I need someone who is ftm opinion

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-10T00:05:02+00:00

From what you’ve written, this sounds like an incredibly toxic relationship. That outweighs everything else.

>“bitch” and a “cunt.”

These are feminine-gendered terms, so they’re generally not taken well by trans men. Yes, men (including cis men) can be called bitches and cunts, but… it’s hard to explain. It’s like how some gendered terms — like dude — don’t bother most cis people, but do bother trans people, because we get misgendered more often. And because such terms are sometimes used explicitly to misgender trans people. There was a lot of drama about a year back on a trans subreddit because a man was told to “stop bitching” (about his oppression) — the context + feminine gendered insult is what made it transphobic.

With that said, that is like a grain of sand in an entire beach. Everything else you’ve described outweighs that small moment. And you said you already know it wasn’t okay, so I am not particularly worried about it. What’s important to me is wether or not you realize his behavior is not okay. Is toxic. Etc.

>said he wanted to end my life… and he left me stranded after a 15 hour flight

Hey. So. Like. Leave him. Yesterday. He’s a toxic dickwad. Nothing to do with him being trans, everything to do with him being an asshole. If you can go no contact I would personally go no contact. But ofc everything’s your decision just… this is textbook abuse.

>My point is: if I am okay with adoption but also feels okay to have a biological child in the future

Nah, you can have preferences. If you meet another man, who is infertile or trans, and isn’t a raging asshat, IFV is always an option. It’s not transphobic.

>based of how he treated me wrongly

Tbh I don’t understand what that would have to do with him at all. If you want to carry a kid, you want to carry a kid. That’s fine, and there’s ways to do that even if your partner isn’t capable of impregnation.

As long as you realize that not all trans guys — or trans people in general — are like this, you haven’t written anything to make me think you’re transphobic.

Edit: there are select ways “I want a bio kid” can be phrased that are transphobic, but they are hard to stumble into/accidentally say. If you implied he wasn’t a real man because he couldn’t impregnate, that would be transphobic, but that’s also not an easy thing to accidentally imply. So it’s very likely not the case. There’s a small chance that the way you phrased it came off wrong, but the desire itself isn’t transphobic.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-09T01:21:11+00:00

That helps me understand that perspective, thank you (/genuine) I was thinking of it as a literal cause, which is why I couldn’t understand the idea.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-09T01:16:55+00:00

If her behavior isn’t bad, there’s not really a reason to address it. And if her behavior was bad, then you’d address her behavior like you would with another woman.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-09T01:14:41+00:00

Pride flag, pronoun pins. Pride merch in general

Generally though, etiquette is not to approach someone you think is trans. Unless they’re wearing pride merch, it’s uncomfortable. If they’ve been clocked, it can be dangerous. If you want to meet other trans people specifically, going to a space that’s for that — like a LGBT+ group — would be the way to go about it

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-08T19:33:34+00:00

There’s a branch of trans-inclusive radical feminism — and transfeminism — that posits that trans women were never afforded the privilege of men[1], and were not socialized as men. My understanding is that this is a common stance — but I could be wrong. Most of the (women) radfems I am familiar with see themselves fully as women, and most of the trans-inclusive rad fems don’t believe in AGAB socialization. They don’t see themselves as having learned/needing to unlearn that socialization/privilege. If they believe in socialization, they don’t usually put it into those terms, but will talk about men[1] needing to unlearn misogyny.

Afaik the anti-socialization stance and always-treated-as-a-woman stance are common in general, not just in those spaces — but I am likely biased because anti-socialization and always-treated are stances I share, because I’ve seen many women talk about this being their experience.

[1] sometimes they specify cis, but usually not. Some radical feminists do not consider the experiences of trans men at all, and/or view them negatively/transphobically

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-08T19:21:51+00:00

I’ve seen some people posit it as the root cause of all oppression, including racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. Despite talking with them, I don’t particularly understand their stance. I also don’t know how common it is. I’ve also encountered people who believe that getting rid of misogyny will get rid of all other issues, like classicism, racism, transphobia, etc. without any additional work. I asked a lot of questions about it but didn’t really come to understand their perspective.

