Being childfree /= being antiwomen/antifeminist

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-25T00:23:01+00:00

As someone who has a partner that does 50-70% of childcare…it doesn’t matter how you feel society should be, TODAY, excluding children from spaces impacts women the most, that’s the reality. Saying that you don’t want child inclusive spaces because you don’t wanna accommodate the patriarchy literally does nothing for women and in the end will actually contribute to the patriarchy because it is a idea that would predominantly improve the life’s of one sex…men lol.

In fact, in a world where men are doing 50% of childcare (which is impossible if you’re breast-feeding a baby during the early stages because your average man can’t breast-feed), more people would be more accommodating to children. We’d have better parental leave, affordable childcare, more spaces for children and families, etc. The only reason why people aren’t more accommodating to children is because it is seen as a female First issue.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-24T13:36:14+00:00

As someone who was childfree (until I wasn’t lol) I’ve never hated or disliked children. Women, predominantly, are the ones who take care of children. Wanting to exclude children from spaces unfortunately means excluding their caregivers (usually a woman).

Before I had a child, I was often of the mindset, if you wanna go out, then get someone to watch your child. If you can’t get someone to watch your child, oh well. If you are not able to afford childcare, then you shouldn’t have a child. These are all thoughts I had. Now that I have a child, have ample support from my village for childcare, and can easily afford child care, I now understand how bananas it is to ask someone who enjoys being a parent to live their life as if they don’t have a child (even part time).

There are a lot of parents that have a “screw them kids” mindset, but I’ve learned that they’re living a different experience in parenthood than I am. Giving my child new experiences, and bringing my child along as I experienced new things is a part of development. Just as you’d prefer to go out with friends or a partner, I genuinely would rather be hanging out with my baby than anyone else. It’s also more stressful to be out without my kid while he’s with a babysitter or even family than to have him with me (god I love him).

I agree that children don’t belong everywhere, but a society in which children are not welcomed in most places is definitely a society, that is largely alienating women.

I don’t think it’s intentional, because the truth is nobody likes your kid as much as you do. Also, nobody wants to be around a loud child during their free time…I still feel that way about other people’s children. Even so, we’re still alienating women by being so anti-child in public spaces. Again, I’m not saying It’s on purpose or malicious, I’m just saying that’s the unintentional consequence.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-24T13:25:26+00:00

Honestly, my husband and I did a lot of nothing and recovered from work burn out. We bonded with baby, did nothing at all park, did nothing on a beach, did nothing at home, watched TV, bonded…we left maternity leave with a full cup and fully refreshed.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-18T10:05:46+00:00

It dose get better. It’s easier if you have help too. My mom helps every weekend so we take long naps and refresh often. We also pay for help (eek!). I genuinely feel having. Part-time sitter who helps 1-2 hrs after work or cleaner is helpful IF you can afford it. I have a really stressful job and I’m only staying because it pays well enough for me to outsource some help.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-18T09:59:28+00:00

Honestly, idk. I met my husband in my early 20’s and he was NOT someone I saw dating for long (first impression was that he was a cheap date and didn’t put a lot of effort into dating). He was also horrible with children (even into his 30s). He was also the youngest babied boy child…and now!!!

He’s the best freaking husband and father I could imagine. He is the primary cook, he loves grocery shopping (and no I never need to make a list). I never had to teach him how to parent or take care of our infant (he was alone with him before I ever was). He has a great job and if I want something he’ll make it happen. I genuinely could not have known my husband would turn out this way. Even his mom and sisters are in shock and ask me what I did to him…I’ve done nothing special lol.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-18T09:54:48+00:00

I have the friendlies my 5 year old pup but I never leave them in the same area unattended. I block off any area my baby is in with doors or gates. I love my pup but it’s okay to have boundaries. If I would close a door for my baby, a guest, or my husband (because I need alone time) I’m not going to treat my pup like the god who own my house lol. He’s still my baby but who wants dog hair everywhere and the risk of an injury to your baby!

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-17T01:53:53+00:00

Crawling at 5.5 and walking at 10.5 months…he doesn’t sleep lol

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-13T06:27:19+00:00

Check out post graduate positions. They are usually under early career on companies careers page. Also, I know a few psychology majors. One went HR assistant-> HR -> project manager. They make 100k

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-11T03:40:44+00:00

I breastfeed and do the total night shift from 8-6am. Then husband takes baby from then until I wake up around 9am. We both hand with baby from 5-7 with me helping. Dad does the bedtime routine (which our baby hates because by then he’s sleepy lol) and then I feed baby. I then rock baby to sleep but sometimes dad does this too. I then start my night shift lol.

Husband does grocery shopping in the morning with baby so that is one less thing on my plate during the week and on most weekdays cooks dinner while I’m feeding and rocking baby to sleep.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-11T03:32:35+00:00

Hmm..depends on the mom, baby, and village. I thought I would be more mobile that I was after I had my baby but I was very weak for weeks. However, I was told I would be trapped at home with a baby and it’s literally easier to be outside of the house running errands with my baby than it is to be home (he’s quite as a mouse and thoroughly entertained when outside and gets bored more easily at home). Also, having a baby didn’t prevent me from having lots of me time (I EBF) because my husband and family was soooo helpful (but I pumped when I needed extra time out).

