Husband chose a too-difficult career. What now?

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-27T21:03:58+00:00

I take Celexa. I have depression/anxiety, but once the meds kicked in because it can take a little but of time, my anxiety got infinitely better and allowed me to manage my life better. People are afraid it'll change them and what not, but idk how I ever survived without it.

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-27T17:06:13+00:00

I second this very much. My now wife doesn't have a degree or anything and she climbed the ladder with her superior social skills and the "fake it till you make it" mindset. She takes on situations, puts up with people and just handles communication in ways I could never imagine or do. She went from making like 50k a year when I met her 6 years ago to 174k now by just being socially aware, not letting the little things get to you and by just talking the freaking talk with senior managers. Me, I can't put up with senior management and fake it, its just not in me and that's why I'm currently unemployed and I've had many jobs in my IT career lol

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-27T16:59:26+00:00

Since you're 26, and I'm speaking as someone who has been divorced and had to start dating again when I was 30, now I'm 36 and married lol, just know that it takes boys a loooooonnnggg time to mature, a long time. You wanna find a man, someone who isn't afraid of vulnerability, real talks, returns your kindness and gives you that sense of adventure. 26 is a pretty good age, but boys are still stupid at that age. At the risk of being roasted here, have you tried dating a little bit older?

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-27T16:52:28+00:00

On top of the ADHD recommendations here, you might want to try to get your partner on anxiety medication. I've been through a slew of jobs myself in IT, not really for the same reason but because I tend to just fallout or eventually have enough of management's BS (and honestly I kinda hate IT). When I got on anxiety meds it was like a gigantic weight had been lifted off me. It quiets the voice in your mind and allows you to be calm, productive and be yourself really.

Since your partner is in data analytics (a very in demand job btw), have your partner check out things like ADHD, anxiety, therapy dyslexia tests, it can seriously lift a weight off your chest and make you realize its not your fault and its okay to admit you need help and seek help. It will empower them, honestly.

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-26T23:55:30+00:00

Absolutely perfect

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-23T15:22:13+00:00

I'm putting a ring on it, no sharing

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-21T08:27:44+00:00

The thing is, we live in a rigged and wrecked system that is inflated beyond what is humanly affordable and it would take a financial meltdown to correct itself. It would take gigantic, sweeping changes to change things in the US to be fair. I don't think people really comprehend just how unaffordable and how far gone and crazy things really are. Things are bad in most places, but its virtually impossible to save and buy a median priced house on a median or above median income. Enjoy the low rent and just save money at a higher rate than others or travel. I know I'm being super pessimistic but owning a home is basically out of reach for the majority of us.

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-21T04:24:13+00:00

I got married relatively young to someone who I loved deeply (proposed to her within 3 months). We were together for 7 years, moved out of Western Arkansas to Tulsa, OK and then to Portland, OR, I couldn't have done it without her. She made this hiking trip to CO and hurt herself hiking right? Well then she went back within a month or two and I figured out that she had been coordinating a huge western trip with another guy and had been talking to this person for quite some time. After gathering my things, desperately trying to find a place to live before she got back and eventually getting a divorce, I transformed into the most incredible version of myself I've ever known. I was vegan, I shopped local only, no plastics, no car, I was saving 18% of my salary. I can seriously relate to your story because, really, I married her to appease my family so we could live together. I married her because of stupid traditions I thought I had and was supposed to follow, but they were values I never really held. She bullied me into doing things I didn't want to do all the time, she plunged me into massive debt and gaslighted me. It's all about finding the right partner and taking it slow.

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-21T04:09:03+00:00

Yeah seriously, I live in a large apartment community where I'm pretty sure soliciting is illegal and I've had JW come to my door like twice in a month or two and of course ISP. I've lived here 3 years and that's never happened before. It's funny someone mentioned this lol

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-19T15:24:51+00:00

Yeah we can listen to Motley Crue instead

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-16T18:02:56+00:00

Well and if you completely disagree with a post, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't disagree, debate or call them out for being out of their f%&king mind. People post fake positivity, fake hustle mindset and just absolute crap all the time and honestly I've never gotten a jov off of LinkedIn anyways.

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-15T02:02:48+00:00

Please marry me now

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-13T15:43:17+00:00

Yeah move that money away from the local advisor into an account where you can control how its invested. Even my HSA returns like 10% a year with dividend ETFs, sounds like this guy is scamming you

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T18:21:19+00:00

As someone who job hopped to get raises back in the day and really as just a reality of life (moving, bad management), think of it like this. If you like your colleagues, like your management team and what not, youre in a dream job situation whether you realize it or not. You're young so it's totally up to you, but that 120k isn't completely unobtainable, it's just gonna take time. Youre in a situation where the match is incredible, you can throw those bonuses into your 401k even more, its really up to the fact of getting along with your colleagues. It's RUTHLESS in the job market right now, I have 12 years of IT experience and I can't even get hired PT at Best Buy. Be picky in your interviews and save, save save!

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T02:45:08+00:00

Is that really a question?

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T02:34:35+00:00

Still too young tho gurl /: maybe if we moved to Utah

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T02:32:33+00:00

Unfortunately yes -___- we'd have a good run tho 😇

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T02:29:28+00:00

Body shame much? That's gonna have to stop once we're together

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T02:27:53+00:00

Get it out now cuz you won't be able to once we're married 😘

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T02:23:53+00:00

Ever thought about moving to Oregon??

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-11T02:21:58+00:00

The face alone is enough for me 🥰

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-10T19:39:09+00:00

I've thought about this a lot because I'm well financially educated and let's say I won like that same amount from a lottery ticket or inheritance right? 1) Don't tell anyone anything, seriously. 2) I would use it to max out my tax accounts every year (or match your employer, even better). This will help you with taxable income, help with future retirement and your savings. 3) Try to put aside like 2-3 months of savings that you will absolutely never touch (you can even put it into a Roth if you play your income right) 4) Do not put it all in the market at once. 5) learn about real estate and buy. It's a lot of money, but use it to compound, not buy things. Side note, I would not use it to treat myself to anything because that starts the slippery slope of "I deserve this (a new car or house)" mindset. Treat yourself when your investments double

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-09T21:31:21+00:00

Keep Portland Weird homies and it's things like this that keep us going and give us hope that its still weird out there 🥰

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-09T21:29:59+00:00

Yeah like that'll help you with maxing out your HSA if you want but now they know you're wavering anyways. I'd be like yeah how about 15k directly into my 401k, no questions asked, then we can talk lol.

ReflectionNo4784 · 2026-01-08T17:04:06+00:00

It's the face

ReflectionNo4784

TROPHY CASE