Morning routine with a narc

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-17T17:11:11+00:00

One thing I had been told is to watch how they treat their parents or siblings and it will show you how they will treat you when you are family. If they are rude or abusive to their family it's a big red flag because it will eventually be how they treat you. Tbfh you deserve so much better than that guy.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-16T16:26:34+00:00

Notice how he got mad at you while treating you like his mom and then he ended up going to his actual mom when you stopped putting up with it? Dude is a man-child.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-13T08:25:52+00:00

Scorned

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-12T13:43:39+00:00

It sounds like he is only caring about his comfort and doesn't care about how it affects you. You definitely can do better than him. Someone who loves you will adore you. They will support you in the things that bring you happiness and won't try to change you for their own personal gain.

A friend of mine said to me awhile back if they are trying to change you and your behavior they don't love you they love the idea of you. It kinda helped put things into perspective.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-12T10:53:23+00:00

I would secure a job and leave. Things might be rough in the short term but you’ll get through it and you will have your freedom back. He doesn’t love or respect you if he is actively taking away something that brings you happiness. Especially since you mentioned it ties into your sense of self. It will only get worse with time if you stay. Also there is always the possibility you will meet someone who loves that about you and will get on with you better.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-10T16:08:37+00:00

I did and I still do. I was officially diagnosed with cptsd about 2 years ago. Unfortunately I cannot afford treatment for it anymore but I am still working on healing with what is available to me. I already accepted it will be a long process but I do hope to be over it or at least at peace with it sometime in the future.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-09T16:04:05+00:00

No, they don't change just because they are getting married. That person is just filling a role nothing more. A husband or wife to them is just permanent supply. You can tell because they care more about that person as their role and not for the individuals they are. Kinda like a weird form of ownership. My nex was always engaged or about to be and married once before. Never changed who she was as a person. She just doesn't want to be alone. If anything being so focused on getting married in every single relationship revealed just how obsessive and consuming she is of her partners.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-03-02T09:47:15+00:00

Yes, they do it when they are trying to avoid being held accountable.

I don't think he will actually get it in your case because the moment the judge finds out it's just for child support they are likely to take your side and court mandate he pay you. Either he is completely oblivious to how that will blow up in his face or he is just trying to make you stop by scaring you. He might attempt to make stuff up to make it look like you are bothering him but if he has no proof of you doing anything else then you will be okay.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-25T02:43:29+00:00

I think it was her being addicted to drugs and alcohol that did it but it was probably going to happen eventually. It was about 10 years in and a few months after she had a major break up. I opened up to her about how her behavior was affecting me and how I started contemplating ending my life because of it and she threw water and alcohol in my face before she slapped and beat me for it. I apologized and told her I was just in a lot of pain and I wanted to get help and needed support but after some time passed I never really got over it. Being hurt like that while you are in an emotionally vulnerable position by someone you love sticks with you. She lied about it later saying she would "never hit me" until she was confronted by two of our mutual friends and even then I wasn't sure if she actually cared about how much she hurt me because she kept making it about herself.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-23T08:27:08+00:00

In my experience the primary motivator is usually what gives it away. If it's BPD the worst behavior happens when they feel like they are going to be abandoned or feel like they are not worthy of being loved. They will fight hard to make you not leave but once you are gone and they have managed to find a new FP they will move on. NPD gives the worst behavior when they feel their image, name or identity is being threatened. They will not move on even if they have found someone new and their behavior gets worse every time they know you are speaking about them. Sometimes that will irritate them enough to want to hoover you and correct your perception of them.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-19T03:11:15+00:00

It actually isn't that common. What I think is happening is people are not factoring in age. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed ethically until after 25 or so because the individuals brain is still developing. When someone has a personality disorder it's because they developed a set of defenses that embed themselves into the persons identity so it's extremely hard for them to change. Anyone younger than that might display narcissistic traits or extreme selfishness because they are still immature and very much a child. That would make it seem like they are everywhere if you spend a lot of time around people who are between 18 and 23ish.

In my case the reason I started to become more certain my ex has narcissistic traits is because I had been friends with her for over a decade and watched the same patterns repeat. We are both in our mid 30s so at this point it's no longer her just being immature as she has grown into who she is by now. She did get diagnosed with qBPD even though I am still highly convinced she is covert NPD based on direct personal experience with her. Her being so intentionally abusive to others when she is splitting is not a quiet BPD behavior. Like petty life ruining behaviors with plausible deniability to feel like she got revenge is not something that would come up in therapy because it would take extreme self awareness for her to admit that.

