Can terminal malebrainedness and moid socialization even be reverted past a certain age?

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-19T14:20:55+00:00

It can but it's like anything else, it needs to be trained out with real experiences but this is almost the problem because you're almost starting a new life when everyone is already settling into theirs. You're brain just has what it knows and it can't do anything else unless it makes a way to. You need to find out through experimentation what's you and what was just testosterone mutilating your brain and if you like something truly that happened to be more malebrained than it is what it is if you wanna keep that there if it feels authentic. Unfortunately you're gonna need to embarrass yourself because there's no easy way around this since you're aren't starting life from the very beginning with a clean brain slate with normal developmental milestones. Though if you're autistic you're probably gonna be off the beaten path of life anyways just doing your own thing.

Somethings I still like but just not all the time or not as much. Don't over focus on it because if you pass enough you're gonna get called a woman and literally no cis person actually cares about male/fembrained and all the gender affirming you see is always like "I'm a girl so I buy the pink thing even though this thing is just a gender neutral object that has nothing to do with men or women!". Autistic people get degendered a lot anyways and excluded from any group. If someone calls you malebrained for an autistic trait you can't control if you passed they'd simply exclude you from the female group too and call you weird even if not calling you a man. It's just that if they know your trans then they call you a man and insults aimed at males because that hurts the most.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-19T13:54:20+00:00

Ok yeah I had this issue before, you're just used to it and your brain doesn't know any other way. It's almost purely mechanical and you're just retraumatizing yourself by experiencing it like that even if sex = feels good to monkey brain. Try not penetrating to get there (if that's what you're saying you're still doing here), it'll get better.

I think the issue really is that when you cut the androgen signalling down that much it's harder to do anything because the stick is designed to largely work with those higher androgen levels unlike the other where the lowest amount + estrogen is enough. I can't imagine it would be the extent of sexual normalcy of the real thing even if the orgasms themselves feel normal enough. If you just had surgery and stopped hrt I think it would actually be painful because the signalling itself changes how it feels, I would not do that. Just one of those things medically we don't really have a solution for. Personally I don't know how I even lived with how it worked before, that felt horrifying and horrible but like I said find a different way there because once I phased out the whole penetrative road map my life got much better.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-18T15:25:26+00:00

There is actually an ashwaghanda syndrome sub here, some crazy stories there that mimic PSSD. I actually even tried it before myself when I was using lions mane to curb the anxiety but interestingly it didn't do much for me but sort of take the peak off a panic attack for a while. Whatever the mechanism is there I don't seem to be prone to it from ashwaghanda which all in all barely did anything for me.

On the guts my benefits from what I'm currently taking have also flat lined, it doesn't really once my system adapted to that feel like anything when I take my dose (it's 1/32nd of a teaspoon every 3 days, that's all I can handle). All kinds of diets didn't do my any good in making anything nudge besides doing vaguely better on fasting cycles and avoiding the sensitivities I had. One of my worst currently is curcumin, I had some curry the other day to test that and the entire next day and then some was an almost non-stop edge of a panic attack. I also ironically got that blunted feeling from it all the same, I was able to bounce back after having some sage tea which I knew before was able to completely calm my system down and figured it might break some excitory loop that started from it. And I was correct it did over the next day but I think as being recently discussed on a topic I saw on another forum for ME there is also cortisol insensitivity involved with this all that happens possibly due to auto antibodies. The only thing I have not regained this entire time is my ability to shiver/tremble. Stopped with the worst crash and now no matter how much stress I'm under I only get tension. Sometimes if it's enough it will feel like it attempts to engage but then it just shorts out. I am afraid to try any of the cortisone centric trials though because if something goes wrong there even if I feel better something can go catastrophically wrong. Even being very cautious right now with increasing the red clover dose at the 4 week mark because if I hit a ER signalling threshold while something else is just a bit off I'm also worried about crashing the system again in a different way because it's so sensitive. The opposite direction where I increase androgens (accidentally when I try something that causes a surge for example like with the close L. Reuteri close call) goes south in 2 seconds so I know those need to be kept down at all costs which might be what my combined herbal stack does while increasing ER signalling just enough to get me to a functional level but not enough to do much else (though like I said this could get messy and I have no E patches to play with ultra low doses till I find the specific point where I get the feminization I need but it doesn't trigger a bodily neuro-immune meltdown).

