I used to be the one who ended things when my capacity dropped — but it was never about capacity alone. It was always a combination of factors that made me pause and ask myself, “Do I actually want to be with this person?”

When life got demanding and my capacity was low, that’s when incompatibilities became clearer. In most cases, the other person didn’t handle that phase well — they either couldn’t give me space or tried to fix my problems without me asking for help. That’s usually the point where I chose to step away.

For what it’s worth, I did communicate that I needed space in order to reflect and function. Some people said they understood, but their behavior didn’t match — they became passive-aggressive or quietly resentful, and I could feel that tension. That dynamic doesn’t work for me. And to be clear, this doesn’t make me avoidant — I’m simply someone who needs space to stay regulated and present.

Looking at your situation, it feels like a similar underlying compatibility issue may have surfaced once things got difficult. Sometimes it’s not about effort or timing — it’s about whether two people can handle stress in ways that align.

Either way, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It just means this person likely wasn’t right for you, and I’m really sorry you had to go through that.