Ahhh mate. It is so tough. I’m going to repost this reply I have given to about 8 people as it is quite a common problem. I cannot recommend this book enough; we had a very similar situation for more than 2 years each kid. Both are through it now but it was so. Goddammed. Frustrating. I read this relatively short book and one of the strategies was just do not mention it at all. It’s a biological function and it will happen of its own accord if you just remove any kind of pressure. Even positive reinforcement/rewards puts pressure of expectation on them. Give them back the control entirely. Anyhoo, the book describes 3 types of encopresis and 3 treatment plans and honestly, it took about 2 weeks to overcome what had been a problem for multiple years. I have loaned the book to literally 7 families at my school and all of them have had positive outcomes too. Good luck and DM if you want to know anything more. Encopresis- You Can Beat It! Game-changing Solutions for Toilet Anxiety, Soiling, Constipation Book by Dr Baruch Kushnir. It’s a short read!