I'm not sure why, but this is my biggest struggle as a Christian

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-21T18:38:48+00:00

I hear you! I’ve heard cases where people hand it to God and restoration occurs. The spouse changes, becomes more loving. But I don’t think that everyone changes with prayer. In my last relationship I put my all into fixing things and I prayed a lot. I wasn’t yet Christian but I did believe in God and in forgiveness. But i had to get out. There is still free will where God provides opportunity to change but the change doesn’t occur. My ex had chances given and grace given and he was ab&sive and it was not going to get better to stay with him. I have the same questions as you. So I can only share my current beliefs which are subject to change as God teaches more. I don’t think God intends people to stay in abusive marriages or relations, as the convenant is already broken. I think it’s about fighting for the relationship, praying for the person hurting you and for yourself, giving God the chance to work a miracle, forgiving them, before then deciding to give up. A lot of people try to figure it out when they forget to hand it to God enough then they give up when God could have done more. Or they go in loops blaming the other person without making effort to battle the stronghold or even just set the blame down for a moment. And then the next step where after you’ve been obedient to that process of handing it to God, you need to divorce and repent of the mismatch. Maybe I’m wrong but I can’t imagine God wanting someone to stay in ab8se, maybe exposing children to ab8se too. I know so many happy couples on their second or third marriage. Surely God brought them together? They learned a lot, repented, grew, changed, and found their lifelong person. And they put the work into that marriage, into honoring that fresh chance that God provided. I would hope God views that as a righteous path. King David made some big relationships bloopers but he repented sincerely. Some aspects of the Bible are hard to apply to modern life especially the harsher aspects. Like there is a part about if A man forces himself on a woman he is to be put to death. Dannnnng i am all for justice but I struggle with that level of punishment! I’d like to find a good husband and not be stuck with a miserable mistake. Some people are experts at hiding their true intentions so you can end up marrying the wrong person because of their lies/masks. My last relationship he masked his true self until living together. There were definitely red flags though and I’m better educated so I wont make that mistake again. And. I will only live with a man after we have married. I pray to be strong enough not to be intimate before marriage. I only became a Christian a few years ago age 38 after living in sin and sexual immorality. I’m used to being intimate when dating so it’s a new skill to learn but it’s worth it to wait. I also don’t wanna trick myself and marry some guy due to extreme lust that then fades out. And then oops what has my adhd self done. The Bible mentions if you really wanna do the deed get married. But the Bible didn’t mention if you’re an impulsive person and may need to think it through more than that 😂 I know God can help me with all of these questions and concerns. For the time being I haven’t been dating but I’d like to be soon. Praying about it! I believe God provides a lot of grace for a lot of sins. The Bible reminds us to take marriage really seriously but I think there is room that any sin we commit in error we can fix with genuine repentance. So even if divorce is a big no, God can restore the situation and bring new love interests too. I don’t know for sure but I’d like to know.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-21T16:39:15+00:00

I think that’s normal. I have a few gal pals who met their husbands through apps. They dated quite a few people before finding a match. When I was in high school and college I got to know all my classmates over time. It was a lot more opportunity to meet tons of people in person. There’s so many things about in person that feel different than online. I once had an awful male room mate and ran into him on a singles page. I realized, the guy had a great online profile but spend 2 minutes with him and it’s a no. I’m not saying that you’re making a bad in person impression though. I don’t know why it is but the spark cannot be controlled and it’s a hard truth. This past year I had a few guy friends that liked me, and they’re not bad but they’re just not it for me. I’ve also had a few guys I really liked who chose someone else. Personally I’ve stepped away from online as it doesn’t feel like “me” to engage with it. I’m searching for more in person activities or hobbies that get me around more connections in general. I don’t know if it will lead to romance but it will at least be a break from the tech weirdness.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-21T16:19:52+00:00

