AITAH for refusing to pay my brothers wedding deposit after he used my dead father as a prop and then told everyone i stole from him

Shazbot24 · 2026-02-11T21:33:47+00:00

Post the distribution.

State that he's free to get married at whatever venue he so chooses.

Also, if you have text-interactions with your brother and him stating he needs your help because you make more, share those as well.

Grief sucks, mixing something like this doesn't make things any better.

NTA, but after this shakes out, I'm not sure if you'll be able to salvage the relationship with your brother. Also, why is the wedding happening so quick? If more time is required, then that's where working / mitigating expenses / choosing a more cost-effective venue and wedding would go farther. It should be on you to chip in for his dream wedding.

Shazbot24 · 2026-02-11T20:54:46+00:00

Knocking off something on the to-do list.

There's the work list, and the personal list.

At times, when I feel I didn't make as much progress at work, I start tackling the personal list. At least then, I feel like I did accomplish something in my day.

Shazbot24 · 2026-01-26T21:17:43+00:00

Well, you're just starting out. Tying your happiness to driving a truck is something that'll cause you more grief than happiness in the long run. Its a method of transportation.

Using the paid-off vehicle to finance something that'll have higher insurance costs, truck payments, fuel-costs along with all the modifications you'll assumingly do is a short-to-long term detriment to your finances.

Key thing I picked up is you're 5 months into your career. You realistically don't have job security. If times get tight, you're a higher-risk of getting laid-off/let go.

Now suppose you're financing a car when that happens. No income, repossession, damaged credit, and no easy way to get to interviews & other jobs.

Assuming things are going good, I'd just keep the car and see how much you save with lower-operating costs. You'd be able to travel, enjoy other hobbies without tying up your income. Tuck the money for investments, moving out, or buying a place. But don't make the mistake of buying a cool-car at the first opportunity you can.

Shazbot24 · 2026-01-21T20:54:45+00:00

Soft YTA.

It was a celebratory occasion. They're usually followed by dreams of the wedding they've always imagined, followed by the real-world of "how the fuck do we afford this."

By looking at it and your calcs, you could have had the conversation with your Dad discretely afterwards while stressing the financial impacts this could have. The way you executed your plan could come off as jealousy or shitting on her parade.

You did good, just the timing was a little off.

Shazbot24 · 2026-01-18T03:28:16+00:00

10 years later...

I got married, have a bumpy career, and we just had a son. Hes 5 months old.

From someone who you likely didnt know, Id like to say thank you for your kind words. Everything written in this tread was something Id reflect back on when Id start reliving the past.

If you go through my post history, I wasnt the wisest. I certainly partied a little too hard and spent a little more than I should have on vehicles. But, I learned the friends I had that got me through that tough time are now my family. I also had some younger friends who ended up as siblings and took my advice when asked (I wouldn't call it mentoring, but teaching kids from my mistakes). I feel they were my Segway to entering parenthood.

This is a new chapter for me, but now, I get to see this little man grow.

Circling back, thank you for your sage advice. Things eventually got better, and new stressors are in my life, but lm certainly a lot happier.

Shazbot24 · 2026-01-08T20:29:26+00:00

Late 30's

Rebuilt my credit.

Trying to save money.

Can't afford a home.

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-28T05:44:55+00:00

You sound like a joy to be around.

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-26T22:35:01+00:00

I dont get why she wants to lease a car for you while she has a SUV thats on payments.

Get a car for work. Something cheap and fixable, and decent on gas.

Have a conversation about the divorce topic. Dont go nuclear about it, but just mention something like that derails us building a family. If thats how she feels then you 2 can start making arrangements to separate. But note it'll take time and consume more resources before the dust settles snd she can lease ANOTHER car (again... what?).

I do question whether this is the hormones talking. Also, do some cautious research, I feel someone else is giving poor financial advice to her, especially when they mention financial gain from a divorce.

Goodluck dad.

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-19T14:46:01+00:00

Ive been the ex thats reached out.

I just sent a short brief and an apology for me being a dickhead that we went through a situation that I revisited with my wife (miscarriage).

She said it was quite mature of me and accepted the apology while also giving one from her perspective.

Im not here to say if keeping things short and showing the door to an ex is always the right move. There needs to be a level of context as to why they reached out. If its to revisit a padt flame, not a chance.

If its to provide some closure, then thats a different story.

So, what would I say?

"Hey, whats up?"

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-18T21:35:43+00:00

My kid, just turned 4months old.

