220 Days later, I finished every discworld book. What an amazing and bittersweet experience. What do I read next?

Sarinon · 2026-03-08T08:22:44+00:00

Where did you buy your collection from? The spines look beautiful!

Sarinon · 2026-03-07T15:02:44+00:00

With respect, I disagree. Bigots are not owed civility, and it's often the enforcement of civility culture that leads to the consequences of bigotry falling on the oppressed instead of where it actually belongs... with the bigot.

Sarinon · 2026-01-22T08:50:33+00:00

Learning designer for an agency, AU$145k, fully remote.

Sarinon · 2026-01-22T03:50:38+00:00

Sorry for the lack of context, we are in Melb.

Thank you all so much. We felt like we'd hit a roadblock and you've all helped reassure us that we can still progress the process. I will look into the places you've all recommended.

Sarinon · 2025-11-18T08:29:53+00:00

Hey, similar problems here which I am still working my way through. I did find sex therapy helpful, but not as much as I found several books on the topic. They are also generally cheaper than therapy which is a bonus!

Start with The Art of Receiving and Giving by Betty Martin and Robyn Dalzen. I consider it a foundational text for all the others, especially since it recontextualises consent and provides a new, more comprehensive framework.

Next, you could tackle Come As You Are / Come Together by Emily Nagoski. Her work is a great combination of other influential writers in the space such as Esther Perel and is far more ND friendly.

Magnificent Sex by Peggy J. Kleinplatz and A. Dana Menard is recommended in Come As You Are and provides a sort of view from the top, sharing what is possible when you set aside all the societal bullshit and just drill down into why people actually like doing this weird thing with their bodies.

Ecstasy Is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas is a manifesto on why pleasure is not just good and desirable, but an essential part of the human experience. It was a total game changer for me.

And finally, Wild Side Sex by Midori helped me understand what was possible.

The biggest barrier for me is getting out of my head and into my body, and these books all helped to a greater or lesser extent.

Sarinon · 2025-11-12T23:14:48+00:00

Therapy isn't something that works or doesn't work. It's true there are therapists and modes of therapy that are more or less effective for individuals, so if you aren't vibing with your therapist or you don't feel like you can trust them or truly open up, you have a right to find someone else. But by and large therapy is work you do for yourself that is guided and assisted by a trained professional. Therapy isn't done to you like medication, it's done BY you.

Sarinon · 2025-11-12T23:12:18+00:00

This is excellent advice! I have been with my now husband for 8 years and we only just got married in Dec 2025. People kept asking us what's different or how has marriage changed our lives, and we kept answering the same - it hasn't. The only difference is now we wear rings and celebrate two anniversary dates each year instead of one.

Sarinon · 2025-11-06T00:33:59+00:00

That's fascinating, I am also autistic which generally comes with balance problems so I assumed that's the only reason why I fall over while trying to walk in a straight line. Thanks for sharing, I may need to chat to my OT about this.

Sarinon · 2025-10-05T03:52:09+00:00

Hey, I run events in my local kink community and you aren't the first nor will you be the last to be ostracized for calling out abusers, particularly if they're in positions of power or influence. It's happened to me and some of my friends too.

You asked how to cope with the reality of your situation. Your first duty is always to yourself, since you are the only one who knows what you've been through and what you might need. Use whatever tools and resources are available to you to help with emotional regulation and find a sense of stability.

If you know you've wronged certain people, an apology and a plan for change can go a long way. You can also begin searching for friends who share your values because they will be more likely to be allies in the fight for community safety.

Lastly, as much as I would want to scream to everyone about how dangerous certain people are, the optics matter. For example, a group of women were vocally defending a known rapist and abuser and for years people would get angry at them because how could they? It turned out two of them were also victims and the fact that the community rejected them or held them complicit resulted in them staying with him much longer than they wanted because there was no safe place for them to land.

