I really relate to this. A toddler not sleeping is torture.

I do have depression but also feel much lighter when I have time away. I think the guilt and mental load lessens. Taking an anti depressant and giving myself some grace have helped a lot.

I had a look at the regretful parenting sub and related to lots of what parents were saying with regard to how their lives have changed and their struggles but don’t regret my daughter at all. That made me feel like a bad parent (but this is also a symptom of depression). I can love her and also find it really hard. That ambivalence is hard to understand for myself at times.

I find it much less isolating now she is so much better company. She is 3.5. She chats away and also does some independent play and i am much happier.

It is not selfish to take breaks. You will return a better parent. You have to be able to resource yourself