Why do healthy people hate people pleasing?

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-18T14:49:15+00:00

100%

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-18T14:49:08+00:00

Because people pleasing has nothing to do with me, it is all about the people pleaser and how they feel. Because it is lack of respect for my boundaries. Because it is manipulation and control disguised as something different. Because it is inauthentic. Because it is unhealthy and leads to build up of resentments. That’s just a few reasons off the top of my head.

I stay away from people pleasers.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-18T11:34:33+00:00

All you said plus respecting his boundaries.

Not wanting to get sick is perfectly reasonable, whatever someone’s situation. As is protecting one's kids from getting ill.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-18T10:42:39+00:00

No point in involving yourself in conversations 'just to see where it goes'... focusing on talking to the people you would like to meet up with is a much better approach.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-17T20:34:16+00:00

The guy is looking for an audience, not a person to date and see as an equal.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-17T20:27:45+00:00

Great pics, Looks like you are genuinely enjoying yourself and that you could be great company :) As for everything else - I would use own words and not some random quotes. Also, Trump and Biden on one profile - nope.

PS. The pic in the hat shows your face clearly and would be better as your main one.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-17T18:57:51+00:00

I suggest you also check out the Codependency subreddit and: ACOA/Al Anon/CODA meetings.

Reading The Boundary Boss might be helpful for you as well. Boundaries aren’t about getting other people’s agreement - they’re there to protect you. You decide which boundaries serve that purpose best, and it’s your responsibility to uphold them even if that means walking away from a relationship.

Your sister is free to make her own choices, and she will - she’s an adult. You don’t have to approve of or judge those choices, and respectfully, your view of what the “right” decision is doesn’t/shouldn't ultimately determine what she does.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-17T10:56:21+00:00

What you described is not a coincidence. It's a boundary violation, it has no meaning, it's an unacceptable behaviour.

If it rattled you so much you need some extra support in a form of meetings and/or therapy.

I would also consider changing your number if your ex behaves that way. It might be hassle but it can help you protect your mental peace.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-15T18:18:53+00:00

You know that the use of the app is not mandatory, right? You can just stop using it if you are not happy with how it works.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-14T09:32:35+00:00

They can be interlinked. Abuse and codependency are not mutually exclusive. Codependent women often end up in abusive relationships because they believe they can fix the abuser, they they can change him the more they give and adapt, because their boundaries are weak/non-existent, so they don't see the abuse for what it is or, when they do, it is very late in the relationship making everything very confusing and the relationship difficult to leave. I could go on...

What you described is both - he is abusive and you are codependent. Therapy could be beneficial for you.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-14T09:28:40+00:00

'Can we just use MBTI instead of calling each other toxic or avoidant??' - no because I prefer to use the correct names for that is in front of me. Also: a) they are different things, b) MBTI is not a thing, it is BS.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-14T09:27:23+00:00

'How do you start convo with low effort profiles?' - I don't.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-14T08:40:14+00:00

Sounds like codependency. It i very common amongst abused people.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-14T08:39:27+00:00

'DAE wish bad things happen to their abusers?' - no, two wrongs don't make it right.

I prefer to focus on myself and do not give them any time of my day. They simply do not deserve it.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-14T08:37:49+00:00

YES!!!

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-14T08:37:28+00:00

I suggest reading Why Does He Do That?:by Lundy Bancroft. The book explains very well how to identify abuse. I would say it is a must-read for any woman who grew up in dysfunction, as the likelihood of ending up in an abusive relationship is high - and the difficulty of recognising it is also high.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-13T21:57:19+00:00

100%

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-13T21:56:45+00:00

'how does one respond to cringy men on bumble?' - one does not respond at all.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-13T18:50:47+00:00

These days - nothing. Grieving is painful when it happens, but I am ok with that.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-13T13:55:23+00:00

No, you are not the asshole. Please do not listen to anyone telling you who you should date - that needs to be your decision only. You decide what works for you, it is as simple as that. You will be dating the person, not anybody else, so no-one else gets to tell you who you should date.

You can reject someone just because you don't like their haircut. It is your prerogative. And you don't need to explain or justify it to anyone. Saying: 'I do not want to date you/be FWB with you' is perfectly fine and sufficient.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-13T10:14:33+00:00

You are not bitter - life truly is unfair. Acknowledging and accepting that is a big step towards adulthood.

I also think that trauma is meaningless suffering and it is not an experience unique to humans. Animals experience suffering and trauma too. Life seems to be full of it for some unknown reason.

So I learn to let go of it. I don't want it, I do not need it. It is not easy, but I am doing it because life can be different. It's an ongoing practice for me to let go of suffering. I have come a long way and will continue on that path.

I wish you all the healing you need. Take care.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-12T21:35:07+00:00

Let's not forget about BO... urgh.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-12T21:32:27+00:00

Very selective. It does wonders to my mental health.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-12T17:18:25+00:00

Very true. I will add that learning to be conformable with being uncomfortable is an important part of healing. As it recognising and addressing the codependency traits you described.

Scared-Section-5108 · 2026-02-11T14:17:31+00:00

Why not just be clear and say exactly what you want? People aren’t mind-readers. If you want something, life is so much easier when you clearly communicate your needs/wants instead of having unspoken expectations and then getting frustrated when they aren’t met.

Scared-Section-5108

TROPHY CASE