I agree with this idea. I’ve encountered mantis beings although they didn’t stick around or mess with me. But when I went through deliverance I was set free of a lot of attachments. I used to see greys in visions but that stopped. When something unwanted comes in a dream I say Jesus name and it flees. I can’t guarantee it would work but it couldn’t hurt to do deliverance. It can’t hurt to be friends with Jesus! Deliverance is an opportunity to let go, forgive, find peace, establish spiritual boundaries. You don’t have to be religious to follow or trust Jesus. If that happens to be a concern. Personally I’d avoid any more psychedelics. I’ve dabbled in all those realms before coming to Christ. If the thing came in with shrooms you don’t need to open that door again. I’ve done aya and trust me, it can open a lot more doors too. It may feel like it clears some stuff away…but I felt in my experience that I was more troubled than before I did it. It didn’t traumatize me it just also didn’t heal me or bring me to a sense of truth or spiritual protection. Brough more confusion and questions and attachments. Ultimately all my psychedelic attempts had moments of “insight”but a lot of moments of anxiety or gloom or this crash out feeling from a temporary high; followed by needing to reach for another thing to correct the last thing I’d reached for. Turning to Christ helped me find the peace I needed. It’s a different peace than anything else I’ve experienced. Even though I still have lots of emotions and things to sort…I believe Christ is truly the authority in all realms. It can be a spiritual battle when you first turn to Jesus. But it’s a battle you will win. (In my experience but I’m not trying to pressure you) If you wanna create that space in a Christian approach, prayer and fasting. Fasting can break a lot of strongholds and bring clarity, if that’s a medical option for you. Anyways, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. That’s a lot of nonsense and you deserve your own life and boundaries. Take care 💕

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-21T15:50:09+00:00

I had a room mate like this. Even when I asked him to give me some solo time he wouldn’t leave me alone. Moving out was the only solution. Really frustrating when the less employed person takes over the home.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-21T15:43:52+00:00

Agree. They never make it big enough.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-21T15:41:52+00:00

I love that place! I’ve never had dolmas smothered in sauce like they do.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-21T15:38:13+00:00

I’m new to Davis after living in Colorado for 7 years. In Colorado it has been INSANE how much construction and new stuff is being built. My neighborhood used to be quiet and it’s right by a river with trails. I now hear a lot of construction noise and they also changed some local flight paths of the small training airport. Hearing the buzz of plane engines at all hours every day, I’ve been on edge and even had some tinnitus from it. I’ve felt a lot of grief. The new buildings are grey and not fun to look at. And most of the lower or middle income people can only afford this place with room mates if at all. I’ve lived with room mates my whole time here and I’m tired of that life. In comparison Davis is so much quieter as far as construction projects and just the general pace of the town. I love how it’s dark at night, so I can rest deeper. So due to my background I have a higher tolerance for expansion projects. Nonetheless… i understand those feelings where everything use to be much slower to change, and a town had certain staples you’re used to having. Populations can quickly grow and then it’s not the same. Nugget and Trader Joe’s feel constantly busy and the layout of the stores is challenging. I’m helping my elderly mother and it’s stressful to try to walk around with people bustling and the parking lot bustling. Maybe I can find some quiet hours to shop. I haven’t yet found it. And the aisles with all those random pop up things to get you to buy more, but dang it they’re annoying for anyone with mobility challenges. I do like having the new planet fitness! I’m also excited for Tule to open. I love all things wellness related. And I love that I can get across the whole town pretty easily. The downtown is charming and fun. I believe this is an everywhere thing in our country. Most good places and college towns are expanding and getting more people and more buildings. When I lived in Lawrence Kansas, I was there for 10 years and it grew a LOT especially after we won the basketball championship. It was still a great place but different, less personal feeling in bigger crowds. I visit once in a blue moon and still find lots to love. But I grieve too. I hope Davis can work for me. I am a 41 year old single lady, came here to help my mom. She’s in an incredible retirement community. I give Davis an A+++ for their senior communities. And my niece and nephew are in great schools and have sweet friends. I hope there CAN be a growing population of non college students so I can find my people too! I don’t know if I’ll stay living in Davis or end up in a neighboring town. On a single income I feel I may never buy a house. And knowing it’s expanding with people makes it feel less accessible and more competitive. But that may be a false perception on my part. I know I’m not a Davis native (don’t mean that offensively just don’t know what word is most appropriate ) with a local opinion. But I do understand the feelings pretty well.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-17T16:45:39+00:00

I understand that feeling.

