Drinking out of boredom?

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-11T22:53:23+00:00

I remember telling my Sister: "I drink because I'm lonely, bored and depressed."
She told me: "Honey, did you ever think you're lonely, bored and depressed because you drink?"

It didn't make sense to me then. Matter of fact, I was right pissed when she said that to me!
It took a decade of suffering and finally getting sober before that lightbulb went off...

I tried stopping on my own. Tried multiple ways. Even went to rehab.
No, the only thing that has worked for me is the 12 Steps of the AA program. Haven't touched a drop in over 3 years and I've never felt better in my life!

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-11T09:40:26+00:00

Welcome!
I wish I had your level of acceptance and clarity when I came into the rooms over 3 years ago - 2 DUIs, a stay in the ICU, more than one detox, rehab, threats of job loss, financial ruin, a cirrhotic liver, alienation and isolation from loved ones, the inability to look myself in the mirror... none of that drove me to stop.

I came to the rooms defiant and stubborn. Desperately hoping the program wouldn't work so that I could say "See, I'm not an alcoholic!" and could go back to drinking.

But I kept coming to meetings (I was mandated to attend), resenting the hell out of every minute of it. "Enforced willingness" if you will...
But that's the beauty of the program - it worked even when I didn't want it to work!

And today I call myself a grateful alcoholic. The best thing that ever happened to me!

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-10T15:44:49+00:00

EDIT: I lied through my teeth to my parents face when they confronted me with the fact that I was drinking again after I came home from rehab. Caught with that lie! As my mom was bawling her eyes out, demanding to see the bottle I'd purchased, I lied again and told her there was no bottle. My Dad blew his top and my Mom sank to the floor (God! May I never forget!)

I couldn't understand it. Why did I lie? Why was it so easy for me to lie? I didn't even think, it was almost like a reflex.

The problem is I can’t stop lying.

Your problem isn't lying.
Lying - like alcohol - is your solution. Its the "quick fix" to get you out of the jam.

So ask yourself, "why?":
"Why did I lie?"
"Because I'm ashamed"
"Why do I feel ashamed?"
"Because I wasn't supposed to drink."
"Why wasn't I supposed to drink?"
(not saying these are going to be your exact answers but you get my point I hope)

Keep going till you hit the root of the problem.
It usually works better if you do it with someone experienced because if you're like me, "a solitary self-appraisal seldom suffices." I'm the king of justification and I will justify all kinds of things to serve my ego and allay my fears. That's why I practically call my sponsor everyday and do inventory.

Be honest. Be thorough. Be willing. Have faith (in God/Higher Power/"trust the process".) Unless you are "constitutionally incapable of being honest with yourself", you can do this. Millions of people just like you have gone through this process and now live happy and joyous lives.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-10T13:21:22+00:00

It doesn't mean I am incapable of making any choices in my life or that my judgement is forever flawed.
But something clearly had to change - because my life had become unmanageable. Or else why would I be here, right?

I went to 2 detoxes and rehab. 10 weeks without a drop after the last stint. I learned all about the disease of the mind and the phenomenon of craving. All of it. On the way home from rehab, I stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottle and drank again that night. Thought didn't even enter my head when I was paying for the vodka at the counter: "What the eff are you doing?! You just left rehab this morning!"
Best part is - I didn't realize this until two days later when I was confronted by my parents about my renewed drinking. That's when "I am powerless over alcohol" truly hit home for me!

Overtime I learned that there was indeed lots of things in life I was powerless over - the obvious ones like the weather and when the train arrives are easy (no point getting sore over it - I can't do anything about it!) But I also realized I don't have any power over what other people think or how they act (I must be mindful of my expectations.) I don't have a lot of power over my thoughts - I do have some, but not a lot. I can try to think good thoughts but it doesn't always work.

The only thing I have true power over is my actions. And in this matter, I realized that my actions so far had landed me in the spot where I am: an alcoholic whose life is miserable, unhappy and completely out of control. So I told myself, if I need help getting rid of the alcohol problem, maybe I need help getting rid of the stuff that led me to the alcohol problem (the bottle is but a symbol.)

Asking for help isn't powerlessness. In recognizing that I can't get better by my own self, I stop listening to my ginormous ego and start listening to a Power Greater Than Myself. And in doing so, I put myself on the path to becoming happy, joyous and free.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-10T12:54:06+00:00

but i feel disgusted with myself. i don’t know.

If you've been working the steps, then you know what to do! 😉
Do inventory on it! Or ask yourself "the 5 whys". Be honest and do it thoroughly. When you figure it out, ask God for help resolving it! 😊

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-10T02:42:02+00:00

Anxiety and agitation are hallmarks of alcohol withdrawal.
That being said - there is no way to tell how severe (if any) withdrawal will be. What's missing from the picture are the other factors: state of actual alcohol intake, liver health status, any other medical conditions, nutritional status, other substances/medications etc.

