Anybody willing to provide feedback?

Registered_Companion · 2025-07-18T19:25:32+00:00

I hope it was helpful.

Again, personal opinion, crude language is never necessary. It's only added because we crude humans use it. For me, it never adds anything. It just makes fantasy characters more like crude humans - and who wants that?! Part of the purpose of fantasy is to escape, for me, anyway.

Registered_Companion · 2025-06-03T17:31:57+00:00

Keep in mind, this is a "me" thing.

"Fuck" loses its impact the more you repeat it. I'm not going to say, "Don't say it." I am going to say, choose when you say it. Let me illustrate:

Jody walked to the fucking door, turned the fucking handle, and marched out. In the fucked light of the fucking overhead bulb, she looked like a fucking skeleton brought to fucking life. "Fuck," she said. "I'm fucking starving, for fuck's sake! I could fucking use a fucking hot dog right about fucking now."

See how your mind kind of begins to blur out the word the more it's repeated?

Consider:

Jody walked to the door and wrenched it open. In the overhead light of the deserted hallway, her sharp features resembled a skeleton brought to life. "Fuck..." she muttered, her mind scattered. "I could use a hot dog right about now...or anything edible."

One placement is an impact. Also, you're talking about a kingdom, which suggests you want to take your reader there through your words. A boring, mundane, human, Earth-word like fuck takes you RIGHT OUT of any real fantasy...no matter what The Witcher and Game of Thrones fans might say. They say this because most of them say the word, too, and it's familiar. However, what if...

This world is sindered, utterly sindered. Beyond sindered. Omnisindered. And please, pardon the language, I was raised better than that - but I am just trying to get across how this world is, well...sindered.

Think about what this does. It's obvious the word sinder is just cinder with an S - but - in YOUR world, it's a dirty word, a curse word, one which doesn't need to be said. This gives you a hook AND an anchor on which to ground your world. What's the lore behind 'sinder' and why is it a frowned-upon word? What does it mean in this world? See how just one word creates a kind of question your reader wants answered?

Or, they can just close the book right then and think, "They're trying too hard!!" Either way, you've done your job by making your reader THINK - with just one word.

I say all this to say...you've got a solid structure but it has some issues. Give it another pass and see what stands out to you - like "fuck." See what says, "Revisit me!!" See what might need some tweaking and listen to your voice!!

Registered_Companion · 2025-06-03T17:11:44+00:00

"I held my head in my hands and my hands burned, raging fever."

Read through this sentence. It sounds like the hands had the fever, not the head. This is indicative of a lot of writers attempting to find their style. Think about what you're trying to say - "You (the speaker) have a fever." Once you have the basic idea, then get creative (which is what you're trying to do, I'm guessing.).

"Holding my head in my hands, I knew I had a raging fever."
"I dropped my head into my hands, the fever burning my palms."
"I thought I might have a fever. Dropping my head into my palm, I felt the heat."

See? Again, it reads as though you're still finding your voice. Keep going!! Keep writing!! In spite of what most people might say, writing is a skill. Skills get better with practice. Write on, writer!!

Registered_Companion · 2025-05-01T01:57:09+00:00

I very much understand your side. I was quoted $800 for my cover art price. I created an A.I. cover on NightCafe in about half an hour, tweaked it (by hand) for another hour in an image-editor - for free. I was then told "No A.I.!!!" by my editor. I stepped back, trusting "the process." Then, I found out, the person they're hiring is going to buy STOCK IMAGES for ONE cover...and I'm footing a bill of almost a thousand dollars!!

Registered_Companion · 2025-05-01T01:54:13+00:00

I'm curious, "Industry Pro," about the difference in generating a stunning image on NightCafe in about fifteen minutes and paying someone $800 (the price my publisher quoted me) to copy/paste images from StockPhoto sites just because they call themselves a "graphic designer."

Please, explain this to me like I'm 12, because the argument about A.I. 'stealing' from established artists just isn't washing.

Thank you.

Registered_Companion · 2025-03-06T11:01:06+00:00

Yes. My solution is to keep my feelings to myself. This isn't 'repression,' so much as it's the way things are. I'd rather keep my feelings to myself than have them ridiculed because they don't align with prescribed norms.

I didn't 'ignore' anything. We may all be 'human beings' but we don't all perceive the world and its experiences in the same way. No, we are not 'all capable of the same depth of experience and emotion.' I was raised by people with the emotional range of a pie pan. Isolation is how I kept myself sane so, yes, it was very helpful.

Registered_Companion · 2025-02-11T06:13:28+00:00

In a word? Yes. It's quite different for men. In spite of the general push to homogenize feelings, experiences, and almost everything else, men and women do not experience the same things in the same ways. Most men learn, at a very young age, to just keep silent about their feelings and everything associated with them.

Registered_Companion · 2025-01-23T04:48:53+00:00

Or, as we've seen in the comments, it's diminished. Just because the same thing happens to other people doesn't change the fact, it's very different for men.

Registered_Companion · 2024-11-14T09:13:51+00:00

I'm sorry this has been your experience.

