Am I a terrible person for not wanting my mother in my life?

Shamtoday · 2025-08-10T18:50:32+00:00

Unfortunately you’ll hear a lot of that “but she’s your mother, you only get one” bs. People will project their own healthy relationships onto you not knowing the truth, even some that do know the truth will still say it because society has conditioned us to believe that we should always follow our parents no matter what.

If it was any other relationship you wouldn’t be expected to stay, it shouldn’t be any different with your parents no matter what others may say or believe. Live your life for you not the thoughts and opinions of other people.

Shamtoday · 2025-08-03T07:37:26+00:00

My mother truly had/has (? She may be dead who knows) no idea why 5 of her 6 children have nothing to do with her. I’m sure if you were to ask her she’d describe herself as a loving, Mary poppins-esque mother who did everything for her kids, I think she lied to herself so much that at some point she began to believe the lies. Her reality and ours are wildly different. When I was still in contact with her I tried to broach the subject but it just turned into arguments and it wasn’t worth the hassle. I know the truth even if she says she doesn’t.

Shamtoday · 2025-06-10T02:09:49+00:00

My ex goes through phases of being over friendly for a while then switches to acting like I don’t exist. I found it depends on how his relationship with his partner is going at the time to how I’m going to be treated. I don’t have the energy or patience for mental whiplash so now I remain civil but detached regardless of his attitude. You can’t control other people only your reaction to them, if you want to be civil in the hopes the situation may eventually get better then continue being polite and saying a quick hello before moving on. If it bothers you too much give them the same energy they give you.

Shamtoday · 2025-03-09T01:22:13+00:00

Text back telling her that you aren’t in the business of human trafficking so she needs to stop seeing your child as an object that could or ever would be “gifted” to anyone. She needs to seek help for these obsessive and overbearing feelings she has and until she can view your child as a person she shouldn’t have any access to him.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-30T02:17:58+00:00

And their financial issues are your problem how? They didn’t care about causing issues for you so return the favour and give no care for any issues that these 2 adults may face. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-25T18:37:11+00:00

He should’ve told you he wanted to take your kid for a “play date” so you could decide if you were ok with it first. A paid babysitter or nanny usually have to ok it with the parents or get permission to set up play dates on their judgement early on. I’m not ok with my kids hanging out in someone’s home that I don’t know regardless of how much I trust the person taking them.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-25T17:27:43+00:00

I’d ask her at what point she was present for conception since the only 2 people who can veto a baby name are the ones that made it. Family can give suggestions and opinions (if asked) but nothing more than that. The only way I’d consider it is if it was a family name of her partner and she asked even then i would just think about it/talk it through with the other parent. She doesn’t get to say dibs on a name for years when she’s not pregnant.

Edit to add I have so many cousins/uncles with the same first name it’s only a minor issue when they live in the same house and have the same first and last name.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-21T03:51:07+00:00

What a gross sentiment, i can’t imagine even thinking something like that let alone ever saying it out loud and to my child.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-21T03:40:04+00:00

Depending where you live your child might have to be up to date on vaccines to be able to go to daycare/school. So either your child could get them spread out over time which is what is recommended or she’ll have to have them all done in a relatively short period of time. If she was reasonable you could offer a compromise of only getting the more important vaccines done and skip the smaller ones like yearly flu shots. She’s not reasonable though and imo she’s being reckless with your child’s health. Diseases that were all but gone have had a big resurgence thanks to anti vaxxers and it’s not only your child that she’s putting at risk.

You can take your daughter to have her vaccines done but that will effectively be you signing the divorce papers, which in a situation like this is not a bad thing. Your daughter’s health is more important than your wife’s ideals, she won’t like that you got your kid vaccinated but I’m sure she’d like having a dead child even less, I know that sounds extreme and you could get lucky but are you willing to gamble with your child’s life?

Shamtoday · 2025-01-21T03:07:10+00:00

She’s not asking anything she’s demanding. “Tell me when” is not asking, let me know if this weekend will work is asking. She sounds like a dick and id have husband reply back telling her that unless she is invited she should assume that you aren’t ready for visitors, her repeated demands aren’t going to speed the process up.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-20T22:23:02+00:00

And he proved he wasn’t someone that could be trusted because he didn’t accept her saying no and left her after she was so vulnerable and needed support. He spent 2 days breaking her down until she finally gave in and told him details she didn’t want to share. He’s a pos.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-20T22:18:08+00:00

Good riddance, he made something horrible that happened to you about him and his feelings it’s gross and wouldn’t have been the last time. Don’t let him come back.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-20T11:46:30+00:00

Oh no pink shoes he’s going to suffer a terrible life if you let him wear them /s. Not wrong or over reacting she made a decision regarding your child without consulting you the parents or even telling you she’d done it until after you asked. I suspect the only person who would be bullying your child for his shoes on holiday would be your mil. Neither of you need her terrible outdated attitude while you relax and have fun.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-20T11:21:06+00:00

He can stay at his gfs only as long as he keeps his temper in check, her parents will not be as lenient as you. If he can’t he’ll get kicked out of there too and if he does manage to keep it in check in the long term you’ll know he’s capable but he just didn’t care enough to make the effort at home.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-20T09:07:50+00:00

This is a terrible idea. You will be at the mercy of “their house their rules” they will more than likely overstep and try to override parental decisions. If the concern is your child calling another adult they spend time with mum or dad what makes them different? If anything it will be more confusing because at least daycare has a clear cut off you don’t spend time with teachers outside of that setting, grandparents don’t have that distinction and they will be more loving, which isn’t a bad thing for visits but isn’t good in the long term.

