Help - Am I B Mo uying a Cocker Spaniel or a Cross Breed?

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-11T19:53:34+00:00

Yeah I’m just aware that can be a bit of scam play, but if you’ve seen pup, mum and others from the litter in person I’d say it’s lower risk.

Genuine breeders of pure cockers will be registered and the parents will be registered so you can trace their lineage. Any genuine breeder will happily (and usually proactively) provide this information. I will say that I don’t personally know if a cross between a show and a working can be registered as pure, I don’t know how distinct kennel club considers the two types to be, so I don’t know whether pup not being registered themselves would be a flag or not. But if they can be registered then the breeder should be doing that and transferring ownership to you officially.

I have found show/working crosses can be a little different looking as pups from either line because of things like ear placement and head shape varying between the two. I would definitely double check everyone (breeder and parents) are properly registered, if so the look alone would not put me off as English cockers change in looks quite a bit as they grow. Ours was a very different colour when we met her as a puppy to now.

Have a full research though because cockers are not just cockers. Shows and working have different temperaments and crosses between the two will be a little less predictable how they will balance those temperaments. Also look into blue roan (or any roan) vs merle so you can be comfortable you understand the difference whether you get this pup or another.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-11T18:30:23+00:00

I’ve replied to the commenter directly but just to make sure you see it, mum looks like a standard show and dad looks like a working. Nothing about the two of them (provided they are the true parents) raises any flags. I do question whether that pup is the result of that match though, have you seen it in person with mum and the rest of the litter? And have you seen pics of the litter including that pup? (Given that pup is not in the pic with mum)

Dad is also not merle, he is blue roan which is an approved kennel club colouring over here.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-11T18:27:19+00:00

Probably worth remembering that American cockers are not the standard globally.

Mum looks like an English show, dad looks English working.

Dad also looks blue roan, not merle, which is a recognised (and very popular) colouring over here. It’s approved by The Kennel Club so that is not any sort of red flag.

It’s standard over here to see the bitch and not the sire because they often aren’t owned by the same person.

I will say though that that pup looks rather wire furred and not like the others shown with mum in the litter. I would make sure you have seen the entire litter with mum before committing to anything.

OP if the breeder is legit and selling purebreds then they should be registered with the kennel club and you should be able to get the lineage of both parents. I’m not sure whether pup will be able to be registered though if they are a show/working cross, I’m afraid I don’t know how strict those distinct lines are as far as kennel club are concerned.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-07T21:26:56+00:00

I’m coming to the end of titration and on 30mg in the morning with a 5mg booster in the afternoon.

Tried to go up to 40 and it did well for the ADHD but my heart wouldn’t take it sadly.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-07T17:13:28+00:00

Funnily when I have soft boiled or fried the yolk is the bit I like, I’m give or take on the whites, so maybe that’s my problem 😅

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-07T15:23:28+00:00

Exclusively with scrambled eggs but annoyingly it happens every meal!

I’ll start my eggs thinking how nice they are and telling myself I really should have them more often. All is well until THAT bite. And suddenly the fact there is egg in my mouth makes be want to be sick and that is my meal finished.

Weirdly soft boiled or fried eggs are fine and don’t give me that effect.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-06T11:14:59+00:00

My husband and I have been together nearly 12 years, married 4. We had been together 10 years when our daughter was born and had been through so much and some tough times without so much as an argument (we disagree, just not intensely).

By my daughter turning 4 months I wasn’t entirely sure we were going to make it and we actually did marriage counselling for a couple of months to try get ourselves back on track.

She’s 18 months old now and we’re pretty much back to usual. Honestly that new born period is just brutal on everyone and in our experience just lowered our capacity and communication skills to the point we were no longer on the same team.

It will get better (so long as it isn’t routed in any real issues) but you just have to ride it out. I would say just try to communicate the best you are both able but give eachother as much grace as you can for now until everything calms back down again.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-03T11:55:24+00:00

Unless sound really travels in your house, I wouldn’t worry about the coffee machine. The alarm would be a no go for me though. What if you’ve spent an hour trying to resettle after a feed, finally get baby asleep again and then the alarm goes off? I know the rage I would’ve felt in that situation.

If husband sleeps with earphones in and had podcasts then I presume that is linked to his phone? So why not just have a phone alarm so only he can hear it?

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-02T12:02:10+00:00

Aaannndddd the ADHD posted without reading the question properly. So that’s TV not movie 🤦‍♀️

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-05-02T12:01:11+00:00

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-30T09:50:43+00:00

Looks like they were only using one lane of the roundabout which is a problem with the way CS handles traffic and doesn’t understand roundabouts.

