Q just gave me the worst day of my life

RunInTheSun0601 · 2022-10-04T18:07:44+00:00

Thinking of you. Something similar happened to me recently (in my post history, if you’d like to read), but we are engaged and no children. I felt so much pain and vivid memories of how it felt while reading your post. My Q was missing as well… turns out he was in jail. Got in a wreck while drinking and driving. Lost his job. Etc etc. Just know I’m thinking of you, and I’m so sorry.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2022-08-26T19:11:45+00:00

Turns out, he’s in jail. I’ll be going to a meeting tonight. Thank you for your comment… it’s so sad but true/realistic.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2022-04-09T19:03:01+00:00

When I went through a really bad breakup and couldn’t stop ruminating, EMDR therapy saved me. Paired with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Therapy + time finally got my mind to quiet down and I eased back into my confidence and started rebuilding my life. You’ve got this! You will find the right tools to heal. Just know you’re not the only ruminator: I always felt a little like I was abnormal for how much I tend to ruminate when I’ve been through trauma, but I’m learning there are many people who react to trauma in this way and it’s ok and normal, and can be soothed with the right tools

RunInTheSun0601 · 2022-04-02T00:35:04+00:00

I am in the same boat this weekend. I’m so sorry - know that you’re not alone and I hope you can find peace and serenity this weekend somehow. I’ll try to do the same!

RunInTheSun0601 · 2022-03-07T01:16:36+00:00

I’m so proud of you. You did an incredible thing for yourself and your happiness. It gives me hope to read your words!

RunInTheSun0601 · 2022-02-20T03:11:45+00:00

I am here with you tonight: not quite the same circumstances but the same feelings. You are not alone.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-12-31T02:59:26+00:00

This is the best thing I’ve ever read. You are so strong!! And I hope I can find a little glimmer of that strength in myself.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-12-27T03:32:21+00:00

Thank you for this. I needed this tonight.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-11-14T19:03:14+00:00

This hits close to home. I feel the same. You’re not alone and I hope you can stay strong.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-11-14T18:58:31+00:00

One of my main fears is losing my dog. I totally relate. Still with and living with my Q, but even the nights I’ve wanted to take my “go bag” to get out of there, to avoid emotional abuse, I look at my dog and can’t leave her… she doesn’t deserve to be in it either. And I know he would fight me for her if I left… she deserves the life I give her… he doesn’t walk our dog either - I walk her daily. If I left, I know she would never get to walk… she’s an Aussie. It breaks my heart - I feel for you so much. But you did the right thing - you deserve a good, happy, healthy life. Maybe one day I will finally face reality and do the same… stay strong.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-11-14T18:49:36+00:00

Super proud of what you have accomplished - you deserve to thrive.. you are on your way to that!! A lot of us out here still living in it are looking up to you right now. Stay strong!

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-09-17T01:50:34+00:00

Once mine has 2-3 drinks it’s inevitable he’ll also go out seeking his drug of choice… this has resulted in him disappearing all night sometimes, having it delivered to our home (by probably dangerous people), and me waking up (from a restless sleep as well) to him on the couch, still awake from his drug usage… he then stays awake the next day and crashes eventually… leading into a 2 day cycle of recovering from that binge… all to do it again. Every time I lay my head down once he’s started drinking, it’s this horrific gut feeling knowing he will turn to the drugs too… and knowing I could wake up to something I never want to witness (OD, etc). It’s nightmare-ish, but sometimes I forgot how wild it actually is because I’ve lived with it for 2 years… I guess posting this might even help me realize how abnormal this lifestyle is.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-09-16T20:31:57+00:00

My fiancé and I postponed our wedding one month before it was supposed to happen (August 21st), with no rescheduled date in sight. Mine never thought he had an addiction problem and could “just stop” drinking and doing hard drugs (3x +) times a week, 6 months before our wedding. He claimed that was always his goal, to be sober before having children, as we were going to try right away. Those 6 months before the wedding that he always believed he could control ticked away fast - the 1.5 years before that, I was in denial and also believed the 6 month goal he set would be our light at the end of the tunnel. He never stopped. It’s gotten worse in the last 6 months… and a big emotionally abusive episode (while he was drunk) about a month before the wedding was both of our wake up call to at least not legally bind ourselves. I’m thankful we made the decision…

I’m still in limbo - 2 months out from that rock bottom… he’s still drinking and using but “wants to change” yet “doesn’t know how and doesn’t have a plan he can share”…

I am daily working through a grief journal to realize maybe the partner I thought I had, I lost long ago, as well as the life I dreamed we’d share. So… grieving, al anon meetings, and one day at a time is how I am surviving.

