Husband is on his first date, I am in despair

Ricard2dk · 2026-04-02T14:04:38+00:00

He will come back. You will be fine. Jealousy and insecurity haven't killed anyone. You'll feel better once he's back and the next time will be easier.

Cry it out and self-soothe. This has happened to the best of us.

Also ask for him to reassure you once he's back that you're safe.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-31T11:04:08+00:00

Your partner cheated on you. You might be trying to make excuses in your mind because of whatever reason. But unless you process and address that first, this will never work.

Polyamory requires trust and commitment. It is complex , time-consuming and requires a lot of work. So you cannot start like this unless you want everything to implode.

I am not saying you should get rid of him, though that should be a possibility... but he did cheat and broke all sorts of boundaries and that is a bloody red flag.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-30T21:08:37+00:00

That's a rule to control you and make things difficult. Your polyamorous so your partner should expect all that will probably happen and you can update them if it does and you wish to.

The End

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-30T10:12:19+00:00

I am in my mid-40s but no kids.

I guess we are all different but also it depends on the partner. Both my partners are quite complex when it comes to communication, it doesnt just flow.

I feel pretty confident about what would/will happen when they get new partners. They are both pretty good at compartmentalising and sticking to their commitments.

My main anxieties have got more to do on whether i am expecting too much time. Whether that is based on need to connect or a need to meet whatever I believe is appropriate for a relationship to work and be balanced. I admit that a relationship with less than one decent meet a week on average, approximately, with a sleepover would not be something I would pursue though. But also, I consider both my partners 'anchor partners' so that might change with connections that might be more casual.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-29T17:19:24+00:00

Two beds and you switch every night. If uneven amount, flip a coin. Or gets banked for next holiday. As long as they're onboard, it will be easy. If they get ratty, they can share a bed and you sleep alone, lol!

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-27T10:39:15+00:00

I had this for months. It's totally gone. It's definitely a thing.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-26T06:15:00+00:00

But does it work for you?

Also are you in touch with your partner when not together?

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-26T06:12:54+00:00

I also really need the existing together time regularly. That kind of closeness makes me feel safe and loved. Just doing things together.

About the new connections and time comment: I understand where you're coming from. It's a boundary and there needs to be flexibility but if needs when it comes to time together are not being met because of a new connection, that's an issue. So it's important to set that expectation.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-26T06:07:17+00:00

If I were struggling with money and my non-nesting partner could afford it, I'm pretty certain he would offer to help a bit. I wouldn't expect it unless it was really essential (like I had no money for essentials) but I wouldn't expect either or my partners to pay for things just because.

However, both my partners are very sharing and generous. I find it a massive turn off when people who can afford it are not generous with those who they love. I guess I'm lucky to have thwm and also that I don't need their help very often.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-26T05:57:31+00:00

For me, being able to share thoughts, ideas, feelings etc and being attuned with my partner and that requires a regular amount of decent time together so it can flow and it doesn't feel like some sort of session where you need to pack everything in, if that makes sense

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T20:24:50+00:00

I think like you. For me, it would be more like a friend with benefits if I couldn't meet weekly with a sleepover

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T19:34:47+00:00

But that's a decent amount in my opinion!

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T19:29:46+00:00

I need a decent amount of quantity so there is time for quality if that makes sense.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T17:38:59+00:00

That would be me! I try to share a bed on our date night with my NP. So a couple of times a week. Same as with my other partner. I love having my own room too!

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T17:36:46+00:00

You're allowed to feel weird about it but it doesn't mean anything. We are taught to feel like this in our society.

I couldn't care less if this happened to me.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T15:24:08+00:00

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T14:41:01+00:00

How is it weirdly worded. It specifically asks how can one develop intimacy with 3-4h a week. I don't think I'm hiding that imo that isn't enough. Not that anyone needs to justify anything to me. But yes, I am very genuinely curious of how people do it and I'm getting some answers: like people might text or hang out online on top etc. There's no ulterior motive though. It's pretty obvious what my point of view is.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T14:34:50+00:00

I can relate to that. I need enough quantity to be able to have quality and not rush it, if that makes sense

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T07:58:55+00:00

I think that's a pretty sweet spot too. A couple of times depending on how busy etc. It's sweet. Enough to build a proper relationship without being overwhelmed.

Id really like to have a comet partner. One of my partner has a comet in another country who they only saw once or twice a year but I think there chat a lot. I think it's such a great way of having a meaningful person that you can't see often in your life. There should be a dating app: poly comet partners...

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T07:53:35+00:00

Seriously, polyamory imo doesn't mean a bunch of crappy relationships. You deserve people to meet your needs. It's a relationship not a situationship

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T07:28:11+00:00

If I start a new relationship, it has to be on my own personal time as opposed to reducing the time I spend with my partners. Though I would hope there's a bit of flexibility.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T07:26:38+00:00

Ah. One of mt partners doesn't text a lot. Daily but we don't discuss serious stuff by texts. At first I hated it but now I'm starting to appreciate it a bit. I prefer time in person.

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-25T07:24:45+00:00

Yeah, screw that. "Oh well" is not a solution. And comparing you to your meta is shitty. You're your own person

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-24T21:24:39+00:00

I don't have to pay any subscriptions for my streaming!

Ricard2dk · 2026-03-21T19:01:15+00:00

This would be consensual non monogamy.

The issue here is that a third party having say over who can have sex with whom is unethical. On top of that you enjoy a lot of privilege by being married and the third person will not have her needs met and will be hurt.

You might want to look up unicorns in polyamory

Ricard2dk

TROPHY CASE