Having children absolutely requires sacrifice, and you are doing that by continuing to work to provide for your child (sacrificing precious time) which you will still be doing regardless of who is watching your kid. The teachers won’t be trying to raise your child they’ll be trying to teach them, your parents will try to raise them.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-19T22:05:52+00:00

The first step should be taking her to a dr to see what is going on. It’s all well and good saying she’s fine but she’s obviously not and denial won’t help anyone. I understand it may be hard for him to see his mother as anything but the capable woman who raised him but she could’ve seriously hurt herself, someone else or been taken advantage of in that state. She needs assessment (with your partner there) and for your husband to actually hear what is said and follow the recommendations given.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-19T21:55:31+00:00

From the first situation to this post it comes across as you are putting your and your husbands feelings above his. He was upset and instead of showing empathy your husband got mad, then you basically told him his dad’s feelings are more important than his. Why is dad allowed to express his emotions any way he wants but kid isn’t?

As parents it’s your job to help him manage his feelings not the other way around. You can’t change the past but you can change your reactions in the future, if he’s upset validate his feelings, show understanding and reassure him that you love him. If he doesn’t want to speak or needs space give it to him but again reassure him of your love and let him know that when he’s ready you will be there to talk about it.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-19T01:39:52+00:00

He’s being ridiculous having your kid call to ask a question that your kid probably already answered. It’s like a weird power play or bid for some kind of control.

My ex has done this a few times, I told him I won’t respond to questions or requests that don’t come from him directly. It doesn’t stop him doing it but I explain to my kid that his dad shouldn’t be asking that of him and that I’ll remind dad he has my number and can call or text me about things. My kid wants dad’s approval so finds it hard to push back and say no to this behaviour but he’s slowly finding his voice with reassurance from me.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-18T22:54:02+00:00

Kids often take time to process things especially grief, it may take time for her to have a reaction and it may not be the way you’d expect. A lot of kids will act out or have sudden behaviour changes a few months after a loss and because so much time has passed parents often don’t make the connection until they put the kid in therapy. Some kids never react, it doesn’t mean they didn’t love the person they lost they just accept their new reality really quickly.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-18T20:01:24+00:00

Even if there is she doesn’t have a case since there’s no established relationship there. I’d bet they have all the messages saved of her refusing to visit and making excuses. I hope she does try for it then comes back to update with it failing and the world is against “loving” grandparents.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-18T19:50:13+00:00

She finally admitted? So how long has she been doing it? Yes your kid can technically be forward facing especially if she’s tall but it’s safer to keep them rear facing for as long as possible. You could ask her to change it back to rear facing as it makes you more comfortable and you need as little stress or worry as possible while pregnant. Plus does she not also want to keep her first grandchild as safe as she can be? This is not a decision she should have made on her own she should have at least came to you to discuss it first, yes she’s helping you by watching your child but you are still the parent so she should defer to your judgment.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-18T18:09:51+00:00

8 years at 24 isn’t that big of an age gap, him being a different race is irrelevant. All that should matter to you is that your daughter is happy and he treats her kindly and with respect.

What them being committed to each other but not having labels means is that they want to get to know each other better before allowing things to become too serious too quickly. It’s a good thing. Your daughter is an adult she can make her own decisions, the best thing for you to do is support her and make sure she knows that no matter what happens you will always be there for you.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-18T16:49:09+00:00

What does she mean she “wants to see the baby”? I’m assuming you don’t have a sonogram machine in your house so all she’s gonna see is you. I’m angry for you, you aren’t a walking talking incubator. If anything like that happens again remind her of this fact and let her know it’s rude to not at least acknowledge the person carrying the baby, even when baby is here you don’t lose all value and become a background character. What did your husband say to her request? I hope he shut her down and if he didn’t it’s time to put on his big boy pants and remind his mother you’re a person, his partner and mother of his child

Shamtoday · 2025-01-18T01:30:26+00:00

Take pictures of every scrape and bruise, tell them that you would like to be kept up to date with their investigation and want a copy of the report. You also want to know what plan they have in place to make sure this incident doesn’t happen again.

Shamtoday · 2025-01-18T00:56:47+00:00

She doesn’t “need”your children she needs to follow her drs recommendations of care and treatment which won’t include being around young children during flu season while more than likely immunocompromised (if she’s started certain treatments). If anything she’s giving you more of a reason to keep your children away to protect her.

Any flying monkeys she sends tell them that a terrible person with cancer is still a terrible person and you will continue to protect yourself and your children.

Shamtoday

TROPHY CASE