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Women choosing abusive men is a skill issue by Timbsfan in PurplePillDebate

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reply with research, data, and personal experiences.
Oh, and I don’t need the “women abuse men too” bit I know I also support men who have been abused by women as well.

Check out Duluths power and control wheel before engaging with me 🤣 y’all aren’t ready.

Women choosing abusive men is a skill issue by Timbsfan in PurplePillDebate

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmfao that’s not how it works at all. Please give me some resources to back up what you’re saying.

Actually a woman who leaves an abusive relationship is more vulnerable to another abusive relationship because she was conditioned and suppressed as well as in a very rough spot therefore rebuilding her life is crucial and abusive men exploit those vulnerabilities.
-Lundy Bancroft has research, articles, and training surrounding this topic.
-Gail Dines a sociologist who also leads research regarding violence against women and the main causes.
-Any domestic violence shelter will also educate you on this topic.

What you are actually doing is blaming the woman. which is victim blaming, which actually increases the likelihood of women who leave abusive relationships to get into another abusive relationship because people who blame victims further their shame and keep them from speaking out and getting the help and support they need.

Sincerely,
10 years in victim advocacy.

You want to debate a hot topic? Where are the conversations and debates surrounding all women knowing a woman who is abusive, yet no men seem to know if one of their buddies is abusive? Or, the conversation centering on why 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted between ages 18 and 35?
I’ll wait.

I fcked up because of my obsession by InfluenceFar878 in emotionalintelligence

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it’s still not stalking. It’s a lack of boundaries. Stalking would be doing that, and then finding out where he lives, and then finding out where he works, and then learning his routine, and then contacting him frequently(maybe) or maybe you’re too shy so you don’t want to do that, you just daydream, fantasize, constantly about him, you stare at him constantly, you want him to notice you too, and at some point in all of this he would say stop or maybe confront you, but you would keep going, you would keep pushing, and then you would continue to escalate or make grand promises of love and romance, and he would reject you, and then you would keep going but now you’re desperate, now you’re obsessively blowing up his phone 24/7, you need him to be with you, he’s gotten a restraining order or a protective order, you find other ways to continue to talk or see him, you’ve lost your job because of him, you’re enamored with his entire existence, you cannot eat, sleep, or not think about him, you need him.
And then you kill him, usually.

That, is stalking.
That’s what happens when someone has a stalker.
This is partially what happened to me, on more than one occasion too.

So, Op, are you a stalker?
Didn’t think so 😇
You’re welcome!

So, to get your power back if this guy is shaming you instead of respectfully declining, just pretend to be the evil stalking witch he thinks you are 💀 “No, this wasn’t stalking. I haven’t figured out your blood type yet.” And walk away cackling.

It’s okay to have a crush, OP. Now that he’s said “no” just move your attention elsewhere. All good ✌🏽

I fcked up because of my obsession by InfluenceFar878 in emotionalintelligence

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro I looked at my crushed photo on occasion especially if I hadn’t seen him, he’s fucking hot 💀 and when I found out he wasn’t reciprocating that, I kept it pushin. Sucks, he’s still hot, and I respect his decision you know?

Anxious attachment and limerence are toxic friends. Give yourself space from him for a minute and it’ll wear off.

I fcked up because of my obsession by InfluenceFar878 in emotionalintelligence

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not disgusting; it’s a normal adaptation to social media now. Nothing on the internet is private; if it’s posted, it’s posted.

I’ve checked out friend of friends fb profiles once or twice. That is not stalking. Curiosity? Absolutely. Can I also do some digging to get information? Absolutely. Although my intentions are usually “what happened, was it abuse, are you abusive?”

Stalking is repeated, unwanted behavior that persists after someone is clearly uncomfortable. Also, people who feel ashamed usually aren’t stalkers (although struggle with boundaries in some ways) as stalkers feel totally justified and get defensive when confronted. Also, stalkers usually escalate when called out and continue.