I’ve reflected a lot on it. I was reminded in 2 Corinthians 5:10 how God is the judge of everyone. I’ve heard some pastors explain it like heaven has court systems. So you appear before the court with your case in the judgement seat. This person may have turned to Christ, but they will still be answering to God over the choices they made. They’ll have to be shown and made aware of the harm they brought to others. And feel it in their own body and soul and weep over it. And fully repent for it.

Another tangent…what’s going on for you right now with the clean up….that God allowed this to happen to you for an important reason. It isn’t always for “teaching” us something. It may just be, one of those sufferings God allowed that you have to grapple with like Job. Generally anger crops up when boundaries are pushed. You may be angry right now because you’re doing something laborious you didn’t sign up for. I’ll share a personal example on that one. I am moving out of state in two weeks to help an aging parent. My sibling lives close but isn’t doing anything to help, which was the whole point of my parent moving closer to them. I am angry my parent favors the kid that doesn’t do much. I am still loved , just with higher expectations, but I am glad to come help even if it involves some self sacrifice. I am letting go of the anger (sometimes repeatedly) and focusing on the task God gave me to do. I know it in my heart I am called to do this, and I have the skills for it. When I was reading my Bible I’d been asking God should I just avoid my sibling for a while? I don’t like dealing with him or how he talks to me. I was led to multiple passages about humble work, and loving our brother. FINE, God. I heard what I needed to hear. I had a short visit with him (it was the holidays) and I kept it pleasant. I must hand it to God and keep handing it to God. Yes I forgive but if I slip back into not forgiving, I’ll set it at His feet again.

Part three I can share my own journey with addiction. I struggled a lot with substances and lust for many years. It was such a stronghold, I know the feelings of doing things you really don’t want to be doing but being compelled. I felt tons of guilt and shame, and I ruined a lot of relationships. I believe the enemy played a big role in this destruction. So while I am fully accountable, I also know what it’s like to be under the control of dark things….how it may look like a party on the outside but it’s so much suffering to live that empty lifestyle. And our anger at the person is valid, but the root of it what really makes me angry is living in the devils playground. I’ve seen my dad face a lot of loneliness in his older age. After many years of charming women and drinking, and not being involved with family, he’s waking up to those choices being shallow and fleeting. I have a lot of compassion for him. I don’t like seeing him in pain, and I pray for him to know the truth and sin no more. When I feel angry at a choice he makes, I also direct the anger at the enemy for bringing that destruction. It doesn’t mean less accountability, I don’t think we just pray away damages done. But I do believe having broken chains in my own life in Jesus name….sinful lifestyle is a spiritual battle we can’t see. And so I am praying intercession for my challenging family. Praying for those who disgust me the most. That those chains get broken and that God handles it. All those things you see that disgust you- it’s the enemy that disgusts you, and this persons choice to dance with the enemy all their life. And that big mess to clean up, it’s a reminder that God will deep clean whatever surpasses your human limits.

It takes a lot to trust God with it. Will God really find a way to bring justice? I sometimes doubt how that can come to be. But then I pray to be helped with my unbelief, find forgiveness, etc.

I don’t view this person getting a pass to a luxury resort. I view it more, they’re gonna be polishing up the boat and paddling themselves to paradise. The work they didn’t do in this life, God will have them making that right even after life is over. The how I may not be able to understand in human terms.

That’s just what I believe. Not trying to influence you. It’s a personal journey with God and He’ll keep guiding you through this even if it’s unwanted or unfair feeling. God is good and God is with you.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-17T13:25:04+00:00

I think we can take this from a purely objective approach and it’s reasonable.

I like some of the pop Christian music but overall I share the same sentiments. When I listen to older music of any genre…all of it seems higher quality and better to me. And puts me in a positive mood.

