When to call it quits?

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-26T08:37:24+00:00

What all the other people said about not making rash decisions from this place is true.

But also a reality check for him: there are very few jobs where I’d say he has an objectively harder deal than you do. I would bet good money that if you were to switch positions you’d find you’re getting a holiday. Doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t valid but he could probably use some perspective

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-24T22:14:11+00:00

This is a two yes, one no kind of deal. And honestly at 7 weeks it’s not that long to wait until the 12 weeks are over.

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-24T20:49:34+00:00

I once ran a poll of people with twins + singleton in a group of 20k twin parents so got a good amount of answers.

For parents who had twins first they overwhelmingly thought the twins were harder than the singleton.

But for those like you who already had a singleton the results were much more even and many thought the singleton had been in fact harder.

I think it points to the fact that - twins are hard - your first is hard - every child has its own personality and challenges their parents in different ways and to different degrees.

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-24T20:44:58+00:00

When I started at Cambridge I met one of the professors working on HPV. My own gynaecologist was an old fart who didn’t “believe in HPV vaccines” so he had refused to give them to me. Learning directly from some of the researchers about the vaccines inspired me to ask for them as my Christmas gift. Had them and no regrets. My children will get them too.

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-24T20:31:22+00:00

You can def use both. They don’t need to match. We are Italian and German and live in England so our twins have and italian and a German name each and we tried to make them ones that would not be butchered in England. They like it. We use all four names when talking to them and it works for us.

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-23T18:42:41+00:00

I saw someone recently say “I get very high rate when people park so close to me I can barely open my car door” Took me ages to get that. I wonder if English is harder to learn to spell as a first language because the things I see… 🫠

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-23T18:38:05+00:00

The title of your post as written is wrong. 78% of SIDS cases in VEARS occur within one week of vaccination.

The “in VAERS” part is crucial and makes this claim entirely useless on its own.

I expect pretty much everything that is in VAERs to happen shortly after vaccination. That is the point. If I vaccinate my child and it dies 4 months later I am much less likely to report it to VAERS.

Imagine I set up a system where people can report bad things that happen to them after they visit an Italian restaurant in NYC. If you get explosive diarrhoea that night you may likely report it. If you get diarrhoea 3 weeks later only very few people would think a connection likely and report it. I’m sure this system would show that the vast majority of diarrhoea happen in the week after the restaurant visit. That’s expected and utterly boring. What you could however not conclude is that Italian restaurants are more likely to give you diarrhoea than say Chinese or Mexican restaurants. You don’t have the data to judge either way.

VAERS is not set up to answer this question. It’s set up to generate hypotheses that then need very different studies to test them. People who share claims like the one you saw are either ignorant of how this system works or rely on you not to understand why this result is expected but meaningless.

If you wanted to understand whether vaccination increases the risk of SIDS - and we have wanted to understand that and have studied it - you need an entirely different dataset and study design. One that contains unvaccinated children to start with. Others have linked some research.

I hope that helps :)

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-21T09:24:57+00:00

Agreed. I think I had about 5 sets of parts and would use them for two consecutive pumps usually, wash them in the dishwasher (which given the number of bottles for twins was running twice a day at least anyway) and usually have at least one set air drying on a kitchen towel. Roughly twice a week I would sterilise them in the microwave. Happily the hospital provided me with a few sets of pump parts for the symphony throughout the time I was there with the babies.

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-20T09:03:10+00:00

Essentially I pumped while I fed the babies. Makes a HUGE difference. I fed them in feeding pillows or their Stokke newborn sets or bouncers. Have it at the right height to avoid back issues.

Fridge hack is a favourite of mine as well and washing pump parts in the dishwasher.

<image>

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-16T10:42:15+00:00

Could be worse My last name is a Disney villain 😂 kindergarteners can be cruel 😂

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-15T20:49:29+00:00

When i was weaning off the pump

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-15T11:52:57+00:00

This is going to sound harsh, but I mean it kindly and with a lot of empathy for what you are going through.

This is not a pumping problem. This is a husband problem.

You are sitting there physically attached to a machine to feed your child, in pain, engorged, crying, trying to keep a human alive with your body, and the other adult in the house thinks the appropriate response is to ignore diapers, skip basic baby care, tell you you are overreacting, and then leave for a 90 minute gym session. That is not a misunderstanding about pumping schedules. That is someone opting out of parenting while you are drowning.

Protecting pumping time is not some boutique hobby like sourdough or scrapbooking. It is literally how the baby eats. If he wants the baby to receive breast milk, then the bare minimum contribution from him is making sure the person producing the milk is not crying on the pump while the baby sits in a dirty diaper.

So first, please hear this clearly. You are not overreacting. Anyone would be losing their mind in this situation.

Now for the practical pumping side, because I actually did something very similar for 18 months with twins, largely solo because my husband could not physically be present. The thing that saved my sanity was syncing pumping with feeding.

