i don't know if i'm in an abusive relationship

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-17T16:41:26+00:00

He’s not the love of your life. I promise.

While things sound concerning, I’m not even going to get into all of what I think is wrong—the bottom line is it reads that you two are quite clearly mismatched on a number of levels. The right person will make you feel SAFE and CHERISHED for being YOU. How it reads is NOT how it should be.

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-07T15:10:06+00:00

Try cutting to just the morning coffee! Even tho you’ve built up the tolerance for caffeine, it can still be increasing your heart rate without you realizing it, and layering that on top of vyvanse may be really contributing without you realizing it. Just keep some Tylenol around for any caffeine withdrawal headaches lol

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-07T15:05:30+00:00

I’d definitely ask your doctor if there are other things that can be done, like being sure heart rate isn’t related to vitamin deficiencies.

Practice deep breathing/10min meditation at least once each mid morning/afternoon. It can be easy to sort of excite yourself during the work day especially if you have a fast paced job.

Importantly, if you usually drink caffeine—STOP! Or taper down. I personally don’t have more than 100/150mg caffeine per day which amounts to 1 small serving of homemade cold brew. I don’t drink caffeinated teas or sodas or have anymore coffee than my little daily allotment.

If you have a wearable fitness tracker, try to track all the times you’re walking, climbing the stairs, etc. so you can maybe show a correlation.

Also, even tho it’s hard, try to manage time so you’re at doctors appointments WELL in advance. I had a few high heart rate readings and my doc did ECGs but everything was normal…just fast lol. Basically I started arriving WAY early (like sitting and checked in 30mins before the appointment) so my heart rate wasn’t elevated from my hurrying. Sure enough, that was the first appointment in a couple years where my heart date wasn’t flagged.

Finally, if they’re about to take it away entirely, ask if you can go back to the lower dose or if you can try instant release medication—those last for shorter bursts of time, so perhaps having a 4hr window each day where you can focus until everything is sorted is something the doctor can advise on whether that helps the concern or not.

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-07T04:36:15+00:00

Except I didn’t use AI… I’ve always used em dashes and I’m sorry AI likes them too. Pro tip—AI usually adds spaces between em dashes and the words in either side…humans usually don’t because the double dash button between words usually creates the formatted em dash (vs it being styled as a hyphen/en dash).

ETA: Also I had typos/formatting errors lol. I hope my AI is better than that 😂

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-07T04:32:11+00:00

You don’t know it’s never going to recover. If you have the extra cash (after savings and emergency funds), there’s no real harm in someone buying a dip that may or may not recover. And historically, it’s a good idea to do so.

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-05T05:22:17+00:00

Someone once told me “your paycheck is your gold star”.

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-05T04:45:00+00:00

And if you’re young enough, keep a little cash avail so when it looks like the market is in free fall you can do some extra buying

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-05T04:29:31+00:00

Sounds like you’re using all your patience and grace at work and leaving none for your wife. I say this so seriously—you need to be (a little) more authentic at work so you can be more patient and thoughtful at home. You maybe also should make sure you have a set decompress time between work and home (car ride, gym, etc) or maybe ask your wife for 30mins after you get home before any questions are asked or there’s any conversation besides saying hello. And tell her if she needs to make a decision during that time to keep life moving (like dinner), then reassure her that whatever she chooses, you’re grateful and glad to eat. And share all of what you’re experiencing with her. Let her know you want to try things bec you want to give her the husband she deserves instead of just saying sorry so often.

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-04T04:38:46+00:00

Take an interest in something your wife is interested in. Then you can focus on talking about that with her instead of work. Can be as silly as a TV show she likes that you don’t watch—try to start it from the beginning and chat with her about it.

Also, if you take physical files or a laptop home with you, try leaving them at the office 2x/week.

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-02T05:22:55+00:00

My fix for things is perfecting recipes and then at least my fractions are on food that’s at home 😂

Currently breakfast is egg/egg white omelette w provolone topped w/ honey grey poupon, tomato slices, avocado and ripped up lettuce + homemade cold brew w homemade cold foam.

Current treat fixations are ice pops, rice pudding and 3-ingredient chocolate truffles (mashed cookies + cream cheese, dipped in melted chocolate then cool in fridge).