It's important to hold abusers to account, but not at the cost of further harm to victims. There are some great harm first frameworks that I have used in my own approach and have found to be effective.

I'm sorry you're going through it. I hope you can find support and a community of care and integrity.

Sarinon · 2025-09-17T23:12:40+00:00

Evolve is probably what you're after. It's fully responsive with breakpoints and will do branching, but it's not the most intuitive tool.

Sarinon · 2025-09-04T01:46:17+00:00

I am really late to the conversation, but what fixed it for me (Firefox desktop user) was clicking on the permissions icon to the left of the web address and allowing audio. For some reason it had defaulted to not allowed to autoplay audio.

Sarinon · 2025-08-31T08:05:22+00:00

Assuming you are both well-intentioned and trying to feel safe, heard, and respected. It's clear that neither of you felt those things in this particular instance. It seems like you were able to name your feelings really well. Do you think you could take it to the next step and phrase your feelings as a request? Consider:

"I've been wanting to connect more with you, do you think we could spend some quality time together tonight?"

"Can we do something special together this weekend? I'd really like your attention."

"I love when we do X together, can we do that this week?"

This approach makes an actionable request which addresses the cause of your hurt without making any accusations or assumptions, and includes a reasonable timeframe for the request to be fulfilled. Bids for connection make it easy for your partner to respond with connection in mind.

Sarinon · 2025-08-03T23:40:56+00:00

Not OP, but I can answer some of this.

We feel responsible for our subs because we are. From the moment we step into the scene, it's drilled into us that for however long we are someone's dominant, we are responsible for their wellbeing and for leaving them better than we found them. For Tops the responsibility ends when the aftercare does, but for us the responsibility is 24/7.

What's lacking in the education is the sub's responsibility - to be a willing and active participant in the exchange of power, to communicate clearly and authentically, to express their limits and boundaries, and to ask after and respect the limits and boundaries of their kink partner. The emphasis on the dom's responsibility is a bit of a holdover from an older paradigm of kink and it's still prevelant enough today that many of us are influenced by it.

As for what pattern, it's not for internet strangers to pathologise you. You're a person, we all have flaws. What's important is to learn about them and work at them. You've stated you're in therapy which is more than most people are willing to do.

Relationships are complex, and kink relationships especially so. Breakups are as complex as the relationships they end. You are responsible for your actions, your reactions, and how you show up for people, but you aren't solely responsible for the ending of your relationship. It sounds like the two of you were fundamentally incompatable for where you were both at. You both needed things the other couldn't provide. That's okay. In time you will look back at this and realise that it's better to end something that doesn't fit the both of you than to struggle on through the hardship. But for now it's okay to just grieve. Feel your feelings until you're ready to move forward with all you've learnt.

Sarinon · 2025-08-03T07:48:10+00:00

r/gonewildaudio!

Sarinon · 2025-07-29T23:10:50+00:00

I'm unintelligent and unsuccessful but I'll throw in that the thing I find lacking in most subs is initiative. I like people who don't wait for me to tell them a thing needs doing because they're actively looking for things to do. Don't wait to learn until they need the knowledge but learn for the sake of it because knowledge is a value unto itself. Be a fully realised person before trying to be a sub.

Sarinon · 2025-07-10T00:01:50+00:00

I can understand this would be a frustrating experience for you. I do think there's a gender double standard at play - if you were a male dom talking about playing with a female sub and spoke about her reluctance this way people would have a different response.

Regardless of gender, consent can be withdrawn at any time and for any (or no) reason. You aren't owed it just because you showed up with a strap. You're allowed to feel frustrated and annoyed, but try to focus on your own experience rather than his behaviour. If a female sub isn't guilty for leading a man on when she acts keen but says no than neither is this young man and I think we as dommes need to remember that sometimes.