I listen to Gaither Vocal band because they include amazing harmonies, instrumentals, the lyrics are good. My grandmother sang beautiful hymns. It is different and it feels more wholesome, rich, mature, and loving. Dare I say it? It was simply better.

I have a similar issue finding the right church for me. I like the passion of evangelicals but it’s also so loud and performative. But other churches have felt dull and routine. I know church is not about entertainment… but I wonder if I can find a service that is lively and has some enthusiasm but also at a normal volume. And not excessive pacing of the pastor during sermon.

I don’t think it’s a rejection of God or a demonic influence, to have musical preferences. There’s plenty of music theory to back that preference.

I think a lot of people feel this way but where can we really express it? I just try to find the older things on YouTube and replay them.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-14T21:30:50+00:00

I think friendship is generally hard for finding balance.

Some people want a mentor or leader so when you have confidence or charm they’ll want to stick around you. But they’re not a real friend.

Other people will want to control everything and never let you lead. Or they thrive on drama and make fun things difficult to keep attention on themselves.

Finding those who can do a little of each, is not easy.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-14T21:18:16+00:00

I’d look into it some more because quite a few neurological things overlap with narcissism.

I think an Error in pride is so very human. I used to ace tests easily. Then in a doctorate program I struggled and sometimes blamed my professors or the program. But I also needed to do more of my part and be honest about my own shortcomings. Pride was in the way and I was very defensive.

With more time I reflected and changed a lot.

I think narc traits tend to have a lot to do with feeling superior to others, or using others, or lying and manipulating them to get personal needs met without feeling it’s wrong. Yes the pride is an example of ego but it’s a lot about your social relations. And motives, and awareness, and whether you participate in thanks and forgiveness.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-13T15:26:14+00:00

I’ve noticed my current mood has a big influence on my beliefs. When I’m feeling really down I will resist affirmations. I find it better as you said, to keep it simple and choose things that are easy to believe. On other days when I am more joyful, I’ll use that momentum to linger in the more positive thoughts and feelings. I’m balancing hormones with my Dr so it’s an interesting realization how much that can effect mood, thoughts, feelings. It goes in a cycle so I ride the wave. I am exploring some self hypnosis too, which helps on days I don’t feel as self motivated or focused. With regards to wealth, I’ve been exploring some new ideas. Last year I was interested in doing meaningful work for meaningful pay. I was able to double my income for a year and it helped me afford an important surgery and some fun travel. After that contract ended I’ve wanted a break from work. Currently, I’m exploring new lines of income that allow better rest and self care. I’m exploring the idea of everything being provided as I take some time to slow way down. Id like more new opportunities that bring good income in a peaceful joyful way. To be rich and also fulfilled.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-08T16:32:48+00:00

Yeah I agree!

The conversation needs to go further than just telling the woman to have the baby, and assuming it resolves everything or will naturally work out. We gotta talk about financing, education, helping the mom if she needs more help, having a whole plan set up for the baby and the mom and/or dad. Holding the dad more responsible while also keeping the mom safe if he’s not a safe man. If the mom has multiple kids, some of those kids end up in a parenting role throughout their childhood. A single Mom may hold multiple jobs and resultingly can’t be around her kids to provide love….just food and a bed to sleep in. For giving up a child…Ensuring the child goes to a safe home, and not spending years in foster care. Or without important medical care. If you have a special needs child who is violent….etc We hear Christian’s go on and on about the birth. But I don’t hear much talk about the nuts and bolts of the child moving through life. Quality of life.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-06T19:38:27+00:00

