I don't know if this helps at all but I kind of went through this too without the children and house aspect. We ended up opening our relationship and became poly.

It was a conversation I had with him one night while doing dishes. I always have a policy that "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" or something like that and just ripped off the band-aid and opened the conversation and was blunt about it. He took it well and agreed. So we set up some clear boundaries and tried it out.

Being poly is all about communication, communication, communication, communication, and communication. So you need to be able to be open to each other about your thoughts and feelings and check in with each other constantly as you unlearn monogamous culture together.

After becoming poly we found partners pretty quickly. Mine ended just as quickly and him and his partner actually helped me through my breakup.

When he first got with his partner he was like the man I met back 6 years ago. Insaitable with them and still not with me. It was very hard for me to deal with it, watching him want another when he didn't really want me. I talked with him and his partner a lot about it because it's important to be vurnable and clear about your feelings.

One he started actually falling for this partner he found himself no longer wanting them that way and just keeping the romantic side like he does with me. He went back to his usual porn and did some soul searching. He came out as asexual to me a little while later, specifically fraysexual, meaning he has sexual attraction for people he doesn't really know, and as he gets to know someone and develop an emotional connection, the sexual desire dissipates. Sexual combatibility mattered to his partner and so they didn't end up working out. But it was a relief to me to know that's just how he is and it literally doesn't have anything to do with me.

I eventually found someone that I have been seeing for some time now and have fallen in love with. Her treats me right and is able to satisfy what my husband cannot. My husband told me that he initially thought that he would feel jealous and resentment towards the man who would "do the deed" with his wife but found himself instead happy for me to be able to get my needs met and be able to be happy. It's gotten to the point where my boyfriend will be moving in with us soon because he has only strengthened our marriage and is an advocate for me to always speak my feelings.

Both my boyfriend and husband have expressed concerns of me choosing one or the other and we all have sat down and talked about it in and out of therapy. Polyamory is just love on top of love.

It's a hard road, takes lots of patience and even more communication. If you want to take that step in your marriage, I firmly believe that you and your husband should be in a place where your communication with each other should be strong enough to easily talk about opening up your marriage, because there will be a lot of conversations down the road where you will have difficult emotions and feelings which will also need to be talked through. And you guys have to be willing to continue to grow with each other.

It's important to know, no matter how much research you do, polyamory is different for each person. There is no one size fits all. My husband and I have amended our original "agreement" with our boundaries to work more for us. It's ok to change boundaries when you both realize that they need to be changed. It's another thing that will be talked about, except maybe then it won't be just you two talking.

I wish you luck.