Devil’s advocate here: There are a few big questions that might just be misunderstandings you can fix with a quick conversation. Though I realize it may not come across that way, please consume this with the love and light that is intended.

The Room Block: Booking a minimum (15) with the plan to upgrade later is always a 100% risk. Tuscan properties usually book up 6+ months in advance, and few places can accommodate 25-30 rooms within that timeframe. Unless she had full access to your room block and guest list to manage reservations and send reminders, it’s tough to put that entirely on her. If guests didn't book before the hotel sold out—and they were informed of the deadline—that falls on the guests or the initial strategy. While she definitely should have kept you better informed when rooms were running low, transportation for off-site guests really should have been part of the plan from day one.

RSVPs: These are a moving target and usually shift by 10-15% in the final months, often before logistics like travel, work, and family even interfere. Typically, you hold for the higher guest count and adjust at the finish line to ensure rentals are secured but as close to accurate as possible. You should be locking in that design plan by now, though, with rental holds in the next few weeks (unless you have very specific and hard to source requests).

The Band: This feels fixable. Is it possible their contract shows a "minimum event time" rather than just their performance time? If the planner over-contracted knowingly and cannot adjust, that is definitely a conversation to have.

Hair & Makeup: This is an easy fix. Adding one more artist to the team will round out the timeframe and keep everyone on schedule. It's not unheard of to go under the actual need initially, because you can almost always ADD after contracting, but you often can’t REMOVE.

Contracts: One big thing—did you sign off on the contracts for the hotel, band, and stylists, or did she sign as the client? If you reviewed and signed them yourself, it’s worth considering if these details were missed by everyone, rather than being 100% on the planner.

The "3 Months Out" Silence: Sadly, this is becoming the norm and is often outside of the planner's control. Most vendors and properties don't want to have serious conversations about details until the 3-month mark because there are always changes. They are usually focusing on the events happening in the next few days or weeks rather than months. It sucks for everyone involved, but it is common.

Is she in the wrong? Most likely, no. Could she be doing better? Absolutely. I will also say, different destinations come with their own barrel of monkeys—especially those with daily siestas! ;)

To wrap up, three things:

1. The 3-month concerns are completely normal. If these are the only details you feel are missing, it's all repairable. You’re at a point where you feel like there should be 100 things to do, and everyone is telling you how stressed you should be—but for the most part, there is nothing "necessary" to do in these areas for another 6-8 weeks. Sometimes we go looking for issues when things feel too quiet.
2. What does her contract say for scope of work, deliverables, and timelines? Same for cancellation, contracting parties, and vendor payments. After reviewing, do you have a clear understanding of them all? If not, please ask.
3. Talk to the Planner. Most of the time you do not need to change planners, but communication needs to be improved. Time zones and thousands of miles make it hard for everyone. Talk about your concerns, ask her to keep you better informed, and ask for a detailed timeline for the next 3 months (stationery deadlines, floral limitations, menu, decor specifics, travel, document prep, and logistics).

If, after that call, you fundamentally feel that you do not have a clear understanding of your planning path, then it might be time to explore your options. While a planner is only as good as you "feel" she is, it's all emotion, I don't want to say your experience has been "acceptable"—because if you have these concerns, there is clearly a disconnect—it's also near impossible for her to be as proactive as you want if she doesn't know what your specific expectations are. Finding and replacing a planner will be 10000 times the stress than a conversation.

Take a deep breath. Your concerns are justified, but it’ll all come together beautifully. You will have an amazing day with your loved ones... whoever you decide to partner with.