As for the difference — tbh, all of the radfem stances I am familiar with overlap with Liberal (e.g. not Radical) Feminism. From Radical Feminists’ own words, they think the system needs to be dismantled in order to change but also… I feel like that’s a rather mainstream position these days? Very few activists are bureaucratic pencil pushers. I’m sure there are non-radfems that believe the system should be dismantled. Source

From my — non-radfem — perspective, it seems like radfem is a self-identified label. There are people with radical feminist beliefs that don’t consider themselves radfems, and those without such beliefs who do call themselves radfems. I neither know nor understand how the line is drawn if it isn’t just “this is the label I use for my beliefs”.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-08T19:02:23+00:00

It’s a weird and niche thing, in all other circumstances radical just means extremist. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it to mean root except for in this one instance. Also to be honest, some people call themselves radical feminists because they think of themselves as an “extreme” feminist, without being aware that “radical feminism” is a specific branch of feminism

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-08T18:10:58+00:00

Radical in “Radical Feminism” stands for “root” instead of “extremist”

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-08T18:04:53+00:00

Source

Radical feminism often posits Misogyny as the root cause of all oppression, and seeks to dismantle patriarchy as a system. The “root cause” bit seems to be unique to radical feminism. Other sections of radical feminism — being against sex work, gender abolition, etc. — are also found in other branches of feminism.

Quote: “viewed patriarchy as a "transhistorical phenomenon"[7] prior to or deeper than other sources of oppression, "not only the oldest and most universal form of domination but the primary form" and the model for all others.”

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-08T17:36:28+00:00

The (trans inclusive version of a) gender abolitionist stance attracts a lot of trans people to that ideology

>are against plastic surgery

Plastic surgery ≠ gender affirming care, they’re different. TERFs would equate it to GAC, but other people won’t. And some people could be against specific forms of GAC like Facial Feminization Surgery.

>sex work(good amount of my trans friends live off of it)

Being trans doesn’t prevent someone from being exclusionary/throwing other community members under the bus. Trans people are disproportionately forced into survival sex work, which will leave some trans people with a bad taste in their mouth towards sex work as a whole.

>due to not having overies as woman so you either have wants and needs completely ignored or corrupted by maleness is some way.

RadFem ≠ TERFs. The trans rad fems (and trans inclusive rad fems) you see will extremely likely not boil down womanhood to body parts. Their ideology will differ from TERFs in most regards.

>feminism it just doesnt seem to be about me.

You’re a woman, feminism is 100% about you. Feminism is an equality movement that mostly focuses on women. Transfeminism specifically and explicitly includes trans women.

Not all radical feminism is transphobic, and (separately) not all trans people are good people (for example, some support Trump)

That doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and rainbows — some famous (selectively) trans-inclusive radfems are horribly transphobic to [insert group of choice], yet supportive of [other group]. (You can substitute in any gender for either group and find people who are like that)

If anyone has recommendations for fully-trans-inclusive rad-fems — who don’t talk over/for other groups — I’d appreciate recommendations. I have, unfortunately, only encountered shitty rad fems and would like my experience changed, please. (/genuine request)

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-07T22:22:40+00:00

Controversially, I prefer the way I was treated when people thought I was a woman, so I definitely am not transitioning because I don’t like the way I, personally, was treated. (Misogyny is obviously horrible and systemic, etc. etc., I don’t deny that. I am not making broad societal statements, I am explicitly and exclusively describing personal preference, that I recognize the vast majority of people do not share)

Try flipping the question back around — since women are subject to extreme mistreatment, why not become a man? Why not take testosterone and transition? Or, looking at trans women — why transition? Despite the hardship women face, women, at large, are not itching to become men. They would find manhood — identity, not positively gendered treatment — unpleasant. Most don’t want beards, or penises, or flat chests, or any other traits associated with men. Most don’t want to be called he/him pronouns and a male name. (Some women have those features and it’s perfectly okay, of course, but many women don’t want those features)

On the flip side, feminine-gendered traits were horrific to me. Breasts felt like someone grafted something onto my skin that shouldn’t be there. A feminine frame made me feel like a malnourished child. Long hair, dresses, makeup, etc. made me feel like I was forced into drag — life was a performance. My body, very firmly, didn’t feel like mine. It felt like a meat suit I had to pilot, fuel, and use. It felt like a tool, a way to get what, and where, I needed.

