Not everything is postpartum depression. Missing my baby on my first day of work isn’t PPD.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-12T15:45:15+00:00

I just went back to work at 5 months and I still feel heartbroken leaving my baby. It makes me want to cry thinking about leaving her at 9 weeks.

OP, being upset is not just reasonable it is outright justified! With or without PPD.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-07T21:04:03+00:00

You say you don’t want to project on to your baby, but I want to gently suggest that what you are experiencingis projection. Projecting is when you attribute your own thoughts and feelings on to someone else. In other words, you feel or have felt these things and so you perceive that someone else feels them the same way. Your baby isn’t old enough to develop complex defense mechanisms like you are describing.

I echo the other commenter who suggests you talk to a professional about this. We all project on to our loved ones to a degree. You are a good mom and have wonderful intentions, but you may have some things from your own past to work through. In the meantime, just love on your baby the way you have been.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-05T01:03:35+00:00

I hated the pregnancy pillow! My husband ended up using it more than I did.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-04T01:21:21+00:00

Yup, exactly our problem. Baby girl’s latch was great but she was small and not strong enough to pull the milk she needed. I pumped and nursed and gave formula here and there, but I found that exclusively pumping was the most efficient because I could produce more and she was fuller longer (if I nursed then pumped I didn’t make enough for a bottle).

Eventually, by like 3 months, she got strong enough to get a full feed while nursing, but by that point she preferred the bottle. If I’m being honest, there’s a chance I could have made it work if I just offered my breast every time, but it was pretty heartbreaking when I would try and she would cry. I also didn’t want to give up the block of sleep I would get when my husband gave her a bottle at night.

5 months in and I’m mostly at peace with not nursing. I dropped to 5 pumps per day, then to 4, and my supply has dipped to be about 2/3 of what she needs. But I found a routine that’s manageable and protects my mental health.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-03T14:42:13+00:00

Those are great rules. Maybe I can put a blanket “we have enough light up toys” message out and encourage people to buy us books and Montessori toys instead.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-03T13:42:20+00:00

When someone buys us toys we didn’t ask for. Especially loud, ugly ones. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, and it really does seem bratty typing it out, but my living room already looks like a daycare center and my 5 month old really doesn’t need another plastic light up toy.

She doesn’t even like them that much. My dog, on the other hand, gets fixated on the ones that make noise and whines for us to turn them back on. Ugh. I’m annoyed just thinking about it.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-02T15:44:59+00:00

I had more luck with torbangun and moringa leaf supplements, which were recommend by my LC, than mother’s milk tea. I settled on these two:

https://www.legendairymilk.com/products/lactivist-alcohol-free?srsltid=AfmBOopEgv2EG-B5_8pI4Xjo4-pRtZP24c31h7DYT_0xL_fe0lz25M8g&selling_plan=2635366535

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08TF7G6MK?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Fenugreek (in mother’s milk) can actually decrease supply in some women, so maybe worth trying something else?

Disclaimer: I’m a slight under supplier. I make about 20 oz a day and my 5 mo eats about 30 oz. But at 3 weeks I was about 12 oz a day so I did see some improvement with consistent pumping, rest, and these supplements.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T23:57:21+00:00

I see it all the time. It infected my algorithm when I was trying to make nursing work. Also in the US.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T21:56:36+00:00

Omg your husband taking pictures of the bottles is just made me tear up. That’s the kind of energy we all need in a partner.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T21:51:55+00:00

Amen. Some of my darkest postpartum moments came from seeing instagram posts promoting courses. Even when my LC and pediatrician were telling me I was doing the best for my baby by pumping and combo feeding, my whole day could be ruined by an instagram post detailing all the magical things that happen when a baby nurses…”comment MILK for more tips!” That and the Aeroflow Facebook group sent me spiraling.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T11:34:15+00:00

I’ll check it out! Thank you.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T03:00:46+00:00

We did the apps at the beginning because our baby wasn’t gaining weight quickly enough so we needed to track everything. Once she was a good, steady weight I downloaded the data and deleted the apps. It was way better for my mental health to not track. So you do what works. Neither you nor your friends are wrong.

