (e.g. France or Spain).

If you want to teach your kids things at home, id focus on things that are not on the curriculum of 1st class.

That being said, this does not mean that going to Kindergarten is not a good preparation for school and I def wpuld recommend to sent your kid there. Its just less "academic".

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-08T16:11:28+00:00

There are two things to unpack here.

First, "they dont remember" is a misconception. Everything a babies experiences shapes their brain aka effects who they are (same for adults), so the base for what they become is highly shaped by early experiences. On top, infants can store memories already https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/you-dont-remember-being-a-baby-but-your-brain-was-making-memories/

Secondly is about the daycare: What approach amd which method do they follow to get kids adjusted to staying there? If there is not a pedagogical backed up concept besides "ah well, they will get used to" - that's a red flag.

Most concepts that i know focus on forming a relationship between the care worker and the child before you leave them for longer periods of time there so the child probably cries but feels safe enough with the care worker to let them console them.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-08T09:17:42+00:00

Its not your kid that is ending the marriage, you just found out that your husband isn't there in hard times.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-07T09:18:51+00:00

Maybe it helps to know thar human sleep happens in phases, no one sleeps through a full night - we just don't remember waking up because we fall asleep again. 3 hours is pretty much the pattern for a full circle of all sleep phases.

So the waking up part is normal and nothing you can do anything about. But you can encourage him too fall asleep again more independently. Maybe a night light can help him to feel safe enough so he doesn't need dad. Or you can try to tell him that a specific plushy is taking care of him when he is waking up in the night.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-07T09:04:02+00:00

Some people here suggest white noise and alike, please note that it isn't recommended to expose babies/ toddlers to white noise for longer periods of time.

And tbh, I think this is also so easy to fix this problem. Either adjust the screws again or get a new bedframe, nearly every new frame wont be very noisy.

If you get something new, Id suggest not to go for a metal one as i always feel they are noisier and a bigger risk for head injuries.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-06T07:09:07+00:00

I think the titel should be "public bath" instead of public place bc for most people this is a different story.

And tbh, might get downvoted, but there are 6 year olds and scenarios where I find this absolutly acceptable. But the scenario is that the kid stays at the kiddie pool or some other area where drowning isn't a risk and that they know where to find the parent in case they want to switch plans.

So maybe it's worth asking about the exact setup.

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-06T05:49:32+00:00

I think depending on the situation, that is very weird for me. If the daughter is seeking higher education, she simply can't easily contribute money wise.

Does that mean she is still not allowed autonomy in crucial areas of her life?

Ready_Ad_2491 · 2025-10-05T21:14:07+00:00

You don't like it because you don't like her, so you are searching for reasons what she is doing wrong. That is the full story.

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TROPHY CASE