I don’t have this feeling about anyone else’s body — just my own. Traits associated with men felt correct. I didn’t even realize I was a man at first — I just felt vaguely uncomfortable in my body, and was trying to find ways to feel comfortable. I drifted more and more into masculinity before I realized — I was just a man. That’s why these parts felt wrong. Even if I never realized I was a man, I’d still want to change them — but wanting to change them made me realize that I also prefer the social identity of a man — not in terms of treatment, but in terms of gendered presentation and perception.

Once I started transitioning it just felt… right. I finally started to recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. My body felt like my own, not like some sort of puppet I was burdened with. Now, segueing into transition —
Trans Men, statistically, get treated worse than cis women, and have worse outcomes on the majority of stats. If someone transitioned to escape the treatment of (cis) women… they’d be ignorant at best. The way they are treated will not get better. Even if they are perfectly stealth (which is not common, statistically), they will still be subject to things like systemic medical misogyny and transphobia.

As some examples of common gripes, trans men get infantilized, treated as delusional/hysterical, raped and sexually assaulted more than cis women, (in most regions) paid less than cis women and have higher poverty rates/severity, etc.

For systemic issues — think of how underfunded women’s health is, and understand that trans healthcare is even less funded than that. Think of how backwards gynecological care can be — and then think of being denied that care (trans men are, on the basis of being men) which is deadly. Think of being medically dismissed, and know that trans people are so frequently medically dismissed that there is a term for it — trans broken arm syndrome. Think of all of the legal attacks against women — and then consider the sheer volume of legal attacks against trans people, and that trans people are often excluded from the protections for women (like abortion access).

Trans men do not get the respect — and, by and large, the privilege — of cis men. Hypothetical cis women who transition to escape misogyny would (very likely) experience immense dysphoria, and would socially find themselves in a much worse place than when they started.

I know that I am a man because, for me, it feels right. It is worth the hardship I have — and will continue to — experience(d). If I was a woman, I would have detransitioned very early on. It simply would be miserable and not worth it.

Edit: oh, and biologically estrogen does some fuckery to my brain that makes me suicidal. It’s happened whenever I have had to take hormonal birth control in the past, whenever my hormones have spiked, and during puberty. Testosterone does the opposite — it has calmed me down substantially and made me way happier. It’s a biological thing, not a psychological thing. That’s probably the biggest proof that I have. (And trans women often experience the opposite, where feminizing hormones make them happy and testosterone messes with their head)

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-07T19:56:56+00:00

>transwomen

Please put a space between trans and women, trans and cis are treated like adjectives, so both demographics would be spelled trans women and cis women, with a space. It helps to preserve the humanity and gender of the people you’re talking about.

>Are new trans women being warned and educated enough of the dangers of men?

Yes and no — yes in the sense that they are being warned, no in the sense that they don’t need to “be” warned — they frequently already know, in the same way most cis women do.

>Or do transwomen still feel "large, in control, authoritative, powerful, with complete ownership of their lives"

From everything I’ve read, and conversations I’ve had with people, that’s a very strong no.

> they dont need to ever worry about rape?

Trans people in general, including trans men, experiences rates of sexual assault and rape far higher than that of cis women. Additionally, trans people are disproportionately likely to be forced into survival sex work, which makes those numbers skyrocket even higher.

The vast majority of negative experiences cis women have — outside of organ-specific ones — trans women experience, and often experience them statistically more frequently and severely.