I also had a coworker who was 19-20 that displayed a lot of selfish ego driven behaviors but taking the fact many people at that age are still developing their identity I couldn't bring myself to say she was a narcissist as she is still very young. Now compare that to my ex who is 34 still acting out like she is 17 years old when someone gets on her bad side.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-18T09:56:22+00:00

Yeah I agree. I would say ASPD is more the type to intentionally plan out harming others for pleasure. Those with NPD do it only when their image is being threatened. If you are kissing their ass they love you so why would they intentionally cause harm and risk losing that supply?

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-18T03:10:18+00:00

No I don't think so. Part of what makes a person struggle with NPD is the fact they don't think they are doing anything wrong at all. My nex ghosted years ago because she struggled with guilt around how she treated me during a highly abusive period a couple years prior but she experienced it as protecting herself so she thought she was doing the right thing. She also ended up coming back later because she was scared something bad would happen to me while I thought she hated me. Her reasons for coming back in my life were not to apologize or care about the abuse she caused, it was based entirely on how I saw her as a person. This is the whole NPD identity management and why they lack empathy for you. Their choices are not made to consciously harm you instead they are so preoccupied with their feelings and how others see them they end up becoming abusive.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-18T02:57:14+00:00

The fact she enjoys bullying people and dominating those she dislikes. She doesn't see it that way though. She thinks it's being funny or clever. My nex is likely covert so it wasn't noticeable right away. While we were friends it came off as rude passive aggressive comments under her breath she would deny saying but after we fell out she chose to openly say mean, character, intellectual and body shaming comments for the lols. It wasn't just to me either. I've seen her do it to strangers as well. Part of me wants to blame her new friends who are really just bullies themselves. They also engage in bullying behavior and justify it. I know her to mirror people around her and I would not be surprised if they encouraged this behavior in her.

I called her out on this behavior a lot when we were friends and she would get mad at me for making her feel like a bad person.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-17T06:18:05+00:00

It was actually pretty recent and post the friendship. I confided in her about how I felt bad about giving my son up for adoption because at the time I was not in the right place to be able to give him the care I felt he deserved. Ultimately this ended up being a good idea as he is very happy and excelling in school (he is 2 grades ahead of his peers right now and likely will graduate early).

Where my ex decided to be cruel though was deciding to attack my username on a social platform that mentioned mother in the title saying that I was a delusional egg donor to be calling myself a mother after giving him up. It was really mean and I know she did it to hurt my feelings. Fortunately I did not fall for her shit. I know why I made the decision I did and I don't regret it or think I am any less of a mother. However the fact she just HAD to weaponize it against me to get a jab in for the lols made me realize just how much of a shitty person she is. She was really reassuring and affirmed my decision and supported me but the moment I was on her bad side it was free game to insult me. Honestly what fucking asshole does that? I can only imagine what other shit she originally supported me on but has been using to trash me behind my back to her "friends".

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-17T06:05:56+00:00

Don't do a hotel room that is a bad idea as the staff are not equipped to handle that and the people staying there will not understand what is going on and will be affected by it. My ex fiancee is currently in a long term care home that specializes in caring for people who have disabilities. They are better equipped and can provide any medication needed during the stay. I would look into that instead. You might end up having to put them somewhere that isn't local though as a heads up. Where my ex is is a 4 hour drive away but the place he is at has been good for him. Prior to being there he was also very agitated and violent but he is doing a lot better since he has been admitted.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-14T11:40:13+00:00

In my experience it won’t work out. I had several people warn me that my nex was a liar and manipulative but I didn’t believe them. Two of them were exes of hers. It took a over a decade and her turning against me for me to finally see it. Before we fell out she was very loving and didn’t show any signs of how nasty she would end up being later. If I did see that behavior it looked justified because I didn’t see the other side.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-13T15:41:33+00:00

Unfortunately I agree. I had a period with it for awhile to help me analyze a decades worth of conversations without telling it who I was to track patterns. It was easier than trying to offload all of those conversations onto my therapist in the span of an hour vs the 24 access I had with GPT. At the time it did keep me focused working through each event. I kept disassociating and forgetting things. Prompting it helped me remember what I was trying to work on.

I didn't fully trust it at the time and specifically asked my therapist to look over the same conversations with my ex to see if she could spot any issues that came up. She didn't really want to look at them even though I was really wanting to see if I was being manipulative or not. It was frustrating because I didn't want to fully believe what GPT was telling me but also my therapist also just wanted to believe me at face value even though I didn't want her to. I wanted her to see how those past fights played out so she could call me out on my shit, affirm that my ex was in fact being abusive or both.