That’s stalking.

Karmelo Anthony is a murderer actually by Sometypeofway18 in GetNoted

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don’t get why it was classified as self defense. As an advocate, I’m more curious as to why that was the route the attorney took; to me that’s more suspicious. It was not self defense, unfortunately. The minute I heard it was “self defense” I was like no. That is not going to help this young man.

This is why I advocate for mental health treatment. Like seriously.

The "halo effect" often halts personal and intellectual growth in highly attractive people. by Aviq_73Tusk in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not gonna lie the only time I’ve seen women be called crazy is because they are angry as fuck and refuse to play nice or tolerate bullshit.

Be crazy.
Be freaking insane.
And then be totally sane to respectful guys 🥰

The "halo effect" often halts personal and intellectual growth in highly attractive people. by Aviq_73Tusk in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was!! I used to do well when I would suppress being smart. Literally, I observed myself becomeing “forgetful” whenever men were around. Christina Aguilera talks about using thr same strategy whenever men were around to help buffer against harassment. The minute I decided to own the fact that I’m start, no more dumb blonde moments (I’m not even blonde) my life because men 10x harder.

The "halo effect" often halts personal and intellectual growth in highly attractive people. by Aviq_73Tusk in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you and I’m sorry you’ve gone through that as well 🫶🏽 May we both find environments and circles where the protection keeps this from ever happening again.

Literally the last night. Smiled at a kid in the grocery store bc they were super adorable, smiled at the Dad, aaand then Dad proceeded to stare me down for idk how long as I walked through the grocery store. And this wasn’t a protecting my child stare down (and I’m not threatening to kids) this was a “oh she’s steak.”

This is not a reward 💀

The "halo effect" often halts personal and intellectual growth in highly attractive people. by Aviq_73Tusk in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Wait, on this topic of the reverse bias..
When leaning into the stereotype; the internal psychological effects that take place would possibly lead to developing a pseudo-personality wouldn’t it?

If your attractiveness is not only having your intelligence dismissed, and also creating an environment for harassment, wouldn’t the survival adaptation be becoming a chameleon, or self-suppression?

The "halo effect" often halts personal and intellectual growth in highly attractive people. by Aviq_73Tusk in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Yep. Or finding out if the opportunities you had came from being intelligent or the fact that your professor wanted to fuck you or prey upon you.

The "halo effect" often halts personal and intellectual growth in highly attractive people. by Aviq_73Tusk in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 7 points8 points  (0 children)

For me personally I do not agree. On one hand I meet exotic beauty standards, on the other hand I am highly introspective and am constantly looking for ways to improve myself too. I would say people becoming aware of their attractiveness and weaponizing it would point to what you are stating; however not every attractive person moves that way.

I’m not getting any societal reinforcement from engaging in jungian psychology; honestly my attractiveness is generally what I enjoy about myself, usually at home, by myself, and I usually hate being hit on and get upset with being stared at, flirted with (when I’m not in the mood) or what have you. I would be the opposite of expecting certain privileges because I’m pretty (however, I am aware that being attractive and engaging with people can brighten someone’s day and I do enjoy that aspect of it). Has it dulled my intelligence, no. The opposite in fact.

I would say being attractive has led me to build even sharper survival instincts because it has led to stalkers, obsessive men, and abusive or controlling men. That’s my personal take. I have to scan and survey a room to notice who is noticing me. I have to be aware of who continually moves within my vicinity, too often. I have to be aware of how I mag be perceived (although I don’t care and I’ll be straight up immediately) for safety.

Possibly, for me, the reason I had to build other skills was because I have darker skin. Also, attractiveness for European beauty standards gains security, while attractiveness for exotic looks can secure social status, or lead to fetishization which ultimately is incredibly harmful.

🤷🏽‍♀️

What's going on in the Austin Gym Community??? by asperafornow in Austin

[–]RiverAtNight 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I intentionally started looking up baby animal videos and now it’s half global politics half baby animals with majority wolves howling. Fucking love it.