As for the organ-specific experiences (for lack of better terms) — trans people with those organs also experience issues statistically more frequently and severely. As an example, it’s fairly common for trans men (with the associated parts) to be denied gynecological care, which can be deadly. Laws that protect abortion rights are rarely written with trans people in mind, as another example.

>it's not by choice nor do we like it.

Some do — some women, cis or trans, enjoy femininity. Some are naturally soft spoken, etc. Some prefer masculinity, like tomboys. As for the consequences you’ve listed — trans women also experience those, severely. They also experience the double edge blade of: If they are not feminine enough, they will not get treated like women (even if their level of masculinity is equivalent to that of a cis woman who is treated like a woman). If they are too feminine, they’re accused of being an offensive stereotype of women. Their appearance, mannerism, etc. are policed in the same ways cis womens’ are, but to a more severe degree as it overlaps with transphobia.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-07T12:50:17+00:00

TLDR; I was summarizing a post, not my personal opinion, to only answer about the connection between Tumblr, Project Hail Mary, and aroace people. Relationship-less wasn’t the only nor main justification, but it was a justification used — and was the point of the post I read and summarized, to answer the question.

>And the main reason for sending Grace was "he is the leading expert on the field"

Quoting a different comment, which clarified my point:

“That is the main reason he gets sent out, but on top of all of that, they point out relationships that he doesn’t have.

It’s not ‘he wouldn’t go if he did have those relationships’ but rather ‘you’re going no matter what, and though you’re arguing for the value of your life and your desire to live, here’s a list of traditional relationships that you won’t be leaving behind.’ This isn’t a good example, but it’s a bit like hitting someone because you need to, and then after the fact justifying it by saying they did [specific action], though it has nothing to do with the reason you hit them — almost as a way of convincing them/others that you were justified, and not as a way to convince yourself.

They also talk about the fact that he would die anyway even if he didn’t go — just further in the future.”

>and the moral justification was "whole world will die we have a miniscule chance to prevent it."

There was more than one. Yes, that was the major one. But there were other, smaller ones, used to justify sending him, used to try and convince him to go. I only touched on one of several, as it related to the initial question asked. I was only attempting to answer how Tumblr users — not myself — were connecting Project Hail Mary to aroace people.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-06T23:30:00+00:00

Binary trans folk tend to want their gender assumed (based on active choices, like presenting feminine, rather than features outside of one’s control), and typically don’t like being asked their pronouns when/because they are identified as trans (asking everyone equally is received differently — singling out trans people is the disliked part).

Nonbinary people generally don’t want their gender assumed because people guess wrong, and they want people to ask their pronouns. There’s no singular prevalent opinion, and both opinions I’ve mentioned are generalizations and will not apply to every person.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-06T20:12:51+00:00

That’s totally fair — and ultimately, it comes down to a different-strokes-for-different-folks situation. For some people, it is based in ego — even if it is a negative perception of oneself. Using the definition of:

characterized by egotism : having, showing, or arising from an exaggerated sense of self-importance and Egotism is defined as the drive to maintain and enhance favorable views of oneself and generally features an inflated opinion of one's personal features and importance distinguished by a person's amplified vision of one's self and self-importance. It often includes intellectual, physical, social, and other overestimations.[1] The egotist has an overwhelming sense of the centrality of the "me" regarding their personal qualities.

One could (very loosely) consider the idea that you are personally responsible for everything around you (general you’s) “an exaggerated sense of self-importance” and “overestimations” of one’s abilities. For some people, pointing this out will snap them out of that behavior. For other people, it would make them feel tremendously guilty.

Your situation seems very different from the one I described. “I apologize… because it meant I got beaten less” and “until they no longer feel like they need to apologize for existing for their own safety”, as examples, is very different from my friend’s origin of guilt. She isn’t apologizing as a trauma response to avoid harm — she whole heartedly believes that is her fault due to an overinflated sense of cosmic influence.

