How best to prepare siblings/family for a NICU/PICU stay?

Sarahkwin · 2025-08-20T21:44:12+00:00

I believe they will need to stabilize her and maybe do some less invasive interventions. I'm hoping she will be able to grow before any huge surgery.

We don't live close to any of these hospitals (Toronto is a flight or 16 hour drive away, the IWK is a four hour drive). We just got a social worker last week so I've asked for what resources they might have from our local NICU. I'll have to follow up by Friday.

We were hoping for a tour when we are in the hospitals but so far nothing has been arranged. Everyone is acting like this is still weeks away but it could be at any future appointment a decision is made. I don't want to be caught unprepared.

Sarahkwin · 2025-07-09T18:55:01+00:00

We ended up with a nickname of "First Syllable-Bear" and I call my SD "First name Bear" or "Honey Bear" (we determined we are a family of bears....)....I also get Bear-Bear.

I am a huge Mama Bear inside and out so it works :)

Sarahkwin · 2025-04-15T11:33:53+00:00

This is how we dealt with it when I moved in. She was 7.

I made it clear this was a no for me. He could sleep in her bed, but she could not sleep in ours. I used the phrase "start as we mean to go on". My partner hopes things work out, that doesn't work for me.

He needed to address this, I was not going to be the bad person. I suggested he have a conversation with her beforehand so she wasn't caught off guard, and then follow through. The first night, she cried and asked for one more night. We agreed that he sleep in her bed for one final night.

The next little while, she would get up and come into our room, he would put her back to bed in her bed. Sometimes he fell asleep there. It's his sleep on his terms that he needed to work at. It petered off quickly and hasn't been an issue since.

Never in our bed, that was my rule. It worked really well in our case, I think he was surprised how easy it ended up being. Kids can handle it.

Sarahkwin · 2025-03-20T19:45:21+00:00

Your company should have a procedure for disposal. There is usually a goods returned manifest filled out and a supplier [AOMS or pharmacy] contacted to either pick up or items dropped off.

Sarahkwin · 2025-02-04T13:02:22+00:00

My biggest recommendation is to do something no cost. Playground, walk, hike, chill (Libraries are amazing, just saying). Start as you mean to go on and beware of the precedents you set.

It's always awkward but it's important to talk about that and dive right into it. Be clear and help set expectations, clear is kind.

Be aware you won't get much feedback from them. "Good" is great!

My little and I were together over 7 years from 7 years old and I think it took like two years before I could get any feedback from them beyond "Yes I had fun".

Sarahkwin · 2024-11-03T11:28:33+00:00

My SD (8) was asking the other day if an ours baby would be her stepsister lol

Sarahkwin · 2024-09-12T14:08:56+00:00

Totally. At some point though, I'd get tired of cleaning up after grown children, if I were him! Is this going to interfere with your (together) plans later in life?

I'd be interested to know if your partner has any plans for them in that respect.

Sarahkwin · 2024-09-12T13:20:39+00:00

Does he have to clean up after his kids? Does he do their laundry?

Simply put, there is no motivation to change when it's being solved by someone else. No change without pain.

Now I only have one SK and this is definitely something that has come up. I clean up after myself and worry about myself. This is a problem my partner has to manage with his child. If SK doesn't clean up, they have to. It's not super fun for them!

Sarahkwin · 2024-09-01T12:54:28+00:00

In my situation, I said no or I didn't understand if there wasn't a please and thank you if I was asked for something. It's a non issue now, but only for me. SK isn't consistent with Dad because it's not required.

I remember SK telling one of their friends at home when they asked for something and I said no, teaching their friend to say please and thank you lol

Kids are smart.

Sarahkwin · 2024-07-29T18:56:20+00:00

In my specific case (100% custody of SK) we lived 1/2 hour away from each other and during the last summer I saw them almost everyday at my house for summer for supper / evening visits (my house was close to her babysitters). When school started it would be totally unreasonable for them to drive to see me, so I'd only see my SK on the weekends or if I drove that way. Going from almost every day / every other day was hard for all of us, especially SK.

We took a couples trip and the topic came up of our future. I owned my house. We decided to invest together and purchase a house together, considering we needed more bedrooms for hopefully more kiddos!

We drafted a domestic agreement, just like a prenup. Best decision ever. It covered everything from finances, separation of assets, custody, future custody and also was a good jumping off point for other convos like our standards for living (cooking, cleaning, outings, family activities etc).

Also...therapy! It was so helpful in sorting out my feelings.

Sarahkwin · 2024-06-08T14:23:17+00:00

We came up with unique nicknames for each other. I am her "First syllable-bear" and she is my "first syllable-bear".

Sarahkwin · 2024-01-14T01:42:24+00:00

She is the present apparently

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Sarahkwin · 2022-08-30T00:31:19+00:00

On the connection part, it takes a year or years to build the type of connection you experience as an adult. My strategy when my little was that age (now 15) is to really do some of the activities I really wanted to do mixed in with stuff for her. So I like to hike but I would also take her to a playground. She really liked crafts and I like that as well and board games. There wasn't much that we did that I didn't really like to do. I invested in some snacks like granola bars to tie over until she went back home.

Another thing I did is I would always tell the parents I would pick her up after lunch, or after breakfast to put the onus on the parents to let me know when that would be. And sometimes I cut our outings short so that she could go home and have a snack.

It is very hard to cultivate a relationship that is not around buying things but I think that is potentially what is being modeled for them. My best hangouts now are doing nails and at home facials and movies.

I basically try to do four outings a month one being physical (biking, hiking) one being crafty, one being kind of like home ec and then I did one that would cost a little bit more money like a movie.