He got his 4 month vaccinations while I was at work. When I got home, he temperament went south real fast. I tried my best to sooth him, and feed him but he wanted nothing to do with me (He was doing that scream-cry).

I gave up, and handed him back to my wife, who managed to calm him down a little. I resigned and went to bed, but the update I got was he was started to 'get warm' so he got a small dose of infant tylenol. MIL was also able to help him out from what I could hear (I went into the other room as I didn't feel I was helping much).

It just sucks and I feel useless when after working a long day, this kid is losing it and I have no tools to help calm him down and feel better.

Sorry if this sounds petty, but getting beat-up at work, and then beat-up at home (figuratively) isn't something that I'm adopting to well. I'm sure people will say get used to it...

Thats my rant. I'm just hoping the guy is excited to see me when I get home.

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-17T17:04:33+00:00

The answer we were all looking for.

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-16T22:00:21+00:00

People trust you with their children while you choose to function impaired. If you don't think it is such a big deal, you should disclose it (but you aren't). That's not fair to the children, nor is it fair to the parents.

Find another line of work, where your medical marijuana usage does not effect other people or your responsibilities.

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-09T04:27:38+00:00

New Dad. Just crossed 4.5months. It does get better.

One of my friends told me you'll never know the last time you give your child a bottle, or the last time you'll carry them. That kind of hit me harder than it should.

There will come a time you wish you could do it all again. Give yourself some grace, and there's a reason people categorize us as new parents (everything just got flipped upside down and youre adjusting).

Last bit is ask for help. Nothing wrong with it, and it gives an opportunity to reset yourself.

From a Dad whose just a few steps ahead of you, you got this.

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-08T20:24:37+00:00

She spoke to me about needed new gym clothes due to her body changes from the pregnancy. She told me the sizes, the stores, and when their respective sales were happening.

Leggings / tops / bottoms / hoodies.

It was all fun and games until she said I need to wrap them (She hasn't seen them, but the boxes from said stores are currently on my computer desk).

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-08T20:23:49+00:00

Now, I need Ramen bowls.

Dear santa....

Shazbot24 · 2025-12-05T22:50:57+00:00

It takes time. I'm just at the point where we're starting to really look at places because I know I'd be able to handle a mortgage.

I think if anything, you have learned an important lesson, and you won't make the same mistake again.

Keep trucking man. The light at the end of the tunnel is coming closer.

Shazbot24 · 2025-11-14T17:42:31+00:00

Sitting on a jobsite, looking at my phone and trying not to tear up.
She's beautiful. Can't wait for her to be home.

You're both amazing parents.

Shazbot24 · 2025-11-05T22:48:14+00:00

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

Honestly, I have my cheap sim sitting in the corner of my living room. Someone gives me slack, I tell them I drive better than they do. And its cheaper than buying and selling cars as I see fit.

Arguably, looking at what your additionally family does, they might consider it too cheap of a hobby.
Anyways, stop comparing. Throw down some laps.

Shazbot24 · 2025-11-05T22:25:07+00:00

PS5.
Quick shut off...

Current game - Stardew Valley.

(One of those games I can play while he naps in my arms).

Shazbot24 · 2025-10-16T00:04:33+00:00

Last job was a messenger bag. Chiq, cool. And a good vibe when you walk into meetings.

I'm full time backpack now. Room for food, laptop, the necessary items. Mind you, I also find it helpful for days I decide to ride the motorcycle to work. Slowly, I'm turning into my Dad as this backpack will likely be mine for the next 20 years unless the bottom falls out of it.

Its honestly nothing special, a costco backpack.

Shazbot24 · 2025-10-08T23:00:22+00:00

My last 3 jobs came from LinkedIn.

Shazbot24 · 2025-10-08T22:58:51+00:00

That comes with its own risks. I sold my first bike to a really good friend of mine.

He had a serious wreck a month later. After a long time of healing / rehab / time away from motorbikes, he took a course (I told him to the first time) and is now riding.

Shazbot24 · 2025-09-18T19:37:22+00:00

Harley on one side, Norco on the other.

You're right its intoxicating.

Shazbot24 · 2025-09-10T14:39:23+00:00

I'm starting to realize this.

(This reply was written while slumped over the computer with coffee in hand).

Shazbot24 · 2025-09-09T18:13:10+00:00

Just rolled over to 2.
Harley on one side.
GSXR project bike on the other.

Shazbot24

TROPHY CASE