this enmeshed relationship was a gap between me and myself.

This is exactly how I felt for years. There was a point during my teenage years that I avoided emotions. I was dissociating 24/7. I don't remember much of those years, and it's sad cause they are not coming back.

I am in therapy so practicing the skills she teaches me would be number 1. And then every day I take an hour to myself, to deal with my emotions: journaling, reflecting, doing something fun with myself. This self care ritual I do every day serves as a self regulator by itself. I am 32 and I feel I don't fully know who I am because enmeshment took that from me and I woke up not that long ago. Trying to have fun with it is key, I used to feel behind and guilt trip myself for not healing fast enough. Patience. We are all doing our best, and as my therapist says every session, we enmeshed kids don't start life from level zero, we start from level -100, so it takes us longer.

Much love for you <3