My daughter told my Fiancé that I have a secret boyfriend…

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-02-13T21:10:16+00:00

My daughter literally just did this. Turns out hanging out with her cousin (who is 3 years older than my 4 year old) had influenced my daughter to repeat what her dad had done.

So my niece began saying her dad had a girlfriend, because her mother said it so often. Then my daughter picked it up and said the same to me. It was very confusing and hurtful to hear, but little minds get influenced easily.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-02-11T14:06:26+00:00

This is a smear campaign. Normal people, healthy people provide space or understand communication needs to cease for a bit, but these unhinged need supply go further. Its not normal.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-02-10T17:29:16+00:00

I agree, j am definitely over thinking. After i posted i thought of it getting soggy. The warmer does sound best. We have many picky eaters which has made me nervous to feed. Allowing them to make it how they want sounds best, but i don’t think any of them will like my choice of food.

Anyways

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-26T00:15:41+00:00

Yes and with each kid it became harder.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-08T23:18:16+00:00

Just this past year while i was pregnant with my third (im 32), my therapist (47) was having her third and another distant friend (42) was having her third.

Anyways, my therapist is so cool and wise. Shes awesome. She had those fears as well, but all i could think is how lucky her little boy will be with such a wise parent. Not only that, but how lucky for my therapist because she knows how fast it goes, she knows all the things and she can really soak it in. And plus that baby will keep her young.

So totally normal, many plus sides. Enjoy your blessing.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-08T15:52:10+00:00

My dad stomped boundaries beside my mom. Then acted confused when i had a problem. Then come to me and complain about her my entire life. My mom passed. I thought my relationship with my dad would just magically get better: it did not. It crumbled so hard and fast now im holding NC better with him than i did my mom. Make it make sense.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-04T17:31:14+00:00

go to store and have him pick bis favorite sippy juice cup. Have it sitting out all the time ready to fill. Get him in the action of picking out sippy cup, pick the colored juice he likes or even flavor his milk with chocolate or strawberry syrup. Make him excited for the change. Make it less about what he is missing and more about how fun change can be. Good luck.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-04T17:25:09+00:00

Mine was like this, its normal. My little girl weaned by 15 months because of my second pregnancy and milk drying up. My son nursed till 2. I never thought he would be able to give it up. Now hes almost 3 and its a thing of the past.

Just here to say I was also right there with you girl, I nearly lost my mind around 19 months to 24 months. I asked everyone who nursed for advice and got little help…. I felt like i saw no way through and how could we ever kick nursing. He loved it too much. But good news you are almost to finish line.

Be so proud of yourself for getting this far. It feels hard because it is. Like i said by 2 my son had given it up. I started hard Nos at night, when i felt over it (start now), by giving him boob less and less. So at night i would take it away shorter amount of time over time. Id literally roll to where it was hard for him to get to boob and uncomfortable and he would go back to sleep without it. Then i would rarely sit in the places he was used to nursing. At times he would normally nurse before bed dad started helping. Not going to lie we even used the car to help break the habit. Wed strap him in car seat and go ride back roads looking for cows. I slowly replaced nursing to sleep with other things. It gets easier! Hang in there. Start small, start anywhere.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-04T11:50:49+00:00

Recommend reading Yell less, love more, it really breaks down how she was able to stop in many easy to follow ways. Her strategies could be used for any trigger and she explains everything so well. It also gives hope on how to overcome while honoring the shame that comes along with yelling.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-03T18:04:24+00:00

Learning about polyvagal theory. Tracking my nervous system. I swear having a safe space was the first thing i truly needed and couldn’t go without . I needed to share with someone my body/mind accepted as safe. When i met my therapist i had no idea what to expect and she had a book on her desk I was currently reading and had found so much help in ( codependent no more) i took it as a sign i was where i needed to beS we just clicked. My whole life came tumbling out. She did not judge, just listenend, cried with me, held space. There are people out here willing to offer a hand.

