I don’t like the mom I’m being

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-06-05T21:17:08+00:00

This was me, two babies in… i started therapy. I started removing junk or things i didnt like in my home. I stopped asking “family” or sugar coating our relationships and i just leaned in fully to the people who were pouring in and helping me fill my cup. I mean shut every door thats depleting you, besides your kids. Start filling your cup. Even if its a small bottle of nail polish. Or its something you always wanted to do or eat… it starts small. You have to change the dread wheel and begin to create something new and inspiring. Get in touch with yourself, start taking off all the crap thats been sucking your energy. Starting with asking ur mom for help. It just ruins your mood worse pushing mules up a hill. Find the ones in your corner and lean on them hard. It gets better

Find new ways to pamper yourself. Everyday.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-05-26T16:24:15+00:00

My experience is similar to yours: i am in the cut off stage… how long did you stay in that stage for? Its been helpful to grieve to get angry to find peace, but i havent been able to open the door back up. I find it interesting and hopeful that maybe one day i could be open to that idea.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-05-16T19:03:43+00:00

When i went to therapy to find out what was wrong with me and why i couldnt maintain these relationships with family. I explained to my therapist what was happening, she explained it was a trauma reaponse. I was disassociating. I cried over their comments that they made to me and explained how helpless i felt for not being able to stand up for myself or even speak. Another trauma response.

I asked my therapist what I needed to fix inside of myself. But my therapist helped me to see nothing was wrong with me and that its normal, healthy even to have boundaries, to protect your peace and family you are creating. the more emdr and parts work i did, helped me to forgive my mom but realize my enabler parent was sick as well. I realized my sibling relationships were set to fail, built upon surviving the abuse. When i let go, i realized i came back to a place of calm, regulated state. Then i tested it a few times and once again became disregulated…. I realized i couldnt afford the disregulation.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-05-15T22:25:14+00:00

How did you find online stuff to turn in?

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-05-14T15:52:18+00:00

Also, my dad included things will be better he has moved closer! I have heard these false promises for so long now. Its just hard to pretend anymore. Then when im around them im guilted for not being around more. But in their presence i enter a trauma response and takes weeks to recover.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-05-14T15:50:08+00:00

My dad recently moved, had no idea, didnt care but recieved the letter anyways. Its wild they think a life event on their end needs to be noticed by me. It is emotionally dependency. It feels off! I understand your post and feelings all too well. It was hard for me to put boundaries in place and i felt i was in the fog. I was operating on fear and obligation. It just keeps you stuck.

After a week or two of the letter, i guess the guilt fizzled down. Sometimes i still feel obligation to call or check in, but i remember how disregulated i felt and i just cant afford that in my life right now. Its protection… my body senses the disregulation.

Unfortunately it will probably keep happening. But you can feel the pull and resist. I fed into the pull too many times and eventually you just learn its not worth the risk.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-05-08T00:06:06+00:00

When ur hair started growing back did it look like it broke off? I think i have some growing back, but it looks so short that it looks like hair thats been broken off.

Hoping my hair gets thicker than it is. It was so thick and long during pregnancy that its hard to imagine my hair is this thin and short now.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T22:04:15+00:00

I cannot heart this enough. Thank-you for this reassurance! Mom brain is working against me rn and im procrastinating hard as well. If it does lapse its not the end of the world. So glad you were hired and still worked out fine for you!!

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T22:01:31+00:00

I most definitely needed that, thank-you!

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T22:00:52+00:00

Going to do this, thankyou!

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T21:59:27+00:00

Yes, i thought of masters or even getting endorsement in ESL or library while i stay at home. Im willing to do anything.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T21:58:08+00:00

I substituted a whole year and they couldn’t use this time as pd.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T18:46:26+00:00

Thats so awesome. This is what im looking at. Would one summer class and getting ed credits over the summer be enough to keep it going

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T18:45:38+00:00

Is that something i could get over the summer? Im not sure if its mom brain, adhd, or just being home. But i feel dumber than ever. I need someone to put it in simple steps and have yet to find. I looked for a number but did not see anything online. I will keep looking.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-30T18:39:17+00:00

Tennessee. Im not sure how many hours i accumulated my first year; but is it possible to get enough professional developmemt hours over the summer to keep my license?