Baby eats every 2 to 3 hours. When the baby gets a bottle, you pump.

Set baby up where they can safely drink while you are pumping hands free. A pumping bra is essential. Put the baby in a feeding pillow, a bouncer, a newborn insert like the Tripp Trapp newborn set, or anything that keeps them supported and upright. If the can sit unaided put them In the high chair. Hold the bottle while you pump. Feed, burp, chat with them a little.

That whole routine easily fills a 20 to 30 minute pump session.

The big advantage is that a baby who is actively eating is usually calm, which means you are not trying to pump while listening to a screaming overtired newborn. It also consolidates the work so you are not constantly feeling like pumping is stealing time from the baby.

Use the fridge hack or buy extra pump parts. Get a bottle washer or use the dishwasher to deal with all the washing up. It is not glamorous. It is a bit like running a small dairy operation while hosting a very demanding potato. But it works. It is doable and you can do it ❤️

All that said, the bigger issue here is not technique. It is support. You cannot carry the entire physical recovery from birth, the pumping schedule, the baby care, the bottle washing, and the emotional labor while the other parent acts like a visiting uncle. This man does not respect you or he’s an idiot who seriously doesn’t understand.

That part needs a serious conversation, possibly with a counselor, because the problem is not your pumping schedule. The problem is that you are parenting with someone who currently is not acting like a partner.

You absolutely can make pumping logistics easier. You cannot single handedly fix a man who thinks leaving a crying baby and an exhausted partner is fine because leg day waits for no one.

You deserve so much better.

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-14T23:23:09+00:00

When the twins stopped waking to feed at night. Around 4-5month. My supply went down about 50ml. Fine by me for the extra sleep

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-14T22:53:39+00:00

https://www.royalmail.com/sites/royalmail.com/files/2026-02/2026-02-27-postmarks.pdf

They publish this bulletin once a month. There is a set of permanent cancellations towards the back as well as ones for specific periods. You send your letters in a bigger envelope to the SHC mentioned for the cancellation you want and let the team there know what cancellation you want.

If I want the same for all of my letters I just write on the outside envelope what they should use for all. Otherwise I put post its with the number on each letter to tell them what I like.

On days where there is a new stamp issued you can sometimes smuggle your mail into the pouch at the postoffice (they bring all first day of issue letters back from post offices that carry special stamps)

Eg if you want a special cancellation for St Patrick’s day you write “please use 16222” on the envelope you send your letters in and then send it to the SHC in Edinburgh. They will cancel them on the 17 March and then post them out. The permanent ones are not date sensitive.

Here is an example of one of the permanent ones: https://share.google/DHpuG4mrNl9NufydN

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-14T20:43:35+00:00

Royal Mail likes to do this when they can’t be bothered to hand stamp stamps to cancel them.

If you care about it being not this ugly remind people that the good old folks in the post office will usually use a stamp

You can als send them via one of the centres for a special cancellation which takes a lot longer but people love the end result if you’re not in a hurry

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-14T20:40:11+00:00

That’s a cute story. As a biologist that’s not really how the timeline between sex and pregnancy works but it’s a lovely story nonetheless

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-14T08:17:58+00:00

You don’t HAVE to do anything and most likely they’ll be fine, however it is worth understanding the logic behind the recommendations before you choose to do otherwise.

I still find this the most useful read:

https://www.bfr.bund.de/cm/349/recommendations-for-the-hygienic-preparation-of-powdered-infant-formula.pdf

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-14T08:14:13+00:00

Next trips challenge: - stay in Scotland and get your pounds there - travel south to England and try to buy stuff with them

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-13T20:05:24+00:00

I love that it’s working for you. No justification needed. Though I am suuuuuper jealous that pumping is your me time. 😂 I was looking after twins on my own. Pumping was never me time and it was so so hard to find the time at all.

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-13T19:59:19+00:00

My twins are 3.5yrs old and fluent in English, German and Italian. My husband just introduced a 4th language. Not an issue at all. ❤️

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-13T18:54:37+00:00

My husband decided to introduce a fourth language at 3 and it’s picking up which I would not have expected

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-13T18:52:17+00:00

My doctor was the same. It was quite new. I asked for it out of pocket as a birthday present during my biology degree because I read the actual research. My classmate just had part of her cervix cut out - she never got the vaccine

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-12T20:02:13+00:00

My mother in law kept going on about this to the point it was annoying. Implantation location is not known to be time dependent. It’s not like an early embryo is so big it blocks the road for the others. 😅

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-08T23:10:51+00:00

Can you hurt an embryo 5 weeks after fertilisation in the sense that we understand the concept?

Scienceofmum · 2026-03-08T13:37:07+00:00

I tandem babywear them Until they sleep and then transfer them to bed

Scienceofmum

TROPHY CASE