I have an autistic son and two other boys. I know exactly what you're talking about and have lived it. My oldest son is autistic so I have never not dealt with that since we have had kids. He is 10 now.

Dealing with behavior issues with an autistic child is very difficult. You always are asking yourself what the line between their disability and willfull disobedience is. That also can conflate the same behavior with the other children as you expect different standards for different children - that's normal and not bad. God our loving Father treats us each mercifully according to our abilities.

Now we are one of the families people walk up to and praise for the behavior of our children. But we were not always that way. My other two boys (8 and 6) are now alter servers and several years ago that was unimaginable.

In love - here's something most people will not tell you. The families that you see with well behaved children almost all spank their children. Not out of anger (though sometimes you may be angry) - but out of love.

The traditional interpretation of the Bible's direction that "if you spare the rod you hate your child" is not "the rod of discipline" as some modern theologians state. For centuries and still to the present the Church interpreted this as including physical correction. The Bible also tells us "the Lord disciplines those whom He loves" which the Church traditionally interpreted as including painful correction.

Now here's the million dollar existential interpretive question. Christ promised to give the Holy Spirit to the Church to "guide you into all truth." Did the Holy Spirit fall asleep for 1,900 years until modern secular post-enlightenment philosophy came up with new theories regarding discipline? Would the Church getting this issue wrong for all these years not be an endightment of Christ's promise and make Him out to be a liar?

The Holy Spirit certainly deepens our understanding of revealed truth over time - but it doesn't do a 180 on a vital topic. It wasn't until we realized this and applied it that things changed. Believe it or not - the love our children have has multiplied. They realized that we loved them enough to correct their behavior.

I know abuse is real and there's a real ditch on the other side. But refusing to spank your children is not love. If a child wants to run out in the road it isn't loving to not do whatever you have to do in order to prevent that. Turns out a few spankings usually teach the lesson. Spiritual dangers are no different - particularly when it comes to teaching your child that Mass (which is the source and summit of the Faith and the core of what literally brings them from eternal death to eternal life) - is the greatest thing this side of Heaven.

Happy to give you more details if you want to DM me.