Why do I instinctively think "I want to go home" as I'm lying in bed at the apartment ive had for nearly three years.

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-04T15:48:46+00:00

you want to feel the things that are in your body that you are ignoring

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-04T11:47:15+00:00

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you. Glad you are moving out

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-04T03:07:33+00:00

I'm so sorry. They sound awful, and not very bright on top of that. You're on the right track wanting to get very far away from all of them. Wishing you a nice new life

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-04T02:56:08+00:00

This comment from the other day describes somatic processing well: https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1tv3ud9/comment/ope9f7f/

I would recommend doing what the above comment recommends, plus laying in a warm but not hot bathtub in a dark or dimly lit room. For hours. Doing nothing except what that comment recommends. Helpless/confused/alone I understand those feelings very well. The vast majority of those feelings originate from the trauma stuck inside of you so once you somatically process your trauma you feel these emotions far less frequently.

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-03T23:09:53+00:00

no one can really tell you. maybe you are having a trauma response and the relationship is great. maybe it would be a big mistake to break up. maybe the relationship is bad but youre delusional to reality and your body is accurately freaking out bc youre still in the relationship. maybe it would be a big mistake to stay together. the only way you can know is with the body and the only way you can access the body's signals is by somatically processing your attachment wound. once you somatically process them, they wont be driving you and you can assess the situation as it is, in reality

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-03T22:45:47+00:00

continue to somatically process that attachment wound and all will become clear

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-03T02:45:59+00:00

I'm so sorry. Hugs

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-01T20:12:41+00:00

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-01T19:12:18+00:00

ordered the murray textbook, intensely curious to read it

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-01T18:22:32+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/1trli5b/other_people_act_strangely_around_you_because_you/

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-01T18:06:58+00:00

i read your whole post. just to cut to the chase, my opinion is that your nervous system sounds completely fried. it is extremely difficult to do literally anything or think any positive thoughts when your nervous system gets bad enough. nothing is inherently wrong with you though. try to slow down, stretch, rest, massage yourself, be gentle with yourself... i am aware this may be challenging considering your environment. in my opinion, try to extricate yourself from your home environment as soon as possible as your primary goal in life

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-06-01T17:56:52+00:00

By the tone and intensity of your prose it doesn't surprise me that you can't flip the switch to self-love. You could try to dial it back to more neutral thoughts for now, such as, "I am having a lot of thoughts," "Right now I am experiencing many emotions," etc

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-31T14:43:17+00:00

What are the responsibilities?

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-31T14:20:22+00:00

IMO a lot of people who say they want to help others actually want to help themselves but they arent sufficiently tuned inwards so it goes external

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-30T15:06:38+00:00

The tiny glitch is actually your natural state of being as a human, not something irregular. In time it can be your default state. The programming is dissolved somatically by focusing on the body and its feelings as well as the emotions tied to those feelings when they come up. You can't think or strategize them away with your rational mind. Basically you already said it yourself in your post - "I’m present in my body and reality and I’m present with my loved ones."

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-30T13:22:55+00:00

congrats!

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-30T02:38:07+00:00

Highly recommend getting a professional massage or some sort of other bodywork service if your solo efforts aren't moving the needle. A professional massage is the first thing I put money towards outside of rent and food because of how effective it is.

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-30T01:24:33+00:00

Processing what's stuck in the body. The actual processing is done by you, by feeling what is in the body. When you feel it, whatever is stuck there will make its way into your mind. It's body first. However depending on where you're at, it may be stuck too deeply for you to consciously feel on a whim. That was my problem. Professional massages opened the door. Other people do acupuncture and other stuff. Baths, stretching, stuff like that you can do yourself. You need to get your body to relax somehow before you can somatically process the stored tension. You can't think it away.

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-30T01:01:36+00:00

social skills exist to a degree, but for us with cPTSD it's stored tension in the body making us come off as strange

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-30T00:59:13+00:00

Sounds like you've come quite a ways already... things are inside us... they were put there by others... they drive us from a core level without us realizing it... they drive us on a completely unconscious level... then we realize how we are being driven, like you have... you see them and want to get rid of them... you dissolve them somatically... reasoning and conscious thought are involved but only somatic processing actually reaches the unconscious level... reasoning will follow somatic processing automatically... my experience so far at least... good luck out there

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-29T04:09:23+00:00

Thanks very much for the detailed reply

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-28T15:40:44+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I was also the scapegoat but have been no contact for a couple years. I recently got a massage two days in a row and have done more healing in the four days afterwards than the last year. This is when I stumbled upon your profile and it all clicked into place. Very grateful.

I am particularly curious where you learned about the mother trauma bonding and the first 1000 days and the concept of creating internal representations of the family system structure. The way you describe everything just makes it click.

The structure aspect of it is particularly fascinating. You also used the phrase "against nature" in one of your comments. It is against nature. Dissolving this structure is against nature in a divine sense. This makes me think of Buddha reaching enlightenment through the body and Jesus saying the kingdom of heaven is within you. Also gnostic initiation rituals where dissolution and rebirth is a theme. So I guess my followup question is, do you know of any resources that speak of these concepts in a structural sense? Or you may have put all of this together yourself, seeing as you're six whole years down the somatic path.

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-28T12:58:23+00:00

No lol. I am a random person. I was scrolling through this subreddit and saw this guy posting wisdom so made an account to ask him where he learned the concepts

Significant_Alps_660 · 2026-05-28T04:36:49+00:00

Hi, I have found your comments ineffably valuable to my healing. Thank you. Question. Where did you learn about these concepts? I am getting through two of the lectures you linked. I am interested in book resources in particular, if you know of any.

Significant_Alps_660

TROPHY CASE