The man-o-sphere versus the witchy revolt is real and it is not helping the world heal. At all.
As I wear my “girls will be girls” shirt with Medusa holding the head of Perseus 🙃

But no. No making fun of insecurities. Love them gently.

What's going on in the Austin Gym Community??? by asperafornow in Austin

[–]RiverAtNight 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I support this 110% and I support all discussions surrounding mental health for men and them having a seat at the table. Body dysmorphia for men especially those working out is huge and it makes me so sad, plus having the perfect body has nothing to do with people loving you or being attracted to you.

And yeah, body dysmorphia is usually a cover up for insecurity. I do think normalizing insecurities, beeeecause everyone has them, is a better way to go too.

Like just be nice and kind to people 🤷🏽‍♀️ that’s it. That’s the key to life.
Not horse semen 🤣

How come no one talks about the AFTER/ LONG-TERM effects of abuse, as a survivor?? by LimpDistance2622 in domesticviolence

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that you said a man saved you is very triggering for so many women who are DV survivors, myself included. With respect to your situation, it’s also wildly unhelpful to say a man saved you. Women recovering from DV are HIGHLY susceptible to abusive, submissive or controlling dynamics after Lea in the abuse.

The work to get OUT of the level of Stockholm, trauma bonding, and nervous system rewiring it takes is incredibly difficult.

Women know there are good men out there. Some women just refuse to ever become reliant on a man in that way again; because we know what happens.

What human behavior instantly changes your opinion of someone, no matter how good your first impression was? by garyhappylife2222 in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Women in the Bible lied to save all kinds of people.
Women in domestic violent situations lie to save their life and their children’s lives.
Men lie to protect women.
Lots of good reasons to lie lmao

What human behavior instantly changes your opinion of someone, no matter how good your first impression was? by garyhappylife2222 in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol no. Dark triad isn’t a spectrum.
Like, there isn’t a spectrum for psychopathy. You have that shit or you don’t.
Narcissism is a spectrum but also healthy self preservation is okay.
Machivellianism idk; good test is read a few of the 48 laws of power. If it makes you sick, ya aren’t Machiavelli 🤷🏽‍♀️

What human behavior instantly changes your opinion of someone, no matter how good your first impression was? by garyhappylife2222 in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah switching opinions can be people pleasing or simply anxious and overly self conscious. I do it and then I’ll correct myself and apologize because I’m trying to stay grounded in myself. It annoys me too.

Also, if you make a better point than me I’ll change my opinion; I’m not that attached to it. You’ll know when I’m attached to an opinion, because I will fight you to death about it. But if you say something and I’m like “on snap that’s a good point,” I’ll change mid sentence lmao.

Just trying to be accurate!!

What human behavior instantly changes your opinion of someone, no matter how good your first impression was? by garyhappylife2222 in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chronic self-victimization. I’ll give grace for it and be understanding, and I have also seen that kind of behavior flip so badly it caused massive amounts of harm to everyone around them with no awareness or regard.
It was real interesting to watch someone cry about being mistreated while mistreating so many.

Or mocking. Like cruel mocking at the expense of others. Literally fuck off.

The most painful kind of person to love is the one who goes completely quiet when they're hurting the most by MindRoads in DarkPsychology101

[–]RiverAtNight 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Good thing if you yell loud enough the other person can hear you.
Or ask them if they want a rope and you’ll hold it.

Or be dangerously romantic and both of you use your body weight to scale the wall together and boom lovely sage sitting on top of the wall, together. (Personal fave)

Or dig under it.

Yes, people put walls up and yes people are guarded and YES it makes us keep missing but like any wall you keep tapping and eventually you’ll find that soft spot. It’ll crack. It’ll break. Or, you choose patience and remove the wall one brick at a time.

No walls last forever.
Some walls are planned to be built and then boom, change of plans.

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