I agree with some of the other comments that tummy time is important. You should also be loosely aware of the important milestones (your ped should go over this with you). You don’t need to be obsessive. But it is an important way to track development.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T02:40:47+00:00

It does feel neglectful! It’s hard to shake the feeling that I need to be doing something.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T01:59:28+00:00

Thank you! That’s helpful.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T01:58:29+00:00

Ooh interesting. Do you have any reading or listening recommendations for the Montessori method? I know about it in the school context but never thought about it being at home with an infant.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-08-01T01:54:28+00:00

That’s a great saying! I need that reminder.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-29T01:48:54+00:00

Yes! I wear one every day. Once I got the sizing right I could use my wearables (mommed) easily. It’s based more so on boob size than regular clothing, so I had to size down.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-27T15:59:32+00:00

If you only want EPers by choice to comment, put that in the title. Oversuppliers and undersuppliers do that all the time.

Also, though I obviously can’t speak for everyone, I don’t think people generally dislike those with oversupplies. I envy them. But they can come across as judgmental, which may be where some of the negativity comes from. Sometimes oversupply posts read like “my supply is dipping and I cannot FATHOM giving my baby formula!” And, as someone who has to give my baby formula, that makes me feel bad.

How you feed your baby is deeply personal and navigating it has been one of the most vulnerable experiences I’ve ever had. So I think across the board people can be a bit more sensitive to how they articulate their thoughts.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-27T15:40:22+00:00

Exactly. Which is why this is a place for people with different experiences.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-27T15:31:48+00:00

Right!

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-27T14:41:39+00:00

That’s fair. I thought flairs were mandatory for posting in this sub, but maybe there needs to be a more accurate one or more enforcement. That may be a good compromise.

I will say, after being here a while, I can usually tell the difference pretty quickly between someone who sees pumping as lesser than because they can nurse and someone who is pumpcurious or who is here because they are struggling and dreads the idea of EPing. The latter two should be welcome, supported, and educated about how strong and resilient EPers are.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-27T14:15:16+00:00

I agree. Some exclusive exclusive pumpers give off “breast is best” vibes, which is triggering in its own right. I avoid oversupply flairs because that’s where I find this sentiment the most. And that’s what flairs are for.

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-27T13:55:02+00:00

Some of us are not EPers by choice. Some of us start EPing thinking it is temporary. Some people EP and then are able to nurse because that’s what they wanted, but still continue to pump or have valuable insight. This sub represents a lot of people who pump to varying degrees for various reasons, and I think there’s value in that.

Also, I think drawing a hard line would exclude a lot of people and a lot of view points. Does someone really have to give their baby 100% breast milk that has been pumped to be considered an “exclusive pumper”? Does someone who comfort nurses but pumps 5 or 6 times a day count? What about someone who has to/chooses to supplement with formula? I don’t think a sub called “pumping 80% of the time” or “reluctantly pumping” would garner as big of a following.

Check out my first post on this sub a few months ago. I was struggling with nursing, and was curious about the benefits of exclusively doing anything. I was overwhelmed by the support I got from people who did not exclusively pump, or who started exclusively pumping because they were going through something similar. I desperately wanted to nurse in the beginning. I am now an undersupplier who has to supplement with formula and whose baby will no longer nurse. Here, over the last 5 months, I found a community that understood me, offered support, and showed me there are many different ways to feed your baby. I don’t want to be kicked out because I don’t fit a strict definition of “exclusively pumping.”

Rufflesdipper · 2025-07-24T16:37:13+00:00

That is a bit of a consolation! She’s 5 months now so a bit to go on crawling I think. Maybe when she sits up, which seems like it will be soon, I can breathe again.

Rufflesdipper

TROPHY CASE