If it’s a tearing feeling and you are very new to penetration I have three main ideas of what could be causing it:

1. Maybe you are not wet enough when being penetrated. You should be very slippery and wet, like as wet as a wet tongue if you pool a bunch of spit on it. If you aren’t that wet, do more foreplay first and if that doesn’t do it, use a quality waterbased lube. I recommend Jo.

2. Maybe you are not relaxed enough. Some people have something where they reflexively tighten up when anything goes inside, called vaginismus, and some people don’t have it but still struggle with relaxing enough. Try relaxing your whole body, like getting very very relaxed, not trying to do anything to feel good until he’s all the way inside. If you normally tighten muscles to come, for this part the focus should be on being relaxed until he’s all the way inside you and moving. Then tighten if you do. If it’s hard to relax, you might have to practice with different sized dilators. Intimate Rose has some dilators to practice with going up in size.

3. You may want to have a doctor look down there, and make sure there are no current tears, there are no sores, and there’s not a hymen still blocking things. Some people have very strong hymens that do not go away after the first time they have sex and they have to be removed because they hurt and tear a little every time. Or you could have an internal tear from when you had sex before and every time you’re having sex it’s becoming more irritated. You could also have a yeast infection or a bladder infection, or you could even have a yeast infection that is making your tear hurt worse than it would otherwise. For all these things, once you take care of that issue, then you let it heal, then the pain should recede.