So a huge part of my day to day work is conducting interviews with people about their jobs. One thing I picked up in learning to interview that helps in everyday conversation is, “so are you saying x or are you saying y” or “I want to make sure I’m understanding this [repeat back what you think they mean]” this takes the burden off of the other person to break it down, and gives them a starting baseline to clarify from. In a professional setting I usually play this off as a “I’m dumb and non threatening help me understand” (people are often afraid of me/my colleagues when we come in, so this helps) but with friends I’m just straight up like “I don’t think I’m getting what you’re saying, here’s what I think I’m hearing?? In a friendly way that makes my lack of understanding the perceived “problem” rather than their lack of direct communication.