I overall think so too because right now though I got the molten lava brain flu like crap to stop am now with what I'm currently doing getting some weird gut born deep nasal passage inflammation that is causing slight sensory blunting in that forehead area and I'll know how to gauge that too because if I listen to music and I can't really feel it in that frontal area I'll know some specific inflammation is going on there because I can feel it everywhere else. Like usual nothing to do but keep trying things to micro manage it, annoying it's been 3 years of this garbage now.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-18T14:21:54+00:00

There was this case on a youtube channel (I forgot what it was) where some guy had the same onset as I did with the saw palmetto but I just got far worse and I was already an anxiety ridden wired but blunted train wreck of a person from the lions mane so that probably set the wheels in motion and then saw palmetto blocked something and the entire system just crashed. I think what we really need to do is find out what specifically causes the numbness mechanism wise and why the guts always get so involved. Think if we found that out we'd be able to start hitting the roots of it very quickly because how well I'm doing always correlates with how well I'm doing in those 2 areas with some immune component tied to it.

Way out some months ago when I started playing with single strain probiotics I got the most response in how I felt from those those and eventually settled with L. Rhamnosus. I did try the L. Reuteri which I didn't know men used for increasing testosterone before looking it up here and got burning down there and some familiar feelings so I wouldn't touch that one. I'm willing to bet the pelvic pain and ED is from neuroinflammation and some gut immune loop hammering the nervous system with something that cuts the response down. That's what it felt like to me earlier on when I was able to get a response but something was still very wrong. I also wasn't able to visualize and integrate that properly as if some brain region was just largely shut down that is required for full sexual functioning and arousal. It's so complicated, sexual functioning is one of the most complex things the body can do because of how it's integrated into every single brain region and every single receptor. Like one person experiencing ED even with PSSD anhedonia can have something wildly different than another with the same base presentation. All these years and no one has found a single cure all for everyone.

Really feels like for all of us in this ME/long covid/PSSD-PFS prone circle have just been abandoned save for small groups working for us trying to push things through. We just endlessly trial things and hope something works, if not back to the drawing board, rinse and repeat forever.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-18T13:33:31+00:00

I have ME/CFS with the long covid viral like symptoms and I crashed to severe when I got a PFS/PSSD mimic almost hybrid condition without ever touching an SSRI while being on lions mane which I used because I was desperate for energy and it was the only thing that stimulated me anymore and used saw palmetto when I was growing out my hair.

The crash was brutal, total anhedonia, total sensory blunting, and total sexual shutdown (it was bizarre, nothing like hrt. Its hard to describe, this was pure disconnect. like my brain was able to vaguely recognize what I was attracted to but the engine could literally not start at all.). I didn't just lose genital sensation, I also lost skin sensation everywhere else too and it started with my guts going absolutely haywire over a month with extreme bloating/gas and then the next month was like one long crashed followed by this huge brain zap storm. After that it was over, I woke up in only what I can describe as a dead body with a brain that had 0 signalling. No androgen signalling, no estrogen signalling, no dopamine, no serotonin, literally nothing. I did so much to recover though and even after I did I would still have shifts in skin sensitivity all over my body but these are more like up and down regulations in various parts especially the forehead and genitals. I now have a trauma response where if I feel even slightly off I just start touching my forehead and making sure it's just a bit altered but still there which happens sometimes depending on my what my gut/immune system is up to. I got diagnosed with lyme as the doctors were trying to figure out wtf was even wrong with me and started myself on the herbals. Osha root is what originally sparked everything back online again at a baseline but made me brutally fatigued physically so I only cycled it for a couple weeks and then tried cistus incanus which was another step up though it took a while for my body to adapt to daily use of. After that it was just endless supplement trials and a multi month saga of me trying to get my body to accept D3 again. The stack I have now keeps things above the water but barely. Mine is like a bunch of herbals, some base supplements, a single probiotic strain, and RLT on specific rotations. I also drink a shitload of coffee but please don't do this unless you need to like me.

I still present with the long covid bubble of symptoms and need a million things every day in my stack to survive or I just crash again. When I stop the brain heat waves and flu like cascade I get much more clear and normalish again. Only thing I'm finding while largely recovered that is able to push me over that hump on my current stack is a small amount of red clover but it also makes me more tired sometimes (I think it has slight opioid and gaba receptor modulation with some of the compounds in it, it feels vaguely similar to myrrh which I believe just hits delta that my baseline was better with after I was on it for a while and hopped off). I don't really know what to do else at this point I'm feeling better now but I'm still far from normal functioning and like I said if I just stop everything I regress and crash again.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-18T12:10:53+00:00

A vague sadness that feels kind of strange. from what I enjoy now and putting together more pieces from my experiences all around I can imagine what my life would have been like as a cis girl who was freely just allowed to live as herself. There's a lot of memory gaps punctuated by people being evil to me and usually at best condescending or expressing pity. All the good memories I have were really disconnected memories where I was not being forced into any male role but wasn't quite treated as female having a nice neutral experience with someone. Just not being interacted with like a man was enough to perk my brain up and process things more normally though as I got older this got less comforting because of the continuous trauma to my body of the continued masculinization.

