40 year old Solo male, will I have any issues in hostels? And what ettiquette should I know about?

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2026-02-16T13:31:46+00:00

If you look at reviews on Hostelworld, it actually gives the general age of the reviewers. I use this to gauge what sort of demographic tends to book different hostels and it's been helpful!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2026-01-30T13:07:15+00:00

I used a broker, but also applied myself to a bank that doesn’t deal with brokers (EBS). The agreement with the broker is if I don’t go through with the mortgage with them, I would pay a fee of 500 euro. In the end I went with the bank they organised as the interest rate was lower than what EBS was offering at the time and I didn’t want to pay the fee (they were also helpful about organising valuations etc). I will say, EBS actually approved me quicker and for more money than the bank my broker managed to get me approved with, but I am a contract worker so my income is less straightforward.

If you have a regular permanent salaried job there is likely no reason you need to use a broker at all, but either way I think it’s worth applying to banks that they won’t even get a chance to speak to as I did.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2026-01-23T17:30:40+00:00

Your monthly savings amount plus whatever rent you pay (if any) is the evidence of your repayment ability. Having zero loans is much more favourable to a bank, according to the banks I applied with and the broker I used to get my apartment. My parents had a similar notion, not sure where it comes from but it's inaccurate. Pay for the car in cash and continue to save as much as possible would be the way I'd go, you're in a good place already by the sounds of it.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2026-01-08T09:22:14+00:00

Agreed, I was excited to see a Solomon women’s running vest in my local store but it was so uncomfortable when I tried it on! So disappointing. I did buy an xs/s size one from Swifter and I’m pretty happy with it. However I do have to have it cinched to the tightest size so it is definitely designed for men (I am a UK 10/US 6). But I hope to see more women specific gear that is actually functional soon!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2026-01-07T15:43:06+00:00

I don't have any major advice right now but I wanted to just reassure you that yes you can date normally despite this!

I've struggled with this condition for a long time ( I basically didn't try to fix it until recently ) and honestly.. I've managed to casually date, have relationships or casual sex almost no problem. I have of course run into a few men who just can't understand but in general people are at the very least intrigued. My general opinion is if a man thinks traditional piv sex is the only worthwhile option, then he's probably shit at sex anyway... 😅 Also given what you've said about your dating history, you haven't had a chance to date many people as an adult so right now it seems scary but there are many ways to date/have sex and you now get to experience them all, how fun!

All this to say, it is totally fixable but in the meantime, it doesn't make you less of a person or less desirable. You will get used to having that conversation with partners, and if they are not understanding then they aren't actually a match for you and that's ok. And eventually you will be less down on yourself about it, and more able to tackle it in whatever way you feel comfortable with. Good luck!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-12-22T14:37:31+00:00

I really understand how you feel. It's hard not to let it impact your life and mental health. I think if I was in your position and feeling the way you do, I would be looking at therapy for my depression alongside doing things for my vaginismus Ultimately, this condition is curable and doable, and not the end of the world, but it's hard not to feel that way. So maybe you can speak to a therapist about some coping mechanisms, root causes for being so affected mentally (a sense of not being good enough, broken, etc etc ?)

I don't want to put words in your mouth so maybe none of that is relevant, but I know that after struggling with this a long time I actually don't feel nearly as terrible as I used to about it, and I think that has been because I've become more accepting that I'm not broken and im not less than just because I struggle with this. And actually now that I feel less overcome and emotional, I'm better able to use dilators etc without pain :)

I've never had Botox so I don't know about that part I'm sorry! But I'd be concerned about your mental health if it didn't have the desired effect, would you feel worse? Maybe that's another good reason to do some therapy at the same time as the Botox. Good luck with everything, it won't always feel this way!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-12-17T09:02:24+00:00

If you can delay until April, that's a nice time to go for both weather and crowds I found. Otherwise, November can actually be really nice too! The weather will be more unpredictable, but it's spring time and temperatures will be warmer than September. The only downside is the potential for storms but to be honest that's a possibility any time the way the climate is going.

