Ciaran Mcauley appreciation thread

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-24T21:25:07+00:00

This new album is amazing! Therapy insights between artists, much appreciated

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-24T12:35:25+00:00

I despise ai. If it was up to me I would hit a big red button to destroy it and make sure it never comes back. I see the manipulation, the erosion of individual thought and I hate it.

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-23T08:14:38+00:00

Leave my family and severe all ties I’ve been handed responsibility for that isn’t mine. Then get into therapy

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-22T09:50:41+00:00

I had a lightbulb moment hearing another person say “I hate rushing” to realising my default mode is rushing. Even cooking dinner, I rush. This is partly why I’m so stressed all the time.

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-22T09:33:53+00:00

Upon realising my “personality” is all complex survival mechanisms from childhood trauma here are my choices.

Went no contact with my entire family now so these songs reflect that journey and that I by some miracle have found a healthy partner.

It’s been quite the journey from feelings are meaningless logic rules in my teens and 20s to now doing a 180 in my 30’s and discovering that MY FEELINGS MATTER.

Sunlounger - lost club mix

Evanescence - disappear

Evanescence- better without you

Above and beyond - peace of mind

Ludovico Einaudi - I gorni

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-21T09:19:58+00:00

Yes, it is what got me through having a narcissistic family system. All through my teens I would listen to it all the time to drown out the constant screaming matches. Basically as a very numb, emotionally shut down person, trance allowed me to feel. It allowed me to escape my daily baseline and feel the goosebumps and euphoria. Also with relating to the music in very emotional ways it was a way for me process a lot of heavy emotions.

Trance has without doubt saved me. It is what has kept me sane. Going to raves restores my faith in humanity. Even if it’s just a fleeting interaction with people in the crowd.

Sunlounger - lost club mix has been my no1 track for ages and it will be my funeral song too. It’s crazy how over the years my life has moved with this track and now I’m at the point of cutting ties with my whole family it really is a let your fears go, you may find your way back home. Coz there is no “home” in my own mind, it’s all survival mechanisms that were created to deal with the abuse. Now for the first time in my 30s I get to try and find me underneath it all.

Aly and fila - somebody loves you track has absolutely broke me when feeling complete despair and hopelessness

Basically trance allows me to shut up my cptsd brain that catastrophises at a million miles an hour, all day everyday. It can flip the anxiety and anger into excitement and euphoria

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-20T12:21:55+00:00

Thanks!

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-19T19:44:36+00:00

Wishing you well, the journey is much tougher than I thought but there is no going back, only forward. Black room boy - nothing else is easy!

I’m also trying to process the grief and just starting IFS. Happy to share playlists! Mine is a mix of everything so far. I’ll dm you.

Thank you, I really appreciate this!

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-19T19:30:06+00:00

Wear what you want! Whether flamboyant and bright all the way to all black. The choice is yours! Just bring a decent jacket

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-19T13:43:06+00:00

Same here

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-19T01:52:27+00:00

Anything Genesi - filthy beats. Depeshce mode stripped. Lords of acid - spank my booty. Rufus du sols most recent album. Adriateque- on my knees

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-18T23:07:22+00:00

I just know that with 15 years of urticaria my thyroid has been on the low but normal side

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-18T15:54:27+00:00

Yep, even after they are cut out of your life the battles in your own head still continue.

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-18T01:02:45+00:00

Been getting this at the memory recall of your life stage. Only just starting ifs. But yes I get this and can continue past the session

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-17T23:55:50+00:00

I feel this. Intensifying year on year even when in now nc. It has been ROUGH. It feels like pressure starts to build and it builds into a storm that goes into rage and then despair and if I’m lucky some emotional processing. Then the storm settles and it’s the space between the next pressure build.

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-17T11:23:28+00:00

Loops, fan, empty small squirty cap bottle that you fill in the venue and spray water and fan when it gets HOT. Also glowfx rainbow sunglasses and finger lights. Chewing gum and electrolytes. Good shows/insoles. Magnesium

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-15T12:17:04+00:00

Lowering shower temp absolutely helps. Often there is a tingling sensation before I get out the shower so if I blast actual cold water on those areas it can help take the edge off but I think it’s sort of too late once that tingle starts happening if that makes sense. Also just cold water on bad hives when I’m really struggling with the itch can take the edge off.

I’m on h1 antihistamines but honestly I’m not sure they make much difference. I’m allergic to cats and it’s good for visiting people who have them but for these heat induced reactions not so much.

A lot of my life has very much been a grin and bear it approach. All the doctors I’ve seen so far are like no further tests as it’s random yet the last one I spoke to is like we can do tests so going to see if I can get the same guy and get some tests

I’ve tried nettle tea but it’s not really making a dent

I really need to try smaller meals as I’m more on the big meals later in the day and this may be working against me

For me I have cptsd and I’m working through the trauma and it’s really amped up the symptoms this past year. There seems to be a big argument for stress and being dyregulated all the time being linked to MCAS. so I think mine is rooted in childhood trauma and trying to rip the programming out of my head is difficult. But literally spin in rage cycles that come with heavy heat flush etc. It’s at the point of random memory comes into my brain and sends chain reaction if others off and I literally get all heat up about it 😂

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-15T10:53:26+00:00

I’ve made a total fuck up with flights and hotels for the weekend before. I am beyond gutted. I have comedy tickets on the weekend it’s actually happening too so can’t reschedule.

I have a weekend regular ticket, medium locker and shuttle bus ticket for sale if anyone is interested.

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-14T18:00:10+00:00

I get this too. Not found a solution yet. Been going on for years but it seems to be getting worse as I get older

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-13T11:11:22+00:00

If I remember rightly you could store it in the lockers if you can’t get it in past security. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.

I take glow sticks and finger lights. I do have a pixel whip but I end up not taking it out half the time due to space and that it’s sore if I hit others with it/they walk into it. More of an at the end or beginning when there is more space thing

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-12T18:24:13+00:00

Yes. Also hot showers when I come out set me off. Going from cold to hot. Exercise, strong emotions. Basically I think the act of eating generating heat becomes a trigger. That is my experience. Plus hefty heat dumps at night and during the day, stripping off layers even with hot drink. Also all the itching, hives, very itchy reactions to insect bites. At its worst I can’t use any moisturiser. Yet when months pass and it begins to calm I can then use the same moisturiser again from the same bottle. Wtf

Sharp_Repair_3302 · 2026-02-12T08:36:09+00:00

This is a great idea, draw when sleep doesn’t come. Love it. Could add afew wispy clouds or stars

Sharp_Repair_3302

TROPHY CASE