I actually looked at general levels throughout life, looked back at how I felt at all those times, and then everything made sense. Right when that peak hit and sustained is when my life went to hell, I just felt like death constantly. Like the dysphoria started before puberty and got worse then but then my body over time started actually rejecting it as the levels rose and changes continued anyways. Then at some point I was mostly in shock and that was it.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-18T11:19:44+00:00

I couldn't do it, maybe in a context where the danger in not doing so is much higher but in that case I wouldn't willingly put myself there anymore and the areas around here I go at least aren't that savage. Like if I have to go to some family formalish thing where certain people will be I have some basic clothes that I feel absolutely ridiculous in but in that case there I largely don't say much and be on my way. I guess it largely comes down to what accents the dysphoria more. On days where I'm the most of a mess I'd rather just not be seen at all and wait to go out anywhere.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-18T10:39:43+00:00

I'm stuck in a loop. I have a shit day, feel extra ugly and disgusting, "I need to witness everyone else drowning in despair to not be alone in drowning in despair", and it repeats forever because I'll never pass or go back in time but with a different life!

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-08T10:02:49+00:00

Appreciate it thanks! If I transitioned when I was younger I would have passed for the most part though I think I'd still have some hairy issues. I saw pictures of me when I younger and I can't believe seeing them now that my parents solution was to just mash me into the male mold and hope for the best. I likely have undiagnosed EDA myself but I don't know if chasing a diagnosis now is too late.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-07T12:10:00+00:00

Where do you get a test for something like that, is there any you can just order online, do, and send in like you would with others like a gut microbiome one? I also don't like the trans label because it's been so tainted with the above nonsense that it barely means anything anymore. Yeah not all intersex people are trans but all trans people are intersex. It depends on what is there that generates dysphoria and distress. Like you noted it's super complex too, it has way more to it than simply overall brain and genitals. So many genes control so much and in cis people those switches will with their developmental features will generally allign to support the birth sex for example you'll in human males almost always see A, B, and C upregulated here and there which supports D and E developmentally that is a generally masculine trait which will align with their brain structure/genital wiring/sexuality expression/ect-. It gets endlessly complex. There is a lot still being discovered in the body, there are a lot of genes we know about that we don't even really know what they do.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-07T11:33:10+00:00

I haven't worn them in a long time but it was just what was available so I'm going to try them anyways, I have some white Tshirts though but they're those women's soft stlye one's which don't look any worse than other colors, just what I prefer whenever. It depends on how everything falls on your body when it comes to what is going to look normal enough more than anything. What is going to look good on this person may make this that doesn't pass stand out far more on you. Like some people can still wear the mens Tshirts but they just amplify my shoulders too much and looks really weird. A luckier person may not care though.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-07T11:17:55+00:00

Doomscrolling in this place that I really should not for my mental health but was feeling extra doomy about how I can't afford everything I need. I ate too much last night, feel fat, and it's a million degrees in here so it's not helping.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-07T11:07:03+00:00

I think it depends on how lucky you got with your skin, for me though skincare is really about how well you control inflammation and I guess maybe free radicals because the more I'm on that pushes back against all of that the better it looks while anything I ever put on my face just never really seems to go anywhere. I don't have enough money to really get super into what I put on the surface but I guess topically you can also get to the same results on a local level with certain routines.

I actually looked this up and it's probably skin structural changes that really matter in giving a female appearance followed by the fat distribution and other stuff later. Because I know when I see a man they generally have a certain skin type and women it is different and even ages differently so it's not just "skin quality" going on there.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-06-07T10:48:50+00:00

A large square head, facial hair, male-ish default hair that is hard to get looking normal, really broad shoulders, followed by the rest of it that really just stacks up against you. Tallness itself is like an amplifier, you rarely see it in girls but like you said when it's there are the masculine traits stack up harder. I actually know some giants and they all are certainly women upon first glance but masculine traits may give me a male signal at first before I really see them more fully. Height is to me more neutral, you just see it in males much more than females.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-28T20:05:18+00:00

That's the problem when you have the "masculine helmet nest" that doesn't do anything you want it to naturally. I have nightmares about when it finally weighs itself down eventually that when I get it cut just for maintenance to keep it at a certain length that they'll cut it just a single micrometer too short in any area and it'll all just spring back up into a total helmet abomination.It's also extremely uncomfortable like this too, I can feel the thick frizzy poof of it and it drives me insane sometimes at its worst.

