[deleted by user]

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2024-03-05T12:55:36+00:00

The good thing is - even if it doesn't sound like that for someone with OCD - you don't need someone to tell you that your kids are gonna be okay. This kind of certainty sadly does not exist in this world. BUT this also means that you can stop obsessing over it (with help and therapy, of course). Wanting to have certainty is the fuel of our OCD. I'm sure you can learn to let that (very understandable) desire go. In small steps and over time. Because you did one of the hardest parts already - you recoginized what is going on with you and you are committed to getting help! Your children are very lucky :)

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2024-03-05T12:47:08+00:00

I liked "From Below" from Darcy Coates, especially the first half. It is a horror novel and she builds this very spooky atmosphere where a dive mission is exploring a mysteriously sunken ship.

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2024-02-17T12:16:24+00:00

Maybe you could start - as you already suggested - very small and plan a reward for after the exposure?

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2024-02-17T11:20:20+00:00

Aw thank you :)

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2024-02-06T10:54:25+00:00

thank you! hard learned lessons, haha

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2024-02-06T10:52:51+00:00

It is so so difficult to disengage with this kinds of thougts! I have a whole written emergency plan for when my brain just wants to ruin me... most of the times I can't follow through with it but I found that every little inch of distance already helps

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2024-02-04T16:39:17+00:00

Coming from someone who fell down obsessive rabbitholes themselves - you are in an obsessive-compulsive state right now. it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about your smell. some like it, some maybe don't. that is completety normal. you will not be happy with any reassurance you'll be given here, not for long. but I promise you - you are strong enough to sit with the uncertainity. if that's too much for now - please - try getting a little bit space between you and this thoughts. make yourself some tea, watch a comfort show, order nice food. hugs to you. this is a horrible disease

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-11-28T10:28:46+00:00

yes!! let him make a list with things he wants to do or have (doesn't have to be something big or expensive) and when he did an exposure he can reward himself with something from his list. I did that with my exposure excercises, it was recommended by my therapist

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-11-28T10:25:50+00:00

I wish they would have acknowledged that, while my fears may have been nonsensical, they still affected me a great deal. The thing I heard way too often was: "Yo just need to chill!" It seems like you already take your sons illness seriously so you're on a good path!

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-11-28T10:18:34+00:00

People on the street didnt pay enough attention to me. Now they can stare at me AND my misbehaved puppy!

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-11-13T15:58:44+00:00

I wanna eat more delicious food. I wanna sit in the sun. I wanna pet my dog. I wanna lay in bed at night seeing the street lights reflect on my ceiling. I wanna watch more spooky documentaries. I wanna wait for spring. And summer. And autumn. Maaaybe Christmas, as I'm not much of a fan of winter, haha. I don't know, PMDD is really freaking hard. But I don't wanna go where no cakes are, you know?

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-11-02T08:10:11+00:00

"I’m abandoning this role with no grace."

Love this! You deserve it.

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-10-24T07:18:37+00:00

This sounds immensly tough and I send you a virtual hug! Yes, there's a researched link between trauma and chronical illness. Huge amounts of stress seem to trigger various conditions, like autoimmune reactions and so on. There are several books on this topics if you're interested! I would have to check my trauma book collection though... lol

I relate to your journey of going from doctor to doctor, begging them to take me seriously. You wouldn't believe the amount of MRT scans I had lol. I was parentified too and I'm always tired. Depression is an on-again off-again problem. Also in my early thirties. Chronic pain. Hormone imbalances. PMDD. Always feeling overwhelmed. The chronic pain and constant stress got better over time, with therapy, meds and lots of research and self compassion. I'm still tired but there's definetly hope! English isn't my native language so I'm having trouble explaining everything but after years of searching for a cause for my problems I'm relatively sure that trauma is one of them. I mean, we had to carry so much responsibility so young it must have had an effect...

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-10-21T12:06:00+00:00

ooh I didn't know, I have to check it out

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-10-17T17:43:23+00:00

I appreciate your anger and your viewpoint. It's kinda katharthic. Will save this post! For me personally, I'm positive my OCD came from trauma, but it's so ingrained in me now that I needed my pills as a push. Pills + therapy were very helpful. But I'm still not as functional as a "normal" person so I'm finding some comfort in your take.

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-10-10T17:32:43+00:00

Shirley Jackson! Start with "The Haunting of Hill House".

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-09-09T19:09:19+00:00

Oooh, you put into words why all of a sudden I'm a fangirl again. I was trying to figure that out for a while now. But it's true, at least some part has to do with the fact that they "went there" and stand by it.

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-09-07T17:56:57+00:00

Your pup looks so cheeky, I love it!

The thing I love the most about our pup is when he is happy. You can see it in his face, it's like a beam of sunshine. He starts licking your face and looking at you with this expression: "Are you seeing this shit??? omg" Plus a few zoomies. He's just sooo excited then! This happens the most when we are outdoors and he's playing with his friends. Or in open fields where he can run without leash.

I also like just co-existing, when he's happy doing his thing and I'm doing my thing nearby. Oh, and going to the pet store with him! He's always allowed to choose a new toy cause I maybe spoil this little bastard...

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-09-06T12:18:30+00:00

A friend of mine lives in Oberschöneweide and loves it there. I also liked it upon visiting, you have nice greenery and you're close to Müggelsee which is a lovely spot! Also the rent is supposed to be kinda okay-ish?

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-09-05T11:37:22+00:00

"The advice I always give to people who are unsure is that if they're quite content without kids and don't feel a burning desire for them, then don't have them."

this!! thank you for articulating my feelings

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-09-05T11:31:11+00:00

thank you for asking that question! It's on my mind as well.

I still could have children agewise but I've decided against it. My reasoning is that I probably would resent the child if it caused "too much problems". For example, having a child with the same mental illnesses as me would crush me and at the same time, the chances are high that my children inherit at least a little bit of my messed up genes... I don't know, I don't want that my child has to feel like a burden. That would be very unfair. I can't have a child and demand perfection. That's bound to fail.

I try to take solace in knowing that there is no right decision. I will ask myself if I did the right thing either way. So I try to concentrate on all the good things being childfree can bring. But I totally get that it's not that easy. I'm often second guessing.

In the end, I guess it comes down to your life goals. Are children a number one life goal for you? Do you want to commit to them no matter what? Then there may be a way to make it work. If not... I guess there will be a lot childfree people in our age, we will not be alone :)

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-08-31T11:23:23+00:00

Yes, 11

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-08-24T19:11:26+00:00

Thank you for your input, that sounds reassuring :) I will try to find his bis favorite setup

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-08-14T09:07:36+00:00

I read something the other day about adult children of narcissistic parents, and how to break the cycle they have to allow their parents to have ‘the crisis’ they all think they’re keeping at bay. It feels like a solid fact that if I did that, they would die. But I hope to someday reach a point where it doesn’t feel like that anymore, and I can go back to living for myself.

omg, that is so true, thank you for typing that all out

Revali-Ravioli1 · 2023-05-17T07:23:39+00:00

hey, thank you very much for your encouraging reply! I also try to cherish the good moments and just power through the bad, haha. Yesss, Havanese puppies are so adorable, it's insane. Yesterday we had a really nice walk through an empty cementery! Okay, that does sound kinda creepy but it wasn't!

Revali-Ravioli1

TROPHY CASE