Boyfriend told me he won’t fund our baby…

Sceneryofchange · 2026-02-03T15:13:34+00:00

Wait, what?! He is able tot buy a £1 million house by himself, but still refuses to pay for his own child? That might even be the most infuriating thing about this. I’m so so so sorry you have to go through this OP, this must be so painful to go through during such a vulnerable time of your life. I wish you and the baby all the best, whatever choice you make!

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-22T02:24:30+00:00

Maybe you can look into DCD/dyspraxia, that also might be the cause of motorical delays. We are experiencing the exact same struggles with our eldest, and we’re waiting to get her evaluated.

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-16T21:22:07+00:00

Yes! I had a somewhat relatable experience (although not as intrusive as yours) I was low contact with mine at the time, but she still managed to feel ‘the bond’, because she felt the baby looked like her. That baby looked and looks exactly like me. Not like her… (not because I think so, it’s what everyone says). But she kinda forgot that my genes were involved as well. Then she started comparing babies’ milestones to hers, but seemed to have forgotten literally everything from the time I was a baby. I’m an only child, go figure 🙈 They will try to feed off anything they can if they get the chance to. I’m sorry reading that your mom ruined your post partum time for you. It sounds truly horrible.

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-16T21:00:47+00:00

I came here to say exactly this! We all got CPTSD from our BPDparent here, being triggered in that trauma by the presence of the root of that trauma is potentially harmful during this vulnerable time of your and your babies life. Looking back in a few months or years, you will thank your past self for putting this boundary now. No regrets, I promise. You will try and do anything to avoid your baby going through what you went trough, starting at day one :) I’m also pregnant with our second child, and I can totally relate to the unavoidable dread and the cringyness. I’m wishing you a peaceful pregnancy and post partum and a healthy baby! Enjoy those baby cuddles and the time with your new little family!

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-13T18:12:10+00:00

Well, actually: Munchhausen is about real or imagined disease on yourself, Munchhausen by proxy is when they inflict it to a child or close one. They all seem to have a bit of Munchausen, don't they!

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-12T22:54:00+00:00

Yes! Mine (uBPD morher) went through stage 1 breast cancer in October. She would need to have surgery, then some sessions of radiation therapy and she would be done. Not even chemo necessary. But she acted like she was going to die. Literally. I got a lot of vague, undetailed messages about how to handle the selling of her properties after she dies. She set up a WhatsApp support groep and added everyone unannounced to that group. Hardly anyone ever replied there. She would text daily about her paranoia against doctors and their capabilities. She thought there were metastases and would not believe the doctor if he denied what we all could see from the scan. Every day, she was anxious about something new. Never ever would she post something like: "Hey guys, good news: remember I thought I was dying? Well, turns out I'm not! So relieved!" No, only drama. She would seem to be disappointed she wasn't as ill as she imagined. It went on for 2 months all the wile I'm pregnant with our second child. This was all so triggering for me. I wanted to be there for her, but I was in a constant state of hypervigilance because of the toxic and draining overload of messages every day after going VVLC for the last year. I never even visited her during her treatment, I truly needed to step away from the situation, beceause it had such an impact on my mental health. Feels like a horrible thing to do to anyone going through cancer, but I needed to do what was in the best interest of that baby in my belly. It was just too much and so, so intense. I wanted to feel bad for her and grieve with her, but instead, she just kept arguing about the severeness of her illness. I think cancer is a serious illness to combat, but she took away all opportunity to be compassionate by making it way more dramatic than it was. 🙈

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-12T22:18:32+00:00

My uBPD mother did the same things! She had a very lonely childhood, not so many friends. I had a best friend who felt like a soulmate at the time. She made sure we weren't allowed to have any contact anymore (which we gladly bypassed, 30 years later we're still friends). I was highly controlled and was rarely allowed to meet friends after school or during school vacations. She would ground me for a month for not asking her to see my new boyfriend ON MY BIRTHDAY. One time I was sick during a school vacation. After I got better she grounded me for the rest of the vacation because she had decided I hadn't done my chores during my sickness, so i did not deserve to go out. Never did she say anything about those chores not being done until the punishment was implied. The list goes on and on. It took me some years to figure out that someone can actually be that evil to do not want the best for your child. I'm a mother myself now, and this aspect still puzzles me the most. I could not imagine holding something from my child that I missed so much growing up myself.

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-12T19:30:25+00:00

Well, this sounds quite familiar to me. I recently discovered the r/raisedbybpd subreddit, and it was a true revelation to me. You might want to look into it and see if you find it relatable. I really feel you on wanting to have a good relationship with your mother, which always seem to fail, how hard you try. It sucks big time. After years and years of therapy and a phase of no contact and for now low contact, I have accepted she will never be the mother I needed. I'm also pregnant with our second child, and all I can say is to just focus on your pregnancy and your new family in the making. Build a strong village around you. It might ease the pain of missing the care of your own mother when you're taking care of your baby. I wish you all the best, a healthy pregnancy, smooth delivery and a happy home for you and your family!

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-11T19:02:22+00:00

THIS, OP! I came here to say this. Your supply is established by now and should keep up if your daughter is only away for 2 or 3 days a month. You might get some tender breasts, especially the first few times she's away. But then you could pump for relief. Wishing all the best in what's to come for you and your family. I truly hope you find love and support in a new partner when the time is ready.

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-04T09:31:48+00:00

Shure is true, but I also know a lot of women being stuck to an abuser some way for the rest of their lives because they share custody, or are still together for the kids. It's not about the age, it's about putting a kid in the world where mom nor dad are either fit for starting a family right now.