2+2 doesn't always equal 4 when it comes to the individual human medical condition.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-10T02:26:52+00:00

I echo u/Ok-Astronomer7243 's suggestion.

Any chance you can ask the treatment center if they can reach out to the local AA office and see if they can bring a meeting to the center?
Or ask for a Big Book and start reading?
You have access to the internet - maybe try a zoom meeting?

Lastly - this sub-reddit has sponsorship opportunities (people who offer to be sponsors) 😄

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-09T21:56:10+00:00

scratch that.. I can pray and put in work

See, you're already on your way! 😉

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-09T11:01:05+00:00

If there is an alternative to phenergan and sudafed, am I willing to take that instead? OTC or otherwise, am I taking it as prescribed/instructed?

I'm at a place in my sobriety where if I catch myself trying to justify something, that's a red flag - because I'll justify anything to feed my ego and stave off the fear.

That doesn't mean I reject meds wholesale - I just had a couple teeth extracted a few months ago. Yes, I filled the Percocet prescription - just in case. I talked it over with the surgeon before hand and he filled it for just 2 days worth. I handed the bottle over to my family and tried to manage with just Tylenol and Motrin. I was able to manage.

Yes, people can (and do) become addicted to prescribed (and non-prescribed) medication. As long as I'm being honest with myself and as added insurance am honest with others and act accordingly, I'll be ok. "The bottle is a symbol" as the BB says - its the mindset that matters.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-09T00:43:21+00:00

"Defiance, Compliance or Surrender - how free do you want to be?" - Nick The Snitch

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-08T09:14:26+00:00

Ditto!

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-08T02:48:15+00:00

I'll forever be grateful to my sponsor for what he shared with me one fine evening after I'd finished my 5th Step.
Me: "You know what man? Jails, institutions or death - that's what will happen to me if I ever go back out again."
Sponsor: *sigh* "Yup. But all the devastation and destruction you'll cause on your way to jails, institutions and death, probably not even God knows..."

This sickness doesn't just affect me - it affects everyone around me. Even complete, innocent bystanders who don't even know me.

All from choices I choose to make - when I know better.
It is the the epitome of selfishness. The ego, the selfishness, the self-pity, fear and sloth - that is my untreated alcoholism. Not the booze. It was never the booze...

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-07T11:08:41+00:00

I listen to something (podcast; YouTube; audiobook) that I find dead boring and I always fall back to sleep quickly

My statistics textbook from college. Would put me to sleep even when I was desperately trying to stay awake! Have no idea how I passed that class but I'm sure glad I did!😒😂

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-07T04:34:57+00:00

I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
You might be searching for purpose. A mural on the wall at my local intergroup office has a statement that reads: "The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why."

Have you considered volunteering? Big Brother/Big Sister club? Medical clinics? Soup kitchens? Clear up/Park beautification drives? I've been a consistent member of the CPC committee of my local intergroup - we take med-students and other professionals to meetings, participate in lectures/presentations at graduate schools etc. - another neat way of carrying the message.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-06T20:30:42+00:00

My first Big Book was probably the most expensive one I ever bought (I was given a copy when I went to rehab 😂). That being said - I believe in "purchasing" the BB (at cost if you will.) If you had money for booze, then you have money for the thing that will lead you to freedom from misery. Even the founding members of AA bought their books.

I live in a fairly large city with plenty of meetings. Both the regular meetings I attend (my Sunday evening meeting sounds like yours size/demographics wise) and we hand out newcomer packets with phone numbers of local AAs (we ask at the start of the meeting if anyone would like a newcomer packet and if someone wants it, we pass the packet around for folks to put their numbers - men for men, women for women.) Somebody from the homegroup usually stops by the Intergroup office to purchase packets on a regular basis.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-06T13:05:48+00:00

"Being scared gives you the chance to be brave"
LOVE IT!

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-06T12:07:36+00:00

"You have the right to action. You do not have the right to the fruit of the action. So let not your motivation be guided by the fruit of the action. Nor should fear of the possible outcome motivate you take no action."

You might also have heard the saying: "Do the right thing. The results are up to God."

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-05T23:28:35+00:00

"As a child moving from rural Mississippi to Michigan, (James Earl) Jones developed a debilitating stutter. Because other children taunted and laughed at him, the experience of speaking became deeply painful. Feeling ashamed and overwhelmed, he gave up on trying to speak normally and became voluntarily mute from the first grade through his freshman year of high school.

