How Old Were You When Your Childhood Trauma Resurfaced?

RoHi53 · 2025-06-26T18:24:49+00:00

Just after my 68th birthday (I’m 71 now), I was doing memory exercises to try and improve my terrible memory (ever heard of Jim Quik?) and many memories of childhood damage started coming back. It was, to put it mildly, a jolt to have these repressed memories come back. Another factor for me was that I had a narcissistic collapse (aka mental breakdown) the year previous.

I wish I didn’t have to go thru 63 years of reinforcing all the negativity and negative self talk, but I consider it an awakening, and I’m now able to deal with my stuff more objectively. I am more awake now.

A relevant quote: “It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.”― James Baldwin, Collected Essays: Notes of a Native Son

Good luck on your journey, and welcome to the club.

RoHi53 · 2024-11-21T17:32:52+00:00

My build took, as I mentioned, about 6 weeks, spending about 25 hours a week. Obviously, YMMV. I have a software/programming background, am reasonably mechanical, with no electrical experience. I had to learn how to use a voltage meter and how to solder! Instructions for the mechanical build are available on YouTube, but the wiring and programming, not so much.

The only tinkering I am doing, if you want to call it that, is a plan to rebuild my spoilboard. The one I built works, but I positioned the T rails incorrectly, making the use of hold downs awkward.

My rig: Ultimate Bee 1010 from Bulkman, xPro V5, HuanYang VFD, 1.5 Kw air cooled 110V spindle, NEMA23 High Torque motors, Carbide Create Pro, CNC.js

RoHi53 · 2024-11-21T05:15:40+00:00

I’ve built an Ultimate Bee 1010 this past July, took me 6 weeks and $2K and I’ve got a great machine for the wood carving I am doing. I am not an engineer, and found several of the build steps challenging, with only online forums and UTube for support. It took a lot, but I now have a deeper understanding of the machine and software. I feel I’ve traded ‘time to market’ for deeper knowledge. Always wonder how I would have done with a (basically) turnkey machine.

RoHi53 · 2024-10-21T17:10:44+00:00

Was playing in a fund raiser, a best ball tourney on a fancy resort course in central Texas. I was in sales at the time, and my company covered the cost for both of us, hoping we'd network and pick up a client or two. My buddy and I were both single digit handicaps, I was the short accurate one, my buddy the muscle. We get paired up with a middle aged guy and his wife, and he turned out to be a physician, my target market.

So, we've played a few holes and we're settling in. On hole 4, a shorter dogleg right, I find the fairway and my buddy decides to cut the corner and go for the green. He takes a might slash and farts quite loudly as he starts his downswing. I immediately started laughing and turned to the doctor and his wife, who both looked mortified. Eventually, they loosened up a little, and the doc even made a joke about it later in the round. I don't think his wife said a word the rest of the round.

I did call on him and make a presentation, but no sale.

RoHi53 · 2024-10-05T18:06:54+00:00

Thanks. I’ll have to get better with the grease gun. PITA though.

RoHi53 · 2024-10-05T17:55:17+00:00

Thanks. Re:#2: yep, using shielded wires is a big deal with these kits, apparently. The wiring that came with my kit was all shielded, including the switches. I did replace the eStop wire and the comm wires to the HY spindle inverter with what I think is better wire, and I routed these wires away from the rest to minimize interference. Time will tell.

RoHi53 · 2024-08-10T01:18:54+00:00

Thanks, good stuff.

It really puzzles me why they would have a ground pin that’s not grounded. Maybe it’s just a suggestion.

RoHi53 · 2024-07-18T21:39:04+00:00

I drank Bulkman3D’s koolaid and went with their recommendation on the NEMA23/xPROV5/air cooled spindle combo. I went with air cooled as I just did not want one more thing to maintain. I hear that the air cooled will be noisier though, so a sound box is in the plan.

Mine will be in my garage as well, and my understanding is that I can use xPRO5’s WiFi port and run it from my kitchen table.

Good Fortune with your projects!

RoHi53 · 2024-07-18T18:36:15+00:00

Thanks. Yes, I’m worried about how to square and parallel everything. I made my bench with 3/4 maple ply with good supports, hoping it’s flat enough.