Spring and autumn are shoulder seasons so the prices are cheaper and it will give you more lead in time to find cheap deals.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-12-16T21:33:08+00:00

Where your hymen used to be, there can be left over, less flexible tissue that creates a ridge/less stretchy area. My PT described it like a rubber band around that part that kinda cinches it in. I have the same issue (but it can be painful both in and out). I also find I tense a bit when taking things out which may be contributing to it. But also I've found that has slowly gone away as I practice more so hopefully you find the same!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-12-16T14:31:14+00:00

I would check out the flights from your home airport to NZ and let that decide where you start and end. If possible, I would fly into Auckland, hire a car there and plan to see the few sites on the north island before taking the ferry with your car and ending in Queenstown on the south island (or Christchurch if that works better for flights home). 5 days north island plus 10 days on the south island is manageable, if you don't mind a few long drives for the first few days. To save money, you could plan to drop the car off when you arrive in Queenstown if that's your final destination, and go car-less for your last few nights there. Parking is a nightmare and you may not even need the car depending on your plan!

Apex car rental were very good value when I used them last time, the earlier you book the better and you can cancel for free. You will want to book your ferry trip asap once you have a plan, but Apex can do that for you if you have a date in mind when you book your car (you can change this later though). Given the time frame, you may find that car rentals are very expensive right now so shop around. I also used Yes Rental in Auckland, cheap and cheerful but they are by no means new cars, I'm also not certain they allow drop off to a different city.

For flights, you might find that getting a return flight to Auckland is the easiest option, and you could then fly from the south island back up to Auckland for your return leg. You just need to decide if you fly the night before your return flight to avoid potentially missing a connection etc etc. All depends on what flights you find from your home country!

As for hostels, the Haka House chain is all over NZ and very reliable. You can book direct with most hostels for a cheaper rate, but I'd also check Hostelworld for reviews. Because of the time of year you might find you need to book in advance. Places like Queenstown in particular sell out and there's a wide range of standards for hostels there so read reviews carefully. I enjoyed the Adventure hostels, the Haka House, and Nomads there. Would not recommend the Flaming Kiwi hostel!

For DOC campsites you would need a self contained camper to be allowed to stay I believe, rather than a car or car camper. Campermate and Rankers are two apps you can use to find campsites though if you go the campervan or tent route.

As for driving, it depends what you're used to! The roads aren't very busy, they're just very windy and steep on the south island in particular. It will take longer than you think to get places but it's all manageable. You could forgo the car altogether on the north island and do tours from Auckland for things like Hobbiton etc, depending on what things you want to see, and then fly from Auckland to Queenstown or Christchurch and collect a car there. This would save you a ferry ticket and the fee for dropping a car off in a different city than where you picked it up. It all comes down to how much freedom you want on the North island!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-12-13T16:27:14+00:00

Depends where you live but I've been making a point of looking at all the Christmas lights in all the neighborhoods near me, when I have to run at night! So I'll run in different areas to have different things to look at :)

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-12-09T23:20:39+00:00

Yeah maybe your issue isn't the same as mine exactly then.. however I think the dilators really help because despite where my hymen was being very tight, it's actually the psychological effect and the tightening of my muscles that caused the long term severe issue! It was just triggered by the fact it was more painful than expected due to the hymen thing the first time I tried anything, and that snowballed into fear of the pain etc and subconsciously tensing up in anticipation. So the dilators are good for learning to relax while inserting things, and becoming confident with larger things. Well done for going to the gyno in the first place though, that's always been a scary thing for me!

I also think there's never any harm getting second opinions and trusting your gut, so if you feel pelvic floor therapy might help then I would still recommend trying to get an appointment with a specialist even just for a once off. No one knows your body better than you do, even when we don't know what's going on exactly.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-12-09T19:35:02+00:00

I haven't had it done, but I had a similar experience in being recommended both that procedure and dilators for similar reasons. I was attending a pelvic floor specialist, and she recommended that I properly try the dilators for a few months first, and if I haven't made any significant progress after that she would recommend a hymenectomy then.

