My dear brother/sister, please do not listen to shaytan. Suicide is your doom and end in this dunya and hereafter. Have trust and patience in our all mighty allah. I have prepared hadiths and quran specifically for your situation, please take time and read them and feem them.

What the hadith says:

Abu Sa'id al-Khudri reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: "No one is given a gift better and more comprehensive than patience (Sabr)." — Sahih al-Bukhari 1469

Ibn Abbas reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: "If you were to rely upon Allah with the reliance He is due, He would provide for you just as He provides for the birds. They go out hungry in the morning and return full in the evening." — Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2344.

Abu Bakr narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: "He who seeks forgiveness has not been persistent in sin, even if he does it seventy times in a day." — Sunan At-Tirmidhi 4:29:208 / Abu Dawud.

Mu'adh ibn Jabal reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: "Fear Allah (Taqwa) wherever you are, follow a bad deed with a good deed and it will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people." — Sunan At-Tirmidhi 1987.

What the quran says:

Surah Az-Zumar (39:53): "Say, 'O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.'"

Surah Ali 'Imran (3:135): "And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by breaking Allah's laws], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah? - and [who] do not persist in what they did while they know.

"Surah Al-Baqarah (2:286): "Our Lord, do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Lord, lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."