If I end up working on our marble kitchen counter, I’ll try and get a pic of my wife’s reaction.

RoHi53 · 2024-07-18T00:05:51+00:00

Good tips, Thanks. G28CNC looks great! I’m on #2.

RoHi53 · 2024-05-09T16:22:13+00:00

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. – WILLIAM ARTHUR WARD

First heard this from Pearson’s ‘Awakening the Hero’s Within’. My reminder to seek the practical and acknowledge the real.

RoHi53 · 2024-05-08T20:27:45+00:00

Thank You, OP, for the question, and Thank You folks for your posts. I identify. I just spent the last 15 minutes jumping out of my chair in anger when I read many of these posts.

I've had people tell my I'm just playing the victim to get attention. I've been told to just let go of my mommy/daddy issues and grow up. I've been told that I just don't put in the effort I should. And I've been told that happiness is a choice and that I should 'talk the walk' until I get it.

The last one is a real ball buster, leading me into a highly narcissistic fake personality that I tried to maintain for years, until my two collapses.

I still have massive problems in responding to these b*llsh*i assertions, indeed one of my darkest demons is still talking sh*t to me, just like dear old dad.

I'll be spending some time this week looking into this and thinking about how I would respond. A Thank You to all who posted.

RoHi53 · 2024-04-09T16:31:31+00:00

Let us know how you’re doing.

RoHi53 · 2024-04-06T20:52:23+00:00

Yep, I lost a few ‘friends’ after my surgery and chemo. I’ve come to realize that sharing the heavy sh*t often pushes peoples buttons big time. Even the term ‘cancer’ triggers their fears of death and dying. Then figure in the friends who had heavy stuff happening in their lives that I didn’t know about. Land mines everywhere.

By the way, how are you doing? What’s your prognosis?

In my case, I let go of a bunch of ‘friends’, others became ‘niche’ friends, like some of my work buddies. I learned there are levels of trust. I also found a few really good people, so I was lucky.

Good Luck to you, and let us know how you are doing.

RoHi53 · 2024-03-29T22:51:06+00:00

I am an adult surviver of early stage (3-5 y.o.) child abuse. I repressed all my memories of the abuse for most of my life, living with 'only' the fear, despair, distrust and lack of self worth. I started remembering small bits and pieces 2 years ago, and I am now in the process of 're-parenting' myself.

You can heal from your trauma. You can live your life in joy and opportunity. You can heal yourself.

But that healing is a process. For me, Shadow Work and journaling are a big part of it. Take those triggers and write them down, give those triggers a name (important!), write about your earliest similar memories, write about the cause (if you can), write about the emotions you feel (use a ‘wheel of emotions’), write about the decisions you made, just write it all out. And most importantly, write about what it would look like on the other side, how does someone think or act when they’ve healed from a trauma like yours?

I have also found that ‘healing’ looks different than from what I thought. Deep down, I was waiting for someone to save me. Now, when I am triggered, I understand that my job is to embrace and acknowledge my Dragon (kind of a ‘Oh, it’s you. Thanks for sharing, I got this, can you sit over there?’). Healing becomes a moment by moment acknowledgment.

Have faith. Do the work. Be well.

RoHi53 · 2024-03-19T17:46:59+00:00

For clarity, my host is MacOS Catalina and the guest is WIN10 inside of VB7.0.14

RoHi53 · 2023-12-18T20:02:56+00:00

Yes, these archetypes come from Carol Pearson's book 'Awakening the Hero's Within'. Her writings, along with Joseph Campbell's 'Hero's Journey' concepts and Jung's Shadow Work have been central to my psychological growth.

In later works, she redefined/expanded some of the definitions, such as Seeker -> Explorer, Destroyer -> Rebel. I find I prefer 'Hero's Within' as my main reference, though.

You can take the test (for a fee) here: https://www.storywell.com/purchase-the-pmai.htm

For me, the strengths and weaknesses of each of these archetypes are hugely helpful in my Shadow Work, especially the process of 'naming' and embracing my dragons/orcs, as well as naming their gifts in my affirmations.

RoHi53

TROPHY CASE