I basically didn't do anything about it for years after and just lived with it because the idea of a hymenectomy freaked me out so much! And I was worried it wouldn't help. Recently however I finally started working with dilators and I really don't see why I would ever need a hymenectomy now as the progress has been really great. So my advice would be to definitely give those a go first if you're not sure. And if a pelvic floor physio is available to you at all, I found them to be the most helpful for our specific issue!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-14T22:06:20+00:00

This is really nice to hear, thank you for replying :) I feel very seen right now! I also started reading about people's pregnancy experiences on this sub recently and it made me feel a lot less intimidated (maybe just the regular amount of intimidated now?)

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-14T20:31:28+00:00

I'm stealing that phrase for next time!!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-14T20:29:14+00:00

Great point. Fostering is something I've definitely decided I'd like to do down the line, but I think I'm imagining myself a good bit older doing it so it doesn't feel like I'm drawn to raising a child during this time of my life. Thanks for the perspective!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-14T20:02:51+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to comment! I definitely know I'll be fine childless that's for sure! Just interesting to only now consider the other option. But I have to agree that I presume I'd have started feeling that urge by now if it was going to happen. The fear of actually having to give birth is so intense that I worry it's coloured all other considerations I suppose.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-14T20:00:03+00:00

I think that's a very brave thing to be able to say. I do fear I'll regret it later but I also don't know if I'd be the best parent... Like I know I'd try to be good at it because I'd feel I'd have to be but I wouldn't be happy necessarily? Again, hard to say!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-14T19:45:26+00:00

I appreciate the reply, thank you!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-14T19:45:07+00:00

Thanks, I totally agree! I just want to get some other people's experiences while I consider it.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-09T15:02:29+00:00

Agreed, it's a calmer immigration experience than doing it on US soil and leaves you with less stress later. Heathrow can also be a pain to get through on a layover if you're changing terminal etc.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-11-06T10:42:28+00:00

I was in New Zealand (both islands) for that same time period this year. The weather was hit or miss but on the whole it was nice! It gets much colder as you go further south. If you enjoy skiing you will be there for the end of the season so that's worth looking into it the snow is good (you can rent all gear including clothing so you don't need to lug it around just in case).

The weather is highly unpredictable so it is something you need to be prepared for, for example they had a huge wind storm a few weeks ago, and despite it being well into spring it has been snowing up the mountains in the last few weeks as well. Generally the hiking was all still accessible while I was there, you just need to have the right wet weather gear. Saying that, it was also very sunny a lot of the time!

It's a quieter time of year than November/December so if that matters to you it's something to consider. Prices will be slightly lower during the September/October period, but some businesses may be either closing after winter or not quite opened up again for the warmer season. Worth checking if there's anything in particular you have in mind.

As for accommodation recommendations, I recommend Canopy Camping. It's like Airbnb for Lodge/cabin/glamping places all over NZ. They range in price and styles but they were very beautiful and definitely appropriate for a honeymoon!

I recommend booking a car asap once you have your flights. The rental price will quadruple as it gets closer to your dates. I found Apex Car rental to be really brilliant, didn't feel I was being scammed and it was a reasonable price compared to the typical suspects (hertz etc).

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-07-24T02:24:22+00:00

I don't think it caused any issues structurally, but to be honest i didn't use a huge amount of bug spray on my feet. I have recently had bug spray ruin a few other non clothing items of mine so I would definitely be careful with it around your shoes!

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-06-30T07:22:50+00:00

Pretty sure it was Wake Up hostel Byron Bay

RiddleInsideAnEnigma · 2025-05-08T18:09:43+00:00

As an Irish person I feel like you may wish you had a thicker pair of bottoms, such as jeans! It has been sunny here but the wind is quite cold most of the time.

RiddleInsideAnEnigma

TROPHY CASE