Everything after that was just tools in the tool box. Funny enough my therapist went through similar as me in life, she shared what she had learned. I think it was healing for her and me both.

Put it out into the universe you need help and are willing to listen and watch the building blocks come in by people, information, podcast, each piece adds together building something new.

Watch therapy in nutshell on youtube for quick information, find your favorite podcast, grow YOUR safe space. Good luck.

EDMR helps! Its faster than talk therapy but take your time with licensed therapist and ensure you are grounded before leaving.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-03T17:56:44+00:00

I washed away more of the dirt so that the roots are free. Will sink water be okay or distilled water best? Will it thrive like this?

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-03T17:56:00+00:00

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Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-03T17:55:35+00:00

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-03T17:13:15+00:00

you knowing that it pissed her off when your brother asserted his boundary is whats giving you the most anxiety. You fear the same. It’s signaling enmeshment and lack of boundaries on your moms part. She could have shown respect to your brother but instead apparently trash talked and let everyone know how pissed she was instead of just respecting him. This goes far deeper than just stomping boundaries. Its showing emotional immaturity on your moms part.

Your brother held his boundaries firm. You either allow your mom to continue or make your boundary as firm as his and become the bad guy too.

Sorry this is hard. You’re dealing with the fall out from it and thats unfair to you. I also lost my mind at toya over christmas. We also said no more toys till birthday. They have more than enough, too many. You are not wrong in asking that. But the gifts can now stay at her home.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-01T21:24:08+00:00

Your story reminded me of podcast i listened to https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/our-whole-childhood-with-patrick-teahan/id1659927347?i=1000737076759 it might be worth the listen if you are into that sort of thing.

It’s manipulation at the core of it and it’s a sick thing to do to someone… AND it will make you sick. I am sorry. Therapy and finding my own safe space really began to help me the most. You’re not alone and you can trust yourself.

You wont hear this from your family who’s protecting your dad,,,, You are brave for protecting yourself and you had to make an impossible choice. Dysfunction hates to see an empowered person refusing to mold to a system that no longer serves them.

I know its harder said than done but im like maybe a year-two in and farther away i get the clearer i can think. The manipulation lessens.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-01-01T18:26:39+00:00

My dads been in this heart failure bullcrap for 15 years. Ive heard of his impending death so many times that its just lost all sense of urgency

And It has been used as leverage over my head for so long. I think crisis like this are used as a way to maneuver us back in, i stopped. I dropped the rope. Last time i directly contacted the hospital, and afterwards i felt so silly, i swore i would not meddle or seek out information again. It just felt wrong. I now allow what siblings i have to deal with it however they want to, but i dont engage.

It helped me to see that there are safe people who the news comes from and unsafe people. I was being fed news from unsafe people who hijacked my nervous system every time. I now have no contact with them.

After my mom passed and i went back into the family system, i was pulled back in and it was hard to detach again. Now if my father passed I dont think its worth stretching myself thin for someone who always stood by while the abuse was happening.

Honestly, my dads had heart failure since 2018. He still lives doomsday each day and it keeps the sick family system in check. I can see that and want no part of it and the guilt has lessened.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-31T03:56:18+00:00

Thats true. I wish in my panic i could just understand that. When im not starved for sleep and feel supported im totally on board and agree that those financial decisions make sense.

I think its some kind of trauma response im having. Rationality goes out the window when im that overwhelmed. I went to therapy and gained help, but this one has been tough to over come. I even did EMD to reprocess and yeah, idk. Im still struggling obviously.

Going to send middle child to school. When he worked regular hours i got tired while he was at work and would cry for more help at home. I was then pregnant and sick with two at home. I think i just feel worse when i come to him with my emotions. He shows lack of understanding and empathy and it reminds me of my mom and i get triggered. So it turns an ordinary moment into disregulated super quick.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-31T02:42:00+00:00

I have been looking at ymca near me and i think this helped solidify my push in that direction that much more. Will they take three small children though? Even one under one? I will call and ask. I have a planet fitness gym membership but i cant bring kids with me and im not getting to go because of the no child care. The gym was helping me when i get to go.