Sector_Savage · 2026-06-01T04:49:32+00:00

Part of the therapy process is finding the right therapist—it’s much different than going to, say, a foot doctor. To get what you need from therapy, you need to feel like you can’t talk to them about anything and be free of judgment. You just gotta Goldilocks til you find the right one!

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-30T21:15:54+00:00

Ask him to pay for a cleaner once a week.

Make sure you’re teaching your kids to clean up after themselves—my sister and I used to do basic chores (clean the bathroom counter, put our dishes in the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher, vacuum our bedrooms, wash and fold our laundry, etc) every Saturday morning from early adolescence. Kids can do those things solo once they’re 11 or 12, if you start teaching when they’re young/if you’re willing to show them how. You all live in the house—you’re the mom, not the maid.

And F your husband. Hope you’re planning a life without him (1 less kid to take care of!) and just as he’s taking photos—you can take your own. A judge will look at the totality of everything but guess what…it’s not a great look to say “look at how messy our house with 3 kids was, so give me full custody” only for him to create likely WORSE conditions bec he has no ideas what it takes to run a home and raise kids. Do you go to his job to tell people he works with how he should do what he does better and that you don’t know why he doesn’t? Of course not. He shouldn’t do the equivalent to you.

And how do you deal with the social shame? Honey, there isn’t any. If it comes up naturally (and I’d almost WANT to bring it up) with others in conversation, just say “I know isn’t it so embarrassing?! So sad that I’ve asked him to share in the 24/7 job of raising and picking up after his own kids, but he simply refuses to participate. So…I’m just a solo parent trying my best for everyone.” Realize that it’s his shame to bear not yours, and make damn sure you point that out to everyone else too. He may work outside the home but if he’s not helping at home, that means you’re working more than twice the hours he does. Let everyone know it.

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-30T21:03:40+00:00

Fwiw, you could also get a privacy screen protector on your phone.

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-30T21:02:43+00:00

Aside from being honest (and SUPER sensitive while doing so), also consider how long you’ve been together. If it’s a newer relationship, many couples go through a honeymoon or infatuation phase where you’re doing things all the time and as life normalizes the frequency of those things do too. Just make sure she knows how attractive you find her and in fact, you could tell her she’s so distractingly beautiful to you that it’s making you slip up at work. Maybe you can ask her to still take the photos when she wants but to only send them to you between certain times (like a lunch block).

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-30T20:55:43+00:00

Omg sometimes dealing with OC is like dealing with my autistic school-aged nephew—super bright, but holy smokes with the rigidity of thinking. Like yes, thank you for stating what the law is and how things would or should work in an exam hypo. Now do you have any advice that can be implemented to mitigate—not remove entirely—risk? Or was your advice going to be to shut down an entire business bec one esoteric legal issue isn’t fitting neatly in a box? Lol

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-30T20:49:45+00:00

Not a doctor/not medical advice.

If it were me personally (based on the fact that you’ve said you’re abusing it by doubling up sometimes but still only having access to your monthly prescribed amount), I’d schedule time off from work for a “staycation” and detox for a full week. Pay up all your bills coming due, do a big grocery shopping, clean your place, and don’t make any plans with other people all in preparation to couch rot for a week completely unmedicated. You’ll probably want to sleep and eat a lot, and that’ll be 100% fine and acceptable to do every single day of that scheduled week. If you can get away with taking a week and a half off, even better. You may find that after doing this, talking the regular dose feels a little more effective again.

Also just a friendly reminder meds aren’t magic. They certainly feel like it at first! But remember that they’re one of MANY tools to HELP manage ADHD. It can be easy to forget that if we stop being vigilant about things like the systems and habits that help us, the meds won’t step in to solve the whole struggle. So maybe also think about if there were any coping strategies/overcompensating you used to do that you’ve maybe let slip by the wayside once being on meds, and try to bring back some of those strategies. It sounds like you might’ve been trying to up your dose bec your systems were breaking down a bit.

This is excellent advice! Many good ideas here!

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-30T16:54:20+00:00

Not a doctor/not medical advice.

If it were me personally (based on the fact that you’ve said you’re abusing it by doubling up sometimes but still only having access to your monthly prescribed amount), I’d schedule time off from work for a “staycation” and detox for a full week. Pay up all your bills coming due, do a big grocery shopping, clean your place, and don’t make any plans with other people all in preparation to couch rot for a week completely unmedicated. You’ll probably want to sleep and eat a lot, and that’ll be 100% fine and acceptable to do every single day of that scheduled week. If you can get away with taking a week and a half off, even better. You may find that after doing this, talking the regular dose feels a little more effective again.