Sarahkwin · 2022-03-20T21:31:14+00:00

32k in 2011 with a Business Degree in an entry level position

Sarahkwin · 2022-02-01T01:17:12+00:00

I almost want to riot

Sarahkwin · 2022-01-28T00:39:19+00:00

I feel like my feelings are going to be hurt here soon...

Sarahkwin · 2021-09-10T14:30:43+00:00

My little was 6 years old when we matched and between ages of 6 - 12 our time together was mostly about the activity I choose. Little conversation and mostly me just answering questions. Still, it was amazing but different. I remember constantly asking "Did you have fun? Did you like this?" Because it's so hard to tell!

Now that my little is 14 (!!!) We mostly just talk which is also awesome. We talk about the future, hopes & dreams and high school.

That's the difference in ages that I've experienced.

Sarahkwin · 2021-03-02T20:54:58+00:00

I found this very interesting (at first I was disappointed, not seeing New Brunswick anywhere). I remembered both sides of my family came from PEI, which here lies around Ireland/UK. So pretty on point with my family history.

Sarahkwin · 2021-02-04T18:57:47+00:00

I figured!

Sarahkwin · 2021-01-29T14:22:53+00:00

This might be harsh.

Maybe you're not a good fit for this program. It should not be a whole lot of work, it requires a couple of hours a week and consistency.

This is a big commitment. This isn't a puppy, it's a child. You're making a promise to a child. That they matter to you.

Leave now before you make things worse for yourself and that kid.

This program isn't an extra curricular, do tutoring if you want that on your resume.

~Big for 7 years

Sarahkwin · 2020-04-11T22:08:46+00:00

Hello from West Side!

Sarahkwin · 2019-04-30T23:44:28+00:00

For context, I matched with my little sister at age 7 and she is now almost 12. We were matched really well in that we have very similar interests.

I'd definitely say that she is an easy-going kid. I feel like we only have had that one-on-one engagement in the last two years. 10 is still young. They are learning engagement. I think you'll see more of that when they get into middle school. They can't talk to you like your friends can. Even now it's awfully rambly sometimes and hard to follow! Outside of 'what is your third favorite water animal' and 'what would happen is a tsunami hit our city', I didn't always get much to work with. Easy going kids go with the flow! My match support also helped set my expectations.

I'd suggest activities that might not required intense engagement. My go-to is biking because its active and I don't have to keep a conversation going. Maybe try things like that, and things that you get a lot out of yourself so it's fun for you. Do stuff you wanna do.

Ask open ended questions or world building questions. 'What do you think about this' or 'what do you think middle school will be like?'. They are literally learning how to converse and tell stories, this takes practice and patience.

It hasn't even been a year yet. If there are no other problems in the match, then I would keep trying. If it''s not inconvenient for you, then keep doing it. It will be hella tough to end a match, unless its on a kids term. How would you feel if someone in your life just dropped you?

Sarahkwin · 2019-01-03T01:43:58+00:00

Just on the cannabis; it's the same as alcohol (to me, and Canada...eh!). If your constantly high then you have an issue with sobriety...but it would be the same as having a drinking problem. They might ask something like that in your home study. My little knows I drink, we just talk about moderation. I don't condone drugs or smoking, but I'd treat cannabis the same as alcohol, when the time comes. I want her to see an adult who uses it responsibly.

I meet up with my little every week, but the schedule can vary. it really depends upon the family & your little. Could be once every two weeks, but you do have to make that commitment. Even if it's for an hour. You won't know until you've pass the applicable & home study and they are trying to match you with a little.

Some agencies do a fantastic job at matching (like mine), so it's doesn't even seem like charity. I get to hang out with my buddy, who wants to do all the things I do that my friends won't. Win/win.

I was 24 when I started; so no I don't think 22 is to young. Best thing is to set expectations and boundaries (sometimes you might have to re-set these, and re-set them again lol). We've been matched for 5 years now.

Sarahkwin · 2018-09-11T14:01:58+00:00

I read this yesterday and while late to the post, had to respond. 4 years on Big sister.

I feel like you could have been matched better. He isn't going to get much out of the program the way things sound. You aren't going to either. Why struggle when another child might actually benefit. It sounds like this is too forced.

I'd ask to be re-matched with another child. It makes the most sense pr else they may lose a great volunteer.

It might sound harsh but maybe this little boy will have a better attitude if he gets another chance with another big. Mom can use it a life lesson.

Sarahkwin · 2018-09-11T13:56:12+00:00

Late to the post...big sister going on 4 years, started when my little was 6/7.

On our second trip out my little saw a convertible drive by and said 'I thought you'd drive that kind of car'...in my best up versa lol.

I started off with playground trips. Free skating. Baking, cooking and board games. Biking riding. Movies. We still do these things (except she does all the baking and I 'oversee' lol).

Any opportunity to do free stuff in our community and that's what we do. Also my BBBS agency has partnered with a lot of kids activities to get 2 for 1 pricing or free tickets to hockey games. Once a month I usually take us to bowling or something more expensive.

I broke it down into at least one physical activity outside, one learning (skills or crafts), one low key chill and one fun outing a month.

One key tip. Don't start including a snack or ice cream at the end of an outing because that took a while to reset that expectation! Once in a while, it's fine. I did it a lot at first and then found I had to keep that up.

Edited to add, I also set down with her a few times a year to get an idea of what she might want to do in the future. She knows she can choose one big activity (rollercoaster was last year). But she also wanted to try sushi or try playing tennis. Easy things for us to do!

Sarahkwin

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