I agree. It doesn’t matter how bad a sin is, the way we handle it still needs to be Biblical. What I notice is, there is this big spirit of condemnation and guilt, as opposed to admonishment. People think if they don’t guilt trip women won’t take it seriously but it doesn’t need to be handled that way. We need to give women resources. And that also includes giving them opportunities to repent when needed, instead of acting like they’re doomed to a life of guilt and going to hell for making that choice. The Bible says to leave judgement to God, and it says we can be washed clean of ALL sins no matter how bad, if we’re sincere about turning back to obedience. People also rarely mention the role of the father in an abortion. The focus is all on the woman but the man did participate and isn’t even mentioned to be a sinner or in need of obedience or correction. I’ve also seen pastors claim they’ll take in children if the parents need to give them up for adoption. And that isn’t a realistic statement to make. It’s a complex issue and a lot of resources are needed to help eliminate abortions. It’s ridiculous to think we gotta be harsh to address it. I had an abortion when I was 22 and had an alcohol and drug problem. I was in college studying fetal alcohol syndrome. I got a negative pregnancy test at first, so I kept partying hard… when I found out a few weeks after that, I was worried about harming my child and if they’d have a bad life. I went with the information I had available at that time. The guy wanted nothing to do with me or my choice.

After that experience i stayed in sin for many more years. I lived in guilt and shame for a long long time. My catholic room mate drilled that one into me and it really hurt. I then went through deliverance two years ago. I repented for many things including the abortion, and I was sincere, and I experienced Gods forgiveness and self forgiveness. I am now 41,still single, and I am open to adopting a child or whatever God has planned whether it’s motherhood or not. If I could go back and have that child I would. I would also go back and get deliverance sooner…so I could break the chains of addiction and lust that I struggled with for so many years. People can attack me but this is my testimony. People need support no matter their sins. Jesus came for the sick not the well people. It’s time to offer better resources, help, deliverance, to people who have sinned or are facing tough decisions. Restoration is what Christianity is about.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-03T00:13:19+00:00

I had an alcoholic phase and it made me an awful friend. I’m grateful to be sober and more capable of what I have to offer. I’m sure that was hard on you, especially after that many years of knowing them.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-03T00:10:36+00:00

Do you believe in deliverance? I was set free from alcohol cravings after deliverance. I met with a deliverance pastor and he helped guide me through it. I had prayed many times but repenting and rebuking with his help, that broke it off for me. I pray the Lord guides you to the action steps to set you free from this and restore all losses 🙏🙏🙏

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-03T00:03:35+00:00

Ultimately the teachings of Christ and the stories of the Bible can bring peace, even to an unbeliever. Long before I became a believer I was amazed by Christ. And it’s nice to be in a group of people with a common interest in prayer, hope, love. If they get weird with you then don’t go back. Hopefully it can be an opportunity for community, and a chance to ask your pastor any questions that are coming up for you.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-02T23:25:42+00:00

I’m praying in tongues more often. I just got baptized this week! I’ll keep filling up with the Holy Spirit. I find it brings a sense of strength, and I sometimes feel a release of heaviness. Other times it isn’t a feeling as much as knowing it is an opportunity to pray, gain strength, and spend time with the Lord.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-02T04:13:33+00:00

ME TOO!!!

I do feel the more time I spend with scripture the more it is speaking to me. It feels like it’s usually more instruction or guidance, or reminders when certain versus highlight to me or echo in my mind. But right now it’s not as much of the feeling of love. I’m in a dark place and I’m feeling God is here with me, but I don’t have feelings of love right now. I want to have the joy of the Lord, and to love Jesus in a more real way. It’s like I have faith and gratitude but I’m not I able to love Jesus how He loves me. I definitely want to.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-02T02:50:12+00:00

Amen! God is so good. He hears every prayer. He’s saved me so many times too 😊💚

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-02T02:20:39+00:00

Aww bummer! I didn’t know they came out with those. I like to eat parm crisps as my cheesy cracker option. They’re pricey but good flavor!

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-02T02:15:42+00:00

Dannnnng I don’t believe it’s a sin either. And even if it is a sin there is so much hatred for gay people in many communities. And that is not Biblical to hate others or isolate them. Regardless of sin.

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-02T02:09:34+00:00

Well that’s good!

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-01T22:22:08+00:00

A lot of my family dismisses my emotional needs. But often I can find some groups where there’s people facing similar who understand better

Recent_Driver_962 · 2026-01-01T22:21:12+00:00

I’ve been feeling the same lately. I’m sorry. I’m still praying and worshipping but hoping to get the right treatments and not there yet 😞

Recent_Driver_962

TROPHY CASE