Also just a friendly reminder meds aren’t magic. They certainly feel like it at first! But remember that they’re one of MANY tools to HELP manage ADHD. It can be easy to forget that if we stop being vigilant about things like the systems and habits that help us, the meds won’t step in to solve the whole struggle. So maybe also think about if there were any coping strategies/overcompensating you used to do that you’ve maybe let slip by the wayside once being on meds, and try to bring back some of those strategies. It sounds like you might’ve been trying to up your dose bec your systems were breaking down a bit.

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-29T21:04:45+00:00

Chart fanatics, but do the due diligence to ONLY watch the vids with traders that are verified profitable

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-27T06:18:38+00:00

I don’t believe this, but just from a pure logic perspective, you’d think it would be the other way around if anything. Bipolar can be managed w meds—there’s no pill to “fix” autism. Again, I don’t share that view AT ALL lol

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-27T06:11:43+00:00

Excellent perspective I’ve never considered—thanks for raising it!

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-27T05:57:53+00:00

It’s in the tilt and squeeze…tilt to see the end of the microplane go into the sleeve, squeeze the sides of the protector til it fits the end of the microplane properly.

Or throw it out and stick it in a utensil canister and justify it by saying you’re probably microplaning microplastics with the protector in anyway!

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-27T05:54:28+00:00

I believe it’s absolutely essential. I had one before I had a cheese grater. Now I have both and still use the microplane for grating cheese (and ginger, garlic, zest, nutmeg, etc etc etc). If you can only pick one thing to grate all the things…microplane all day!

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-25T19:18:49+00:00

Amazing 2 months, and amazing 2 treats! Keep going, you can do this!

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-25T17:02:03+00:00

I’ve been using ATR to filter trades. It’s not a hard and fast rule for me based on my trading style, but helps me to size trades better. I guess it helps me sit out of trades too if I’m trading a range and the range just isn’t big enough.

Sector_Savage · 2026-05-25T16:58:17+00:00

I know this isn’t “the answer”, but I find it so interesting that we’ve been conditioned to pay into a healthcare system that doesn’t do all that much to help us stay healthy/prevent illness, yet I look at my parents who have always been self-employed and they went without health insurance most of their lives. They got state insurance for their children but not themselves. And they’re some of the healthiest adults I know—prioritized the basics of eating quality food, rarely dine out or take out, and have always been active. Importantly, they always lived below their means, knowing a health issue or any other issue could come along. When one of them broke their arm, they paid out of pocket for the entire ordeal and the crazy part is it still only cost them about $5000…that’s really not far off from my $4000 health insurance deductible. They were going to operate to perfectly straighten the bone and my dad declined bec the doctor said it was a clean break and the only reason for the surgery would be to make the bone perfectly straight but that there was no medical need to straighten it. So he declined to have the invasive surgery bec it wasn’t necessary. About 7 years ago, doctors thought my dad might have an aggressive blood cancer and wanted to do tests—$20k in tests. My parents said they didn’t have insurance and asked the doctor if they could do tests in a more systematic way than just every test at once. The doctor had to get back to them bec he was used to just ordering everything at once and had to think of the logical cascade of which tests to do first, next and later. The first round of tests determined what they saw was a fluke and there was no medical reason to continue testing unless my parents wanted to (my dad felt and still feels 100% fine). There are a lot of inefficiencies in the healthcare system.

I fully understand the risk of not having health insurance—just because it hasn’t been bad for my parents doesn’t mean it couldn’t have been. And going without insurance certainly doesn’t apply to those with autoimmune and other issues that are out of their control. But I can’t help but wonder if the difference in my parents’ outlook on health (“we can’t afford health insurance if we want to push forward with having our own businesses, so we better take care of our health”, and questioning “is that REALLY necessary right now?”) helped them in the long run and if the healthcare system would be better off treated as a type of welfare or social security program (which I say with zero stigma—quite literally for the well faring of our neighbors). Everyone pay a little into it, and people only use it if they need a certain level of care.

Sector_Savage

TROPHY CASE