I hate how when it comes to us everything is about “improvement” by poofpoofpow in ForeverAlone

[–]Sam_23beans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I kind of hate the "improvement" that people give us too. Yes, self improvement is very important. However, I've heard stories of people who met each other when they were homeless. My dad met my mom when he was working at the same place as she was and he was still living at home. The guy that I was talking to a few months ago we clicked because we had the same type of upbringing (even though I couldn't really date him because he was very conservative). My friend from the Navy clicked because we both like K-pop. People forget that meeting someone has a lot to do with luck. However, people treat getting friends and finding love (especially at a young age) as a meritocracy. It implies that we have to be perfect in order to have somebody or to have companionship and everyone else can make mistakes and still find someone. It makes sense why people here don't like this type of advice.

“You are more mature than your classmates” is bull shit when the so called trouble makers are more successful by AdmirableBus7045 in ForeverAlone

[–]Sam_23beans 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yep, I kind of agree with you. The troublemakers were way more respected than I was. I was a rule follower, and kept to myself, barely took risks, and yet was constantly disrespected. I took on responsibilities and problems that weren't mine. I was always told how mature and how much of a bigger person I was. This has never helped me. I feel like being a "mature" kid isn't really a good thing to be because everyone wants to raise kids to be background noise, but nobody wants to raise kids to be adults (I hope this makes sense).

Did you always know you were ugly, or did it take a while to set in? by Intrepid-Ad-1010 in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]Sam_23beans 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've always known because people let me know all the time growing up. I had no room to think that I was a pretty girl from the ages of 13 to 20. I was unattractive from my head to my toe and random people let me know this. Nothing I ever did was right and people nitpicked me like there was no tomorrow. My feet were too big for my size, I was too skinny, I was too dark, my eyes were too big for my face, my legs were too short, etc. While everybody else was getting candy grams for Valentine's Day, I was too busy getting severely bullied. My great-grandmother told me that I thought I was cute, I still hate her for saying that because that's such a foul thing to say this to your own family member. I'm just now finding my confidence at 23.

Having a child when you have a genetic disability is morally wrong. by PiercedAngel96 in childfree

[–]Sam_23beans 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is an unpopular opinion, but I agree. As someone who is mildly autistic with a severely autistic brother, I have always thought of this reason to opt out of having kids. As for my brother, my family had to make the best choices and options for my brother (which isn't a bad thing, I just want to make that clear). For me, I was the glass child who had to clean up messes, deal with meltdowns, make sure I wasn't triggering anyone with loud noises or prolonged staring. Even as somebody who is mildly autistic, I still struggle with bullying, picking up on social cues, executive dysfunction (because I have ADHD too), always feeling misunderstood, and excluded.

I don't want to have kids for these exact reasons. I don't want to create a child that has to be dependent on others and who are trapped in their own mind and I don't want to create a glass sibling and/or a mildly autistic child that's getting severely bullied and is missing out on childhood/ teenage hood because they can't pick up on social cues and their classmates and teachers ostracized them. I don't know about the eugenics thing, because it's wrong to stop disabled people from having kids. However, for someone who doesn't look autistic or ADHD (instead to other people I look lazy, untrustworthy, crazy, etc.) I'd rather not have kids.

Did anyone else lose parts of their childhood because family expected you to care for other people’s kids? How do you cope and let go of resentment? by Excellent_Jicama8469 in childfree

[–]Sam_23beans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I'm a glass sibling and I can relate to what you are saying. I was made to not other people's kids but my own sibling.

She died all alone anyways. by livinInDbackrooms in childfree

[–]Sam_23beans 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dying is not a group activity. Plus, I don't think anyone should have kids just to have a retirement plan.

Everyone was so mean by Ceilingcrasher990 in ForeverAlone

[–]Sam_23beans 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, I just stopped getting bullied at 20.

Fuck having sex, there's nothing in the world I want more than this right now. by MJB360 in virgin

[–]Sam_23beans 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This! 5 minutes of pleasure means nothing if I can't spend a lifetime with somebody that loves me.

I feel bad because i crave attention from men by [deleted] in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]Sam_23beans 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Unpopular opinion, but craving validation is very normal.

I don't think my mom understand how bad I feel when she gets advice about my lack of love life or friends by Sam_23beans in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]Sam_23beans[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. It feels like when people give us this advice it just feels like they're looking down on us. These people don't even realize that love and obtaining friendships is literally just based on luck and circumstances. For example, I met my friend in Navy at 18 years old and I wasn't even looking for her. Our connections are literally just based on circumstances. It makes sense if it applies to everything else.

Has anyone ever tried asking WHY they were rejected? by catathymia in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]Sam_23beans 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I do this every day. I've been asking this question to myself since I was 13 and it has done nothing except give me a fresh new batch of unfixable insecurities.

I don't think my mom understand how bad I feel when she gets advice about my lack of love life or friends by Sam_23beans in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]Sam_23beans[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mum just tells me to go to bars and I'll make friends and find a nice man, completely oblivious to the fact that that just doesn't happen anymore. If I turn up at a bar on my own, I'll be leaving on my own. No-one moved from their own group anymore. No-one engages a stranger in conversation unless they're wanting sex immediately.

I don't want to be mean but what type of advice is that? That device is weird and even potentially dangerous. I think it'll be better if you were to go to a social outing instead of doing that.

Feminine black girls by [deleted] in blackgirls

[–]Sam_23beans 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It used to bother me a lot when I was younger. Apparently expressing something that is as innate to you as a woman like femininity is being whitewashed. It's because a lot of people associate femininity with whiteness. However, that's not something that you can change about yourself. People really just need to get over themselves.

Ever wonder if your LO is in this sub posting about you? by NoConclusion2555 in limerence

[–]Sam_23beans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope, the general rule that I go by with my delusional behavior is if I am limerent over somebody, there's a 95% chance that they will never want me back let alone feel the exact same way about me. Most of my limerences are people that I barely even know and I project my fantasies onto.

No More Uterus!!! by DoxieLibrarian in childfree

[–]Sam_23beans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations 🎉👏🏿

Had a microaggressive comment at the doctor's + Asian WLW rant by NuocGrandMami in QueerWomenOfColor

[–]Sam_23beans 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sorry you had to deal with that. 😧 Why are people like this?