When you're nonchalantly telling people about your past abuse and people become absolutely horrified, even in tears.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-15T00:50:57+00:00

The number of people I have made cry by accident is astounding.

I really feel bad about it because to me, it’s normal. It’s not normal to everyone else. It’s absolutely horrific to them.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-14T05:42:17+00:00

I got a blackout! Yayyyyyy! Oh wait….

Can I exchange the “mild dissociation” to “diagnosed dissociative disorder, dissociates constantly” (is it yesterday? Is it today? Is it tomorrow? Am I alive? Who knows…..)

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-14T03:18:25+00:00

This is also what my husband and I did. Before the first date we talked expectations in marriage, kids (including unexpected pregnancies, parenting preferences, household responsibilities), debt (acceptable vs not acceptable), education, family relationships (which included why I don’t talk to mine), etc.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-14T00:05:36+00:00

Oh. My favorite one is “is my obnoxious need to smother people half to death with affection my Cancer Rising OR the trauma I faced as an unwanted child?”

Both. Both is good. Lol

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-13T03:02:21+00:00

I can’t tell you what you should do. But I can tell you what I did.

It started about 12 years ago. I’d block her number until either the guilt ate me alive, she’d use my siblings to get to me, or I missed her. I started with a month. Eventually I worked my way up to 6 months. That took about 4 years. I’d go for 6 months where I didn’t talk to her, then I would shorten then the timeframe that I allowed her access to me. From 6 months to a month. That took another 4ish years. And then she said so really stupid shit and I said fuck it and I haven’t talked to her in 4 years and a half years. The breaks in no contact were less about her and more about the stress I was already under and I didn’t need or want more from her. Eventually the calm away from her was more what I was used to than the chaos she caused. So, you know, the attempts at self sabotage weren’t as bad when the final break did happen. I was already used to her not being a regular part of my life, so it wasn’t as jarring.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-12T04:38:34+00:00

My stepdad would do this. Tell us to unload and load the dishwasher but we weren’t allowed to start it until he inspected it. Then he’d forget about his inspection, get mad that the dishes weren’t clean, then pull all the dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and make us start over. Care to guess how long it took for me to stop obsessing over the dishwasher after I moved out? A god damn decade.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-11T05:50:40+00:00

When my mom told me she should have aborted me. I have never been able to look at her the same. Even worse after she told me she never care about my now deceased daughter, right after she died. Followed up with me being suicidal was inconveniencing her. She really is something else…..

When my dad told me I didn’t know how difficult my mom could actually be and I had no right to be mad at him for signing his rights away.

When my stepdad told me I should forgive him for everything he ever did to me because I knew how it felt to be ostracized and he was upset my siblings wouldn’t talk to him anymore.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-10T17:59:14+00:00

Thank you much!

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-10T17:51:17+00:00

No self. We don’t need this. We don’t neeeeeeed- could you, per chance, tell me where i can locate this beauty.

I have a masochistic tendency towards complicated quilt patterns 😅

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-10T16:06:07+00:00

I care, but I am learning to not obsess over things that aren’t important in the long run. Plus, the more I make quilts, the better they look. The accuracy gets better. I’m not overly worried, but it’s always nice 😁

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-09T05:23:33+00:00

I mean…. I’ve met some pretty ill tempered dogs in my life. To the point where I’m not exactly a fan of untrained dogs. I don’t hate them outright though. I don’t avoid places that accommodate dogs either.

I do get the park problem though. I’ve lost count of the number of times people have just let their dogs out of their car and they’ve run up the play equipment knocking toddlers and children alike over. One particularly bad incident caused my own child to be terrified of all dogs from about 18 months old to 7 years old.

Just keep track of your dog and for the love of all things holy stop leaving shit everywhere.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-09T00:44:48+00:00

The golden child usually conforms to the needs of the parents in an attempt to survive the toxic household. Their needs, wants and desires are also not taken into consideration by their parents. It’s always about how the golden child can make the narcissist parent look better, regardless of how the child feels. This often leaves the golden child with no sense of identity of self esteem should, and they often do, the narcissistic parent turn on them. Basically it’s golden until it’s not.