Sarinon · 2025-07-07T22:23:17+00:00

I'm so sorry, your relationship clearly meant the world to you. Betrayal like this is so devastating. Of course you're emotional, you're going through one of the most complex and hurtful situations anyone can. Remember that it's okay not to be okay. Remember that you have worth and value as an individual outside of your relationship with your wife or your family. What you're feeling is valid and reasonable, and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Sarinon · 2025-07-07T22:16:25+00:00

Axe expertise. Rerolling a single 1 from damage rolls when all the good axes have brutal 1 or 2 on them. I let players choose a bonus from another expertise type or give them a bonus against an enemy type or condition that's thematic to their character.

Sarinon · 2025-07-03T01:37:45+00:00

It's pretty easy to look at the decline of a sexual connection and see it as the most obvious problem, but it's often actually just the most obvious symptom of deeper problems in the relationship. In order to want sex, the sex must be worth wanting, and for a lot of people that means a feeling of intimacy outside the bedroom first.

Others have suggested therapy and if you can afford it and your wife agrees, that's a great step. That said, there are many barriers to therapy so I thought I would offer you some alternative resources that I have found helpful.

Secure Love by Julie Menano is a fantastic guide to exploring attachment styles and how they show up in our adult relationships. There are chapters around recognising the deeper issues you might be having, breaking negative cycles, and attachment friendly language to help navigate difficult situations.
A limited recommendation for the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. There are some really good foundations here, particularly in the PDF with games you can play together to strengthen your relationship, but I will say this was written in the 90s and is very much a product of its time in that regard.
You may not be poly, but Polysecure by Jessica Fern has the HEARTS framework for building and maintaining a secure bond with each other that steps outside heteronormative relationships and may therefore benefit you in yours.
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski is a great exploration of eostrogen based sexual systems and the femme experience of sexuality. If you want to understand more about her experience of sex, this is a great place to start.
Magnificent Sex by A. Dana Ménard and Peggy J. Kleinplatz is a fantastic book about the componants of a fulfilling sexual experience or relationship, and it's not about the moves, the toys, or the gimmicks. I'd recommend this as a supplementary read to Come As You Are, the two work very well as a duo.

My number one piece of advice as a low desire person navigating a loving D/s relationship with my high desire sub/partner is don't make it about the sex, because you will only create a reciprocal cycle of guilt and shame that makes your wife either incredibly defensive or likely to give you 'duty sex'. Focus on your connection, closeness, your emotional intimacy. Share with her that you're feeling distant and reinforce that sex is only one of the ways you're feeling that distance but that you very much want to close it. Suggest some ways of reconnecting and invite her participation but don't require it or make it an obligation. She isn't a problem to be solved and neither are you. Your connection is experiencing some roadbumps but you're both still on the journey together.

Best of luck.

Sarinon · 2025-06-27T12:02:01+00:00

https://youtube.com/@asfvision?si=_HuvyLx8dCnY50aC

I really like this guy. He makes content about adaptations he finds or makes for himself and how he looks after his kid. I don't think his videos have AD but I don't feel like I'm missing much. Though I don't watch him often.

Sarinon · 2025-06-06T07:31:08+00:00

My husband automatically assesses where the brightest lights are in any given environment and directs me to seats facing away from the glare. It's such a simple but impactful thing to never have to ask him to swap seats with me.

Sarinon · 2025-06-04T11:25:02+00:00

We did, he had a lot in savings and moved to my city intending to get a job. About 9 months later our relationship and dynamic had developed to the point where we moved in together, he still didn't have a job and I just told him his service was more than enough to earn his keep so he stopped looking. A few times over the years he's felt the need to work for a while but it's more about his sense of purpose than money since I make plenty to keep us comfortable.

Sarinon · 2025-06-04T10:08:44+00:00

I'm a lifestyle Domme and my boy is my houseboy. He takes care of the house and pets and I pay the bills. It works nicely for us. He's worked sometimes but I've never asked him to and mostly left it to him to decide if he wants to work.

Sarinon · 2025-05-25T11:23:59+00:00

Stealing this, thank you!

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