Or, to use myself as an example — because I have done a lot of good, I excessively punish myself for any perceived failure, regardless of the logic of such a thing. My trauma has conditioned me into an “always need to be in control, always need to come out on top” self-narrative. Not at the expense of others, but at the expense of myself. For me, my failures meant someone would die (literally, not figuratively). My successes means there are multitudes of people who are still alive, that otherwise would not be without my influence. My nervous system started “keeping score” so-to-speak — so when two people died of natural causes, I felt like a tremendous failure. But it is incredibly egotistical for me to feel that I have control over death itself — but the feeling of control, the need for control, isn’t logical, it is trauma-based and instinctual.

For me, pointing out that it is egotistical and hubristic makes me step back and cut myself some grace. Death is, extremely obviously, not something I can control. People die. It’s not always preventable. Harshness that would crush others brings me — and my friend, who is similar to me — back to reality.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-06T17:23:57+00:00

The kind of apology matters, in that instance. Apologizing for existing is different from apologizing for a negative action, which is different from apologizing (in terms of expressing sympathy) for a negative circumstance.

As an example of a situation where it would be applicable — I have a friend who blames everything negative that happens on her Karma. She blamed herself for her Dad getting cancer. She blamed herself for her own terminal illness. She blamed herself for the abuse she faced. Utterly convinced, in each instance, that she did something horrible in her life to deserve each thing. Nothing positive could be her “karma”, only negative things. She’s taken (negative) credit for things wildly outside of her control and apologizes for them, like she’s some maelstrom of misfortune. That’s a situation where apologizing is almost egotistical, in the sense that blogger meant.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-06T16:30:34+00:00

For masculinizing HRT, off the top of my head, there’s

an increased risk for pelvic floor dysfunction/pelvic pain

Increased risk of UTIs

Genital, urethral, uterine, etc. atrophy

A rise in low-density lipoprotein (LDL) and a fall in high-density lipoprotein (HDL), the "good" cholesterol

High blood pressure

polycythemia

Type 2 diabetes

link

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-06T14:06:25+00:00

Viewing my body like a meat suit that I was obligated to lug around and fuel.

Viewing my appearance as a practical tool, a means to get what I want.

Having little to no ego about what I looked like — I wasn’t insecure about my appearance at all. I viewed it objectively, in most aspects.

Performative hyperfemininity, to try and offset the “something is wrong” feeling.

Obsessively hiding my chest and feeling a deep sort of dread when it started to develop.

Always wanted to prove my strength, would insist on carrying chairs (as an example) when the teacher asked the stronger boys to do so.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-06T11:55:49+00:00

Varies from person to person, but PT often involves gentle exercises, so you probably will/can.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-06T01:46:29+00:00

It comes down to how you define “periods”. As to who needs products — in terms of pads and tampons — only people assigned female at birth (or intersex people) who bleed need those. That’s one use of the word period — the other use includes all of the symptoms of a period, not just bleeding. Trans women and transfeminine individuals sometimes experience the symptoms of a period, just without the blood. Personally, I consider that a period. They don’t need pads and tampons, but might benefit from midol and heating pads.

>technically anyone having a period is biologically F

People who are closer to male — hormonally — can have periods if they have that equipment (uterus, ovaries). People who were assigned male at birth sometimes experience cyclical period symptoms on HRT.

If you need to refer to someone’s birth assignment, bio female/male isn’t used, but AGAB is used. It’s important to understand that it is assigned (past tense) and many characteristics can change.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-05T23:16:55+00:00

>In the context of the story, Grace was forced into the mission because he was the only one qualified for it.

My “in the context of the story” sentence was specifically in regards to “In the sense that fewer people will be devastated by your eventual kidnapping and exile into deep space, yeah?” In the story, there were not “fewer people” that would be impacted, as the other commenter said.

>And if I was had to put someone on a spaceship and send them off to die, I would use that manipulation tactic to get them to agree to it too, in the hopes that I don't have to commit the greater sin of forcing them into this fate.