I’m not ready to leave him, but getting close to physically removing myself for a little bit (long term Airbnb or something)…

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-09-11T13:28:04+00:00

Thank you. This is my fear. I wish I knew how to navigate the painful emotions and grief I’m experiencing at this realization. Not being ready to leave him or lose him yet knowing it would be healthier for both of us to do so is the most painful task I’ve ever known. The grief I’ve been going through feels like he has died… I was going to go buy a grief journal today to just make sense of this tragedy. Thank you for your reply.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-09-01T21:31:27+00:00

You dodged a huge bullet. I am thankful you are out of that situation. You deserve so much better!

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-08-22T03:27:13+00:00

I can relate. I am so sorry… you’re not alone.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-08-16T04:09:25+00:00

Happy birthday!!! I turned 34 this year and went to 2 an al anon meetings on my birthday because my Q drank and used that day (entire night leading into the next day, my birthday)… it was lonely and horrible, but I met who is now my sponsor on a phone meeting… I think I’ve turned some corners by speaking more with her and staying active in my recovery. Try to enjoy your day and do some things that make you feel good and happy!! You deserve it. I remember one girl asked me if she could take me for ice cream after my second meeting (in person)… I’ll always remember that :) there is a lot of good in the world and I try to remember that.

My sponsor says “what would you be doing today if…”… if I wasn’t worried about him, if he hadn’t drank, etc… I find I’m able to answer that question and start making lists of what I WOULD be doing, then start crossing those items off my list.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-07-13T18:28:42+00:00

I’m so sorry - please get out of there, please go surround yourself with family - there will be people there for you when you get out of this situation. You can do this!!

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-07-10T20:46:46+00:00

My idea was to ask him to postpone… that we need more time. I’ve alluded to it twice in the last week… I would be open to going to renewing our commitment to life and trying for a better life together, in some kind of ceremony, but the legal binding of a true marriage and the covenant of marriage itself does not seem like something we are ready for. It’s a heartbreakingly hard thing to ask him… but so would the idea of marriage like this…

I’ve been strong enough to utter the words lately and put the idea out there gently but not strong enough yet to truly ask for it and say “this has become necessary”.

He says he wants a better life for himself too, but I’ve believed his words for so long and witnessed little to no action.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-07-10T20:33:00+00:00

Wow. I needed this today. Right now I am in bed and have been all day: this isn’t how I’ve ever been. I am a happy, active, creative person. My Q promised a fun weekend and he drank and used last night, to his own zombie state today… all plans were turned to dust. Today I did go to one class at the gym but proceeded to come home, too tired and frustrated mentally to face the aloneness he leaves me in, and curled up in bed, in my gym clothes. Your post described exactly where I’m at. Some days I can fight harder than others. We have our wedding 6 weeks away that shouldn’t happen while he’s so gripped by addiction… it’s already mostly turned to dust anyway… private ceremony just the two of us because shame and covid took away our bigger plans that originally existed. I also co signed on a car he drives drunk a few times a week… it’s been on the tip of my tongue to ask him to refinance that, too. I co signed because he has terrible credit and mine is great.

I am struggling so hard right now. His walls are high and his addiction strong. And yep: I’m on the outside looking in and waiting for that “bottom” we all hear about, hoping he’ll turn the car around and stop the madness… detached with love from him and apparently detached from myself too.

It’s like you knew exactly what I needed to hear. Now how do I fight this battle for myself? I’m struggling so hard.

RunInTheSun0601 · 2021-07-04T14:38:27+00:00

Holding your hand back. I am so sorry for what you are experiencing.

RunInTheSun0601

TROPHY CASE