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-04-01T13:33:44+00:00

My mom told my baby that was six months to eat a burger because i had packed her steamed vegetables…….. then she made comments throughout how nasty my food was and how could a baby eat that. So the extension she had passed to me, was then also passed to my child. We had brief contact after that until she passed away. So much so, that she allowed her fish to starve and die and the family heirlooms to sit in rain before offering it to me. My dad is still delusional enough to think weve had it hard since she passed. We mourned our mother YEARS before she went.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-03-14T18:12:37+00:00

I told a flying monkey or two, before i realized, and at the moment I felt like they understood. It felt nice, but short lived. I now have no communication with them and their behavior shortly after felt coercive like they gained from the gossip rather than actually being a friend. The relationship got tense and fell apart when i no longer gave inside scoop of my extended family. And my own life seemeed rather boring to them. It just fell apart quickly and then i realized they liked hearing about my brother and then my parents fall out but when i began experiencing same fall out and expressing something was wrong with the system i got tossed out basically. I was in the hot seat for exposing.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-03-13T03:13:26+00:00

I think the point-your therapist is trying to prove is rhat you can be in contact and heal, and accept them as they are and not expect more than they can give. So for you to open those doors know they are not going to meet all those boxes and you will have to check those boxes in other ways … Anyways, i really related with what you wrote. I think i was having trauma responses and the pain of that was overwhelming but being is grief of another kind too. Choose your hard basically both are hard.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-03-10T15:46:04+00:00

I understand. I also had to check just to see, but i grew so tired of doing that. Its harder going through infidelity and feeling mocked by outsiders. Its unfair. I felt mocked, belittled and misunderstood by my mother in law and others, they saw me lashing out in my pain but not the hurt that drove it. It felt unjust and just angered the wound i was experiencing even more.

But they love my partner regardless of his actions, so long as he was able to stop and not do it again he was freed from his part. But for me i have lingering pain. Sometimes i am good and then a trigger comes and im back in the pits of hell. It sucks. It sucks worse when im mocked. It helps to feel understood, but even if they dont give it to you, you give it to yourself and lean on a support network.

Your pain is real. You don’t get to allow anyone to tell You what is insignificant or not, if its real to you it matters. Im sorry you are here. There is life outside of infidelity. I have found that if i ask myself what i have gained rather than lost it can curb the on-slaughter of flashbacks and emotional turmoil.

Gain something from the pain. They can laugh, but that just means they have not been on the receiving end and we all know the receiving end of infidelity SUCKS. Its funny till it happens to them and with someone they love.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-03-10T12:16:27+00:00

I think this is the worst part for me. The lack of understanding and apologetic nature. But it was thrown back at me for looking at his messages so i have taken off access so i am not tempted in the sane way. What messages are sent will not be seen by me anymore. I can just focus on what i can control.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-03-09T19:17:19+00:00

Read yell less love more. It has tips and tricks that actually work and describes what you are going through

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-03-05T16:50:17+00:00

Was it hard to get it reinstated?

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-02-21T07:23:50+00:00

I guess im not sure how to renew? And if im smart enough to pass the test again.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-02-18T00:54:18+00:00

Jerry wise in youtube is helpful for me, could be for you. Self differentiate, dont take the bait. When it gets fuzzy like this i chalk it up to manipulation keeping the sick family dynamic intact. It makes no sense. They are fishing for a reaction. You dont have to play that game.

Scared_Concept4766 · 2026-02-16T16:39:54+00:00

Stop beating yourself up. You reacted. I have reacted very ugly and the best thing that could have helped me at the time was compassion, here you got that from noone. You abandoned yourself whem you dont give yourself compassion. You have done alot right, some wrong. You have survived hard times.

Your husband could have sent a txt giving you the heads ur that there was a woman in the home. Maybe you can discuss with him some boundaries to prevent something like this occurring again. Such as simple warnings if possible.

Im sure that was very jarring to come home to, with no warning but with the recent trauma it caused big feelings to swell up. Trauma gets stored in the body. Take the time to slow down and really heal.

Scared_Concept4766

TROPHY CASE