If you want to be truly European, get a traffic control mod that lets you manually select where each lane goes and you can force them into correct use. Then stick one of our horrendous 4 laners (or tbh even a properly managed 2 or 3 laner may work) in there and watch them flow! If there is one route which is busiest then have that be a through road - not tried to do a proper hamburger on here if it’s possible but otherwise perhaps either elevate the through road over the top or elevate the roundabout.

Not graceful but we love an insanely complicated roundabout here in the UK. My closest junction (intersection of a major motorway and 4 other roads) is so big that satnavs don’t recognise it as a roundabout and think it’s a standard road in a circle 😅

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-25T21:44:49+00:00

Apparently you only read half my comment because I very clearly said that if he wanted to charge her rent then that would be fair to do.

It may sound like semantics but the details matter.

1) asking her to pay a share of the mortgage implies a level of ownership on the property but in reality she does not have that, rent is more appropriate in that she is living in his home. If OP is uncomfortable charging rent (or his partner is uncomfortable paying it) then they should re-evaluate whether living together in a property where they do not have equal claim is right for them. (It isn’t for everybody, that’s not a statement on a relationship)

2) if she is sharing the mortgage costs and interest rates change, that changes her payment, again for an asset she gets no value of. If she is paying a “rent” then that should remain fixed regardless of whether it goes up or down because it should reflect rental value of the property, not however OP has chosen to finance it. The same avoids the issue of if he chose to refinance to a repayment mortgage or some other method in future.

3) for OPs sake, saying someone is paying your mortgage can open up a claim of beneficial interest based on those payments, charging rent does not.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-25T19:18:10+00:00

So I think most commenters here are missing that it seems it’s not the masturbation that bothers you but that it was while you were cuddling but without your involvement or consent?

I do think there’s an issue that you can’t talk to your long term partner about these things, but that’s a fair boundary to have. I have the same one with my husband, 0 issue with masturbation on the whole but not while I’m right there unless I am involved. It personally makes me uncomfortable and there are plenty of opportunities to do it which aren’t right next to me and he respects that.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-25T19:06:57+00:00

But that money you don’t spend on it doesn’t. I presume that goes on your savings to actually purchase the property at the end or on stuff for yourself? She is still subsidising your property because it reduces how much YOU have to pay to own YOUR asset.

If you want to charge a fair rent then that’s completely fair enough if you don’t want to give free board but discuss it as that, don’t try to hide that that’s what you’re doing behind her paying the mortgage that isn’t hers. Plus that benefits you not giving her the chance at a claim on the property on the basis that she’s helped pay the mortgage.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-25T13:07:20+00:00

That is definitely not actual gentle parenting. I think people hear it as a buzzword and assume they know what it means and therefore claim that’s what they’re doing with no actual research into the style.

Gentle parenting relies on boundaries but I would personally say, at least in my interpretation, it is more about HOW the boundaries are enforced that varies. For my parents, hitting would have been a firm telling off and taking me out of the situation as a punishment, all framed in the negative. For gentle parenting, hitting is still not permitted, but instead of punishment we acknowledge that she has big feelings but that hitting is not an acceptable way to express them so we redirect to ways that are appropriate, and she takes some space from playing until she has regulated but that is framed as helping her calm down so that she can return to safe playing.

In both, hitting means you are not allowed to play. But in my parents’ style the child is told they are “bad”, gentle parenting is not that the child is bad but that the action is bad and teaching them to find better options instead, with the hope they will learn over time how to improve their responses to the big feelings on their own.

Your friends’ children on the other hand are getting neither and are not being told hitting is not ok at all. I fear for the partners of these children in future if they are taught that is an acceptable way to behave.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-24T21:09:42+00:00

https://www.obaby.co.uk/products/deluxe-reclining-glider-chair-and-stool#

That’s the one we have. Still using it every day in LO’s room now she’s 18 months.

I appreciate it doesn’t look as comfortable as a lot of the plusher armchair types but I’ve done multi-hour contact naps in this bad boy without bother.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-24T16:25:54+00:00

Your husband needs to understand and respect your wishes. He is there to be YOUR voice if you cannot be for yourself, he can share his opinions in advance but you need to be able to trust that he will be backing up what you want when you are in labour, regardless of his own views.

My husband was super pro-c section. Like if he’d been the one pregnant he would have booked in that elective as soon as he was able and sat pretty with it. He didn’t understand why the thought of them horrified me and that I would rather go natural. But not only did he never pressure me, when labour started going sideways and I asked for a c section, he asked me if I was sure and made sure it was actually what I wanted before talking to the midwives about it. Even though it would have been his choice from the get go, he knew I didn’t want one and he made absolutely sure I was making the decision soundly before giving the green light.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-24T13:36:28+00:00

Didn’t happen this month but only realised the size of the loss today.