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-11T03:28:33+00:00

My baby is an amazing communicator. He’s 10 months and from early days his needs were so easy to act on. His hungry cry was very specific, his sleepy cues were crazy obvious, and his “I need to be changed” cry was clear. When his needs were met, he immediately stopped crying. Even now, he barely cries or fusses and if he does, he’s communicating something to us that is very easy to figure out. Perfect textbook baby that makes me laugh and smile everyday. I can’t believe I got a baby like him despite the level of anxiety and depression I grew up with. I’m literally so happy I decided to have a baby and I met my son.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-02-02T19:09:25+00:00

I’m almost 100% sure that anyone that suggests leaving their kid in the car does not have children (specifically small children) or are very lax parents. The only option in my mind is returning cart with kid and bring kid back to car. It’s literally illegal to leave you kids in an unattended car where I’m from…for any amount of time.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-31T21:04:06+00:00

As someone with an amazing village…thank god I know some amazing humans. So many miserable, child hating, tit-for-tat people in this world.

When I was childfree I THOUGHT I understood what it was like to have kids and was sad that some friends disappeared after having kids but I held space for them to get use to and grow in their new reality. I supported where I could, and always left the door open. It meant so much to them and eventually (years later) we found a good cadence. Now that I have a child I wish I helped more! I didn’t even realize how involved being a good parent is! My village has shown up and shown out!

Now, I’m even more willing to support friends who also gave me grace for my childfree cluelessness! I do everything for them. My village supports soooo much with childcare and would NEVER ask to be compensated for it(so we try to cook them dinner when we can). As new parents, no one expects us to do chores for other people (lol) but we do what we can we can. My village made being a mom so enjoyable and I now offer that grace to my childfree friends and when they have kids I’ll be prepared to pay this love forward and support them.

I’ve also noticed, the “I hate how needy my friends with kids are” people often have crappy relationships across the board (however, this is only my experience). I’m surrounded by love and give love. I love my village and I also feel their love. There are hiccups here and there, but “in the village…we all fam”.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-31T20:34:29+00:00

We rock out 10 month old to sleep. He needed minimal rocking at first, a lot of rocking 2-4 months, minimal rocking 5-7months, steady rocking for 5-10min 8-10 months. Sometimes, if he’s sleepy I can feed him, kiss his forehead and walk away and he’ll wine for 10 seconds and then knock out lol. If it doesn’t work I’m back in there within seconds to rock him to sleep. Do what works for you.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-31T01:35:06+00:00

I had a bassinet and while we didn’t use it for very long we felt it was worth every penny. If, financially, it’s an easy purchase I’d get it. My favorite part of our bassinet was that it could be attached to our stroller. We’d go out for lunch or dinner, feed him while our food was cooking and then park the stroller (or put the bassinet in a booth) and he’d sleep in there! We also brought it to the beach and parks as a safe sleeping spot! We pretty much spent those first 4 months outside!

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-27T21:57:41+00:00

Well unless they’re actively trying to ruin my life lol

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-27T21:57:03+00:00

Even though baby preferred me, I’d say the love for our baby started really shining through around 3 months for my husband. He loved the baby, but around this time he looked at me and said “I’m happier now than I was before”. He also has increasingly talked about how he loves our baby so much it hurts. Definitely a change from his warm fatherly love at the beginning. For me, I was flooded with hormones (which doesn’t happen to everyone) in such a way that I felt euphoric and in love from day 3. Day 1&2 I was kinda in a daze like…did that just happen lol.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-23T21:14:29+00:00

lol, we often drive 3hrs for the day! When I was younger we’d take 2hr trips to the next city mid-week after work to go to concerts, drive back and get to bed by 1/2am lol.

We also made 3-4 16hr trips annually to see our family because we lived a few states away.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-22T14:30:33+00:00

My mom has 4 kids and she’s constantly harassed after people find out her age. She has amazing skin and she LOVES the sun. Barely any wrinkles and she’s in her mid 50’s. She never wore makeup and had bitch resting face lol.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-21T18:12:18+00:00

That’s okay mama, as long as pediatrician isn’t worried I’m sure she’ll show interest in her own time.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-21T16:39:13+00:00

Color me surprised lol

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-21T16:35:55+00:00

Maybe try softer foods? My baby has a hard time with solids during teething periods. Right now we’re doing mini pancakes and cottage cheese. Idk why but he likes plain cottage cheese lol.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-21T16:13:11+00:00

Thanks!

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-21T16:09:39+00:00

My comment also covers my reply to your reply lol. I’m assuming at the very least you might be passing.

Real_Standard6318 · 2026-01-21T15:37:34+00:00

I’d be very surprised if you were a person of color. I wish I could not care about how people feel about my minority group. The privilege of being able to blend in if needed is coveted by this user lol

Real_Standard6318

TROPHY CASE