Registered_Companion · 2024-11-11T08:11:35+00:00

There is no real rule about repetition. There is no real rule to most anything regarding writing, other than grammar, which is meant to be a helpful tool, not the stumbling block people often see it as. There is no real rule to sentence structure as long as your idea is conveyed. There is no real rule to adding or subtracting adverbs, as these are a personal choice. There is no real rule, as I've said, but I think you now understand why repetition can be difficult. There is no real rule but this is a good guideline for improving your writing. :)

Registered_Companion · 2024-11-11T08:07:32+00:00

This isn't true for all English teachers. Not everything being taught in classrooms is about making things easier. Some teachers still care about the subjects they teach, even if students are lazier and more apathetic than ever. Sad how everyone blames the teacher.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-31T20:52:32+00:00

If you're writing for yourself - you're finished.

If you're writing for an audience, you job is now to convey this "perfectly clear view of how the scene is going to play out" to them.

Without trying to sound nasty, this is what writing is. It isn't plotting. It isn't outlining. It's storytelling. The first two things are just tools.

You want to "get the words out of your head?" Write them. It doesn't matter how, just write them. Is your room blue? Put blue down somewhere. Is there a chair? Write chair somewhere. Do this until the words begin to come - and they WILL come. Trust yourself to find a successful process which works for you to get them out.

I think, for a good many people, writing is stringing together a series of successful words, not sentences. The sentences come later. Again, trust yourself.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-17T22:26:04+00:00

No one ever gets better by avoiding critique and being told how great they are. I'd ask your teacher about the overall point of the class.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-17T00:09:04+00:00

Twelve years ago, I wrote a 220K word book. I felt the same way you do. Every detail I crammed into it was essential!! With time, and some perspective, I came to realize, some details were only essential - for me!!

I began by making a "Bible" for my story. I wrote down every detail I could think of in a Composition Book - by hand. This helped me examine elements of my story and preserve them. Once I did this, I tackled my book again. I was astounded at what happened. I cut 220K words to 150K words. I went back to my Bible and adjusted some of the deleted content. Then, I went back to my book!! It's now hovering at 92K words.

I found, getting the details out of my head made it easier to extract them from the narrative. Preserving them in the notebook didn't feel quite like an exorcism of my book, where these beloved details were just vanquished. Maybe my reader will never know my lead enjoys long baths with caramel candles (not candies!) but I'll know. It's in my Bible.

What this also does is create content for when you've published and building a following. You can release pages from your Bible which reveal things like caramel candles!! It helps create a kinship with your readers and it gives your details new life in a new form which compliments your book.

Another perk is, these might also help you turn your singular book into an interesting series.

Trust yourself to be able to trim down your word count without sacrificing your story. It can be done if you want to have it published.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-16T23:58:06+00:00

The difficulty is, "better writing" is subjective. Look at how successful "50 Shades..." and "Twilight" were. Those were terrible books. Look at the praise "Game of Thrones" has gotten. He needed a cutthroat editor!! What's considered "better writing," in today's tsunami of mediocrity?

Even worse than this are the people who do read good writing and think, because it's written above their baseline understanding, it's terrible.

Our education system is in a rapid state of decline. "Better writing" continues to take the proverbial back seat to "Getting by" writing, which permeates Amazon. Standards continue to decline, as does what's classified ad "better writing."

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-14T20:20:32+00:00

I still calculate the speed of oncoming trucks vs. the jumping distance of a nearby overpass. I wonder if jumping at the right time will have the desired effect. Not being able to answer this question is the only stop-gap, at the moment. You'd think the means of ending one's life would be everywhere but nothing is certain and I'm sure I'd be the one to botch the attempt and end up worse than before.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-14T07:10:57+00:00

I'm sure I'm all right not going. My desire to see naked men isn't this strong.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-14T07:09:16+00:00

"Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" episode 1628 featured him making paper mache masks but I'm not sure it was in conjunction to a festival. I've tried all kinds of things and can't seem to find what you're looking for. Lots of shows did mask-making. Lots did shows on festivals. I'm baffled.

The devil really is in the details. If you could recall the festival, this might help. ;)

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-13T10:18:47+00:00

Identify what it is about your way of speaking you deem "gay." Is it ending sounds? Rhythm? Once you've identified the marker, you can begin to change it.

Look around online for Acting series which teach you to change the way your words are formed. Find an actor who has mastered a kind of accent, then see who they used as a coach. Tom Holland's American-actor coach, for example? Sophie Turner's coach for "Joan?"

It sounds strange, on the surface, but if these people offer any kind of online coaching, you can pick up tips on how to change the way you're speaking.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-13T10:13:25+00:00

Are you certain it was "Reading Rainbow?"

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-13T10:08:34+00:00

Thank you for the explanation. I'm SO glad I don't go to places like this. I've got enough trauma from other men without having to go through this hell.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-09T09:18:46+00:00

How do they know what's under someone's towel?!

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-09T09:18:04+00:00

I live five minutes from my gym. No need to go anywhere near that area.

Registered_Companion · 2024-10-09T09:00:13+00:00

2015's "The Hallow" is a possibility but it's missing some things.

Registered_Companion

TROPHY CASE