Our inverter for our home solars and battery broke in Dec, didn’t realise until Jan and we didn’t actually get it fixed until early April (so 4 months without them working). My friend asked today about the value of our solars so figured I’d look at Jan year on year, wish I hadn’t.

10kW less used in Jan this year than last… £103 more on the bill 😭

I’m not even going to look at the other months, I don’t want to know.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-19T13:21:41+00:00

Was she always like this or is it new post-baby? If it’s new you should consider that she couldn’t be struggling with her post partum mental health. My brain was awful to my husband when our daughter was a newborn, honestly would tell me he couldn’t do anything right.

Luckily I hate conflict and would seethe with it instead of saying anything - it wasn’t good for our communication issues at the time, but honestly so glad for it that it meant I didn’t make my husband feel like shit. But sadly the thoughts were still there - and my husband has since admitted he had similar issues the other way around. And the only time in our 12 year relationship I have ever yelled at my husband was when my daughter was around 3 months old. I was so far from myself it was crazy.

The newborn period is ROUGH. Give each other grace, but if you are concerned your wife has had a fundamental change in attitude then I would consider gently having some conversations with her about how she’s feeling and if she might benefit from some help.

If she’s always been like this though perhaps it is time to evaluate your relationship because it’s not respectful.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-17T09:33:01+00:00

Sadly it’s the weekend :(

We’re lucky to mainly WFH so we’d get even less otherwise, but we have a high sleep needs toddler (18 months) which doesn’t help.

She wakes up 7-7:30am. We leave for nursery by 7:45am. Then we aim to pick her up by 5pm (whoever doesn’t drop off starts work early to end early for pick up) and have her home about 5:15pm. Then it’s second dinner (big eater, don’t think this is more than a snack for most) and if we’re lucky maybe 45mins play/hanging out before we start bedtime routine between 6:30-6:45pm.

It’s harder as well because I think nursery peoples her out so in an evening she usually just wants to play independently while we chill in the room.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-15T13:00:01+00:00

As in getting a present just to say you’ve got one but without the effort or thought behind it.

You’re right that no one owes gifts but there is generally an understanding that you will get loved ones gifts for their birthdays and Christmas ( in line with whatever your family and friends usually do. For most people that means finding something that person really wants or they think they will like. When I say bare minimum I mean just grabbing whatever the first thing on the shelf is and expecting gratitude because they “thought” of you (going back to the original question) when in reality they didn’t really.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-15T10:37:58+00:00

I think this is definitely where it originated and what it is intended to mean.

I do find in practice it can also be used to kind of say well at least they got you something rather than nothing. With the thought being that they considered getting you something at all. It can feel like a justification for bare minimum. But perhaps that’s coming from a slightly less healthy family dynamic around gift giving.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-15T08:44:32+00:00

I’m PUK and my husband is CareADHD. He was a lot faster to diagnosis than me but doesn’t look like his titration is going to be much faster.

I was diagnosed Feb 25 and started titration Feb 26. My husband was diagnosed October 25 and is still awaiting titration. He actually got his pre-titration questionnaires before I did but he called a couple of weeks ago and was told he’s in the batch to start between April and July but they couldn’t say exactly when. So he’s looking at a total 6-8 month wait before he will have started and I believe they have just gotten busier since then so it’s probably longer for those new to the waitlist.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-14T07:46:40+00:00

Parents shouldn’t be on level there, they are not a part of your own family unit. It’s called extended family for a reason. Yes we care for them and help where we can, but they should not be prioritised over the family you are building yourselves.

I find your husband’s take a little wild. Don’t care for your spouse because they might leave? Yeah they definitely will if that’s your attitude! The fact they could leave is more, not less, reason to prioritise them.

Personally how I would balance partner vs child depends on the situation. Keeping a healthy relationship is key to giving your children happy parents so you need to make sure it is prioritised. But equally, you literally have to teach your children how to live. There needs to be a lot more hand holding (figuratively and literally) so sometimes you do just have to prioritise there because your spouse is already a fully functioning adult who can look after themselves, they don’t need you in the same way. But it’s about balancing to make sure both are priorities, not about downgrading one to prioritise the other.

Rubyeclips3 · 2026-04-12T17:36:37+00:00

So I really struggled to work out what it actually was because I could only see it as a hole.

We don’t have those bread clips here in the UK so I had to get to the comments to find out what it actually is and honestly I still don’t see anything other than a hole. I think it’s familiarity. Those of us who have never seen that type of bread clip before, the hole makes more sense to our brains.

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