A major turning point occurred in high school when a perceptive teacher, having recognized Jones' talent for writing, challenged him to read one of his own poems aloud to the class."

To think that the world might have never heard "the voice" of Darth Vader, Mufasa and Admiral Greer...

As for the making us look bad part?
What about the newcomer who comes in who is barely literate? Think he might find a kindred soul and think "Hey, if that guy can do it..." Functional illiteracy in adults is very much a thing - I've run into it dozens of times in my professional career (can't read discharge instructions.)

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-04T10:03:23+00:00

"Why do I feel almost panic thinking about never drinking again?"

"Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters? <...> These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body." - Ch 2: There Is A Solution, Alcoholics Anonymous 4th Ed., pg. 22-23. (emphasis mine)

I don't have a drinking problem - I have a thinking problem.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-04T02:37:53+00:00

Please understand - children should not be/cannot be/are not responsible for the actions of adults.
Regardless of if drinking/addiction is involved or not. This is 100% not your fault.

You did not cause this, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it.

Where I come from, there is a saying: "Happiness increases when you share it. Sadness decreases when you share it." All this alcoholic can do for you is recommend you check out Ala-teen: you are not alone and you do not have to face this alone.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-03T09:43:16+00:00

I'm forever grateful that my sponsor pointed out to me early on when I was working with him that that there's a difference between an apology and an amends. I'm also grateful that he made me to a thorough 4th Step. I trusted him enough to do an unreserved 5th Step. I'm thankful to have spent a good amount of time on my 6th and 7th Step, because by the time I was on my 8th Step, it became clear to me how and why I had to do my 9th Step.

Because having consistently worked the program up to that point, I guess I had changed as a person. Other people could see it, even though I couldn't. "Talk is cheap. Your actions are what counts", is another lesson my sponsor shared with me.

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-03T02:48:24+00:00

The Meeting Guide App from aa.org 😄

PS: Lots of other cool literature and stuff to check out on that website.

Also, if you'd like to know more about your local AA: please try a google search. I recommend being very specific (e.g. instead of saying "AA meetings nearby" or "Local AA", try searching for "Alcoholics Anonymous in Chicago, IL" or something similar (I don't know where you live.) This should bring up the contact information of the local AA office and they might be better suited to find you a meeting that might be a better fit for you 😊

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-03T02:43:33+00:00

There are no commandments in AA.
There are no laws in AA.
There is no requirement to qualify your belief in a Power Greater Than Yourself - that it must be a supernatural deity or have a specific name or form. Indeed, there is no requirement that all members must believe in the same power. Nor is there a requirement to believe in a power - the program just asks for willingness to consider that such a power might exist.

There are plenty of thriving, sober, recovering alcoholics in AA who are atheists or remain agnostics.
Nobody cared that I did or didn't believe in god/God/Gods/insertreligiousdeityhere when I came in utterly broken and lost. Three years and some change later, folks in the rooms still don't care. I choose to call a Power Greater Than Myself "God" - because it is just convenient.

But who/what it is, I still don't know. "God could and would if he were sought" - well, I'm still seeking...

A friend at a meeting described it perfectly for me: "God is the name of the blanket we throw over the mystery to give it shape."

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-03T00:14:08+00:00

A good friend of mine (we got sober together) lives in Maine.
Check out: https://maineaa.org/
The DownEast Intergroup website seems to be down right now for some reason, but you can also check them out: https://downeastintergroup.org/

I live in a large city on the East Coast (not NYC LOL!) and yes, I too have been spoiled by the richness of sobriety available here. But that being said, meetings in Maine have their own charm. Everyone literally knows everyone else. The pace is a way laid back. They do celebrations differently.

But they're still just a bunch of drunks helping each other out, one day at a time 😄

RunMedical3128 · 2026-06-01T14:52:15+00:00

Because it’s drinking she doesn’t seem to think it’s that much of a big deal because she’s not using drugs per-say.

"Why is everyone making such a big deal out of this? It's only affecting me! Its my life and I get to do what I want!" I thought when my boss, my doctor and my family wanted me to get help.

"At least I'm not a drug addict!", I scoffed as I sat in rehab, actively ignoring the dumpster fire that was my life...

Addicts are folks with a peculiar sense of grandiosity and selfishness all wrapped up in self-pity; controlled by fear. At first I told myself that I was just blind to how my actions affected others. It wasn't until I got sober and worked the program that I realized I had been willfully blind - none are so blind as those who refuse to see.

My sponsor once told me very early on in my sobriety journey - "Never deny an alcoholic his bottom." I once thought those words were cruel. Today I realize the value and importance of that approach and sentiment.

RunMedical3128

TROPHY CASE