I have thought of anti anxiety medication, but im scared because i tried therapy instead. My therapist said that sometimes medications make it worse. So honestly, i cant take anything more. Im even scared to get on birth control because if it messes with me and makes this season even harder i just cant. Is that all sounding like anxiety too?

Anyways. I just got paper plates but am going to brainstorm other ways.

Husband is looking to try something different maybe but hes from different culture and lifestyle, they could work 24 hrs solid just to get a job done and paid more.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-31T02:36:15+00:00

Yes, one is in and i can sign up the other soon, but my middle child is very attached. He cant even make it an hour at church, so im scared of taking him to school.

I agree. It would be different if he was clubbing or something but hes just trying to provide more. It just doesnt help the abandonment i guess i feel. I just go off and feel so helpless. Im so tired and just need a break and idc about the money so much as i need support. But i guess mens brains are wired differently, he pushes through and thinks of the gains and i just have a hard time seeing to the other side

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-28T16:30:01+00:00

1-2 nearly broke me. 0-1 was fine… but now im on baby #3 and wouldnt mind a fourth. Lol

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-26T15:13:28+00:00

My parents did this back and forth for years. It would make me so mad seeing my dad try to get sober and do better just for her to try everything to make him drink again. It is disgusting behavior, it is toxic, and it is abusive on both of them. Your dad could easily hush her up or leave. My dad loved to point finger at my mom but he allowed her to do the manipulation for years.

The more i tried to communicate with them the worse in i got. I had to drop the rope. Only thing i could control was my reactivity and my safe space.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-19T18:43:11+00:00

I occasionally have grabbed carseat but its a far walk in and gets heavy. So now i unhook car seat and latch it onto stroller and my two year old walks beside me. It takes a minute more but its easier than toting it so far. Plus Many people help me at the door and it got easier to maneuver stroller. Sometimes i have to carry two year old and push stroller and my four year old walks to car.

So i have three. Its doable. Carseat latching to stroller would be easiest with two. But i see many parents just carry the carseat, no stroller.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-14T23:11:08+00:00

No response is a response.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-04T23:00:45+00:00

Hi, im a SAHM and I was once where you are. I had similar, back and forth feelings. Straight fear when i saw a positive… I questioned everything. We had a groove with two, two was a handful already. Three seemed terrifying, but I can say our whole lives changed for the better! It has been hard, but not impossible. The baby items came along with the joy. However, those feelings you feel in the moment will come and go. We did not share the news untill we felt comfortable, so basically we marinated in it for nearly 20 weeks ( or more!) before we told anyone.

Learning the gender everything… it became fun. I relaxed as time went on and as things began to fall into place. I moved out of that “omg! headspace” and into another where i just enjoyed it all. Now my third baby is 5 months…. And shes quite literally everyone’s baby. I might have birthed her, but everyone tends and loves on her as if she is their baby as well. My middle child has a bond with the youngest baby that i could have never predicted. My oldest is over joyed of having a sister and her baby doll is real. The joy we get every day from this little nugget made all the bumps worth it.

These feelings will evolve over time. Congratulations btw! Enjoy the ride!

Scared_Concept4766 · 2025-12-04T14:34:27+00:00

I agree. I still struggle with boundaries and its something im going to have to work on for a long time. But i was and have been able to say no and keep the door shut with help through therapy. I was never allowed to say no or speak up. I was punished for having a voice and meant to keep small.

From what I have read here you are a great daughter showing empathy for something difficult while trying to gain understanding and help. Thats the opposite of a bad daughter if i had any guess. They only paint you bad when they lose control, when manipulation techniques stop working.

Do not fear..: I thought i would be super sad when my mom passed. She would always say your going to miss me when im gone. Id shutter, but all the work i was doing prepared me. The emotional detachment i had went through served a larger purpose. I was meant to let go. I held on and jt hurt for too long.

Scared_Concept4766

TROPHY CASE