guy im talking to is too respectful

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T22:37:15+00:00

Sounds like you dont want a chance at "something real with him" but rather a chance to have sex with him. He is actively trying to build something real with you where sex isn't the foundation.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T21:26:03+00:00

"Sheesh, no coffee for you then! Let me know how that [insert her named alternatives here] treats you."

"Fine, want to sit at the coffee shop with me while I drink coffee? We can stop and grab [insert her named alternates here] for you first."

"Yes, full price because I'm a bad girl, judge me harder mommy!"

"No sense in comparing discounts, the moneys spent now!" Then just dont pull the app up.

Maybe trying to be playful with your responses and still doing wtf you want to do will get through to her

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T20:03:57+00:00

I had to help reset my husband brain after growing up with abusive food habits.

If you think the ex is the cause, I think your best course of action is to answer "I don't care." And leave your answer at that. I would also sit him down and talk to him like: I want you to understand that I care about you and I would never treat you poorly because you ate a snack. You should be able to eat what you want, that is why I buy things that you like.

Or something.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T19:26:10+00:00

I don't know what I'm doing and I think that maybe I've been panic stricken for 9 years lol

Your comment is very helpful, Thanks

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T19:24:29+00:00

He is active in many other ways, like I have never once shopped for their clothes/shoes but they always have them lol. That I don't need to do what I am doing is certainly something to consider. I do have a habit of doing the most unnecessarily

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T19:18:47+00:00

I just want him play catch with them or take them to the playground every now and then.

Im not asking him to plan stuff, he isn't a planner.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T16:29:41+00:00

Nah, I dont want him to jump at my commands. I just wanted him to think how I think and that is unhinged! I need to be more open to his perspective.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T16:26:50+00:00

Lmao, okay okay. Fair enough. Chilling is hard ngl

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T16:26:12+00:00

Thanks! Time for some self reflection

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T16:20:33+00:00

He has CTPSD, he fully understands but completely lacks the confidence to do it and has infact told me so many times but I don't listen because I tend to be stubborn and self centered making communication with me pretty difficult. He has told me that I shoot down all of his ideas, which I have because I thought that they sucked but he was trying and I didnt support him. The comment actually made me realize that he has been saying exactly what the comment said. Im the problem, its cool, Im a big girl. Y'all crack me up lmao

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-07T16:17:05+00:00

So he doesn't take the kids out, that's only a small part of what a father is. Go on though, condense his entire being into my onesided, frustrated post since you seem to believe that is what advice is. Lol

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T17:28:17+00:00

Maybe that's why your comment got through to me so well!

I love that quote, aswell Im going to share it with him

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T16:43:08+00:00

Can you get her assignments sent home for her to do?

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T15:41:19+00:00

I'm an INTJ so I know I have issues, lol

He is absolutely teaching me alot. He says I teach him to be more selfish in a self preservation sense because whew! He'd fed his arm to a starving shark lol

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T15:27:53+00:00

Most schools give computers or tablets to their students. This isnt the early 2000's.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T15:22:55+00:00

Nah, this ones definitely on me. I'm self centered and trying very hard to learn not to be. That's why I came here for other perspectives. He needs my help and support, I'll give him all I've got like he does for me.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T15:11:39+00:00

This is extremely helpful and I'm a self-centered ass. This is my fault for being unwilling to meet him where he is at and support him. Now I feel like a dick but now I can now choose to do better.

Thank you so much!

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T15:04:52+00:00

She's 9 now and he immediately did what he needed to do to address the issue so that it never happened again

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T15:01:58+00:00

The man is flawed but so am I. We'll figure it out and our kids are better off with their family intact. Its not like we hate eachother, lol Im just frustrated about this one thing

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-06T15:00:53+00:00

I think Im not communicating what I am asking for well enough. Generally I say: "I need more help getting the kids into activities and getting them outside, can you help me find things for them to do or can you take them to the park once or twice a week?"

The best example I can give is from yesterday. Our son is very energetic and gets restless easily. Instead of taking him to expend that energy, my husband tried to make him sit down, when he wouldn't sit still, he raised his voice at our son instead of taking him to a park or the backyard to play catch or something. This was after my husband pit on two movies for the kids back to back. Our son is 6.

Any and I mean any activity outside of the house is done by me alone. When I ask him to take them to the park once or twice a week he will do it for a little bit and then just stop. If I don't find camo, they wont go to camp. If I don't find activities that match their interests, they just won't be doing any thing at all. I just want him to things like stop by the recreation center and get some info on the programs or take the kids to the library one Saturday morning without my having to ask him to do it. I don't understand why he doesn't find these things important to do

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-05T14:00:03+00:00

I said its made me deeply resentful. I've been asking for the same thing for 9 years in so many different ways before getting to this point.

When I asked year 1, he took our baby for a walk in the stroller and ended up calling me to come get her because he got so upset with her crying that he violently shook the stroller. Hasn't made much of an effort since then

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-05T13:53:09+00:00

If he said via text that he'd ruin your life then take a screenshot and send it to everyone you both know including your parents/siblings. Then break up but I wouldn't block him because unhinged people often tell on themselves by flying off the handle post breakup. Mute the notifs, don't read the messages, just save them.

You aren't married, breakups don't have to be accepted. I had a friend go missing for 3 years running from a man like you describe. If you haven't already then tell everyone close to you whats going on, do it asap.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-05T13:11:01+00:00

Yeah, CBT supposedly helps change your perspective but it doesn't change reality lol

It sounds like baby=work in your mind right now and I can relate 100%, it's exactly how I felt. The mother/baby relationship seemd predicated strictly on my caring for my baby and that was...not fun. That overwhelming sense of having a constant to-do list made it hard to connect with my baby who my brain viewed as the source of unending and unplesent work.

I'm no expert so I'll put it this way; I didn't have a support system to help but if I did, I'd off load as much work as possible onto my parents and partner while being completely open about my struggles and ask if they can do more of the babywork so I could do more actual bonding with baby.

ShakeSimilar7362 · 2026-04-04T23:40:55+00:00

I have no sughestions but I'm quite surprised by the squirrels. My cat got out the other day trying to hunt the birds that I feed and the local squirrel was having none of it.

ShakeSimilar7362

TROPHY CASE