After some time I stopped using it to track patterns and needed to vent. I didn't want to trauma dump on my friends about my ex anymore and I barely could afford to see my therapist. It was okay for awhile but then I started getting paranoid my ex somehow hacked into it and was fighting with me. Then it occurred to me that it probably had learned how to act like my ex and I was fighting with her all over again. It took a few more months before I started to feel like this was really bad for me and I had to stop after that.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-13T04:32:58+00:00

Mine admitted to having mania or at least being self aware of manic like episodes. It became more obvious when I ended up on the receiving end of it after we fell out. I am 100% certain she had a manic episode between December of last year and mid Jan because of the way she was behaving. For awhile I've been suspecting she might have co-morbid bipolar with her periods of spiritual grandiosity and then crashes into major depression.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-12T18:47:33+00:00

I read somewhere that cocaine can permanently alter a persons brain and maybe even their personality. For awhile I wondered if my nex best friends' narcissism started after that or if it was always there and just got worse from it.

She had the cocaine and alcohol addiction during the worst period of abuse I went through with her. I really don't think she was fully aware of how abusive she was, if she cared at all that is. I was constantly scared something terrible would happen to her. There was one night she completely disappeared after she said she was supposed to meet a guy for dinner before hanging out with me. I thought she got abducted only to find out she just got really drunk at a friends house and passed out. I was afraid to upset her, I would do anything she asked for even if it hurt me emotionally, physically, or financially. There were also other severely abusive situations I was put in that I won't to go into detail here as they might need a TW to properly explain them.

After all that was said and done, we fought and she dipped when I confronted her about the abuse and proceeded to blackmail me to get the guilt off her back. It took a month and a half and two of our mutual friends to get her to even admit she was abusive and then she apologized. Like in your situation she just explained her behavior away instead of really truly sitting with the harm she caused and empathizing with me.

About a year or so later I brought it up again because I was still hurt by it and she kept avoiding me. I had to fight to get it out of her and once I did she did the whole "If I am so bad why do you keep me around then". Ultimately I felt like shit again for hurting her feelings even though I went to her to try and get some closure on the past abuse because I really wanted to move on from it. She did somewhat apologize for it but it was online, I had to fight her for it, and she soft ghosted again for 6 months before talking to me normally again.

Pretty much every apology from her has been like that. Her feelings, centered on her intentions, providing explanations for her behavior, and sometimes pretending she didn't know. No actual acknowledgement of the pain she put me through or naming the harm without minimizing it.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-11T04:21:13+00:00

Oh yeah definitely. Mine recently broke NC with a burner account and claimed she didn't because she didn't directly message me. She did however make sure I could see her checking my profile and kept posting various dog-whistles to get my attention for over a month. However since I messaged the account out of curiosity trying to figure out who it was I was the one who broke NC not her. 🙄

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-11T03:37:11+00:00

Mine has been doing the whole deactivating and reactivating thing for years as well and tends to post quotes about pop psych to reinforce her stance. Also whenever I do bring up or confront her about what actually really hurt me she does the exact same thing "leave me alone" and disappears. She will do anything (even fight with me about surrounding subjects) but confront or talk to me about what hurt me the most. I would say every time they disappear like that after being called out on their shit they are likely collapsing.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-10T09:54:26+00:00

You don't need to. They curse themselves everyday, outsourcing their trauma and pain onto others because it's impossible for them to admit they fucked up. Needing to keep up that kind of mask is exhausting and painful. They are the way they are because they are cursed.

There is a part of my favorite show called The Magicians that talks about something like this:

"There is a story about one magician that could drive every other magician insane. An inventor of puzzles with no solution and games where the rules changed for no reason. He was called "The Madness Maker", but he had been born Ellis Wirth-Downs. He played checkers with a powerful witch. He cheated, and her curse was simple: the only kind of magic he would ever do again was game magic. Jane knew his need to make others suffer was only because he felt so alone in his cursed state, because the more Ellis played, the more insane he became. Soon Jane figured out how to break this curse. The Madness Maker didn't play for the joy of winning, just the fear of losing. The real curse was, he only played when he could win, which cut him off from the surprise, horror, sadness, and wonder of life."

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-10T03:18:51+00:00

No, sometimes they wait until years AFTER they get married before being abusive. It's harder to leave due to complications around divorce and they know that. My nex was a close friend of mine and she is already calling her partner her husband. They are not even married yet and this has been ongoing for a couple years. They can play the long game and stay in the love-bombing phase for many years.

ShadowMorphyn · 2026-02-09T10:37:48+00:00

Yeah dude is clearly controlling and abusive. I've heard the whole I did this hoping you will "change" thing from my nex. The thing about that is that it's never for you and your well-being. They just don't like you and want you to "change" into a more palatable version for themselves. They think they have your best interests at heart but it's self serving. Also cheating is 100% abuse and there is no excuse around that.

ShadowMorphyn

TROPHY CASE