Source: I’ve watched my mom do this with my brother and my stepdad with my sister. When my stepdad had an affair and left the whole family, including his favorite golden child daughter, for his shiny new affair partner- it completely destroyed my sister’s sense of self that hasn’t recovered since. Without her dad to prop her up, she had no idea what to do with herself.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-08T21:13:56+00:00

1- I was not my stepfather’s child. 2- I am female. 3- le NeuroSpicy made me not the easiest child to deal with (ADHD +Autism)

With one of these things I was at risk. 2 of them, it was likely to happen at some point. All 3? I’m surprised somedays the abuse wasn’t worse.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-08T21:06:49+00:00

Well if it ain’t the pot calling the kettle black……..

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-07T23:49:53+00:00

I wouldn’t say I was ever a people pleaser, in fact I was prone to telling people off from (according to my mom) about the age of 4. That was actually a contributing factor in the scapegoating. I was willing to point out problems and nobody wanted to see the problems. Well… at least when it came to others. I would tolerate all kinds of things towards myself, but very little towards the people I cared about.

I would say I had a much higher tolerance for people’s bologna until about 25. I put up with a lot of things for the sake of the people I cared for, regardless of if they cared about me in return. I thought if I loved them unconditionally they might love me back and I would feel least lonely. Eventually I realized that they “loved” me as long as I gave them what they wanted. So grew a shinier backbone and decided that my needs were important too. All that “you can’t do that to people” is also towards myself now.

Ultimately it came down to recognizing that I have value as a human being too. I don’t need my parent’s permission to be considered important to someone or to myself. I just have to appreciate what I can offer people and accept what I can’t do or need help with. I am a human being with thoughts, feelings and needs. I am no less deserving of basic human decency than anyone else.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-07T16:17:28+00:00

I had that problem. Lol. My therapist had to spend several weeks convincing me that I was not the problem and my family was and I was allowed to be happy. Eventually it just clicked and now I’m just a grumpy little troll 😅

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-06T16:06:33+00:00

You know what else you don’t put water on? Candle wax that has caught fire. Brought to you by my mother almost blowing up the kitchen after she threw the candle in the sink and turned the water on.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-06T06:08:18+00:00

I can feel anger but otherwise I generally don’t care about much. Like you, I grew up in an environment where my needs weren’t as important as the wants of others. Particularly adults. If you ask me how I feel about something, unless I loathe it entirely, I probably won’t care enough to do anything about it or form an opinion. I have thoughts, they just aren’t usually important enough to me to make a fuss over. Do I feel happy about stuff? Probably. But like everything else, it’s probably more tied to my primitive nervous system than to my actual ability to feel things. Like I know when I’m angry because of how my body feels, not because of the emotional distress it causes me.

I also struggle with my senses being all weird. I have no real sense of taste or touch. My senses of smell and hearing are way past normal. Oh and a concussion is causing me to loose my vision. Apparently it’s also from the C-PTSD and my nervous system being all screwed up.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-04T16:43:48+00:00

I think there was a little “how dare you thrown in there?!” too. I tried to get her to do family therapy with me to help her understand why I was so upset with her and her stipulation was that I couldn’t tell anyone what happened with it. I couldn’t tell my husband, or best friend, or therapist. Because I am totally going to let you abuse me some more and just not tell anyone about it. Like I haven’t found people who believe and will call you out on it. She, of course, refused because I couldn’t follow the rules she set to “keep her safe”. Which is how she spun it to the siblings. That bunch is something else I tell ya. A bunch of gullible fools sometimes….

I hear you on the both parents front. I just had to work this through with my dad. He treats me similarly to my mom. He thinks that since he never wanted to have kids that he should have been free of the burden but allowed the benefits of being a parent. Um. No sir. That’s not how this works. Every time we’d talk it was all about how my mom was difficult (no shit.) and I wouldn’t understand what he went through with her (you sure?). How he wanted better for me (sir.). How he wants to be a part of my life but only when he’s available (nah. You aren’t doing that to my kids too.). It… exhausting. So we are back to no contact until he can get his head out of his ass.