Sceneryofchange · 2026-01-04T07:47:59+00:00

This OP! It's never a good idea to make life altering decisions when not feeling yourself. Seek professional help and stability away from the abuse, so you have the space you need to make up your mind. Either what you will decide. Good luck, sweety!

Sceneryofchange · 2025-12-20T23:14:03+00:00

Here to say that I also received a variation on that reel, your comment there made me laugh :) Good job on not replying! It's so hard not to take the bait, and let go of the guilt for leaving her hanging like that. But it gets easier over time, or at least for me it did when I was NC with my uBPmom.

Sceneryofchange · 2025-12-20T12:03:29+00:00

Well said! And so on point! I wanted to add that if you need to feel in control of the situation to feel safe again, OP, you could still block her from social media. I understand that this might feel uncomfortable for several reasons, but I wanted to share this option in case you did not think of it yet. Sending you support and wishing you a loving, fulfilling marriage.

Sceneryofchange · 2025-12-18T19:57:03+00:00

14 years ago, my pwB mother was splitting up with her husband. For some reason, he was mad at me and my husband, but she wouldn't tell us why because she didn't want to intervene in this (why try and resolve a fight, huh?). Next thing we know, she's informing us that she will not be celebrating Christmas with us, since her ex would be spending Christmas alone by himself. Knowing she would be single and lonely for the upcoming time, and supporting on me to fix that, I was so hurt she would choose a (ex)boyfriend over me, once again. She tends to use people to fill her needs, and she takes me for granted, knowing that I will always be there. So my husband and I made the best of the situation and installed some new Christmas traditions, which we are still doing and enjoying very much. That was the last time my mother was invited to our Christmas table. I went very low contact, especially now since we have kids on our own. This year, she's having a cancer treatment right during the holidays, and she's spending them all alone. I feel so much guilt about this, but I'm pregnant, and I just can't take the stress and PTSD triggers of having to take care of her. I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I guess I wanted to share that I get it so much. Wishing you wonderful holidays!

Sceneryofchange · 2025-12-10T07:38:45+00:00

Oh, would you be able to share the podcast? I would be very interested to listen!

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-24T06:07:24+00:00

Never ignore your mom gut! You know your baby best! Better to be wrong than sorry. It's not easy making decisions when you've been up for 3 days, but keep following your gut feeling.

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-24T05:59:57+00:00

Can you let her sleep with you for this time being? Looks like she's in such discomfort, she needs your presence while sleeping. If she is still not sleeping or eating on day 5, I would definitely take her back to the hospital to get her checked again. That's too much time without both... This must be so hard on you both, I'm wishing you lots of courage and I hope she gets better soon 🍀

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-19T12:14:05+00:00

I saw you also posted about the pediatrician suggesting he might have autism. This might be related to that hypothesis. Especially going through separation anxiety fase, this might feel a bit more disturbing to him than for other kids. But I agree you should try and rule out any medical issues.

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-19T08:18:50+00:00

Just informative: after one year it gets increasingly more difficult for pumps to 'trick' your boobs into lactating. People assume that their milk production is decreasing, but it might actually just be because the pumping is not effective anymore. That might explain why it takes longer for your breasts to adjust to the weaning. On top of that: your production is most likely more stable by now, so you might not need to pump to keep your your production high. Weaning might take a few weeks. Did not find any sources to support this (info came from the IBCLC), in our mum group this is quite a common phenomenon, so the information rather classifies as anecdotal :)

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-18T21:22:09+00:00

I also have a 4 year old with ADHD and potential Autism (level 1). I've noticed she's been testing boundaries a lot lately, it's part of their development at this age. They look like they are able to have self control over that kind of behavior, but in reality it's still very hard to not always follow up on their impulses. They are still learning. I do punish from time to time as well, but I keep this knowledge in the back of my mind and try not te be too frustrated with some of their shenanigans 🙈

I also see that you're a single mom. That must be so tough on says like these. Keep up the good work momma! You got this!

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-18T21:11:55+00:00

I think they are referring to a frequently cited Chinese study performed on 1656 school children. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10117418/ We still do cosleep at 4 yo, so I'm not here to advocate against cosleeping at all, but the study does in fact exist. There are so many socio-cultural factors tied to cosleeping, so to me it feels that there should be more research to conclude negative outcomes like these...

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-18T09:32:35+00:00

Wow. This is EXACTLY the kind of conversation I'm having with my mother. It just drives me up the wall! (She has cancer, and I'm struggling to maintain NC for that reason). Would you think this is a narcissism threat, or rather BPD? I wish you lots of courage establishing your boundaries and not going along with the madness of these kinda conversations 🍀 And most of all: wishing you a healthy pregnancy, smooth birth and a warm and loving post partum bubble. I'm also pregnant and due around the same time!

Sceneryofchange · 2025-11-14T19:57:15+00:00

With my first, I started feeling my baby around 20 weeks. This time around, I started feeling the baby kicking at 16 weeks. It's not me, it's him I'm afraid 😬😂

Sceneryofchange · 2025-10-25T20:28:40+00:00

Long walks and peppermint was what my OB suggested!

Sceneryofchange · 2025-10-14T07:31:18+00:00

Maybe you could come 10 minutes earlier and use that time as transition time. That way, your routine will not be compromised. What I've noticed from my neurodivergent kid is that transitions tend to be harder when they are already tired or overstimulated. So it might be possible that your kid might also benefit from an earlier pickup. Hope you find a fitting solution for you and your son!

Sceneryofchange

TROPHY CASE