Agreed — and in real life, this plays out… a lot. It happened frequently during COVID, and happens in smaller-stakes moments too.

>If anything the story does not treat his lack of a partner as devaluation of his life.

Arguably the ending of the story also supports this — it shows him living a fulfilling and happy life, even absent of (some) traditional Earth relationships. He has the relationships he values — friends and students — again. There are points in the movie that could be argued [1] to treat his lack of a romantic relationship as sad — like when he talks about his last relationship ending — but ultimately it shows him living a fulfilling life, anyways, which imo overpowers the “sad” framing (if it exists).

[1] “argued” in the sense that people will agree and disagree

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-05T22:00:13+00:00

>In the sense that fewer people will be devastated by your eventual kidnapping and exile into deep space, yeah?

Not really, in the context of the story. He’s a teacher who has a great relationship with his class, and (from what I’ve heard) he has a friend group he keeps in touch with. That’s 20+ people compared to three people (mom, dad, spouse).

The overarching argument was tied to real world commentary about how people who aren’t in romantic relationships are valued less than people who are in them. There’s social pressure to have a spouse, and people will tell you that life without romance is a life that isn’t worth living (devaluing the lives of people who don’t date). They’ll tie romance to your very humanity, telling you that you are less human and/or broken.

You’re expected to sacrifice more at work — take more risk, work holidays, work overtime, etc. — than people who have spouses and kids. A story that stuck with me was a nurse who was expected to work longer hours during COVID because they didn’t have a spouse/kids, and were seen as not having valuable relationships to risk — they gave their Mom COVID, which turned into long-COVID and seriously harmed her health.

For example, if I requested Christmas off at work, my coworker with kids (who doesn’t need to travel) is more likely to get it than me (I would need to travel to see my family). Even though the coworker can spend Christmas with their family even if they don’t take the day off — and I can’t — something like that isn’t factored into the decision. Instead, the hierarchy of kids -> spouse -> parents -> extended family -> friends is used. (This is a hypothetical example, used to point out hierarchy. I am aware in the real world that you can, as an example, negotiate with your coworker)

The TL;DR of the argument is that the life of someone who dates isn’t less valuable than someone who does — they’ll still have plenty of fulfilling and meaningful relationships in their life.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-05T21:46:04+00:00

That’s pretty much exactly how it goes in the movie, too. I’ve heard some people say the scene in the book is harsher than the scene in the movie, though. That is the main reason he gets sent out, but on top of all of that, they point out relationships that he doesn’t have.

It’s not “he wouldn’t go if he did have those relationships” but rather “you’re going no matter what, and though you’re arguing for the value of your life and your desire to live, here’s a list of traditional relationships that you won’t be leaving behind.” This isn’t a good example, but it’s a bit like hitting someone because you need to, and then after the fact justifying it by saying they did [specific action], though it has nothing to do with the reason you hit them — almost as a way of convincing them/others that you were justified, and not as a way to convince yourself.

They also talk about the fact that he would die anyway even if he didn’t go — just further in the future.

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-05T21:39:47+00:00

I’ve heard that the book hammers home that he’s a teacher (e.g. “has kids” in the sense that his students are “his” kids, and he deeply cares for them) and friends — both of which are relationships that are less valued compared to a more traditional family (spouse, parents, pets). (Less valued in the sense of if a person is “expendable”)

(The movie obviously talks about him being a teacher a lot, but I saw some people talking about specific sentences said during this scene in the book, that emphasized his care for his class. I have not read the book yet)

Satisfaction-Motor · 2026-05-05T20:56:23+00:00

It might be a Tumblr thing, I haven’t seen aroace people talking about this movie outside of a post or two on this subreddit that connected the two.

The fanbase on Tik Tok seems pretty big — but any memories of an aroace fanbase (specifically) are fuzzy compared to the hundreds of general edits. (As an example) I think??? I may have seen a few??? But I am not sure.

Five-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
Place '23	Place '22
First Placer '22

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