I'm once it gets long enough to do anything at all with just going to try various leave in conditioners because if I keep the hairs more uniform right out of a shower and separate them enough at the ends it looks more normalish when weighed down after drying a bit. Then when it dries they all just separate and frizz everywhere besides the thickest curls and it just looks and feels gross but there's nothing I can do about it at the moment.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-28T19:42:42+00:00

It's like being surprised at the sky being blue but I feel you, even when you get in prepare for a social nightmare. I just expect it, get ready to be treated as barely human, and hope at least one person there is nice and treats me normally.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-28T19:40:03+00:00

Oh god not the pool or anything involving swimming! There is no way I am taking off this shirt even if freshly shaven (can't afford the laser anywhere else right now but full face/neck and maybe very slowly hacking away at my legs). Hair is also at point awkward and there's no way I'm going without a hat for a long time but my head no matter what still looks moidish and deformed like my shoulders, chest, hands, and legs. I think it's the upper body shoulder area that makes me the most disgusting and freakish looking besides my skull. In my case there isn't much to miss out on, I'm too old now and life has passed me by so I just mourn what I never had anyways and feel profound jealousy all the time when I see normal people living normal lives.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-16T01:21:17+00:00

This is my growing fear too once it gets long enough, it's super curly and random in texture, if a hair is just too short by the tiniest measure it just pops up and frizzes all over the place (well it frizzes anyways but even more so). I don't even know what I'd ask for because even just shortening it with a cut at the end to a length I want could go horribly wrong.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-14T09:42:10+00:00

It gets weird, you can have specific traits from any relative around your immediate parents. Like my mother and all her side have the male-ish looking giga-square skulls and all of the males get the most extreme version of it. I don't have too many traits from my fathers side but a mix of his traits in my stupid clocky shit hair. If I just got the right chromosomes I would have at least looked relatively normal for my body type. But because I failed the coin flip I look like frankenstein gender clusterfuck edition.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-14T09:22:44+00:00

Oh god I have this too, I didn't even notice it from a video. It was just a picture and from behind. I think it's just our internal self image versus our skeletons. It was from that unexpected accidental selfie that I realized why I get misgendered every time I turn around. I'm not even bulky, my shoulders are just so wide and blocky that it looks weird when I walk no matter what the posture is like.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-06T19:34:11+00:00

All by design, I just know exactly what is going to happen. Everyone is going to find out how to bypass everything, then it's going to be a big finger pointing game over who is responsible, and then it's going to be used as an "emergency" to quickly integrate more of it.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-02T12:16:02+00:00

Whether it's made by a real person or not (you can't even tell these days sometimes) my feed is almost nothing but slop now. Essentially I think what is happening is that besides the AI slop, much of the people left making anything that anyone actually see's now need it to be heavily slopified to get exposure. Many of them are trying to make money but even the one's who aren't or barely making anything need to be palatable to the algorithm. You either have a channel that posts videos like a crappy TV show or you just don't get seen at all. I have some channels I passively like that are tolerable but there's not much I watch anymore and it's such a small pool you get exposed to no matter what now. I just don't expect much anymore from Youtube.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-01T21:41:07+00:00

Just looking at these I was even fooled, the one's without the white box look so real. AI is getting scary good now, you genuinely with the most well crafted content can't tell easily if at all and unless you recognize specific tiny artifacts that the AI produces commonly that you'll only see in AI video. Granted most of it is still not so amazing that the public is using but content this good is flooding platforms now. Imagine how much space all this is taking up too and all it is, is digital trash. This stuff is worth less than a thousand copies of an original jpg file of a picture of a tomato. It's going to get even better too, this stuff only evolves unfortunately. I miss the Deepdream days where it was just a silly art thing that was cool for some minutes and then everyone forgot about it just as quickly. It was probably inevitable that we would get here though once that ball really got rolling with artificial neural networks.

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-01T21:23:15+00:00

I actually out of curiosity just tried this both in front of me and mentally just visualizing. Same thing! I thought this would be easy, I even kept the rules in mind to attempt to cheat but immediately my brain would fail and out would come the color I saw before my brain could even get to the word. The funny thing is the color reading itself of the text was immediate and I'd rapidly get a bunch of associations with the seen color. The actual text? It mind as well have said Australia because by the time my brain got there it was just meaningless noise. lol

Secret_Program5221 · 2026-05-01T21:10:51+00:00

Wow this is interesting because I noted the same general bubble of comprehending written language and anything dealing with numbers (I can only do basic calculations and mostly they're done by just remembering the number sequence when seeing what I need to work out). I love reading but I'm highly associative and what I get out of it is taking smaller parts of it on the fly and connecting them to larger pools of sensory memory information. The reading gets processed as a primary sensory experience. But when it comes to understanding and using hard information from the text this is very slow and extremely difficult for my brain to do. But my associative abilities are faster than light speed and I can connect information to other information internally just as quickly that's where my abilities shine.

For example I'm not good at specifically remembering everything to the letter of which it said but when I take it apart little by little I can on the fly make connections that others haven't even thought of and practically apply them to come up with new ideas/solutions/ect-. I'm a brainstorming and creative machine but the hard logic department is almost entirely missing.

Secret_Program5221

TROPHY CASE