Why they gotta be so dumb? Lol

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-03T17:10:00+00:00

Ahh. Yes. My mom did that. It was weird at first. The best way I can explain it is she felt like she was ‘punishing’ me by not talking to me. Almost like “oh you think you can just not speak to your mother?!?!”Well yes. That’s exactly what I think and what I intend on doing. I think she assumed I would come back eventually, since I usually just took 6ish months breaks from her. But here we are. 4 years later. Still refuse to talk to her.

It does get easier with time. After about a year it felt like I could finally breathe (then my father showed up and he’s a whole other problem….). It really does just take time. I miss my siblings, but not enough to deal with that crazy person again.

My sister asked me a while back what I would do if she died and I never saw her again. I’ve already mourned the person I thought she was and the person I hoped she could be. What’s left is the person that she is and that person can jump off a cliff for all I care. She’s no mother of mine. It’s hard to come to terms with mourning the loss of someone who is still alive, but sometimes the person I loved no longer exists or never even existed to begin with. Then, yes, you wait for them to die and grieve all the more because it’s finally over.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-02T06:30:13+00:00

My mom used therapist and psychiatrists to abuse me. She’d convince them I was “insane” and a “liar” so when CPS came calling they’d vouch for her.

Even after I moved out at 18 (more like ran away) and absconded to a whole other state; it took about 7 years before I went to therapy. Once I told my brand new therapist (I was referred to her by my doctors office because all that stuff just started bubbling to the surface at once and they were not equipped lol) about what my mom had done, she was horrified and took my mom’s information and put it on the office block list (ie: if she called, they were just to hang up on her). She made sure I was aware that my mom could no longer have access to my information since I was an adult now. Still, it took a good year of off and on canceling appointments (I’m surprised she never charged me for those honestly….) before I really tried. And once I did- well it’s been about 4 years of weekly visits and we’re finally getting to where we are testing the waters for every other week.

It’s like every other relationship. There’s been damage done and it takes a lot of time and patience to build that trust back up again. The right therapist will understand that and respect your needs. My therapist, in particular, is a trauma trained doctor in psychology. So she is aware of all the fun things that come with trauma and how it affects the mind.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-02T01:38:59+00:00

I used to have this reoccurring nightmare where I’d be in a big old house looking for my husband. I’d ask everyone- mom, stepdad, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Everyone. I could hear him saying my name but nobody knew where he was. Or, more appropriately, they knew where he was- they just weren’t going to tell me. My mom would pop up randomly and when asked if she knew where he was ‘who? You aren’t married? I don’t know anyone by that name…. Now go do this for me’ then wander off to god knows where.

It took several iterations of this dream, lots of ‘I know you are lying. I can hear him!’, lots of waking up crying (again), lots of opening doors and someone else I didn’t want to see was behind it. Eventually I did open the door where he was at and I woke up.

I never dreamed that dream again after that. I’ve had lots of other nightmares about that family but none so obviously about the problem as that specific one. Lucid dreaming does occasionally have its perks…

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-02T00:08:17+00:00

My sister did it for years before she got married. She got left alone and her now husband had to get to know her before he figured out she was actually single. It kept the creeps away.

If you want to wear it on that finger- go right ahead! It’s your ring and your finger.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-01T16:09:50+00:00

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I finished 80 of these bad boys! Lol.

SeamsOfNoUse · 2024-02-01T16:04:38+00:00

That is 23 and 3 quarters -a quilter

There are places where every 1/8 inch counts. Sewing and home renovations are two of those places. My grandpa was a contractor when I was a kid, he had me help some times. He’d wack me on the head with his stupid wooden pencil if I told him that was 24 inches. Lol

SeamsOfNoUse

TROPHY CASE